John 12:27
"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!"

I'm sitting here, pondering over all the things that have happened in the past few months. Trying to make sense of what's going on.

A friend shared her testimony just now with me, and what she wrote struck me:

im really really thankful God allowed all that to happen
it just makes life richer
with all the experiences

She also shared about social maturity. Something just struck me here.

i think its a v impt skill
when we want to minister to ppl

It struck me, because initially when I was reading this statement, I suddenly sensed in my heart a disagreement, a reluctance. It was very small, but it was there. And I wondered, why did I have this twinge of feeling?

Perhaps it's because I didn't fully agree with the value of that... for what reason, I am not sure.

But Lord, open my eyes, help me see the value of social maturity and pursue it, to let nothing hinder You from using me to minister to people... as You please.

think ppl see me as quite mature socially in general..
but hope i wont stop there
hahah
but to continue to learn ppl
so tt i can be the most effective minister tt i can be

i think its a v impt skill
when we want to minister to ppl
its like sometimes when u speak to spiritually mature christians
and haven u felt at times when every word tt they say speak so much to ur heart?

in the same way, i want to be tt kind of ppl
to make the max impact on others with my words..
so i will need to understand ppl first, in order to speak wisely
heh

*pause*


And so I asked her to teach me more in the area of relating to people. It's not easy for a guy to bend the knee, to swallow his ego, and ask a younger Christian (especially if the younger one is a sister...) to teach him what he needs to learn - it is not easy at all.

But this promise from the Bible encouraged me:

"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time."

I guess indirectly I am alluding to myself being humble. So be it... whatever humility is in me is solely due to Christ in me, because I am NOT a humble person... I'm just learning to follow Christ.

Humble pie. Bitter to the taste, but oh-so-sweet to the soul.

---

Hmm. I guess it's not an easy year for me this year, but I am eagerly asking God for transformation of character. And He will give me what is good for me. :)

Anyway, just to share more...

Was talking with my roommate during the missions trip. I was very blessed and encouraged by his sharing, because of his handicap. That handicap broke his pride, and he realised that he wasn't that strong after all. So he sought God, and God was super-gracious to him.

Something this bro said to me struck me. He said that because of his unique experience (he's blind in one eye), God has used him to minister to specific people whom only he is able to minister effectively to, because of his handicap.

And another attitude I learnt from this bro is: He's just a normal guy who happens to have only one working eye. That really brightened up my spirit! Because of what he said, now I'm not ashamed to be hearing-impaired, because I'm just a normal guy who happens to be hearing-impaired.

And yet another attitude - I asked him, "What if your good eye one day fails?" He replied immediately, as if he'd been asked this question before:

"My good eye? I don't worry about it anymore. One day at a time. Life's too important to worry about what's going to happen to my good eye. My policy is - thank God each new day that I've got a good eye, and then go about doing for that day what He wants me to do.

If God decides one day to take away my sight completely, well, I'll trust Him. And I also pray regularly for healing for my bad eye. Faith and discipline. God's grace, one day at a time. "

:) God's sovereign grace, one day at a time.

And you know what? There's this friend of mine who's also hearing-impaired, and as a result, is very insecure about his hearing impairment (since being hearing-impaired is an invisible social disability). He's not a Christian yet, but I believe God put us together, for me to reach out to him, to encourage him that he is not alone in his struggle.

And as a result of my own struggles with social maturity, God has helped me over the years to develop a deeper sense of compassion, understanding, grace and empathy with the social "outcasts" of society. I think He has given me eyes to see the brokenness in people, especially those who are very emotional - and instead of judging them, like others are wont to do, God has enabled me to understand the reason for their brokenness.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners..."

I had been crying out to Peter some time ago, asking him why did God make me this way - to be so ... blur and socially inadequate, and slow in so many things, and even the hearing-impairment that I got so long ago. Peter could only reply, "Trust God."

To be honest, I don't think I have all the answers yet. But at least He's shown me some answers. I must be faithful with the answers that He's already given me. So jiayou, YA!

God has given me so many blessings. Like a good job - which recently was converted from a contract job to a permanent job! Ah. I need to be disciplined to give thanks to God for all the little blessings He gives me each new day.

I'm looking forward to the day I can say this fully in my heart with joy:

im really really thankful God allowed all that to happen
it just makes life richer
with all the experiences

Think these words of Jesus are becoming my own words more and more: Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!

:)