Today, one friend - or shall I say, acquaintance - called me up, wanting to keep in touch with me. The thing is, I was very reluctant to keep in touch with him. It's because of his strange mannerisms and perhaps immature way of relating with others, such as persistently sending a lot of people the same msg: "Hi. How's life." and some comments like "I saw someone who looks like you." So I avoided replying his SMSes, because felt very awkward and quite put-off. I had tried to explain to him that this is not very socially appropriate behaviour before, but he didn't get it - and in fact, was offended as he felt that I had misunderstood his intentions of friendship. So this SMS-sending went on for a long, long time.

Finally, he called me on my handphone today. I answered, not knowing who it was. And oh, it was him. In a nutshell, he wanted to find out if I had changed my hp no, and so on. I didn't know how to answer him directly... so I beat the bush as diplomatically as I could. But he managed to find out that I had indeed received his SMSes, but never replied. Caught in that trap, I asked him whether other people had mentioned about this to him before, this incessant SMS-sending.

He replied, "Oh, a lot of people told me this too."

I gasped inwardly. "Huh... ok... how come you are still sending me SMSes then?"

He said, "Because I want to keep in touch with you. They misunderstood me."

I almost did a facepalm. But paused and thought about it...

It's ironic. Because I had the same kind of attitude as well. I had done immature things before in the past, and had expected others to understand me. E.g. my emotional outbursts, my social immaturity and so on.

I guess I wanted to laugh at myself. I'm no different from this friend, actually... it's just the scale of what we do.

Still, I weighed my answers, and then told him directly that this is not a socially acceptable thing to do - spamming ppl with SMSes... told him I understood his heart in wanting to connect with others, but this is NOT the right way to do it. Why bang your head against the wall when there's a door? And I told him these words: "It is better to be misunderstood than to misunderstand." (I knew that I was teaching myself, even as I was teaching him...)

I think I did my best to try and help him understand the consequences of his social immaturity and eccentricity, but I'm afraid he still didn't seem to get the message clearly... his tone of voice simply said that he expected me to understand him anyway. And he said that ok, ok, I won't send you any more SMSes.

So after hanging up, I pondered about the whole thing.

I think I must have hurt him by avoiding him for 2 years, and not wanting to reply. And yet there was another friend who did the same thing to me for 2 years.

I corrected him for his (not very reasonable) expectation that others should understand him and accommodate to his behaviour, and yet I've been doing the same thing too.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

It was a very sobering moment, as I think I can really identify with both sides... the pain of being ignored despite persistent attempts to reconnect... and the awkwardness of wanting to avoid. Both sides see each other as selfish.

The expectation of wanting to be understood, yet not understanding the other's need and feelings.

You know, it's really a very strange, yet enlightening moment.

The pain of a socially immature person trying to connect with others in the only way he knows, and yet that attempt is causing other people so much pain that it only drives them further away.

Who can save us then, from this dreadful Catch-22? Someone has to break through this impasse - and pay the price needed to do that. Grace.

Thank God for all the past experiences that I've gone through. I remember crying to Peter two years ago about all these things that I was struggling with... and my questions to God why did I have to go through all this pain in the first place. And now... I think... I see a bigger picture unfolding. The picture of God's grace. God made His Son who knew no sin to become sin for us, so that in his Son we might become the righteousness of God.

I think one very practical way to help a socially immature person... is not to just correct his actions, but also see AND appreciate his heart behind what he/she does. And to identify with his hurts and pains too. I think it's critical not to judge... BUT it is essential to correct his actions, because of the effect it has on others. Not to condemn, BUT not to condone either. And the most impt thing is to see the heart... and affirm his motives if it's good. Not to act as a guard, but as a guide. One who has been through it before... therefore he can show the way better.

And also to deliver the other person from the perils of ignorance. Even though the person is sincere... he can be sincerely wrong. Like going into a minefield innocently.

And to show mercy, because we too need mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgement!

No wonder Jesus loved the tax collectors and the prostitutes... and called the religious leaders vipers and hypocrites.

No wonder the sinners loved Jesus... and the religious people plotted His murder.

Wow. A LOT of things to think about.

I think this is one more aspect of God's calling for me.