Hey God i feel really discouraged and disappointed again... With this particular friend... I've been trying v hard to deepen our friendship - and this friend is supposed to be a more mature Christian - but i keep getting the feeling this friend doesn't see value in our friendship. In fact I felt cut down and betrayed by this friend's words... Feel very, very disappointed, asking myself, is it worth it to carry on with this friend? Maybe it's not, esp when i know his/her character... And perhaps You agree too... I really feel like rebuking him/her for his/her attitude.
God, will u judge him/her? Will u correct and discipline him/her for his proud attitude? Oh my God, i wonder what to do... I'm reminded of this verse: 'Scorn has left me brokenhearted... I look around for comfort but there is none.'
Dear God, I think i now understand how it feels to be scorned at by someone you love as a friend, esp a fellow Christian sibling. It hurts.
I came across Psalm 55 while praying, and these verses struck me... every word in this verse describes precisely how I see this friend:
'If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.
But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend
with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God...
My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant.
His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords.'
wow... Lord, these words describe EXACTLY the situation! Praying... Father, please help me guard my heart not to stay bitter towards this friend... And to love my friend as You do.
Actually, while on my way back, with the intention to post this entry, i think God was asking me why I wanted to post this entry. So asked Him to search my heart... and realised that actually i wanted to get back at this person... so prayed to Him to give me the right heart attitude.
Then He reminded me of this verse: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
So repented of my vengeful spirit, and asked Him to give me the right heart...
The 'rational' reason I'm posting this particular post is because i think someday, someone who is going through the same situation may come across this post, and be encouraged to look up to God...
But I think God's replaced my hurt and given me peace... to be honest, I feel so worried for this friend, for this friend's very dear to me... worried for the sheep that my friend's taking care of... worried for my friend's relationships and future... but most of all, worried for his/her heart and walk with God. He/She could fall away, if he/she still carries on with this heart... I feel so worried for him, I feel like I could cry. And I'm thankful that God heard my prayer asking for justice and He gave me mercy instead.
And I'm very thankful to God for His justice and mercy... that though i still struggled with bitterness from time to time... He has graciously given me worthier and more mature friends who will make much better companions in serving the Lord together... in fact, one of these friendships is a birthday gift from God! :D Thank God so much for Weizhu too... I feel incredibly touched and impacted by his life. :D
And you know something? I'm very surprised... right now I'm preparing this HopeTots storytelling, and you know what the topic is? "Friends Love [One Another]".
Dear God, You are so cool. =D help me teach the dear children this truth of Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times."
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