Things about loving your enemies, going the extra mile... and lending without expectations of getting things back.
Those words made me think. Because HQ had said something to me last night, that I hadn't really paid attention to at that time. He said that those people that I've given without expectations of getting anything back in return, their lives have been blessed by me. But for those whom I expect a lot... I have ended up becoming very disappointed by them when they don't show love to me in the way that I want.
But I think Jesus is teaching me to be more gracious. To learn to be less critical, not to judge, but to grow in appreciativeness of whatever He has given me through these friends that He's placed in my life.
Because I had dinner with Edmund today at Aston Express (in a kopitiam near AMK Jubilee)... and while we were chatting over a deeeelicious steak and BBQ chicken meal, I asked him how's his walk with God been.
He replied thoughtfully, "Good. I have been getting up and thanking God for each day. Even though I'm very tired because of my work, I remind myself that this day could be worse. God has given me life, so I should be thankful. And that I can look for opportunities to learn new things, be it in work or ministry or whatever."
Wow. I thought to myself, "Wow. God must really be speaking to me through Edmund. 'Cos HQ was telling me to not to think negatively, and to treasure whatever God has given me. And now, Edmund is talking about how he's been seeing every day as a gift from God, and despite the tough workload he has, he really sees opportunities to grow every day. This is a beautiful attitude. This is an optimistic spirit. A spirit of faith. I want to learn from this brother. He's a wise brother." Gosh. (Haha. I just realised that I thought all this in the space of a second or two.)
Giving thanks in all circumstances. Giving cheerfully without any expectations of getting anything back in return.
I thought these were just ... it's true... hyperbole.
It turns out that Jesus was right all along. These are principles that will really help me grow.
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Something about emotions. Emotions are good, even the negative ones, if they help me draw closer to God. And they are bad, even if I'm feeling happy, top-of-the-world, if they draw me away from God.
I blog a lot, especially when I'm in a pensive mood, or even depressed. Partly because it's so cathartic. Partly because this is an open journal, and I'm writing this with the purpose of being open, to encourage fellow Christians who may be struggling with the same kind of issues. And also as a record of my walk with God so far.
But I was thinking. Am I thinking too much about my emotions? I should just put everything aside and just go to God in prayer. To ask Him to settle my heart and renew my mind and restore my soul. More than that, to grow my heart for Him and for people around me. To teach me, rebuke me, correct me and train me in righteousness.
Just thinking. Action+prayer points for me here... to grow in patience, emotional stability, gentleness, kindness, goodness.
Haha. I realise, the more I want to be like Christ, the more I see how I have fallen short. "For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God..."
But oh yes. Pride. I realised that I have a subtle pride in me that can't accept the fact that I am not as good as I would like to be. Do I have to feel useful for God to use me? It's my pride laid bare actually. Inwardly, secretly, subtly, poisonously, I enjoy the idea that I've something that makes me that little more special, better than those around me.
But on the other hand, this could be an innate longing in every human's heart, especially a man's heart, that he needs the assurance that he can actually contribute... "Longing just to bring, something that's of worth, that will bless Your heart".
I guess that's a man's deepest thirst. A thirst even deeper than a thirst for life. The thirst for meaning. The thirst to make something useful of his life. And this thirst is not necessarily a bad thing. As CS Lewis wrote, "Thirst was made for water; inquiry for truth." If it brings us closer to the truth, and to God himself...
"The Spirit and the Bride say, 'Come!' And let him who hears say, 'Come!' Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life."
Ok. I've written enough. Going to pray and to sleep now. Haha. Tomorrow shall be a brand new day... a day of hope! Because God is already waiting there in the future. :) Thank God for God!
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