Multitudes, Multitudes, in the Valley of Decision!

It's a cold rainy night as I write this. Such a cool and refreshing rain. :) Thank God for it...

Decisions...

Decision - whether to go for the Sub-D guitar course next month, so that I can help play guitar for CG, or for the HopeKids ministry retreat, which falls on the same day.

Decision - whether to wait first, or to explore further.

Decision - after discussing with my project team leader, whether to go on a company-posting to Vietnam.

Decision - to go for Botswana missions trip next year? $2K needed for the ticket...

Decisions...

Today my team leader gave me more feedback. He said that while my technical skills are very strong, and my comments during feedback sessions are "fantastic" (whoa thank God), and my strength is in seeing abstract concepts, I have to grow in this area: being more focused on my job scope, and showing more confidence in what I do know.

Something that he told me is that I shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes, even when making decisions with confidence. Learn from my mistakes and move on.

I was thinking at that point - maybe God is really trying to help me grow in this area - both through my shepherd and my team leader.

And reflecting, I'm reminded (yes, not realised) that godly confidence requires humility - humility, and servanthood, because you demonstrate confidence, both for your own sake and for others' sakes. For if you lead, and you don't show outwards confidence, others who follow your directions will be affected.

Humility, for when you make decisions, as best as you know, as carefully as possible... you know that you will look foolish when you have confidently moved forward - only to find that the decision you made was wrong.

But if your conscience is clear, and you did your best, with the limited info you had, and you prayed too, including seeking wise and godly advice... then perhaps God may be allowing you to stumble to teach you humility, to know that you are weak without Him. :) Don't worry - He will help you up... but sometimes the best help you need is to be humbled first. :)

Thinking. Personally, for me, I really don't think I'm a confident person - but I need to be humble and deny myself the right to remain in my comfort zone, being passive. After all, who doesn't like a confident and capable servant, who is wise and knows what he/she is doing? Servant leadership requires that one be confident - especially in matters of the truth.

So it means denying my own feelings, and to be deliberately confident on the basis of what I know to be the truth, whether in work or in ministry, whether in defeat or in victory, whether in peace or in war.

And if I want to be a good and godly father next time, I'll definitely have to learn to make decisions now. For my future wife's and children's sake. :)

And for my future sheep too. And for my future ministry team too.

Lord. help me. You know that I so lack confidence, so lack decisiveness and firmness. But at least... thank You Lord that You have given me the courage to do what I know needs to be done. Hee. Even my team leader said that he thinks I have the courage to do what needs to be done... but I need to do it faster!