His love is too deep to express sufficiently in words... Like the song goes, "There are no words / Good enough to thank You / There are no words to express my praise..."
Perhaps, one could take pause and agree with Wittgenstein in his Tractatus, who said that there are some things that simply cannot be expressed in words... and thus, one should just remind silent.
To just stand and behold the glory of God... just "Lost for words with all to say /
Lord you take my breath away / Still my soul, my soul cries out / For you are holy..."
Think I'll just summarise what I've learnt from my reflections on the past few weeks... think God impressed on my heart during worship time today during service that He allows me to experience failures and disappointments, that He allows me to be weak and struggle with fears within and without... AND not just that, He POINTS out these failures to me in one way or another... especially my repeated failures, sins and stumbles...
Think my old response would have been to be very disappointed even more at my own failures and start falling into despair and self-pity. But thank God for my dear shepherd, Peter, who reminded me last year about distinguishing btwn worldly sorrow (bad sorrow) vs godly sorrow - that's good sorrow, and just as imptly, discerning WHEN I'm abt to fall into the trap of worldly sorrow...
Now I find myself more confident and alert this time around (esp during matriculation season when i find myself especially prone to negative thoughts and physical tiredness), bcos of what the Bible says abt this issue, in recognising and putting to death this worldly sorrow that i am so prone to. (I imagine myself using 2 Corinthians 7:10 like a bayonet, sticking it into the throat of the undead zombie of the old Yeu Ann, the sinful nature of mine... violent imagery, yes, but spiritual warfare is no less real than physical warfare.) Praise God for His Word, that is sharper than any sword, that helps me live the right (and victorious) way! :D
So what's the new perspective today that somehow struck me during service? That God is using all these "mini-trials" where i face up to my own weaknesses, personal and character failings, and external difficulties and frustrations, NOT to 'tekan' me, BUT to TRAIN me and show me more abt the true myself... AND to show me what I need to change in... all these trials, testings and temptations are an integral part of His shaping of my character, personality, lifestyle, dreams, hopes, manhood and future fatherhood and God knows what else. :)
And you know what? After I came back from service, I just now flipped open this book by John Ortberg ("The Life You've Always Wanted"), and surprise! The pages that I first set my eyes upon were:
Start with Small Trials
To be formed and transformed through trials, the place to start is with little ordeals. The place is when "all kinds of trials and temptations" crowd into our lives, as the Phillips version expresses James 1:2.
Often I am humbled by my failure to endure even the smallest trials...
[...]
Life is filled with minitrials. When someone interrupts me, I can learn to graciously hold my tongue. When my co-worker borrows something and doesn't return it immediately, I can learn patience. When I have a headache, I can discover that it is possible to suffer and not tell everybody about it. As simple as it sounds, the place to start being formed by trials is with the mini variety.
But we need to add persistence for the large trials. Perhaps you need to identify the greates challenge of your life right now, or a dilemma you are about ready to give up on. Make a commitment that you are going to relentlessly persevere in prayer.
Perhaps the challenge is relational. Is someone you love far from God and you have about given up hope? Is it a pattern of sin in your life that you haven't been able to break and you feel as if you will be in its grip forever? Is it a new habit you would do well to cultivate? Is it a family rupture that has been going on for years?
Are we on the road to Moriah? Surely we will experience suffering of one sort or another. Yet the question remains: How will we run the race? Will we finish well? Will we keep the faith?
We do not accomplish this from sheer strength of will. The reason we can trust God is that he understands what it is to walk in darkness. One message of the Cross is that God chooses not to stand apart from our suffering. He is not unmoved by the pain of the creatures he loves. He embraces that pain and suffers with us. Karl Barth wrote that God would rather be unblessed with his creatures than to be the blessed God of unblessed creatures.
[NB: i really wasn't thinking of looking for a message from God by random flipping - that's not usually how God wants to speak to us, unless He confirms it thru the Bible and other means.]
I'm super-touched, not only bcos He is working in my life, but also bcos, in a small way, today, I've managed to (or rather, He let me) catch a glimpse of His super-big heart, His ways of dealing with men... And I tell you, nothing is as thrilling as seeing God's very own character, and knowing a little more about how He behaves... how He feels for us... how He loves... how He hates... how He JUST is!
Yup, I REALLY want to know God's ways better... to love Him more each day... to listen to His gentle voice and His mighty heartbeat that roars at the world's injustices, that throbs with pain for the lost, and that sings with joy every time a sinner comes to Him to be saved... that I may share His very own heartbeat too... that my heart may more and more beat together with His mighty heart of hearts.
No wonder Moses asked God, "If you are pleased with me, teach me Your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you... Now show me your glory."
And what the Lord replied to Moses: "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."
And Moses did indeed get to see God's glory with his own eyes... even though it was just a little bit... it's just the "demo version" of what God's very own character is like! :D
Thinking... some practical things that I think He wants me to change in...
Firstly, after a series of 3 consecutive experiences in which some ppl said to me that the advice that I share with some ppl, yes I've got good intentions, but they need time to be alone / not in a very receptive mood / filled to the brim and need to have time... I realised that what I'm doing is not right... not that the advice is wrong... but what they need more is a fuller understanding of their situation... time to be alone... where just keeping an open ear to listen to their feelings (and definitely not preaching!) is much, much, much more ministering...
Think the Spirit put this verse (1 Cor 8:1b) in my mind as an additional agreement... "Knowledge [as in my own knowledge and opinions of what they should do) puffs up, but love builds up." It really struck me there, bcos i realised that yah, i've been so full of how much i know, and how many opinions i have of things... that i have neglected the importance of loving the other person.
How important listening is! James 1:19-20 (which i heard in today's sermon by Jasmine) says (which I heard during sermon today): "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." It spoke to me not only in the area of understanding ppl, but also in the area of self-control and anger.
'Cos I was worried about having my temper grow out of control... bcos actually, i tend to get very agitated every time a particular someone loses his temper and starts shouting at me over the phone when he has problems with the computer or printer. i know he's frustrated bcos he has deadlines to rush, but i keep finding it very hard to keep my cool and stay controlled. in fact i started scolding him over the phone to keep quiet (sometimes i use the words, "SHUT UP!") and let me do the asking of questions instead. (It really isn't easy to be a tech support guy when the other person on the phone is screaming at you.)
I feel very troubled everytime this person calls me for tech support, because I really find it very hard to control my temper and stay calm while trying to figure out what is wrong with the computer / printer / God knows what else over the phone AND solve it on the spot.
So i was praying to God today how can i overcome this temper problem? i really don't want to be a captive to my temper, i want to please God, to exercise greater self-control even when i'm mentally tired, emotionally exhausted and angry. I said to God that I'm really afraid because if this temper of mine is not kept under control, i may go on to do even worse things in future. Yah, i know, some pple have said that I'm a patient guy... that IS a miracle from Jesus! Because by nature, I am DEFINITELY NOT a patient person at all. So any patience that you see in me is solely a result of what Jesus has done in my life ever since i asked Him to come into my life.
So i'm very touched also because today's passage was from Ephesians 4... and one of the verses that Jasmine spoke about was this: "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
Praise God! :D it's really so sweet of how He hears my prayer and answers it in such an exact way... thru that sermon, God pointed out James 1:19-20 to me, which answered my prayer, "How can i control and overcome my temper problem?" Jasmine highlighted these key words in this verse: "Everyone should be quick to listen, sl-o-o-o-w to speak and sl-o-o-o-w to become angry..."
So realised the cure for this temper problem is stated very clearly in James 1:19-20... "be QUICK! to listen! SLOOOOOOOOOW to speeeeeeeaaaaaaaak... and slooooooooooooooooooooow to become angrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee." Hahaha... really very touched by how God really can speak into my life when I really ask Him for advice and help.
I'm determined to put these reflections into practice
A visual analogy i use to help me understand the power of putting reflections and understandings into practice is like soldiers who conduct daily raids on the enemy's strongholds and trenches... even though these may not be as dramatic as en-masse charges (i.e. one big-time concerted all-out effort to have a massive breakthru in some area of my life), they can be no less powerful and effective in achieving breakthrus. Little by little... we're taking ground... every prayer a powerful weapon; strongholds down, tumbling down and dOwN and DOWN! Just like what I happened to glance at another Christian reading next to me on the MRT - it was on overcoming struggles with sins and strongholds in one's life... to paraphrase, "Often the battle against the devil requires that one battle doggedly and determinedly, taking ground little by little."
Amen! Our God is a GOOD and GREAT GOD! :D
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