Now I understand better, though I'm going through the same cycle of anxiety, why I feel what I feel.

(Thank God for two dear friends who prayed for me last night. :))

I realised that even though the actual rejection hasn't even happened, I start drafting up a series of the responses that I would make in the event that I really do get rejected. And then I will start examining and replaying and analysing and worrying about a scenario that hasn't even happened.

But what about the other scenario? What if it really does turn out for the better? What would my response be?

I realised that I'm so fixated on my contingency plans for the negative scenario, that I have no plans for the positive scenario!

On a bigger scale, I realise that this is often my default response when it comes to responding to how I perceive others to be responding to me.

Sometimes a person may not say hi when I say hi. I would start wondering why the person didn't say hi in response. Very often, I will only focus on the negative scenario - "I must have done something to upset that person." "The person doesn't like me." and so on.

But I forget to look on the positive side. Maybe it's really not the person having an issue with me. A simpler reason could just be that the person isn't well.

This really happened last week, BTW. The person I greeted didn't respond to me, because he/she was sick. That's all.

Hmm. Very interesting... that I respond not to any actual rejection or bad happenings, but that I respond to my fears of rejection, bad happenings and so on.

But how about the good side as well? Have to also look on the bright side. That's being... balanced. Maybe God really could be working for your good in this situation, you know, Yeu Ann. ;)