Why am I so blessed? Why do I see God so real and readily now when last time, I struggled with feelings of doubt and lostness? So many other people have not escaped from the rut, from their discouragement, their lostness... but here I stand, having been lifted out of the miry clay.

I think ... maybe because I learnt to act justly, love mercy and most of all, am learning to walk humbly with my God.

*thoughtful sigh* Maybe. Or maybe it's simply His grace. And that when I draw near to Him, I trust that He will draw near to me too.

Yeah, there are times I am suddenly attacked by feelings of doubt that God is real, Jesus is just a myth and experiencing God just a subjective outburst of emotions due to my amgydala being in spasms...

But then I turn my eyes and look at Jesus on the cross. Artless, brutal, horrifying, bloody... and ordinary in today's world of violence. Ah. The brutality of the cross clears up the mind like a blast of rancid smelling-salts. No doubts about this - Christianity, of all religions, preach a God who was murdered, despised, spat upon, whipped, abused, tortured, betrayed and so on. In comparison to Allah's detachment, to Buddha's calmness, to the impersonalness of Brahman... I see a naked, bleeding man crying out like millions of his fellow people two thousand years later in the gas chambers, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?"

And the Bible tells me that that fellow on the cross is the Saviour of the whole world. Personally, I think and feel that this, indeed, is the most realistic admission that this is a horrible world of suffering and fallenness. And I read in the Bible that God chose not to just tell us that He cares... but that He silently, like a lamb to the slaughter, submitted himself to the same world that every suffering human has gone through.

If there is a God, then this is the most realistic God I've ever seen.

But not just that. The Resurrection gives me assurance that Jesus' claims are valid. The resurrection gives me hope, that if it indeed happened, then my God, it follows that Jesus really is the Son of God. And if He is the Son of God, that means... God exists... and that He really does care... and that He really can save us all.

And oh, how humble He is. Humbly He came, to the earth He created; all for love's sake became poor. To think that God came down and washed our feet... man, to think of Jesus washing our feet, it makes me cry every single time. Really. I mean, He didn't have to do that... but He WANTED to. Do I need any proof that God really loves you and me? He is not just a holy God. He is a HUMBLE God. No man could ever have imagined up a God like this God. A God of utter meekness, utter obedience and utter humility. Man. So in love with God. How not to love Him, honestly? How? How? How can I not give Him my life in love, when He gave His life in love for you and me, to set us free?

*darn it, I'd better not type any more here. This is a public place, and my eyes are starting to leak. :)*

Ah. The Incarnation. The Cross. And the Resurrection. That's why I believe there is a God... and a good and perfect God at that. That He knows. That He understands. That He cares... and... that He really has the power to help us, if He wants to.

And I think He does want to. As long as it is called Today. :)