Hallo God. Sorry, Father, I know from Ps Jeff's sermon today that I should be tougher. And more tender. To be very honest, I really am not tough enough for this wait I think. Too many fears and insecurities buffeting my soul. So I sent the email that it's ok, there's no need to reply. Did it as graciously and as kindly as possible.

I prayed before I sent it. Then I launched it. I expect another cold war again, but what loss is it if it really does turn out to be so? My conscience is clear (though that doesn't make me innocent), and I've done my best possible, with agonized prayer and trembling heart. I'm sorry, Father, I don't have the necessary fortitude for this length of waiting again.

For if the cold war comes back again, then I know that the character of the other person couldn't hold up to the test, and so it would have never been a loss in the first place.

Sing, my soul, sing again to the Lord, for He alone is good. Not even having to be good to me, but just simply because HE is good.

But all this pain and waiting helps me understand Your heart for your Church better. Oh what pain You must feel, Lord Jesus, having to wait so long. Amen.