Just analysed how I felt. Thank God for Huanyan who accompanied me to the lecture when I didn't feel like going at all, and his gentle reminder to me to face up to what I need to do - else more problems will crop up.

Just some thoughts:
- Think getting up and doing what I need to do, even when I'm depressed, doesn't really solve the problem of the depressed feelings in the first place. Fact is, it IS a sap on your strength and emotions... which make it hard to think clearly. Good if you can still think clearly despite the sad and negative thoughts, but the sadness still remains.
- Then after praying a silent prayer, this thought came to mind: "worldly sorrow versus godly sorrow."

Ah, thank You Lord.

Think I understand why now. Because I was so concerned about what would happen to ME, that's why I felt so low and downcast. But when I choose to look at what I can do for Christ, and how I can better bless others next time, learning from my mistakes and experiences, I find that my heart is strangely filled with joy. :)

It's Christ's classic paradox: In order to truly live, you must first learn to die to self. What a joy! :D No wonder Paul was so joyful despite his being imprisoned... because he could see beyond the confines of his chains - he chose to look upwards and outwards - upwards, because he can see how his being in prison serves to advance Christ's cause, and outwards, because he was thinking about others, how he can encourage them on...

And remembering that Christ has already forgiven me - so get up and move on again! "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

Yup, thanks Lord, I will turn my eyes away from myself and look towards seeing how I can bring glory to Your name in my schoolwork and my life... and how I can bless others better and more through this experience. So will learn to see this from God's perspective, and not my own.

So will not let myself get discouraged. "Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Yup, want to grow in wisdom and in stature... Jesus, come change me and make me new! In Your name, I pray amen!