Seeing how God has put me through my paces, and to be honest, I see where I am so weak in... but watching others and learning from them, I think 2011 will be the year of transformation for me, where, having been equipped by God, and trained... I'll need to move ahead and try out more things for God.
So... surprisingly, somehow, despite all my reservations and inadequacies, I find myself in the ... special position of being a "Special Op" leader. (I'm serious. Somehow they gave me that "title"... o_O) Actually it's nothing to do with Counterstrike or commandos... I aim to lead and disciple boys who are extra-challenging during service, 'cos have a burden for them. Ok, maybe it's harder than storming a 747 in total darkness. ;) (Just kidding lah!) But, yes. Oh well. I was a challenging kid myself before, in Sunday school... I guess it takes one to know one. :D
Mm. Grace. I need to go back to the source again. To be broken anew. To think ... and be touched by the unbearable sweetness of God's grace.
Not easy. I wish... how I wish a lot of times I could just serve as a normal CL, etc... or just be a team leader and be able to work in a good company and go for missions regularly... Yet I know I AM different. Somehow, whether I like it or not, I know that I see and perceive things so differently a lot of times. How I wish a lot of times I wasn't me.
But as Yung shared with me while we were talking about some deeper life stuff during a midnight sharing during our missions trip, the narrow gate is narrow indeed. Yes, it would be easier to be the same like everyone else... but if I have to be different in order to do the work God has called me to do, then... will I be willing to be different?
:) But yes! To be what GOD WANTS me to be. I realise that even if I have a certain personality... it doesn't always indicate that, say, if I have a quiet personality, I therefore always serve in backstage roles... or if I have IT skills and be geeky... therefore His calling for me is in IT... or if I'm extroverted, therefore I'm to be a leader or all that.
I realise God often has His own ideas. Sometimes, yes, He calls very talented people into the ministry that is perfect for them. But... He can also call people who are naturally or even totally unsuited for a certain role into ministry. But His ways are not our ways...
Not personality. Not ... even character. But heart for God. Because God doesn't call the qualified; he qualifies the called!
So true! REALLY! Because I think I am so unqualified to be in children's ministry... yet He still called me into children's ministry. And he's been training me. Can't imagine this beyond my wildest dreams. Damn scary. Yet... He still called me.
As long as someone is willing to follow Jesus - be he/she a prostitute or a tax collector or a fisherman with a parang and a score to settle or an old man with a barren wife - Jesus can qualify that fellow. God of all grace, so beyond all understanding. Not illogical. Just super-logical - so far beyond our minute IQs. :) But that's our Lord God Almighty for you!
:)
But, well, 2011 awaits. :)
What have I learnt in the past year?
Toughness. :) To be shrewd and tough in handling kids. Setting boundaries for the kids, or else they'll crawl over you.
Groupwork. Kindness. Jinghe's advice on BGR.
Telling a sister that I liked her. The awkwardness that followed. Yet our friendship got strengthened. We shared a lot about our own perspectives and learnt from one another. Some day I'll write a book about this, God willing. :)
Gift of prophecy confirmed as well.
Leadership skills. Communicating. Watching and guarding my heart against the tendency to blame others when things go wrong. Working with challenging colleagues. Graced with sympathetic colleagues. Observed what can happen when you are not respectful towards others... (not me... I watched others, and saw what happened. Learn from the consequences that happen to others...)
Teamwork is still tough for me. But in a way, a bit of comfort knowing that it's not a character flaw but a personality preference. Still, INFPs have to work harder in this, just as, say, choleric judging-types have to work harder in gentleness and empathy. But hey, Jesus is the same Lord of all. :)
Read Proverbs. Wow. Learnt and applied so much. How true! These words will guide me. Thank God for Peter's example lived out for me. Word of God, so important.
Lots more. :) Breakthrough in my love for my parents. Kindness especially. Seeing the results of consistent prayer for my parents - I see them showing more care towards each other. :)
New friends! :)
But yes, I still feel so inadequate. :) In terms of character especially. So will train myself even more in godliness for 2011.
So for 2011, you can read my resolutions here, if you want to. :) Hee!
Whew. Excited. And making resolutions so early? Wow. What have I just written?!
So God. So not me. Hallelujah!
"Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God." William Carey.
Hong Teck said that I'm a very driven person. Hee. Surprised. But yes, I do agree with what he says. I am not a typical "decisive" person, but I don't buy into that crap that you have be a fast and decisive decider to be a good leader. I'd rather be with a person who is slow but knows exactly where to go! So yeah, I do often think of myself as a "cruise missile"... slow but steady, and cruising on towards the target with maximum accuracy. Hee. Yeah. 'Cos some people were worried for me when I made big decisions, not so much about the decisions that I made, but that I might back out and not be sure about what I'm doing.
Aw, come on. I may change my mind about food or menus a lot or clothes... to go in planning to buy one thing, and come out with something else... but how does that apply to major life decisions such as responding to God's calling, choice of studies and choice of life partners, etc? "Faithful with small things" doesn't apply to this context... it's like comparing apples and oranges bah... :)
So I don't buy into "decisive people = good leaders". It doesn't correlate leh! To me, being a good leader is firstly knowing where to go, and then being able to help people find how to get there. By that definition, if I were stuck with John Maxwell in a jungle, and both of us were lost, I'll take a ten-year-old jungle native's guidance over Mr Maxwell's maxims anytime. :) Hey, no insult... just being straightforward. Of course if Mr Maxwell knows how to get out of the jungle, haha, sure! :)
But if decisive AND know where to go, then sure that'll be a better leader.
But yes, we are called to lead people to adore Christ Himself first and foremost. Anything else that reduces the centrality and supremacy of Christ's life in others' lives is wrong and must be discarded into the crap pile. Even good leadership can become an ideology, a false god that subtly displaces Christ Jesus Himself, if people start adoring competence more than Christ Himself. And so it will then have to be thrown into the fire and burnt, for it is abhorrent, an idol that causes men to disregard Christ and Him crucified - to downplay the power of the Cross.
1 Corinthians 1:18-25
18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written:
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”
20 Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22 Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.
Yes! To know Christ, the power of God and the wisdom of God, more... and to make Him known to the children more too.
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