Of Brokenness and Battles

Again going through a period of brokenness. Was talking with my shepherd about it and related things.

Thinking through what has been shared, I'm returning back to some old fears and struggles that I had back in 2005, but thank God, I don't see this as backsliding - rather, I see it as revisiting my old sinful nature, sallying forth to do battle once again and crucifying whatever rebellion my old sinful nature tries to foment.

Sounds brutal? Yes... and it should be!

1 Peter 2:11
Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

Colossians 3
5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

I guess this deepening sense of brokenness is not pleasant at all - I feel quite downcast and even depressed a lot of times. But reflecting on it, I realise that these feelings of downcastedness and depression are actually discouragements and LIES sent from the devil. Hey, it's one thing to be sad about something good, or if it's a medical condition... but it's totally another thing if it's something that stops me from delighting in doing what is good and right in God's eyes, if it causes me to dwell in self-pity, if it causes me to stop seeking God. This is war against my soul, and as a freedom-loving son of God, I must fight back!

Lies. Big Fat Lies. Nerve gas of the Evil One. Invisible and almost undetectable. So all the more I must train myself to discern what is true and what is not.

Ha... thank God for two very precious things:
i. That these periods of brokenness and sense of unworthiness drive me deeper into God's everlasting arms. That when you know that you can't be all that the world wants you to be, you fling yourself into His big, tender, yet mighty arms.
ii. For the fellowship of wise and caring brothers and sisters - and unexpected delight and relief when you realise that you are not the only one fighting.

Romans 11
2God did not reject his people, whom he foreknew. Don't you know what the Scripture says in the passage about Elijah—how he appealed to God against Israel: 3"Lord, they have killed your prophets and torn down your altars; I am the only one left, and they are trying to kill me"? 4And what was God's answer to him? "I have reserved for myself seven thousand who have not bowed the knee to Baal."

So c'mon Yeu Ann, wake up your ideas and fight back using the Word of God! Fight the good fight of the faith! Wield the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God! Stand firm, and when you've done everything you can, just stand firm!

Think I'll end off with a powerful clip from "The Lost Battalion", where a tiny company of WWI soldiers (it was a battalion) of soldiers face terrible and repeated attacks from the enemy... and the worse thing is, they come under heavy bombardment from their own friendly forces. But their bravery and endurance makes them - and even their own carrier pigeon too! - a legend to be remembered.