Faithfulness and Obedience

Hmm... just finished sending some emails that I'd promised to send a few days ago. Felt quite guilty for procrastinating, but I remember what the Bible says about worldly sorrow versus godly sorrow.

Hmm...

Think the past few days, I've been starting to feel increasingly 'sian' and discouraged in my calling people up for the upcoming Alpha programme. And ironically, it's after a series of very encouraging calls - the freshmen are generally responsive, I'm getting to know them better, etc. etc...

But the negative feelings have been starting to flood in again - feelings of discouragement, 'sian'-ness, and when i start procrastinating because of the sian-ness, i start feeling guilty all over again.

But you know, really gotta thank God for His preparation beforehand... what Wenjiang taught during the Uni District camp about putting on the spiritual armour of God, esp the belt of truth - we choose to obey the truth, not our feelings - and the shield of faith. Also Peter told me to pray to God for increasing awareness of my sins - not just when i have sinned, but especially when I am going to sin. To be watchful and alert, like a soldier carefully scanning the jungle before him to make sure he doesn't get ambushed by the enemy, especially those classic traps that any soldier worth his salt should be so familiar with...

Or to put in DOTA terms, it's one thing to make a noob mistake... but it's TOTALLY another thing to make the same noob mistake time after time...

So what does this entry's title have to do with the contents?

Well, just sharing... been reflecting... putting the pieces together about what God has been showing me in His Word the past week... experiences, sharings, "coincidences", etc. etc.... think God is telling me that what I'm experiencing at the moment is a good time to push myself to grow in faithfulness and obedience to God.

Commitment to Christ. What a wonder...









Think have been feeling increasingly sian, but praying that God will protect me. Father, help me, I really want to please You. I keep struggling in the face of my discouragements and negative thoughts, but I know that no matter what, You are the same yesterday, today and forever.

Lord, I'm really feeling quite strung-out and a bit weary. But keep my heart going on for You... remind me ofwhat You have done for me on the cross. I don't want this to be just a religious activity - You know that I really feel like ... just feel quite... intense inside.

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fighting within and fears without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come...

Yeah, Papa... I guess it's not been easy to pen down just exactly what is in my heart. Yet, i'm really grateful to You, Lord... that You have been encouraging me through Your words and Your precious promises... it assures my heart to knwo that I'm not alone through this time.

Ha, hope You like my entry, God... i guess this is hopefully another step, breakthrough in becoming more real with You, with my feelings and thoughts.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need in Thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come...

Hmm... guess I feel really masculine, actually, as I write this entry... it's nice to know that, despite all my attempts, my emotions don't really flow out as easily as I would want it to be... and I think that's a good thing, in a way.

Perhaps it's because I'm learning to be stronger emotionally, at least, by the grace of God, more emotionally mature than last time. I guess, to be able to speak frankly what's on my mind and my heart without being emotional - to be like You, Jesus, full of emotions, but not emotional (as in being affected easily by emotions).

Ha, thanks for listening, God. I guess it really helps just to be able to write something to You... thanks for being with me always, just as You have already said. Really want to be more and more secure in what You've promised in Your words. And You know how I love beautiful words. And there are none as beautiful as Yours, Daddy.

In Jesus' most precious name,
Amen.