Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Higher Way


I'll walk closer now on the higher way
Through the darkest night will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way

O You mourn with me and You dance with me
For my heart of hearts is bound to You

Though I walk through valleys low
I'll fear no evil
By the waters still my soul
My heart will trust in You

O You counsel me and You comfort me
When I cannot see You light my path
My heart will trust in You

So many things have been happening since the first week of 2010.

The Cambodia missions+community service trip left a deep impression on me. I know that this is yet another milestone on the path God has called me to. Heidi Baker's missions talk only served to reinforce. Longing to return back to Cambodia again.

During the last DMM, HQ and Sarah shared their visions for each of us in the DMM. And to my pleasant surprise, their vision for me was the same as mine. Which only serves to confirm further God's calling for me.

I guess I need this confirmation even more strongly, because honestly, I'm feeling more and more out of my depth. I feel so broken so many times, so shaken and so empty. Despair and dismay. Sometimes I feel all alone in this long walk God has called me to. The feeling of loneliness is especially strong. Because the more specific the calling, the fewer people there are to walk it with you.

But God is faithful. Thank God for Spencer. We went for the missions trip together, and whoa, through the trip, I really saw another aspect of Spencer. His heart for the children. His commitment and sweet spirit in teamwork. His passion, spirit of excellence and his friendship. I feel deeply honoured to be able to work and serve together with this kindred spirit. Grew in a deeper respect and admiration for him, both as a friend and as a co-worker. Thank God too for Hong Teck. His concern for me as well and his availability. I'm planning to meet up with him this coming week to ask some questions and seek his advice. Thank God too for another friend. Very blessed by this dear friend's encouragements.

I want to return to those broken-hearted days, when I was closer to God in my brokenness and tears. Because I found so much joy at the end of the valleys - the flowers at the end of the valley. I still cherish very much that dark night when I literally took a long walk with God in some desolate area one dark night in 2005. That's why the song "My Heart Will Trust In You" really touches me very much.

Oh God, break me again, smash me again, shatter everything that is within me till I am totally Yours. Wreck all my pride and vainglories. Burn me through and through, like a refiner's fire, till there is no more impurities to burn. Do whatever it takes to make me totally Yours. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

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