Something awfully amusing today...

Was in a seminar group discussing about culture industries. Then I heard someone saying that pornography is a form of art. I raised my hand, and said, "I disagree with what he says. It's not art - it's blatant exploitation!"

A confused silence came upon the whole group.

Then one guy leaned over and said to me, "It's photography."

Much laughter.

Then another guy grinned wickedly and said, "It's high art."

Pandemonium!

Haha... thank God for my seminar group. What a fun and witty group of people we have! :)

"No retreat, no surrender, no reserve."

I read this article (Single Men: Carry the Colors) and found this part especially meaningful to me - because it concerns something that I want to obey God in and not get distracted by my feelings. As Claramae told me yesterday: "Feelings go up and down - that's why they're called feelings!" :)

Resolve is the faith that keeps you moving even when the fog of battle overwhelms you. Jesus had resolve in going to the Cross. Paul had resolve in pressing on toward the goal. Resolve looks ahead. Resolve is clear-eyed, level-headed, sober-thinking. It is fueled by the burning reality that service in this life is the only battle that matters, and that God himself has placed you in it. So spend it all here. As the famous missionary motto proclaims, "No retreat, no surrender, no reserve."

And the writer goes on to say:

God made you a man for a purpose. Inherent in your masculinity is a call to step forward, not simply to take the flag, but first to ask for it and reach toward it. Masculinity is the raw material of leadership in God's government, but you don't need to wait for a tap on the shoulder to express your innate leadership call. You can lead by influence and example. If you are not being trained to lead, get your Bible out and train yourself! Your Christian single sisters are always looking for men to step out in leadership in areas such as purity, discernment, decisions, and godly conversation.

Hope this inspires you too - especially if you're a young single man! :) Bless!

At the crossroads of my life

Had lunch with Claramae today. :) Asked her advice about someone I like. :) It was good - thank God so much for her wise advice! :) Maybe shall write down some of her advice next time - think it'll be very useful for others reading this. =)

---

Untitled
What lies ahead is a big unknown
All my wishes, hopes and dreams
I want to give them all to Thee
Opening my palms, outstretched
Like a sprinkle of stardust
I look, Oh, I did not fully let go
Was I wrong? I turn to You
You nod and smile
Your gaze is warm
It's okay, dear child
Just keep going.

This poem by WZ came to my mind as I was reading the newspapers today. I was thinking about what I want to do in future, and my hopes and dreams... I had read about a classmate of mine whose photo was featured in the Straits Time - think he had been invited for National Youth Forum. And also thinking of a bro and sister whose photos were featured in the New Paper recently - wow, so proud of them, yet felt a bit envious, to be honest. Hee... think this particular brother will know what I mean... =) And my shepherd sharing with me about his desire to be salt and light in our society through the area of media. And Robert asked me over MSN last night: "Do I have any talents?" He wasn't depressed or what... he was just simply asking whether this was true, because he didn't think he had any talents. (Correct me if I'm wrong, 'Bert...)

All these converged on my mind the past 2 or 3 weeks, and I've been thinking... "What contribution can I make in this society, in this life, before I die? What do I really want in life, and what was I made for?"

Existential questions, to be sure.

I dunno... I take a look at myself, and I think, I'm so ordinary. What difference can I make, really? I don't know. I'm not a scholar, neither am I a natural leader. When Ps Jeff talked about us university students taking up the role of management positions and so on, to be honest, I think I really am not management material. I've always loved being an artist, but when I read my lecture notes about the culture industries and the difficulties faced by creative industry workers, I wonder what difference can I really make in the media industry? I'm interested in political issues, but no way am I gonna be a politician - I don't want to be in the wrestling ring every day. :P

Think this is one of the most persistent and pressing questions that a man (yes, I mean man as in the male gender) will ask himself, sooner or later, in his life. He wants to know what his purpose in life is. Think that's the way that we men are all hard-wired with in our minds - somehow, we have this innate desire to accomplish something significant - SOMETHING of worth, something of purpose. Even though certain cultures, societies, families or whatever else may adjust our beliefs about ourselves and our perceived roles in society - somehow, there is this innate desire in every man to make something out of his life.

Honestly, I Don't Know. Yet... I'm reminded of how God is in the business of using ordinary people to do extraordinary things. As the Navigators love to say, "Ordinary people, Extraordinary God!"

I'm reminded of William Carey, a shoemaker-turned-missionary-cum-translator-cum-botanist. He was an ordinary shoemaker - yet when God placed a burden in his heart for India, he obeyed and went. In spite of hardships, loneliness, family problems and opposition, he pressed on and went on to translate the Bible into several Indian languages, and also the Hindu epic - the Ramayana. And he helped to do many other things to improve the lives of his Indian friends - in spite of the colonial overlords' objections and opposition.

I guess there's so many other examples... my own brothers and sisters too... their lives really touch me a lot. I'm very inspired by their lives...

But to be honest, when I look at them, and then take a look at myself - who am I really? I'm so very ordinary, and to be honest, I barely believe that I can make a difference in this world, in this lifetime...

But that's not good! I must have faith in God! Doesn't matter whether I'm 'half-past six' or 'half-bucket water'... because Jesus looks at me and says, "With men, this is impossible - but not with God - with God all things are possible!"

I must have faith in God! Simply because faith pleases God!

Come to think of it, I do have talents and giftings and strengths that God gave me. He has given me so many things. I have so many things that He has already given me. Wow... and He's still giving me more things!

Well... hmm... why am I writing all these down? I guess, yeah, I need to guard my heart against pride... but to be honest, I think it's not pride to acknowledge all the strengths and talents and stuff that God has given me... as long as I acknowledge that GOD is the One who gave me all these things... and never I myself. Because He can take them away anytime He likes.

---

So I'm approaching the crossroads of my life as I go through this final semester. It's very short - only a few more months, and my academic life is, for all purposes, completed. And I remember what Claramae advised me - "When you look for a life-partner, you also need to consider whether she shares the same life-goals as you, the same core values, the same vision."

I'm still thinking. Perhaps in the area of media? How are we going to make a positive impact for God in this area? What would be the best way to do it?

And children? Work with them for how long? To what extent? What will keep me going on even when I'm physically tired and mentally exhausted?

And vision? I have been thinking, for the past 4 years, about helping out in our churches in South America. I really don't know how - the most realistic way I see myself helping out there is going on a short-term missions trip... when? I don't know... maybe somewhere nearer.

And adults ministry? What area can I help out with?

And family? Future wife? How many children? etc. etc.

So many things to think about.

---

Hmm... hey, maybe I'm thinking along the wrong track. Maybe the truth is that nobody is ordinary. We all have something extraordinary - that seed of potential that is in EVERYONE.

Because we are made in the image of God Himself.

I remember what Ruey Fong told me: "You need to believe in yourself more."

So, in the final analysis, I'm thinking about it... what will really count for ETERNITY? What I do here affects what we will see in eternity. It's that kind of responsibility that God has given us, His people.

---

Ah. In conclusion, I'm going to pray. To ask Daddy what His advice is. Because this verse, Jeremiah 33:3, came to mind: "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Because, I remember, someone said, "History belongs to the intercessors."

So I'm going to pray and ask God for His guidance at the crossroads of my life.

Trust His heart

Was just sharing with God just now
How keen this missing rib feels
And I just sang to Him
"I will trust in You..."

I will trust in You
I will trust in You
Through it all
Even when I fall
I will trust in You

And all at once this word came
And unto my mind it did speak
"The Lord is my Shepherd,
I shall not be in want..."

Yup, just trust him, yeah? :) Continue loving God, and loving your neighbour as yourself... and just trust His heart. Trust His heart... even if you don't know what to do next. Just trust His heart. And wait. :)

Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars...

What a night... it was so beautiful. I was at HQ yesterday, trying to fix Jan's laptop, when Jan asked me, "Do you want to go star-gazing?"

"Huh? With who? Where?"

"Jeffrey. I'm meeting him at the field near SoC."

So we went, together with Kim Chun.

When we reached there, we saw quite a crowd of students milling around, peering through some telescopes. We bumped into Ziwei there, who introduced us to one of the helpers - a 12-years old guy from NUS High School. It was really a very sweet time, getting to know this guy. Even though he's young, he really knows quite a lot of stuff - I guess more than we did at his age. :)

And the stars! I didn't expect much... and I saw much more than I expected. We got to see Jupiter, in all her magnified glory, with her 4 moons... and the 2 fine bands... I never knew that Jupiter really was so big, and so bright. And something that awed me was how fast the planet moved. But one of the helpers corrected me. "It's not the planet moving - it's the Earth's rotation."

Ah, the classic mistake of the earthbound human... the planets don't revolve around the Earth - they all revolve around the Sun. :)

But I think the most amazing thing was when I peered through another telescope was seeing, in that tiny viewfinder, a whole sprinkling of stars! They almost reminded me of tiny twinkling Christmas lights, arranged in a fractal-like pattern... fairy dust, even... salt from God's shaker... :)

I quickly took a look up, wondering what was in the sky that had such a beautiful star! I looked, and looked, but all my naked eyes could see was the black sky. So I asked the helper, "The stars I'm seeing in the telescope, is it a constellation?"
Using his green laser, he swept the beam around a blank-looking area of the sky and said, "That's not a constellation... that's a cluster of stars."

"But I can't see them with my eyes!"

"Eh... that's why we use a telescope. Haha!"

"Orh... *sheepish grin*"

Wow... it was such a wonder! What looked like a blank blackness was actually teeming with stars upon shining stars that the naked eye couldn't see.

Again, I'm reminded of God's promise to Abraham - "...as numerous as the stars in the sky..."

Wow... such wonder...

Thank God for that experience - it was a wonderful object lesson for me. Sometimes, in life, when we are feeling alone, and we look up at the sky, the sky may seem lonely, with nary a star in sight. But choose to see, beyond the visible, through the eyes of faith as a telescope, the massively numerous stars of God, and remember that "those who are with us are more than those who are with them."

And it really awed me too! We are SOOOO small... so tiny... to stare into the sky, world upon world... worlds of wonder beyond our imagination and ken... I wonder what life is there beyond our tiny playpen? Maybe races that God made, races that never knew a Fall... and we are the only foolish race in the whole universe... foolish, but not forsaken... we could be the lost sheep out of a fold of 100 sheep... and maybe God came looking to save what was lost... who knows??? Cosmic powers beyond our sight, divine interventions on a grand scale... all beyond our sight.

In just one tiny drop of this universe, is simply teeming with stars too many to count... I felt like a small bacteria in a drop of pond water in the huge waters of the earth...

But something that touches my heart a lot is that we may be small... but we are not insignificant! I think it really is a love beyond reason... we are so so so small... so so so tiny... and yet God thinks the universe of us... it's utterly humbling, utterly wonderful... think the only right response is to fall down and worship Him who created the heavens and the earth in all their vast array...

"God of wonders, beyond our galaxy...
You are holy... holy...
The Universe declares Your majesty...
You are holy... holy...
Lord of heaven and earth..."

The Law of Reversed Effort

Wow, God really is so faithful always. He never fails! He's the same yesterday and today and forever! Today Yufen and I met up regarding my on-going experience, and one thing that she shared with me was this passage: Romans 12:17-21. It really touched me a lot. And thank God also for what she shared with me (paraphrased): "So keep your focus on Jesus, not on people's responses towards you."

And when I came back home and logged on, I saw this article:

The Law of Reversed Effort
But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because He suffered death, so that by the grace of God He might taste death for everyone (Hebrews 2:9).
Evil thoughts are not driven out by dwelling on them.

So I read the following passage:


The Law of Reversed Effort

For reading & meditation - Hebrews 2:5-18
"But we see Jesus ..." (v. 9)

Yesterday we said that we must make sure we do not entertain evil thoughts. How does it work in practice? Build within your mind a strong picture of Jesus, and when an evil thought comes into your mind, turn and look at Him. Those who study the mind tell us that evil thoughts are not driven out by dwelling on them, even prayerfully. It is bad tactics to direct sustained attention to them, even in penitence, for then you experience what is called the law of reversed effort. This law states that "the more attention you focus on avoiding something, the more likely you are to hit it." A simplified form of this happens when a cyclist sees a pothole ahead of him, and concentrates on avoiding it - only to run into it. The longer things are held in the focus of attention, the deeper they are burned into the memory and the more mental associations they make. The way to overcome them is to outwit them by swiftly directing the mind to some other absorbing theme. It may be difficult to dismiss them, but they can be elbowed out by a different and more powerful idea. What better idea than to hold a picture of Jesus in your mind, reinforced by daily Bible meditation and prayer, so that in the moment of overwhelming testing, the mind is turned toward Him. One who developed this technique into a fine art said: "Christ in the heart and mind is the safeguard. To think of Him is to summon His aid. Evil thoughts dissolve in the steady gaze of His searching eyes."

Prayer:

O God, my Father, help me develop in my mind and imagination such a powerful picture of Jesus that it will become the saving focus of my being. Help me turn to Him immediately whenever evil thoughts crowd my mind. For Jesus' sake. Amen.

Wow, very touched. This article reinforces exactly what Yufen told me... yeah! We see Jesus... He knows when I go in and when I go out... even before a word is on my mouth, He knows it completely! How precious concerning me are Your thots, O God! were I to count them, they would outnumber the stars in the sky.

Think something that I learnt from an ongoing experience is that overcoming bitterness and anger, along with an unforgiving spirit... all takes time to change. I can't change these feelings and thots overnite, but only by spending time with God, letting Him minister, speak and correct me can i be changed... to let His love pour into my heart's festering wounds - even if it feels painful at times - and transform me from the inside-out.

Dearest Jesus, I don't want to be a white-washed tomb, clean on the outside, but full of festering unclean things on the inside. Please help me change. Thank You for showing me this area of my heart. In Your name, I pray amen.

Crikey! This is a jolly good sight!

Was trying to "translate" something that I was typing earlier into propaaah Queen's English... so found this hilarious translator! Now you can speak perfect English in class - and make sure that you never get understood at all (unless your tutor's a Brit).

Welcome to the Jolly Well Spoken Translator!

Crikey! Welcome to this frightfully jolly translator.
Jiggle in your phrase and Bob's your uncle - this strapping site will translate it into proper speak.
http://www.whoohoo.co.uk/main.asp

National Day Rally 2006

From PM Lee's speech:

9. Government must adapt

a. Find leaders from the new generation
i. Hence fielded many new MPs born after 1965
ii. Set up P65 team led by Teo Ser Luck to reach out to young people and young adults (25 to 40 years old)
iii. By next election, P65 will be a little too old, and we will be looking for P70s!

b. Get our message across
i. We will use the new media too
(1) Multi-media, podcasts, vodcasts
(2) Ministries and agencies must experiment
(a) e.g. US Marine Corps are on MySpace
(b) e.g. Many MNCs use blogs for their corporate communications
ii. Must adapt our message and approach
(1) Cannot just issue stuffy statements and rebuttals
(2) Use art, humour, wit to get point across
(3) Laugh at ourselves from time to time
(4) e.g. last year’s NDR – showed video clips of Tau Gay Not Enough and Tau Gay Never Enough

c. But have to decide - What tone do we set? How far do we go?
i. You put out a funny podcast
ii. I reply with a funnier podcast
iii. If we compete on that basis, will ask Jack Neo to be my adviser
(1) NDR will be highly entertaining
(2) But is this the way to deal with serious issues?
iv. Will not stop there
(1) Distortions, half-truths and untruths will circulate
(2) Tone of debate will go down
(3) Race to the bottom
(a) e.g. in Taiwan – so much creative energy goes into political entertainment
(b) Some thoughtful Taiwanese are concerned
(c) 全民乱讲, but what about 全民好好讲 ?

d. Keep government serious and responsible
i. Can’t govern based on jokes, sound-bites, or distortions
ii. We need debates which add reason, light and come to a conclusion – not just angry words or name calling
(1) Good to be passionate, to care enough to say or better still do something
(2) But passion and emotions must be balanced with reason and a cool head
(3) No point just working people up or running down institutions and leading Singapore nowhere
(4) Debate to help work out solutions for the larger good and for the longer term
iii. Singapore is changing – must change
(1) Some things can change quickly, others take longer
(2) A few things should not be changed, like integrity, care for others, keeping Singa¬pore special
iv. By all means criticise the government and leaders
(1) But be prepared to stand by your criticisms
(2) If the government disagrees, then it has to rebut and defend itself, especially if the criticisms have been widely circulated
(3) Otherwise, untruths repeated often enough will be treated as fact
(4) And leaders will lose respect and moral authority

e. e.g. mr brown’s column in TODAY
i. Column hit out wildly at the government, in a mocking tone
ii. Hence MICA replied
iii. Some feel that reply was too harsh
iv. My view
(1) mr brown is very talented
(2) He is entitled to his views, and to express them
(3) But when he attacked the government, it had to respond
(a) To set record straight
(b) To signal that this is not the way to conduct responsible public debate, especially in the mainstream mass media

Was reading thru, and found section 9 of "The Digital Age" very interesting. Actually, I agree with most of what he said. Haha... so sue me, I'm pro-PAP... ;D

I've got three questions here that I wanna think about actually...

1. What can we do to make political-based media more relevant to the public while ensuring responsibility (i.e. reasonable and civilised) of speech?

Personally, I think digital media can (I say can, not will) be well-used to let the leaders establish a closer heart-connection with the people. I was thinking of Franklin Roosevelt's "fireside chats" - his radio broadcasts in the 1930s - that helped him connect with a huge continent-wide audience.

2. Actually, why should we even participate in politics in the first place?

I know this is a 'duh' question, but if I choose to do so, at least I want to do it with a sound understanding of why I choose to take part - not because it's the bandwagon thing to do.

3. "If the government disagrees, then it has to rebut and defend itself, especially if the criticisms have been widely circulated."

To what extent can the government disagree? Actually, I'm pretty sure that governments in almost all countries will be unhappy if criticised (I mean, they're human too, just like us)... but some choose to chop off heads, others throw into prison, yet others simply issue a statement or just ignore. Or they listen and act upon it. :)

But does the Singapore Constitution specify limits for government disagreement? That means, what resources are available to the government if it wishes to rebut and defend itself? I support the government's decision to defend itself, but I feel that it's got to be a fair debate.

Oh, it just struck me. Actually I don't even know what the Singapore Constitution says. ... er... do we have one? *blur* Well, neh mind! there's Google... haha...

I also love skies. Wide skies. Big blue skies. Starry skies. They're oceans of the air, boundless and blue. Magnificent God!

I remember that evening sky that I saw while walking along the Expo corridor to the Planetshakers concert last time. It was so beautiful. I imagine it opening wide its arms to praise God with all its heart, while we humans go inside to praise God with all our voices.

The sky is a blue shout, giant and loud!
Every prayer of praise, one loud cloud!
If you were to jump high, could you hear?
Or to fly into that sky, could come near?
To stare up into that brilliant blue mouth,
Forever lost, from north to south.

I love trees. While I was walking back home today, I saw the street trees in the yellow lamplight. It struck me that each tree is a masterpiece of God - each lovingly hand-crafted out of a seed. And whne the light is right, don't they look like hands sprouting up from the ground? As if the earth itself was praising God with these 'hands'!

It's like God individually chiselled each tree out of wood - each one so marvellous that, if there were only one tree in the whole wide world, wouldn't all the sculptors of the earth put down their tools in utter amazement and gaze upon that tree?

God's love really is so obvious, in the way that He has made the heavens and the earth.

Was so moved, that wanted to write this little poem. Hope you like it! :)

Ye hands of earth, thy fingers unfurl'd
Sprouteth forth from concrete's world
Strok'th ye kisses of God's breath
His gentle grace thy praises unfurl'd

Ah hands of earth, thy splend'r scaled
From earth's bosom, Creation's praise
Stones of wood, hew'd on high
Risen glories unto Creator's skies

Thanks Lord for Huanyan and Ruey Fong. One is like sunshine on a cloudy day, the other is like a rainbow in the sky. So touched by Huanyan's prayer and encouragement when I was feeling sick again yesterday.

Yeah!

So tired, God. I think I'll have to miss next week's HopeTots. The children are wonderful, but I really need a break. The flu still hasn't fully gone - this is probably the worst flu that I had in ages. Think I've got the same strain as Jits - we've been feeling nauseous with this kind of flu.

What kind of flu is it anyway?!

Hmm. Feeling quite low this week actually. Physically weak, which leads to mentally weak, which leads to emotionally weak and to spiritually weak. But God is always good. He reminded me that He's watching over me even when I can't see Him in action. I was asking Him in my mind, where're You sometimes when You seem to be absent?

Then this line came to mind: "God is with you, even on the battlefield."

Ah, the battlefield... hmm... a place where you'd probably least expect to find God - death, sickness, mourning, mud, tears, violence, fears... yet, still His hands is still in charge there. I guess the atheist will say, "Duh! All this violence is obvious proof that He's not there..."

Well, God is still there. And what others may say, I don't care. He is more than there - He is my Fortress; He is my Medic; He is my Commander; He is my faithful comrade; He is my strength and my shield; He is my Defender!

I believe in the sun, even when it does not shine.
I believe in love, even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when I do not see Him.
(written on the wall of a concentration camp)

Is There a Christian Attitude toward War?

An excellent article - worth taking a look! Just think through what the writer says, don't have to agree or accept everything he said. But some points are worth chewing further on.

Think if I got time, I can write a summary. :)

http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/pastors/1415788.html

Love Lesson #3

God has been so faithful to me... since that day I asked Him to teach me how to grow in love for Him and for others, He has been pouring out teachings day by day thru experiences... "Day after day, [the heavens and earth] pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge..." Psalm 19

Think the 3rd lesson that I learnt from God on love was that we love, because He first loved us. But then, what are some of the ways that I can receive God's love, I was wondering? And think God helped me understand this truth - you don't have to work to receive His love - He already loved us even before the world began. But we need to grow more aware of the many ways that He has been pouring out His expressions of love.

From my last journal entry:

Am now reading this book, "Love Beyond Reason" (thanks Jits!) by John Ortberg:

Often those of us on a spiritual journey think of ourselves as searchers. And of course there is a certain truth to this. We ask questions, read books, attend classes, look for truth that often seems elusive. We search for God. The writers of Scripture commend this: "You will seek me, and find me when you seek me with all your heart," God says.

(Oh yes! Lord, this was the very verse that You spoke to me on 1 Sep last year... I still remember it so well!)

But that is not the whole story. I'm not just a searcher. I'm also a hider. You too. We have to come face-to-face with our tendency to hide, to get lost.

Think God is speaking to my heart at this moment, that He is seeking me too, just as much as I'm seeking Him - no! even more than I can bear. Because He knows that at this very moment, I'm trying to already trying to hide from Him. When I want to run away from Him, to hide from His presence, in the fears of my sins... and yet He STILL seeks me out.

When I close my Bible, and open another book, because I'm tired of His words... suddenly I see Him popping out of the words of the other book!

I am stunned - "the LORD was passing by" - and I close the book. I go out and look at the skies - He is still there! I run away into my room, close the door and lie on my bed - He is still there!

I cannot escape the quiet, gentle whisper of His voice - it booms to the depths of my heart - worse, it penetrates and echoes to the very areas that I'm afraid to let Him know. I CANNOT ESCAPE HIM! He still loves me too much, the Hound of Heaven!

Tears are running down my cheeks even as I write this now.

Why do You love me so much, God? WHY??? WHY? why?

Why do You keep on chasing me? When I am afraid of You?

You relentlessly march on after me, majestic in Your stride and humility.

Why do You even bother about me, lousy wretch that I am?

What have I ever done to deserve Your love? Oh God.




Up to now I've pictured You as One sitting on a throne, remote and distant. But even now, I still do find hard to imagine You as One who will come chasing after me. I really don't know this aspect of Your character, O God.

*******

Then found myself breaking into worship, singing "You are the One, You are lovely... You are the One, You are holy..." So I realised there and then that worship is simply a response to God's love. When I find it difficult to worship Him, I must remember God's love for me.

Then wah! I'm so touched... during service, all the songs really touched me a lot... I think You answered all those cries and earnest prayers in my journal... this song came on screen: "You dance over me / When I am unaware / You sing all around me / But I never hear the sound..."

Yes Lord!!! That is EXACTLY what my heart was saying! You know everything about my heart - You know me SO DEEPLY! You are the One who searches hearts and minds...

And You know what was the one defining moment that REALLY REALLY TOUCHED MY HEART SO MUCH? It was the last sentence that Jasmine prayed just before she ended the worship session... "We love, because He first loved us."

Lord, that is the very verse that I was asking You to help me understand...

Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How much You love me...

How deep
How wide
How high
Is Your love for me...

Then went to Ellson's and Mich's bday celebrations... one thing that struck me was how much both of them love others so much... this is something that I die-die want to capture before I leave the NUS ministry!

*******
Yeah, so really am earnestly seeking God to help me grow in love for my family, for my friends, for my CG, for my shepherd, for my leaders... for strangers... for the world! Lord! This heart of mine is not enough - please stretch it bigger! Bigger and bigger! Like Yours! SOOO big!!!!

I just read a blog by this acquaintance... He said that he's got a degree, a job... but there's still something missing in his heart... but You know the truth, I don't really feel much compassion for this guy. But God! that is wrong of me! What is holding me back from making friends with him, reaching out to him more, to help share with him about You who can fill this gaping hole in his heart?

Only my heart, so lacking in love... fill me up today as I set out to obey You! In Jesus' name, aMeN!

Love Lesson #2

Was walking down the corridor of Engine block towards HQ when it struck me. I've been trying to get God off my back - praying the same regular prayer, asking Him to cover me and give me what I need - then I'll siam. Realised that the way I behave towards God is exactly the same as I behave towards my dad.

I know my dad loves me very much - he's caring and he's reasonable, he gives me pocket money regularly - extra if I need it - and hugs me from time to time... in other words, he's very fond of me. Yet, somehow, there's this spirit in me that tries to be independent of him, to shake him off and in general not share much of my life with him. True, I really have the heart and concern for his welfare, to see that he's doing well in health, and occasionally, asking him how his Bible reading's going. But I fear going closer in relationship with him - it took me a long time to take the courage to say to him, "I love you", even though he has said to me quite a few times already.

I wonder why my reluctance? I think one reason is because I'm a shy person - perhaps this I got from my mum. (Those of you who have met my mum will know that she's a quiet person - whereas my dad's much more outgoing (and charming too).)

So I was thinking about my relationship with my Daddy too. I know you can't have one without the other - how much you love people is the true reflection of how much you really love God. I think it's not just the depth of love - it's also the ways and means in which one expresses his love for other people.

To use CS Lewis' terms, I guess the depth of my love for my dad and my Daddy would be something like affectionate love, rather than agape love. What's affectionate love? Well, go read CS Lewis' "The Four Loves" and you'll find out more. (Currently, Jitsy's holding my book hostage. Ha, I have 2 of her books hostage too... ;) hee hee)

So I think today was a realisation - a revelation, would be a better way to put it - that I do love God, but I am kind of shy towards Him, wanting to shake Him off after I've asked Him for favours, blessings, strengthening and comforting. All these things are good, yes, but in the end, God really wants to RELATE with me deeper. And I'm not giving Him the chance to know me better too.

He's been trying to woo my heart with all the words that He wrote in His Word... a Lover, a God who longs passionately for us... the King who seeks the peasant girl's hand...

So I need to "walk with Him, every day of my life / To talk with Him, in the good and the strife..."

So Lord... You are a Mysterious and Powerful God... and I'm quite shy of You... but I do want to be like the eighty-year old man (a true story) who skipped joyfully down a beach, singing to God, and exclaimed to his friend, with tears rolling down his cheeks - "My Daddy's very fond of me." I want to start knowing You like that, Almighty God...

Oh God. I really do want to respond to Your Big Big Heart. Because I do want to receive Your love _in all its fullness_. The Love Beyond Reason, the Love That Stepped Down Into Time and Space...

*pondering*

I think this is how God has been answering my prayer in the past two days for me to grow in love for Him and His people. Because there's this verse that says, "We love because He FIRST loved us." I realised that I REALLY lack a lot of love in my heart - I'm actually a very loveless person - though thank God, He made this heart more loving ever since I asked Him into my heart 8 years ago. But I can only give as much as I have received. He who has been loved much loves much; he who has been loved little loves little.

So I guess, one thing that I can start doing now is to keep on talking more with God. Notice Him in the little details of life. See Him feed the birds. See Him raise the sun and the moons and the stars. See the trees praising Him. Enjoy life simply, as a gift from God.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

Think globally, act locally.

Yufen was sharing during CG about how she reads the newspapers. So was reading the newspapers today, and thinking about the news... or rather, was trying to think.

Then it struck me. Actually, the main thread of thought that keeps running through my mind when I read the news is: "What's it all got to do with me? None of my business, really."

Think this is the first step that I've got to overcome before I can really develop a heart for the world, like God has (John 3:16). To recognise and acknowledge my 'bo-chup'ness.

That reminds me of something else today. My lecturer was commenting about the behaviours and mindsets of Singaporeans (she's a Singaporean herself, but migrated to USA 10 years back, but returned to Singapore to lecture) at international events.

She explained why she was so against students messaging during her lectures - "it shows disrespect for the speaker" - but went on to explain that in other countries, e.g. the USA, Singaporeans have been caught SMSing while the speaker was speaking. And the speaker, when he/she heard that the culprits were Singaporeans, had a very bad impression of Singaporeans.

And she made us laugh about how Singapore tends to really pomp up international conferences - hours of ceremonies with ministers giving speeches, and pressing buttons to launch super-lame multimedia shows - while taking up the foreign delegates' valuable time before they can get to the conference talks proper. And the multimedia shows... oh, if you really do want to show the multimedia, do it well! because the shows simply do not reflect well enough on Singapore's true professionalism.

She also shared with the class about her initial difficulties in adapting to American culture there, and the reality of the discrimination that she faced, and how she overcame some of the discriminations by learning to speak better English in a better way. So something that I learnt from her was the importance of speaking up and articulating one's ideas clearly - something that holds true across any culture. Just like what the Bible says, that the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

These two experiences made me realise what Pastor Jeff was telling us last week about Singapore being so small, that we tend to become very narrow-minded - so we need to be more aware of the many other cultures that lie outside our "little red dot".

If Singapore, as a nation, really wants to make an impact as a player on the international stage, then we need to practise thinking outside our "comfort zone" when it comes to other cultures.

Hmm... how can I start?
*******

Well, I guess as a university student, I've heard lots of complaints from my fellow Singaporean course-mates about how the Chinese students tend to own the top grades, and how 'chao-mugger' they can be. Yup, I understand how they feel - I'm a Singaporean too! (and proud of it!) - but I think they're missing out on the potential to learn a lot from their Chinese counterparts.

Back in my stay in Ridgeview Residences, I had the wonderful opportunity to make friends with my next-door neighbour, Tianfang. Sometimes, late in the night, I would just drop by to chat with him. One night, I happened to see a photo of an older woman on his desk, and asked him about it. He said, "That's my mother... she died of cancer."

And so from that conversation began a story of his life. I got to know Tianfang better - not as a "Chinese" national, but simply as a fellow human. I realised that I had a lot to learn from his courage in stepping out from his hometown in northern China, his sorrow when his mum died while he was in a far-away land, his lighter moments and his exciting times...

Through all that sharing, I was struck by his simple heart and humility - so different from the stereotype of the 'arrogant' Chinese guy. Well, stereotypes DO exist with a reason... but I guess the main point of what I'm saying is that I got to know the real guy behind the "national" image that I had of him originally.

And I found that, in the end, we were simply two men, with two very different life experiences and cultures to share with one another.

*******

So I guess, if we want to be able to step out of our "island" mentality, well, the fact is we DO have an island mentality, and we can't help it - we were born here. So we might as well acknowledge it... and start exploring further.

Yup, still have lots to explore, but really want to learn more from other people, including foreigners - not just the Westerners, but also the Easterners... have a lot to learn from others!

Must remember the key purpose why I want to learn though... it's because God loves all the peoples of the world - so much that He gave His one and only Son to pay the full price for their sins... and commanded us to go to every corner of the earth to tell them the good news about Him! Yeah and amen!

Reflections during QT

Just want to share some parts of my journal from my quiet time today. Want to remember what I wrote - my paper journals are gathering a LOT of dust - "Dead Sea Scrolls", as Peter calls 'em. :P And yes, I do write very long. Haha. That's why I prefer writing in electronic format - I still want my hands to remain functional.

Read Gen 50-Exodus 2.
Something that struck me here was the sheer length of time (400 years plus!) from the Israelites' time of prosperity in Egypt to their time of slavery. And Moses murdering an Egyptian, then fleeing into the desert, as an Enemy of the State (Pharaoh was hot on his heels), living as a fugitive till he was 40 years, among sheep.

Also, the fire of God, the burning presence. (And I had to eat that Chicken McSpicy just before my QT. Heh.) Yet the bush didn't catch fire. I wonder what Moses felt when he saw that extraterrestrial sight...

Yet something that struck me here was what God said to Moses... "I have seen their misery... I have heard their cry... I am concerned about them... So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh." And Moses said, "Who am I? that I should go?"

Lord! I really feel like that too! Who am I indeed? God, please help me make sense of this experience, this disappointment that I feel, so that I can learn from it and mature... guide my thots too. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Something about the burning bush too. It occurred to me that the fire must have been burning silently, since the bush wasn't being consumed by the flames. It was only when Moses had opened his eyes to see this strange sight and decided to go over, that God spoke to him.

So it struck me here... I think He's trying to tell me to open my eyes big-big right now at the experiences today and yesterday... e.g. my slogging in the lab, the time at HQ - what does He want me to realise? to learn? to see?

Daddy could be trying to speak to me right now, and I'm missing it!

Was thinking about all these, because I was still struggling with disappointment with God. But I'm awed by how incredibly gentle and patient God can be - even though He has the perfect right to discipline me... He reminded me of this verse: "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

In ALL things... something that I keep on telling others, but I myself need to remind myself too. ALL things... including the awful time slogging in the lab - it's like, one problem down, another problem comes up. Doggedly crawling through each problem... it's really a test of faith, honestly, because I have no idea how to solve each problem, yet when I pray, I find the hand of God works in ways I can't see - whether big problems (debugging) or small problems (sometimes it's just a case of flipping on and off the switch).

God, I think my lab equipment must have been taken from the Millenium Falcon... they keep on shutting down at the worst possible time! Where's Chewbacca when you need him??? Uuuuuuhhrrrrr....

Anyway...

I'm thinking. I think God may be prompting me to open my eyes BIG BIG right now, like I said, and take a look at the current situation. True, I may not be serving in the role that I WANT to serve in... and true, I know my character, mindset and heart do fall short of His standards.........

yet, He still wants me to serve Him anyway. Not say I say what... the Bible say one... touched, that He cares for me, no matter what. Yeah!

Hmm... so what do I think Jesus wants me to do at this present time and place?
- Children's ministry... I think the signs are very clear here... I enjoy it... the children like me a lot... (even the "problem" kids respond to me... *touched*)... and I do see the DEEPER vision and significance of this ministry - it's so crucial to win them for Christ before the world gets them! Yeh! So this is the best time to serve Him in this children's ministry... esp when I'm still a uni student, and still have enough physical and mental energy...

- The MM training... the duty, the call to arms is clear... God has given me this talent for making MM... it may be only one talent, but hey, a talent is like, a few hundred grand... Yeah! So must train and raise up a professional, dedicated and committed MM team for the next generation of NUS ministry... not only proficient in software, but aware of the changing media landscape for the next few years... so that we can be relevant and even more, setting the media trends! With God all things are possible! This shall be my parting gift to the dear bros n sisters in the NUS ministry...

- But not only that... also want to keep on sowing... I shall sow to the very last breath, the very last minute of my time in NUS... I want to capture the heart of Christ for the lost... to keep on sowing and sowing... never to give up till the very moment I have to go... then I can say with great joy and confidence, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith!" Yeh! That shall be my reward... and even now, I've already seen for myself the sheer power of God's Mighty Hand And Outstretched Arm when I simply pray a specific prayer ... and BELIEVE that It Shall Come To Pass In Jesus' Authority And Power! Yeah and Amen!

So want to have the apostle Paul's attitude, which my shepherd reminded me of last time... "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14)

It is never too late! Because God rewards even last-hour workers... yeah, He is good, He is generous, and His love never fails! If He gave His one and only Son for me, then I figure, no matter what else happens, He IS Good, and There Is No Doubt About It - Come Hell or High Water! Yes and Amen! Because He is RISEN and He Lives Forevermore! AmeN!

Haha... hmm... thank God! :D So encouraged after today's prayer and reading His Word... somehow, just being in His presence for a while does something to my heart, soul and mind that I can't comprehend... somehow I feel a sense of divine protection over my heart that no worry can penetrate through... and I can sleep in peace because of His big strong hand on my tiny heart... There's simply no God like Yahweh!

Hmm... I think, about the 8 years... I dunno if this is a good accurate understanding, but I think maybe one outcome of this experience of spiritual barrenness, not having a sheep all this while, and the disappointment every time I see or hear about other people having many sheep, or bringing their friends to Christ... i think, maybe in a small way, God is using this experience to help me understand better how childless couples may feel.

Barrenness... really has this kind of heartache that makes you ask God, "Why? What is wrong with me, that I don't have fruit in my life?" Disappointment and bitterness are so lurking around the corner, ready to take hold of your heart, and sometimes you just trudge on, not sure if God actually wants to bless you - oh yes, He can, but does He want to?... You look enviously at other people who have, and you ask Him, "Why not me, too? God... are You angry with me? Or is there something wrong with my life? Please... show me... I want to change... I don't understand... I know I can't see why, but just hear my cry and answer me, somehow!!!" And the silent reply is deafening.

So, yeh... think that is the kind of pain - whether physical or spiritual - that arise from barrenness... but I know that He has, in spite of my own expectations, been incredibly good to me, far more than I deserve. In fact, everything from God is a privilege, not an entitlement! (as any NS guy will know what I mean...) So I will wait, and wait... and I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.

In Jesus' name, aMEN!
YA

Love Lesson #1

Love always seeks the best for the other person, regardless of what one receives in return.

This bro shared with me another bro's response to the gift that we bought him. The look on this bro's face - so delighted that that bro was really blessed by the gift - was a great contrast to my own judgemental spirit when I didn't see that bro respond very visibly in person to the gift - "Huh, he's so unappreciative."

But what this bro shared with me helped me understand better - that that bro was very touched by the gift, even though he's not the kind of guy who'd express it very outwardly.

So am reminded that "love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth."

Thank God that He helped point out to me this truth about myself... praise God who convicts me of my sins so that I can repent and grow for the better! :)

"...[love] is not self-seeking..." 1 Cor 13

From my journal

Dear God,

I think I'll never become a shepherd at all - unless You choose to do so - so I guess I might as well give up trying to become one and just enjoy being a serving member all the days of my life.

Leadership comes to the unwilling?
Leadership comes to the unwilling.

I don't know how You want to work in my life - I guess this is the best way to handle my disappointment and keep my faith in You at the same time.

Maybe it's the 2nd-best, but well, despite it all... I still trust in You, yet I give up.

In Jesus' name, amen.
*******
Yeah, I feel kind of bitter toward You.

Sorry... just need to get it off my chest, Dad, I know You're good and real. But there's still so many questions that I have in my mind and I feel disappointed.

Perhaps it's the right timing that I got to read Ellson's book yesterday - Disappointment with God - You know how I would feel even before I feel. And I was looking through the biography of William Carey - he also went through an intense time of disappointment and lack of fruit after many years.

Why, God? I feel so disappointed. I have been trying to reach out, and reach out... I'm so disappointed. Is this all in vain? Is it even worth trying to reach out if You don't bless me? I'm not even worth a piece of salt - why was I born?

Yet... I was made to love You. I was made to praise You. And I was made to love Your people.

Yet... I still don't love Your people very much. I know it, and YOU know it, and I wish You'd give me a better heart than the one I have right now.

Yet... I know I'm blaming You. "A man's own folly ruins his life, but his heart rages against the Lord." Oh Lord, why do I sin against You every day? And why do I keep falling and failing? Why do I break Your heart so many times? Why am I so heartless and like that? Why are so many people better than me?

Yet... I remember what Weizhu told me last time - "The problem is, you can't accept the fact that you make mistakes. Not your mistakes, but the fact that you make mistakes. And that's pride."

Oh God, I don't know why... You know my heart much better than I do. Please correct and rebuke and discipline me... even when it hurts... so that I can be broken. Break me, Potter, I'm but clay. Help me grow in love - I know I can't love without Your love in me... help me just humbly receive, as a beggar from a king...

In Jesus' name, amen.

I think one of the saddest things that you can experience is when you have friends, and through some fault and mistake of yours, you make them feel uncomfortable and/or turn them off.

God, I don't know how to see You in the picture here, honestly. I feel ashamed and hopeless, that, "Huh, I did it again? sigh, why am I so like that? Why don't I learn from my experiences?"

I recognise it as worldly sorrow... yet it feels so... like gastric, I think. Feel I can't get up and move on.

Jesus, hold my hand...

I'm so sorry, Jesus, really, I am... I don't want to be the same anymore. Please take my hand and help me up again. In Your mighty name, Amen.

Just a lot of things on my mind, Lord. Feel quite uncertain and tempted to be worried. Feel very inadequate too. But I will recall Your promises to me, Your grace and Your faithfulness. Yes, I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.

I will remember all the b-e-a-u-tiful things You have done for me, yes! I remember what You spoke to me in the past years, how You have shown Yourself so real to me, and how You have spoken and guided Your people of the past. You are the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.

Lord, remember my prayer that I've been praying everyday. I'm still waiting... eagerly waiting... Lord, I want to draw closer to You. I want to have a life of meaning, a life of love, a life of purpose. I really do want all these things, but I must remember always, and forever, to keep my desire for You central. Because it's in Your presence alone that I am transformed, and no other way.

Thanks, Daddy... for loving someone so unworthy like me. I'm so shocked everyday, by the Man on the Cross.

"Daddy, why must He die?"

"My child, YOU are why He must die."

I'll walk closer now on the higher way
Through the darkest night will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way

I know I'm so unworthy - even my humblest tears of repentance must be washed clean in the blood of the Lamb... I know, who am I? And why am I so like that?

You have called me... yet I'm so stubborn...
You have promised... yet I'm so insecure...
You have taught me... yet I'm so slow to learn...

And why do I write all these? God, You know my motives aren't even pure yet here... sorry, Lord. Please clean my heart - it's full of crap.

Yet I'll look up to Your sheer goodness, because You are so good.

Yet there's still a lot of things on my mind.

Through the darkest night will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way...

Can't think clearly now, but thanks a doz, Lord, today's Planetshakers concert was great! Thanks Daddy, for Joyce, for buying the tickets for us. Was very blessed! Also learnt quite a bit from the MM style that they used... and oh yes, thanks Daddy too for the cheesy MTV-style fonts that I found while randomly surfing - it's perfect if I ever need to do some MTV-style MM clips... haha praise God!

Today was a very stretched day for my voice. Sore throat, but thank God, managed to help lead my OG in cheering and encouraging them on. It struck me today that God has put me in this position as a FOW Councillor to make a difference, and now it's in my hands to see what I can make of it.

Realised that the FOW committee came up with some games that was, well, stretching it on the decency side. :) Was kinda uncertain what to do - as an OGL, I'm expected to cheer everyone on, but on the other hand, I don't really find it very tasteful - not only me, hor, I think some of the freshies were a bit put-off.

Then remembered what Bowen told me about Jason's advice: "Make a stand - but make it a win-win stand." So tried my best to apply this advice... hmm, I went ahead and cheered for them, since I guess they're really paiseh about it, so support them, not the game, but the ppl who are being saboh-ed. But when they asked me to go up and play too, I told them, "Hey! I will go up for anything... as long as it doesn't involve touching a girl!" Haha... thank God for the courage and conviction that He gave me... somehow it came out so naturally, they just accepted it as normal. =) But there's still so much more I could have given for God in the past few days I realised. Hmm... well, thank God for this experience! To all my bros n sisters still in NUS... if you got time, I encourage you to try out being OGLs... make a difference, be the salt and light in the midst of a FOW... and show 'em what REAL FUN IS ALL ABOUT!!! Show 'em how we do CHEERING! Make 'em smile! Yeah!

(Really! I mean it - I realise that the church really can do much better orientation camps and programmes than the campus ones... frankly, the pple in the campus orientations are very sincere about giving their best, but it really is very tough for them to produce quality FOWs for the freshies (namely, bo-chup pple, lack of creative ideas)... and as a result, the freshies get very sian and maybe cynical. So we can bring over what we've learnt from our own matric programmes and help support or even lead the OGs with what we've learnt... I know that the freshies WILL be very blessed. Really... that's the way that Jesus wants us to be - to be good, tasty SALT and brilliant LIGHT in the dark places...

Oh yeah, and your convictions and values will get tested too. haha... but good what... still, do check with your leaders to see if it's ok to go ahead first.)

Think this is a very small preview of what it might be like in the working world... think it will be tougher, yeah, but one thing I've learnt from this FOW experience is to excel in what's good (for example, whether I'm an OGL or a freshie, I should cheer the rest on like there's no tomorrow), and be innocent of what's not good (touching a girl inappropriately, even if everyone else says it's "fun"). Still thinking about Jason's advice to "make it a win-win stand" - to do my best to see that as many people as possible can win from the current situation that I'm in.

How to translate it into the working world... hmm... I'm thinking of Ruey Fong's example of being excellent in his work... my shepherd's hard work in the office... to be excellent workers who do well in the working world... I'm reminded of Jacob and Joseph in the Bible too - excellent workers too. Wah, I look at myself and I know that I REALLY fall short in this area of excellence. My own HYP supervisor told me that I need to do more. And I agree... I know that I'm not maximising the potential that God has given me. Well, this sem I want to push my best for Jesus in all these areas: studies, family, ministry and care for my finances, personal things and health. Hmm...

Yeah! Keep my eyes upon You, Daddy... I want to expect great things from You, to attempt great things for You! In Jesus' name, aMeN!

Of Procrastination...

Procrastination - something that I think Daddy's convicting me very strongly of in the past few days. I really struggle with procrastination. I know I should do what I promised to do, but I never really get around to doing it. Why? Think one thing that keeps me from moving on is the fear of difficulties, of being tired and of not seeing results the way I want them to be.

But I think You spoke to me through a particular experience today and something that someone said, and also my own conscience, and well, the Bible. The final Word on everything, aMeN.

"How long will you lie there, you sluggard?"
"Lazy hands make a man poor,
but diligent hands bring wealth."

I need to remember what Peter told me about overcoming struggles... "Pray to God. He will help you." (Haha, my shepherd's words are short but wise.)

The experience today... my ex-supervisor was telling me, in a nutshell, that what I've been doing is right (thank God!), but he can only write so much in my testimonial what things I've achieved. It's fair - if I have done much, he'll have lots to write; if I have done little, he'll have little to write. His heart there, I know, is not to pick on me - no way! - but to find as much opportunities to reward me for what I have done.

And it made me think about what Jesus said: "Behold! I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done."

It made me think and reflect back on what I have actually done for God. In a way, it's dangerous to think about this, because it can make one fall into despair, that I've done so little, I'm useless, haven't achieved anything.

Yet, there is the sober realisation that Jesus, who is coming back, will one day ask me, "Yeo Yeu Ann, what have you accomplished with what I have given you?" And He'll be looking to see what He can reward me for.

It's NOT to earn my salvation - never! for He bought my salvation already, but He wants to reward everyone as much as possible, and He is JUST. At the end of my life, there'll be no more bargaining chips, no more time - the deadline is up, the pen is put down, the exam is over.

And yet, there is the other side of the coin to consider. What if I, desiring to do great things for God, go off on the wrong tangent, and get burnt-out? or waste my energies? or get tired and give up?

Then, am thinking, the key to a really fruitful life, one that really bears fruit pleasing to the Lord, is: Obedience.

Obedience to His directions, obedience to His will and obedience to His commands.

Come to think of it, I mean, God has a ton of work for me to do. I should seek Him and ask Him what work does He want to give me? And He'll give me the work that He wants me to do at the right time.

Yet, there's also the heart to just want to do something for Jesus out of sheer gratitude. I think, at the end of it all, Jesus sees the heart... no matter what we've done. I remember the sinful woman who washed Jesus' feet with her perfume. I remember what a dear brother, Shunrong, said to me: "God will forgive me as I try to serve Him." I remember what WZ told me about "The right heart with the wrong actions is better than the wrong heart with the right actions."

I'm still trying to put the pieces together. I'm so thankful to God that He's making clearer and clearer to me His calling for me, and purpose and direction... yet I'm also feeling quite scared actually. The challenges are also becoming clearer and clearer. God, give me strength, peace and most of all, love for You, Jesus, I pray.

Well! Time to stop procrastinating: I'm going to sleep now. Night, Daddy, and help me remember that in the end, this blog must be for an audience of one: YOU! and that is all that really matters.

Love,
YA

Warriors or Wimps? Raising Bold Sons

Think this is something relevant for children's ministry... :) Touches my heart personally, because I remember struggling with timidity a lot as a boy.

---

From http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/1413803.html

Warriors or Wimps? Raising Bold Sons
Vicki Courtney
Author, Your Boy

"And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone" (Thess. 5:14).

When Ryan was in kindergarten at a private Christian school, the headmaster would take the time to train the boys on the mechanics of a proper greeting. If he approached Ryan, he would extend his hand and say, "Well, hello Mr. Courtney. How are you today?" If Ryan looked down at the ground (like the average five-year-old), the headmaster would patiently and gently tell Ryan to extend his hand, look him directly in the eye, shake his hand firmly, and with confidence say, "Fine, thank you." When Ryan would do so, he would say, "Atta boy, Ryan -- good firm handshake." It was a great example to me and proof that boys as young as five can learn to greet adults respectfully.

Keith and I continued to enforce this school rule of etiquette in our home, and to this day our boys are generally at ease when greeting and conversing with adults. Had we not remained vigilant in training our boys in basic communication etiquette, they probably would be like the many boys who stare at the ground and grunt disrespectfully when adults speak to them. While I realize that many boys may be justifiably "bashful," this does not mean we should allow it to be an excuse to respond to others with silence.

Ryan was my bashful child, and we had to work with him to overcome it. I recall a time when we came to a standoff over his bashfulness. He was about ten years old, and I had told him we could rent a particular movie he had wanted to see. When we pulled up in front of the video rental store, I told him that I would wait in the car while he went in to ask if they had the movie in stock. He begged and pleaded for me to go in and would not budge from the car. I stood firm and told him, "Ryan, you have to learn to take care of things like this. This person behind the counter does not even know you. You have nothing to lose." Finally, he gave up, faced his fear, and went into the store.

I realized that because of his bashfulness, I had grown accustomed to communicating for him over the years, and now it had become an expectation on his part. I had effectively prevented him from learning necessary communication skills that were vital to his future. It was now or never. From that day forward, if he was looking for a particular item to buy with his allowance, I would have him take the initiative to call stores and find out the basic information. He was hesitant at first, but if he wanted the item badly enough, he would eventually break down and call. Today you would never know that Ryan ever had a bashful/shy side to him. Had we not recognized his bashful tendencies early on and made a concentrated effort to help him overcome them, I doubt he would have had the skills to go out and find his first summer job this past year.

If timidity is allowed and even cultivated in our sons' lives, it can breed a spiritual timidity over the years. If our sons are allowed to shy away from uncertainties, what will keep them from shying away from matters that require faith?

Do you recall the story of Gideon sending out his messengers to summon the warriors for a battle to deliver the Israelites from the hands of the Midianites? In order to make sure that there is no question that the Israelites would be delivered by the hand of God, Gideon is told by God to pare down his force of warriors so they will have fewer men than the Midianites when they go into battle. To make the first cut of men, God tells Gideon this in Judges 7:3: "Therefore, tell the people, 'Whoever is timid or afraid may leave and go home.' Twenty-two thousand of them went home, leaving only ten thousand who were willing to fight" (NLT).

No doubt, it would take a great amount of faith for the warriors to believe that they would prevail in the end, especially with fewer men. If your son were of fighting age, would he be among the remaining ten thousand who were willing to fight, or would he be among the twenty-two thousand who wimped out and went home? Without intervention by parents or others, timid boys almost always grow up to be timid men. Warriors have no reason to be timid and afraid; they know whom they serve.

It is my belief that our culture has hijacked many of the components of biblical manhood. They have blurred the lines of what defines a man, leaving our boys and men confused and suffering from an identity crisis of sorts. Many men have abandoned their roles as providers, protectors, and spiritual leaders. Families are falling apart, marriages are in shambles, and gender roles have been redefined. The fallout is great, and today we are experiencing a shortage of real men. If our sons are to be real men, we must first help them cultivate the warrior spirit within. We must prepare them for the battlefields of life and groom them to be warriors, not wimps.

---

Excerpted from Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World (Broadman & Holman Publishers). Copyright © 2006 by Vicki Courtney. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

"Aiyah, don't talk like that lah!"

Thank God for Bowen! Heard from him today that he took a cab to his grandma's house to collect some money for his driving lesson because I had forgotten to return him his NETS card. So I offered to pay for his cab fare, since it was my fault, but he told me, "Aiyah, don't talk like that lah! I'm your brother - what are mistakes for?"

Really thank God for this very dear brother... he taught me what true family means... really so proud of him!

YouthInk: "Let's talk about TEEN SEX"

Read some articles in the Straits Times (Mon, Aug 7), and am thinking of writing something to add to what they said. Do feel free to let me know what you think - all correction and feedback are warmly welcomed!

With regards to the recent articles under "Let's talk about Teen Sex" in YouthInk (Mon, Aug 7), while the writers have raised very good points regarding how to curb "a high number of teen pregnancies and cases of sexually transmitted diseases", I would just like to highlight another critical aspect of why teen sex (and for that matter, premarital sex in general) poses painful problems for the parties involved.

For the reason is that we people are not just physical animals - we are emotional and social creatures too. As the psychiatrist, Erik Erikson, in his Eight Stages of Development theory, has highlighted, the teenage years (13 to 20 years) are the phase in which a person acquires and establishes a clear sense of self-identity, and sexual identity too - manhood or womanhood. Premarital sex (especially teen sex) has the effect of disrupting the normal development of healthy relationships, socially and emotionally.

In addition, teen sex lacks the security, intimacy and mutual commitment of a married relationship. Firstly, it runs the high risk of making the guy trivalise the girl's feelings in his eyes, making her nothing to him but an object of physical pleasure. Secondly, it's shortchanging teenage girls, who have sex because they seek intimacy, but the very nature of teen sex is such that they will not be able to find the emotional security and intimacy that they so want.

In his classic book, "The Friendship Factor", Alan Loy McGinnis relates a tragic story about a brilliant student who committed suicide because his girlfriend had sex with his best friend. Even though he was in one of the top universities, and a highly liberal one too, who was a believer in "safe sex" - in the end, when he heard that his girlfriend was not only having sex with him, but also with his best friend too - in spite of his "liberal" principles, he could not take the pain and shot himself dead. And another true-life story was that there was this man who had multiple sex-partners before he finally married. He was unable to enjoy the time with his wife every time they had sex, because whenever he saw his wife's face, the faces of all the women that he had sex with before would spring to mind.

So, I think we have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture when it comes to teen sex. It's not just about not getting pregnant or sick; it's about helping the young people wait till marriage to really and fully enjoy the goodness of sex. Like a juicy fruit, sex is best enjoyed at the ripe time.

"People, who need people / Are the luckiest people in the world..."

Was a very fun day today. :) Helped out as a "Councillor" for my OG (Pharos oh-lei-ah-ah!), and got to know quite a few freshmen. It's been fun bonding closer with my fellow OGLs, and working together to help the freshies feel welcome... and at home with one another too (not easy when we've got 4 cliques in our own OG).

Anyway, today was especially memorable, because after 4 years, I went down for the annual Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony (FIC) at University Cultural Centre (UCC). Brought back memories of my own FIC. We got a nice folder each - same type as the one I got in 2004.

This year's FIC was much more dramatic and livelier than that of '04. Imagine, when Prof Shih, the NUS Pressie, presented the various Hall heads to the students, the students from their halls would stand up and wildly applaud... screaming and what-not. Prof Shih really looked very amused. And who'd imagine that the Dean of Dentistry would receive such rapturous applause? Very interesting! (Well, our own Dean of SoC got a little bit too... haha... not that we don't appreciate him, but we're a quieter bunch, us geeks. It's more uber that way. ;))

Found some of the songs during FIC very touching. I especially like this song - "People" - it really spoke to me about the value of relationships - to treasure the friendships - not only in church, but also in NUS - that I've made. Thank God for friends like Si Seng, Selwyn, Indra, Cuong, Zhenfeng, Vincent and countless other people too that God has blessed me with in these 4 years in NUS... and that's not including my precious brothers and sisters...

People
"People,
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world
We're children, needing other children
And yet letting a grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside
Acting more like children than children

Lovers are very special people
They're the luckiest people in the world
With one person one very special person
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you were half now you're whole
No more hunger and thirst

But first be a person who needs people
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world
With one person one very special person
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who needs people
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world..."

This song reminded me of how much Christ has changed my perspective towards people since I asked Him into my heart 8 years ago. 'Cos I'm introverted by nature, and would prefer to stay all day in a library and read... but yeah, ever since He touched my heart... through the love and lives of my brothers and sisters, my shepherds and leaders... I've come to realise that yes, I really can't live alone by myself - "It is not good for the man to be alone..." - I need people. Forget the idea of the individualistic, self-sufficient and self-made man - it simply doesn't work that way - no more than a hand or head or leg can be self-sufficient on its own.

And that's why I love the final part:

But first be a person who needs people
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world...

What did God teach me today?

Saw this article, and it made me ponder. It's a good question to ask myself. No, make that a Very Important Question.

'Cos was reminded of Huanyan's entry where he pondered about how we tend to take God and people for granted.

Hmm.

Random Musings and Thanksgivings and HopeKids

God, I'm tired of wasting my time surfing net and reading online comics. I just don't feel good doing it... hmph... want to make better use of my time. *yawn* Tired.

Shuyi mentioned about having a Thanksgiving Night. Hmm! Shall try it this week... =) Always so much to thank God for. =)

Tomorrow I've got Freshman Orientation Week. Thank God! So glad I can help out as an OGL after four years. I remember making a very dear friend and brother, Cuong, from Vietnam during my own FOW. Always treasure the time that I spend with him, and how we encourage one another with testimonies of how God has been good to us. It's such a sheer joy, just to think about it - that we are brothers in Christ, regardless of race, language or nationality. And it never fails to warm my heart when I see him faithfully serving God on campus with the Navigators, even when he's now working.

Just like what Jason told me before, "Spirit is thicker than blood."

Miss Weizhu and Ruey Fong. RF had work today, so had to delay our meetup. Always treasure this brother so much - he's really a gift from God to me in my life. And WZ'll be coming back on 17 Aug from his reservist. Yay... can continue to work together with him on the Christmas MM.

*******
Now thinking about HopeKids. Keep wanting to blog about it... well, here goes!

Today I woke up late for HopeKids. Took cab down, and whispering a short prayer under my breath to ask God to bless the kids, I rushed out of the lift... right into a gaggle of kids being escorted to the loo.

Whee... it started sooner than I thot. Anyway God's timing is perfect - one of the sisters was trying to get the boys to the loo - you know how it is with small boys - and she was Very Glad To See Me. So yours truly got toilet duty.

And toilet duty was... smelly. When I stepped into the toilet, I saw that someone had barfed into the leftmost sink. (BTW it's 5th level male toilet in Cuppage Plaza... so now you know which sink not to touch...) The sink was totally clogged up, and almost full of water, which had some brown smelly stuff floating in it... well, you get the idea.

So I shooed the lil' uns out of the loo and we jaunted up to the 6th level merrily. One of the little boys clambered on his own onto the top of the sink, and helped hold down the push-tap for the other boys to wash their hands. So thoughtful! :D

After that, we had a time of praise and worship. It's really not easy to take part in the P&W, especially when you have the little ones pulling at your hands, smiling and trying to tickle you and play with you. Ever try explaining to a 4 years old boy what it means to worship God while he happily tries to play boxing with you, and a little (hyperactive) girl is hanging onto your back? Haha... and did I mention that at the same time, the rest of the class is singing and you have to do the hand actions too?

Whee... I just want to laugh at the whole ridiculousness of this... it's so funny! Think our Heavenly Daddy musta been laughing a lot today. =) Bless His big heart!

Story-time was quite tiring, and to be honest, not very exciting to listen to. :P But think the teacher teaching it really gave it her best - my guess is that she's new to this story-telling thing... One of the little boys, Eugene, kept trying to climb onto my lap and I had to keep trying to get him to sit down, when another boy - I think it was Matthias or Matthew or Matthiaion or Malathion, whatever his name was - cutely played with my collar, and curiously asking me what was that thing in my left ear (it's my hearing-aid, BTW). Then the little girl chose that very moment to grab my collar, laughing merrily as she fell to the ground (almost choking me in the process). Save me, O God, for these kids have come up to my neck...

Then we had colouring session. It was a good time with them, as we coloured the pictures. Some of the boys are really artistiic. I read that someone came up with this multiple-intelligences theory, where different people have different kinds of intelligences, such as Spatial Intelligence, Interpersonal Intelligence and the like. Hmm, God really bless different people with different talents. We have a wonderful diversity of talents!

Thank God He answered my prayer to know the boys' names too. On their worksheets, they had all scrawled their names, so I got the opportunity to read their names. Seems that we have a lot of apostles and prophets here in HopeKids. ;)

Carried a few kids today. They really enjoy it - especially when I called it "flying", upon which they started vigorously flapping their arms. So sweet!

*******
On a more introspective note, I got to understand the children better. I realised that there's this boy who keeps on trying to get my attention, and asking me whether what he did is ok... somehow I get the feeling that he's quite insecure and needs a lot of attention. So glad that I can give him some of the attention that he needs... every child is precious to God.

And I saw a darker side to the children - in the class, there's this lone Indian boy who was quite quiet and was quite shy about joining the other children. I encouraged him to join in with the other boys in the activities. But I still sense that he's quite alone - one of the other boys wasn't very friendly towards him, turning away from him. I think I'll need to correct that boy if I catch him again, so that he'll understand.

Children can be cute, but they can be cruel too, especially towards those who are different from them - whether it be skin colour, behaviour, fashion, ideas or beliefs. I think it comes naturally to us all - we're all born sinners. Still, thank God that being in HopeKids, it's a great opportunity to teach the younger ones to love one another, regardless of who they are or what they look like - just like what our Kor-Kor (Big Brother) Jesus taught us - "A new command I give you: Love one another."

After the HopeTots session, I chatted with sis Yung, asking her for her advice on some questions I had, such as how do I stop the kids climbing all over me? Yung helped me understand the reason why one of the boys, in particular, keeps on climbing onto grown-ups' laps, even when we tell him not to. It's because he's from a single-parent family, so he lacks a big-brother/father figure... so yup, that's why he wants to sit on my lap.

Her explanation was a revelation to me, because that day, it helped me understand the children much better. Deep down, underneath all their laughter, playfulness and screaming, is this age-old need to be loved, just as they are. No wonder our Lord Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

And she explained also why both the boys (and especially girls) can't always keep sitting on my lap - it's for their safety, because they can't just go and sit on anyone's lap anyhow or anytime! So something I learnt here was that we also need to teach the children what is socially appropriate, and what is not.

So I need to get some sweets (ah, marshmallows would be a good idea) next Sunday, and to be stricter with them, to lay down the law too. Reward the good, rebuke the bad.

Wow, thank God for the awesome privilege of being able to serve in HopeKids... it makes me feel so... awed, just to think of the awesome responsibility that a father will have in taking care of his child, to teach him/her what is right and wrong - more than that - teach them to love God and to look up to Him when they feel lonely, because no grown-up can be with them always, but only their Daddy in heaven can be with them always.

Shared a lot with Peter about these thoughts when I met him later. The importance of setting the right formative habits, to take care of my own stuff, so that it's more natural, easier for me to take care of others' stuff too. And my own desire to be a good father in future. He smiled and told me, "Take your time." - in other words, don't rush... trust God's timing as you continue walking with Him.

To sum it all up, can glimpse how God is using all my past experiences, including my struggle with being socially aware, and childhood experiences and having a caring father - all wonderfully weaved into this marvellous plan, to be working with and teaching children... Really thank the Father of fathers so much - it's totally beyond what I could have ever imagined for my life that night when I asked Jesus to come into my life.

"For I know I was born, for such a time as this..."

Thank You for being so faithful to me always, Daddy dearest. Thank You for Your teaching me how to become a better father in future. Like what You said in Ephesians 3:14-15, "For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom all fatherhood in heaven and on earth derives its name..." Really so amazed by You, Father.

The Role of Media in Culture

Read "The Young Man in the Mirror" by Patrick Morley today.

One of the points about the 4 universal purposes of a man is "to tend the culture"... Think it's mentioned in Genesis or somewhere that speaks abt being a blessing to the nations.

Then read this verse "The wicked freely strut about when what is vile is honoured among men."

Imagine gangsters and mafia-dons and triad bosses strutting about...
imagine rapists, molesters and murders...
imagine cunning politicians who seek only their own benefits
imagine irresponsible fathers and husbands..

when we honour these kinds of character traits by glorifying them in media as the 'anti-heroes'...

when we dishonour those who "gave their lives that this nation may live..." by not mentioning them...

when we dishonour the soldier who died to protect the innocent civilians...
when we dishonour the policeman who took a bullet to the head...
when we dishonour the politician of integrity who refused to accept a bribe...
when we dishonour the father who deliberately takes a lower-paying job in order to spend time with his family...
when we dishonour the celebrity who chooses to live rightly... and even when he stumbles, he confesses and asks for forgiveness from the very ones that he hurt...

true, not everything is black and white... they say that one man's freedom fighter is another man's terrorist...

but when we dishonour good government by discontented grumbling and complaining...
(though pointing out what government needs to be accountable for, yes, i believe that's one responsibility of the media...)

just some thots.

Maybe that's why I love Jack Neo's movies... the triumph of the underdogs... the empathy of the sufferers...
"Liang Po Po", "Money No Enough", "I Not Stupid 1 and 2"

:) want to watch Helen haha... i love foxes haha... :) anything that looks doggy, I lurrrvvvveee... hahaha... =)

*******
That's why I love stories. Like the author who wrote "The Young Man in the Mirror" said, "Stories are what holds cultures together. They serve as the glue, the ligaments."

And he goes on to say, "They aim to provide a system, a plausible world-view to hold all our experiences together, to help us make sense of the world's experiences that we have."

A few days ago, Jitsy, Bowen and I were in the cab, taking a ride back home. And we ended up talking (excitedly) about CS Lewis' Narnia series. Bo said, "I really love to read Narnia again and again..."

Same here! Haha...

But why are CS Lewis' books so enchanting? I could read Narnia again and again (well, I have), and again and again I am transported back into the world of the Pevensie siblings like never before. I feel Aslan's mane and the breath of his voice as he encourages them, and I feel the sense of hopelessness and fear as I witness King Trillian fight the Last Battle...

I've read Enid Blyton's books (ha, flights of fancies, I really do love reading them...) and James Herriot's enthralling books about the animals...

But as I grow older, the books that I remember more and more fondly "I am David" (Anne Holmes), "The Six Bad Boys" (Enid Blyton), "The Big Friendly Giant" (Roald Dahl), "The Chronicles of Narnia" (CS Lewis)...

Why ah? Maybe, to go back to the point that I was talking about, these stories do not do away with the problem of pain. They don't dimiss the reality of the sufferings; on the contrary, they face the full brunt of it.

But the key difference between these and other stories that one might read would be that they have a message:

"Suffering is real, pain is real. But it is possible to face them fully, AND go through them fully AND overcome fully."

I think this is one message that we'll need to give to our children, and their children in the days to come.

Help keep the Brown Elephant’s natural habitat alive!

Haha... thought it's quite funny! =)

"I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way..."

Wow, thank God so much.

Some recent experiences thru which God helped me see my need to change certain ways that I behave... plus a Bible verse... plus a book... plus shepherding today... plus this article that I saw just now. God is ALWAYS faithful!

This passage in particular really strikes me:
"Our behavior is important. People see us in many situations at many different times, and the way we act can be a powerful witness to the power of Christ in our lives. Christ calls us to a perfection that we cannot achieve on our own. Rely upon the Lord and He will give you the capacity to live an upright, holy, and pleasing life."

Yes Lord, I really need Your help. You know that I'm very socially inept and inconsiderate, but I know that You are the One who gives wisdom to the wise... so as I keep praying to You and meditating on Your wise advice from the Bible, I know You'll transform me, for You have never forsaken those who truly seek You. In Jesus' most precious name, Amen.

Psalm 101:2
I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.

Gwen couldn't help remembering how her grandmother used to tell her to, "Act like a perfect little lady." She had hated to have her grandmother constantly nagging at her to sit properly, speak properly, walk, chew, and sneeze properly. However, the lessons she had been taught had stayed with her, and they had helped her many times. She had gotten the job at the gallery because they had been impressed by her manner and poise. Perhaps she wasn't a "perfect little lady," but she made a good showing, nonetheless.

Our behavior is important. People see us in many situations at many different times, and the way we act can be a powerful witness to the power of Christ in our lives. Christ calls us to a perfection that we cannot achieve on our own. Rely upon the Lord and He will give you the capacity to live an upright, holy, and pleasing life.

Thank You Jesus! :D Thanksgiving!

And oh yes, Lord... now that my depression's over, and the courage's set in...

Thank You so much for Shuyi's "countless thanksgiving" blog entry - it really spoke to me and reminded me to be joyful always, and give thanks in all circumstances... not to let my joy in Christ be swayed by what other people think of me, but You alone... Her example has inspired me to also give thanks to God in this entry!

Thank You so much for KW, the lunch-time with him today, and what he shared with me - it really really spoke to me a lot too - realised that You may be speaking to me through this brother... esp what he said, "You are not equal to the sum of your past. Rather, your past is part of who you are." Wow, simple but profound. And his own heartfelt sharing about how You have been transforming his life and mindset and perspective... he's really so much more joyful ever since last year... wow, praise Jesus indeed!!! He is so wonderful!!! Hallelujah!!! And thank You that he would share his life with me... like what Weizhu told me last time, "it's a privilege when someone chooses to share his life with you..." And also for the gentle correction that KW gave me over lunch... wow... so loved that he would correct me...

And thank You so much for my dear CG... especially for Hongtao, Bowen and Joyce... they really blessed my day today. I feel so unworthy when I compare myself with them - their hearts and their lives, I have so much to learn from them. But thank You Jesus for putting them into my life, that I may learn from them!!! :D It is a great joy and privilege to learn from their lives...

And thank You so much for the sweet supper that we had today after the Festival of Praise... haha... though I was quite tired and self-absorbed actually, I still can thank You for Your goodness even though I've been bad in my attitude... You are always so good, God! :D

And thank You so much for Bowen - for his accompanying me to walk down for the altar call to respond to the call to be mighty warriors for God... and for how You spoke to both our hearts - we were both burdened before the FOP, and we both wanted to respond to the same altar call... and also for his lunch invitation today... sorry Bo, I choped KW first so cannot liao... :P

And thank You so much for the little things too...

Thank You so much that I fixed the hardware problem that I was helping Dr Ng with... in the space of an hour! Wow... thank You for giving me a clear insight into the workings of the problem...

And thank You so much for the orientation today too... that I got to make new friends... though I was disappointed that almost all the freshmen for my OG didn't come, I'm glad that I can get to know my junior OGLs and group IC better too... it was great talking with them! Really enjoyed the time getting to know them better... think it's a breakthrough especially for an introvert like me. :D

Thank You so much that I could spend some time with Huanyan just before the start of FOP... missed this bro's presence for quite a while already... and also for his friend too - am encouraged and delighted to get to know a new brother in Christ too!

Thank You so much for Don Moen... wah, so blessed really... can see that he's very humble and has a sweet spirit to God even though he's one of the most famous worship leaders of this generation... and his voice is fantastic too... haha...

Thank You so much for helping me wake up in the morning... the beautiful sunshine...

Thank You so much for Your love that knows no bound...

Thank You so much for this computer...

Thank You so much for giving me friends and family...

Thank You so much, Jesus!

Thank You so much, Lord... I really want to have a sweet spirit before You always... because I know that will please You no end...

Thank You so much Lord, by faith, for the direction that You are carrying me through...


and OH YES! HOW CAN I FORGET?

THANK YOU FOR HEALING MY EARS! Haha... Aiyah... i really am like those 9 'bodoh' ex-lepers who, upon being healed by Jesus, didn't go back and thank Him... Wah lau... thank You for being so incredibly patient with me... in spite of the fact that I am SO SLOW...

THANK YOU... thank You Lord for lowering the threshold of my hearing from 110dB to 90dB... somehow it's sweet, being able to sense that the music is too loud... to be able to sense the pain in my ears before it can do too much damage to my ears...

I don't know why my hearing isn't fully healed yet, but You chose to remove the earwax blockage in such a miraculous way that the doctor would be so amazed... and the hearing-aid specialist amazed at how come my threshold of hearing has dropped...

Wow... when I think of all these things... how can I not thank You? Thank You that I have enough money - so blessed from my lab duty - to bless others... thank You that I can help others...

Were I to write more... I'll have to say thank You Lord till the sun rises...

And oh, thank You, Lord, for Don Moen's "Thank You Lord" song... haha... =D