Just a lot of things on my mind, Lord. Feel quite uncertain and tempted to be worried. Feel very inadequate too. But I will recall Your promises to me, Your grace and Your faithfulness. Yes, I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.

I will remember all the b-e-a-u-tiful things You have done for me, yes! I remember what You spoke to me in the past years, how You have shown Yourself so real to me, and how You have spoken and guided Your people of the past. You are the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.

Lord, remember my prayer that I've been praying everyday. I'm still waiting... eagerly waiting... Lord, I want to draw closer to You. I want to have a life of meaning, a life of love, a life of purpose. I really do want all these things, but I must remember always, and forever, to keep my desire for You central. Because it's in Your presence alone that I am transformed, and no other way.

Thanks, Daddy... for loving someone so unworthy like me. I'm so shocked everyday, by the Man on the Cross.

"Daddy, why must He die?"

"My child, YOU are why He must die."

I'll walk closer now on the higher way
Through the darkest night will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way

I know I'm so unworthy - even my humblest tears of repentance must be washed clean in the blood of the Lamb... I know, who am I? And why am I so like that?

You have called me... yet I'm so stubborn...
You have promised... yet I'm so insecure...
You have taught me... yet I'm so slow to learn...

And why do I write all these? God, You know my motives aren't even pure yet here... sorry, Lord. Please clean my heart - it's full of crap.

Yet I'll look up to Your sheer goodness, because You are so good.

Yet there's still a lot of things on my mind.

Through the darkest night will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way...

Can't think clearly now, but thanks a doz, Lord, today's Planetshakers concert was great! Thanks Daddy, for Joyce, for buying the tickets for us. Was very blessed! Also learnt quite a bit from the MM style that they used... and oh yes, thanks Daddy too for the cheesy MTV-style fonts that I found while randomly surfing - it's perfect if I ever need to do some MTV-style MM clips... haha praise God!

Today was a very stretched day for my voice. Sore throat, but thank God, managed to help lead my OG in cheering and encouraging them on. It struck me today that God has put me in this position as a FOW Councillor to make a difference, and now it's in my hands to see what I can make of it.

Realised that the FOW committee came up with some games that was, well, stretching it on the decency side. :) Was kinda uncertain what to do - as an OGL, I'm expected to cheer everyone on, but on the other hand, I don't really find it very tasteful - not only me, hor, I think some of the freshies were a bit put-off.

Then remembered what Bowen told me about Jason's advice: "Make a stand - but make it a win-win stand." So tried my best to apply this advice... hmm, I went ahead and cheered for them, since I guess they're really paiseh about it, so support them, not the game, but the ppl who are being saboh-ed. But when they asked me to go up and play too, I told them, "Hey! I will go up for anything... as long as it doesn't involve touching a girl!" Haha... thank God for the courage and conviction that He gave me... somehow it came out so naturally, they just accepted it as normal. =) But there's still so much more I could have given for God in the past few days I realised. Hmm... well, thank God for this experience! To all my bros n sisters still in NUS... if you got time, I encourage you to try out being OGLs... make a difference, be the salt and light in the midst of a FOW... and show 'em what REAL FUN IS ALL ABOUT!!! Show 'em how we do CHEERING! Make 'em smile! Yeah!

(Really! I mean it - I realise that the church really can do much better orientation camps and programmes than the campus ones... frankly, the pple in the campus orientations are very sincere about giving their best, but it really is very tough for them to produce quality FOWs for the freshies (namely, bo-chup pple, lack of creative ideas)... and as a result, the freshies get very sian and maybe cynical. So we can bring over what we've learnt from our own matric programmes and help support or even lead the OGs with what we've learnt... I know that the freshies WILL be very blessed. Really... that's the way that Jesus wants us to be - to be good, tasty SALT and brilliant LIGHT in the dark places...

Oh yeah, and your convictions and values will get tested too. haha... but good what... still, do check with your leaders to see if it's ok to go ahead first.)

Think this is a very small preview of what it might be like in the working world... think it will be tougher, yeah, but one thing I've learnt from this FOW experience is to excel in what's good (for example, whether I'm an OGL or a freshie, I should cheer the rest on like there's no tomorrow), and be innocent of what's not good (touching a girl inappropriately, even if everyone else says it's "fun"). Still thinking about Jason's advice to "make it a win-win stand" - to do my best to see that as many people as possible can win from the current situation that I'm in.

How to translate it into the working world... hmm... I'm thinking of Ruey Fong's example of being excellent in his work... my shepherd's hard work in the office... to be excellent workers who do well in the working world... I'm reminded of Jacob and Joseph in the Bible too - excellent workers too. Wah, I look at myself and I know that I REALLY fall short in this area of excellence. My own HYP supervisor told me that I need to do more. And I agree... I know that I'm not maximising the potential that God has given me. Well, this sem I want to push my best for Jesus in all these areas: studies, family, ministry and care for my finances, personal things and health. Hmm...

Yeah! Keep my eyes upon You, Daddy... I want to expect great things from You, to attempt great things for You! In Jesus' name, aMeN!