I went to the Planetshakers concert last night, and after that, Sharon and I went with Sarah's CG to Changi Airport, where we stayed overnight at Terminal 3's Coffee Bean. It was really great - Sarah, Sharon, Samantha, Sheralyn, Joy, Edmund, Peter and I were there. Peter and I had brought our laptops and power adaptors along, so we happily set up our computers and did our ministry work, while the others chatted till most of them dozed off.
And lol, Peter and I at our laptops, staying overnight, just like uni days at the canteen a few years ago. We were reminiscing about it - the times he, Flince and me were at the canteen. Haha!
Anyway, realised that for us bros, we really do enjoy times when we do an activity together, be it soccer, or DOTA, or just watching YouTube together or doing ministry stuff. Great bro bonding there too.
So after that, we went back home at the break of day, and I slept till 1.15 pm. Whoa! I dashed off for my Parenting 123! class, and it was great, honestly. The instructor, Janette, a freelance instructor working together with Fei Yue Community Services, really knows her stuff, and not just that - she is an excellent teacher. Turns out she was a principal before. And during the break, she shared with us her testimony of how God led her and her family to Cambodia for both community care and missions work. It was truly very, very encouraging - especially when she shared how God showed her a very vivid vision of a particular room, with some angels in there. Of course, she was stunned, but when she finally went to Cambodia, she went into a certain room, and to her absolute amazement and joy, the room was in exactly the same arrangement as she saw in her vision! Somehow, the room, to her, was unusually bright, but for her son and daughter who came in with her... she was exclaiming to them, "There are angels in the room!" Her son said, "Angels? I don't see any angels..." and her daughter said, "Angels?! Where? Where?" (haha interesting gender differences here)
And I think her testimony is highly credible, because she certainly doesn't seem to be the kind who gets carried away... being a former principal of a school does add to her credibility too. =D
So am encouraged in continuing to trust God in following Him wherever He leads me to, be it in CG or in missions or in children's ministry... Wherever Jesus calls me to, I'll go. It will not be easy, I will certainly struggle in my heart, and I need to count the cost... but God having mercy on me, but there for the grace of God, go I.
And think it's really important to trust God. I was sharing with Clarence (had dinner with Jonathan, Rachel and Clarence [all from Daisy's CG]) about how to discover God's specific calling for one's life... what I shared with him was that before you can discover His specific will, you need to obey His general will, which is ultimately very simple: Love God and love people. Everything else rest on these two commandments.
And think it's timely too for me, 'cos to be honest, I think the past weeks or so, I've been experiencing a kind of silence from God. But it's not that kind of silence, where you wonder where God's presence is and you feel dry - on the contrary, for me, I do feel His presence strongly in my heart, and as far as my conscience can testify, I do desire His presence deeply in my heart...
Still, I wonder, why does His Word, even though it is very comforting, encouraging and ministering, and situations and circumstances seem to be testifying that God is with me... yet I don't hear a clear specific word from Him through the Bible? I read the Bible daily, and pray that He will speak to me...
It's a very strange feeling - that He is silent, and yet you can feel His presence in your life, and even your heart and mind being renewed. Have been asking Him to search me and know my heart... to test me and see if there's any offensive way in me, that I may confess and repent of whatever isn't pleasing in His sight.
Maybe, I could have a hidden sin in my heart that I am still subtly cherishing in my heart. Perhaps... but honestly, my conscience testifies for me that it is clear before Him. To be honest, I don't know for sure.
But yeah, in the end so far, as of today, I do have a clear conscience before God and man (though that alone doesn't necessarily make me innocent before Him).
So why this silence then? I don't know, really. But the Psalms encourage me with these verses:
Psalm 115
1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.
2 Why do the nations say,
"Where is their God?"
3 Our God is in heaven;
he does whatever pleases him.
So doing my best to make sense of this current experience, perhaps it could be that He's teaching me that He doesn't have to always speak to me according to my expectations - He does whatever pleases Him, for that matter.
Oh, I was reminded what Peter shared with me before: "Expect God to speak to you - just don't expect Him to speak to you in the way that you want!"
Maybe He's assuring me that His presence really is with me, and His Word is sustaining me, and His Spirit is working in me, helping me grow in love for Him and for others, to learn to serve others in greater and greater doses of humility.
Perhaps this is learning to walk deeper with God - that there are moments in our lives where we really do long to hear His voice, but we don't hear Him speak clearly. But we turn around, and we realise that He is with us; His rod and staff, they comfort us.
And I do need His strength, to take stronger ownership of my own walk with God, and to take stronger ownership of my dear CG, and to take stronger ownership of those He's entrusted to my care. To be more faithful in sharing the gospel, and living out a Christlike testimony before my colleagues and my brothers and sisters.
It's really a feeling that I find it hard to put in words, but I just know that He is with me, His rod and staff, they comfort me.
Micah 5:4
He will stand and shepherd his flock
in the strength of the LORD,
in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God.
And they will live securely, for then his greatness
will reach to the ends of the earth.
Dear friends, please don't be worried for me - to be frank, I am certain that God really has been very, very good to me (HE ALWAYS IS! :D). For this season, I feel renewed and refreshed in His love and strength again. Like the season of spring. Not a time of dryness - for I feel His presence. But I'm feeling rather mystified as to His silence... I guess I just need a specific word from Him, just to know that I am loved by Him. :P Sorry God for being so insecure... but it does bring my heart joy everytime you speak a very clear and specific word from you. :D
How silently, how silently,
The wondrous gift is giv'n!
So God imparts to human hearts
The blessings of His heav'n.
No ear may hear His coming;
But in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive Him
Still the dear Christ enters in.
Thank God too for the precious time of fellowship as well. So encouraging, so heartwarming to see how one of the CGs have rallied around a particular bro to help him improve his resume and to encourage and pray for him too. Really want to learn from this CG, where they really care for one another in love, that I can really also learn to serve my CG in love too. Christ's love is really so real and visible when we obey His new command: "By this, all men will know you are My disciples, if you love one another."
It does seem that God is really speaking very clearly after all. I think this is where He has chosen to speak - not in a mighty wind, not in a blazing fire, or in a powerful earthquake - but in a quiet, gentle whisper to remind us that there are thousands others whose hearts belong to Him.
One dear brother told me very recently (to paraphrase him), "Thank God for this church. Because in this church, several brothers have blessed me in one way or another... One shares this with me, another shares that with me. Even though I fear I may backslide again, my faith has been strengthened by the encouragements and the sharings of you guys."
In short, He has chosen none other than the church to be His hands, His mouth, His feet, His legs... the Body of Christ! Wow! Amen! Hallelujah! :D
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