Monday, June 30, 2008

A Sad Testimony

This is the opposite of a joyful testimony. I hope it encourages you in a reverse kind of way - to be bold and courageous, so that you won't be kicking yourself inwardly. "...and if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him."

'Cos last week, think God impressed on my heart that He wants me to invite a certain friend for this coming ESS. But I wondered how to go about doing it, 'cos not very sure how to go about doing it. Planned to meet him face to face over dinner, but he wasn't free.

Finally, when I left him a msg, he called me back. I asked him whether he was free to go out on Sunday morning.

He said he's not free, but Sun afternoon onwards he's free. So inwardly I was disappointed, 'cos I had fasted and prayed for him to come. Then at that moment, I had this little voice telling me to ask him what he's doing on Sunday morning. But I thot I'd better not push too far.

Yah right. I should have listened to the Spirit. 'cos the next day, at service, gosh, all the points that Ps Jeff spoke... and especially the Bible verse, were SO RELEVANT. I was inwardly hammering myself - Lord, if only I had...

And then my friend joined me for lunch. Over conversation, almost immediately, he mentioned that his uncle had invited him to church last week, and he had gone with his uncle. But at present he's not an active seeker.

Oh no! The sermon this week could have opened up his heart to the Gospel!

And the worst thing was, he said that he had gone out on Sunday morning... from 7 am to 9 am. And the service starts at 11.30 am!!!

*deep sigh*

And then just now I read this article by Kenny Luck... this paragraph struck me so much:
Fight or flight?

Your new neighbor needed to borrow a dolly to move his fridge. You helped him and got to talking. He’s just moved here from back east. You’ve got a lot in common and, it turns out, his company is a vendor for guy at church you know from Bible study. "Wow, what a coincidence!... Small world!" You sense a pull to ask if this guy he has a church family and, if not, tell him about your men’s group that meets on Thursday mornings. "You just met the guy," the dark side calls out. "Step into the water – it’s warm. Go for it!" says God’s Spirit.


*pause*

And I realise something. I'm very eager to take risks to invest in what benefits me personally, BUT. When it comes to investing, risking everything, to extend the Kingdom of God, even at the risk of looking like a fool for Christ's sake... I shrink back. With such a cowardly, self-preserving attitude like that, how can I be a man of God then?

Lord! I keep on charging or holding back... not at Your command, but at my own initiative! No wonder I fail so many times. Like the stubborn Israelites who tried to attack the Canaanites when You explicitly told them NOT to... I often try doing my own things. And when You tell me to do something, to take a divine risk... I hold back and rationalise, making excuses.

Sigh. It's a sad testimony. But really thanks Father for pointing it out to me. I want to be fully Yours, fully surrendered to You, and fully obedient to You. To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams! Amen!

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