Praise God! :D

Qiaoping just got a job offer! :D It starts next Monday. But that's not the only wonderful thing... what's even more wonderful is how God has answered her prayers and ours too in such perfect timing! Because today's the last day that she can stay in Singapore (since she's a Malaysian) without a job... but now that she's gotten a job offer, she doesn't have to leave Singapore anymore!!! :D

Praise God for His wonderful goodness! :D Really so happy for her... this verse kept ringing in my head: "Rejoice with those who rejoice!"

She shared this verse encouraged her a lot when she was so worried that she couldn't get a job... Zep 3:17. :D "The LORD your God is mighty to save..."

Wow! :D Praise God! Looks like this verse has been encouraging a lot of people recently, including me... somehow think God wants to encourage our sub-district with this particular verse, that He is mighty to save... think He wants us to get to know Him in a deeper way, that He REALLY is MIGHTY to save.

Because, frankly, especially in pragmatic Singapore, a lot of us (including me) are professing Christians, but practising atheists. What do I mean by that? It means that we profess to believe in a mighty God for whom nothing is impossible, but then when the crunch come, and we face minor difficulties e.g. failing an assignment or exam or financial troubles, emotional breakdowns, etc... (yes, they are minor... there are bigger troubles than getting an F for a paper)...

Then we forget that there is a God who is mighty to save, for whom everything exists and have their being... that's why we're practising atheists - no faith in a God who is omnipotent.

Think He's reminding me, giving me an encouraging nudge through Qiaoping's faith turned into joy, that He really cares and more than that - He is able to do the mathematically impossible.

I should know - I witnessed this happen with a cashcard that, somehow, was able to print an 80-cents document for 5 cents only when I was rushing to meet a deadline, and praying to God to help me meet the deadline. And Jesus multiplying 5 loaves and 2 fishes to feed 5000 people...

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" John 11:40

Think the problem with me is that so often, I do not have, simply because I do not ask God. Yeu Ann, is anything too hard for the LORD?

The Joy Journal - Day 3: Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...

Just got back my term paper - wow, praise God, the extremely tough term paper that I did on mass media and the Government - my tutor said that it was a well-done essay. Praise God for His wonderful MERCY, and thank God for Huanyan, Guoxiong and Edwin who gave me invaluable guidance. Not forgetting Jitsy's vetting too.

(But, Jits... really, I don't care whether a sentence starts or ends with a "but"!) ;)

Hmm... just got back the marks for two other modules - Culture Industries and Game Development.

Thank God again, I did quite well overall for my CA in Culture Industries... but when I read my CA marks for Game Development, my heart sank.

Actually, I feel very afraid, even though I've done my best most of the time... because level 4 programming is very tough, and a lot of marks have been allocated to the labs.

Honestly, I'm afraid that I could fail this Game Development module. That would mean that I have to stay back ONE more semester. Oh Lord, I don't want to. It would be a terrible testimony for You.

But I need to remember that God is here with me, even in this storm where I really could sink and drown. Just like what Calyn encouraged me today, and what I read in my QT today... that He is here with me. He comes walking on the water... and at first I don't recognise Him. I think Him to be a ghost, and I cry out in fear. But I hear His voice booming in the storm, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

And I remember that sometimes, the very thing in a crisis that causes us to start panicking and losing control, could actually turn out to be Jesus Himself coming into the picture.

*******
Have prayed just now. Forced myself to be still and turn my eyes upon Jesus. And I know that my dear Saviour wants me to depend on Him totally. This precious verse from 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 comes to me:

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

Yes... If He can raise the dead, He can raise my grades too! :) (Since my CS4213 grades are good as dead. ;)) Haha... sorry, bad joke.

Am praying in the Spirit even now as I write this. Somehow, I feel calmer and more peaceful now. It's a peace, and I believe, an assurance that He will deliver me - and enable me to clear this final semester well. Because I really have done all I can do... now, the rest is up to God. Honestly, honestly... this is my faith in Jesus despite my shaky feelings. Because I really do want to please God, even if I do have to stay back one more semester.

Yup... now going off to read my Bible. Don't know what is going to happen next, but THANK GOD FOR THIS VERSE:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

*******
In any case, there are so many things to thank God for - and they are not "trivial" blessings - they are BIG blessings... hee hee... like how I messaged my sister to wish her happy birthday and God bless - somehow my heart towards her has changed for the better since last year... and she said thanks. :)

And how I'm getting to know more friends... and Zhiwei's been a real joy and blessing to me, messaging me to find out how's my revision coming along. I think ah, he's showing me more care and concern than I have been doing for him! Wow... he really is a blessing from God! (Not to mention his hilarious jokes about Orcs and nukes and candies - all in one conversation.)

How sweet the grace of God... that transforms lives like his!

And the time spent with my dear brothers and sisters...

And the time being enriched in mind and enjoying my studies...

And the time of discovering further His purpose and plans for me...

So many joys, so many blessings...

What can we give
That You have not given?
And what do we have
That is not already Yours?

All we possess
Are these lives we're living
And that's what we give to you, Lord...

The Joy Journal: Day 1

Thank You so much dear Lord...

Wow, for what You told me yesterday and today - about having joy in my heart. What You told me during QT yesterday and today, coupled with what Huanyan prayed for when he was praying for me, together with Yufen's guidance that since You're telling me to have this attitude of joy first through the Word, then through Huanyan...

Then what Shuyi shared with me and encouraged me on the bus...

And the prophetic word spoken thru Clara... "your feelings go up and down..."

WOW!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH DADDY FOR BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME!!!
really very humbled, really very touched. You never gave up on me, and You never stop loving me... i'm so touched... what am i, Lord, that You should even bother to think of me???

Yup... later I shared wif Shuyi on the way to dinner (or it was more of Shuyi encouraging me again, reminding me of the prophetic word spoken thru Clara during service...)... that I think You are answering my birthday wish and prayer to grow in emotional stabliity...

I think You are teaching me that one aspect of true emotional stability is not being emotional-less... the Son of Man had the deepest emotions ever in the whole history of mankind, and yet He never lost control of His emotions nor got swayed by them...

That is TRUE emotional strength and stability...

So I think He wants to help me grow in joy - joy that is independent of any circumstances. For happiness depends on happenings, but joy comes from JESUS!!!

Like what HY told me, that if I really want to bless others, the attitude of joy is one of the most important blessings that I can give others, together with the other fruit of the Spirit like love and peace...

WOW... so so so amazed... truly He hears my prayers... He never fails... HE IS THE JOYFUL GOD!!!

Rejoice in the LORD always! I will say it again: REJOICE! Philippians 4:4

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace... Galatians 5

Joy is the serious business of heaven. C.S. Lewis

To miss out on joy is to miss out on the reason for your existence. Lewis Smedes

*******
And from John Ortberg's chapter on joy:
Ironically, often the thing that keeps me from experiencing joy is my preoccupation with self. The very selfishness that keeps me from pouring myself out for the joy of others also keeps me from noticing and delighting in the myriad small gifts God offers each day...

And I need to learn. Joy is at the heart of God's plan for human beings. The reason for this is worth pondering awhile: Joy is at the heart of God himself. We will never understand the significance of joy in human life until we understand its importance to God. I suspect that most of us seriously underestimate God's capacity for joy.

...

So it is with God, but not with us. "For we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we."

We will not understand God until we understand this about him: "God is the happiest being in the universe." God also knows sorrow. Jesus is remembered, among other things, as "a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." But the sorrow of God, like the anger of God, is His temporary response to a fallen world. That sorrow will be banished forever from His heart on the day the world is set right. Joy is God's basic character. Joy is His eternal destiny. God is the happiest being in the universe.

...

The Bible puts joy in the nonoptional category. Joy is a command. Joylessness is a serious sin, one that religious people are particularly prone to indulge in. It may be the sin most readily tolerated by the church...

But how much damage have joyless Christians done to the cause of Christ?... How often have people misunderstood God because they attributed to Him the grim, judgmental, defensive, soul-wearying spirit of many who claim to be His followers?

*******
So I think today I shall begin NOW. "THIS is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!"

The book advised that I can try finding "joy mentors", and thankfully, there are bros and sisters I can learn from... spend time with them... to be INTENTIONAL to spend time with them too...

Surprisingly, some of them are those I may not think of being naturally joyful, but they have learnt to find joy in the Lord... I remember what Hongtao shared with us in CG about God telling him something very simple after ministering to him during Subd242... "Smile more."

Haha... so touched when I heard this very dear bro's testimony... wow!!!!!!!!!!!

So much to learn, but I will REJOICE! Because this is really going to be one of the most joyful times ever... joyful, because I choose to see life from today onwards from the Bible's perspective - to view all of life's events in light of the Resurrection and the ultimate triumph of the risen Christ.

And am thinking of a dear bro who's not joyful at the moment... ah... praying for him... though to be honest feel like scolding him for sticking to that attitude... but really want to be joyful myself too! So yup yup, Jesus is my JOYGIVER!!! So looking fwd to a new breakthru, as I enter the next phase of my life in Christ very soon... working life!

I WILL REJOICE, AND I DON'T CARE WHAT THE WORLD THROWS AT ME - I WILL REJOICE, BECAUSE MY LORD IS RISEN FOREVERMORE!!!

I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD, BECAUSE HE CAN TURN MY MOURNING INTO DANCING, MY SORROW INTO JOY!

AMEN!

What Peter shared wif me during shepherding

- "By wisdom a house is built, thru understanding it is established, through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures."
- Enfolding: a continual process, not just a once-off "welcome welcome!" thing. Also about helping tt person feel connected, click wif the group's culture.
- we played DOTA. haha... :) i love lightning revenant... stygian desolator rulez!

Shepherding on Sunday...

Just penning down some things that Peter told me so I won't forget:
1. 2 years! :)
2. Priorities management.
3. Stay calm.

Lord have mercy...

I think God just helped me discover something. Actually, I stumbled upon another bro's blog. But then, I think He prompted me not to look any further, but I disobeyed. Then, I sat back and realised the consequences of what I had done. Felt dismayed, asked His forgiveness. I realised again how I really need to be more sensitive to His Holy Spirit. Right now, I'm feeling really dry on the inside again, and quite detached from Him. I do hear His voice, but it's so distant. I can't hear Him clearly amidst the background "noise" of my life.

As the deer pants for streams of waters,
so my soul thirst for you.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go meet with Him again?

But touched by this song, right now... I think He's guiding me step by step. And I'm reminded next, what Ps Jeff said about Psalm 119 saying that Your Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. It's really dim, and there isn't much light to see by in this fallen world - we are fallen creatures in a fallen world in a fallen universe - thrice-fallen. But He came, that we may see.

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see...

Now listening to this wonderful song by Michael Smith - "Step by Step"... these lyrics are playing in my ears even as I write:

"Step by step You're leading me
And I will follow You all of my days..."

But, I wonder, is He speaking to me through these lyrics? Or is it just coincidence? But with God, there are no coincidences. But again then, is it of God?

I don't know, Lord... help me hear Your voice better... Holy Spirit, have more of me!

I'm not very clear-minded at this moment. But in any case, to wrap up what I'm writing, I think He wants me to understand this brother's heart - because he really does love Jesus sincerely with all his heart, even though he feels disappointed over many things. I'm humbled by this brother - realised that I've been looking at him through my own eyes, instead of Christ's eyes of love.

So was thinking of writing him a small card of encouragement, to tell him how I've been blessed by him, and not just so, how God has helped change my perspective of him, to learn to appreciate him much more than the first day I met him.

I think I should do it... I don't know about the outcome, but I know he does care, even if it's not very clear to me. And more so, our Daddy in heaven cares for him, far far far more than anyone else can ever care.

Dear Lord, please give me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. In Jesus' name, I pray amen.

Lord have mercy
Fall on me...

How to write an impactful blog entry...?

Something I thought about, while reading Ps Jeff's blog and thinking about what he shared during today's sermon... I was SO INSPIRED by the Bible passage and his message...

Esp his testimony about the blog, and Wenjiang's testimony about his gentle sharing with this VIP...

Then Ps Jeff mentioned the reason he wrote his blog... it's his heart of wanting to connect with the ppl in his church... then miraculously, God used it to impact even non-Christians... wow! the powerful work of the Holy Spirit!

Hmm... so am thinking... i really want to learn from Ps Jeff, how he makes his blog entries so relevant... and Shuyi too, how her blog entries touch pple's hearts...

But why am I thinking like that? Well, it's partly bcos of what my shepherd shared with me last time, to make an effort to impact ppl thru media, even if it's smtg as simple as writing a blog or participating in the Straits Times forum.

And also, perhaps it's the Spirit's conviction in the past few weeks.
And also, the fact that one of my good friends - a non-Christian - said that my entries aren't relevant to him - he's only reading it bcos I'm his friend!

So what I learnt... think one way to make it more impactful is to share our daily lives experiences + relate it to some deeper thoughts. In other words, making sense of our experiences.

I tend to pour out my contemplations, and emotions, but honestly, I don't think they're very edifying in a way. Ok, guess maybe it's encouraging, but I think can do so much better. Part of the fun of being a Christian is that your perspective of life changes totally - every moment is now literally a Divinely-breathed moment...

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heav'n in a wildflower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

Even the struggles, the frustrating episodes of our lives, we could also write these down with the attempt to see God through these experiences.

Friends, following Jesus really is a very exciting adventure. Let's not make it boring, as we so often tend to do. Really, frankly, Jesus is one of the most attractive persons the world has ever seen... and if we share how we saw Him in these experiences, I think it'll really be very very very enticing to those who don't know Him yet. Aroma of Christ... it's really shiok, honestly. :)

Plus, everyone loves a good story. :) Even more so if it's a true story. But I need to learn how to tell a good true story. :) Ha... so think I'll give it a shot next time. :) Not stuff like, in Agagooga's blog,

"But those who hope in the Lord renew their strength."

I'm now typing this in my Computing lab. Was doing my programming assignment solo - it's the TOUGHEST programming assignment I've ever done in my whole life - I'm not kidding. Have been in the lab for almost 24 hours straight.

But as I sit back and take a break, I was reflecting about Claramae's sharing from John 15 yesterday during SubD242 about remaining in Jesus. So was sitting back and just thinking about God. About God's presence - how He promised to be with us always. I was afraid of being lonely in the lab, but I remembered that He has promised His presence even when things are not easy.

"My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." (Exodus 33:14)

Realised that God has sustained me for the past 24 hours, giving me the assurance of His grace and mercy. Really thank God for His timely provision through Huanyan and Jits - Huanyan helped borrow an important book for me from the Sci Lib, going all the way down from Arts Fac to Sci Fac, and Jits for her encouragement SMS. Really thank God for such dear friends like them!

"...those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
... they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

This verse from Jits' msg struck me. "walk and not be faint." I think He's encouraging me to persevere on, and He's running besides me through this difficult lap, encouraging me not to slack or slow down, but to keep on going. :D Thank God for His words of encouragement!

*******

I had always wondered last time why "soaring on wings" and "running" came before "walking". To me, it seemed like a retrogression of sorts - if we are in the Lord, shouldn't we be walking, then running, then soaring? To go from strength to strength?

But now, I think I have a better idea why God put "walking" as the last point, when He said about those renewing their strength from Him. I think He sees the greatest sign of strength as not so much of how high you can soar, nor of how fast you can run, but rather, how far you can walk - and not be faint.

Think patience endurance is something that He looks for in His children - the ability to be faithful to the very end. I think Jesus' greatest strength was not in the stopping of the stormy sea, nor was it even in raising Lazarus from the dead. It was when He staggered bloodily all the way to the cross, crying out, "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?"

Yup. I think He's training me through this lab experience, and also this tough final semester to help increase my inner strength for the working life ahead. Thank God! :D He is faithful indeed! Even when I'm not!

Political Engagement: Responsibility, Government & God

Just read this article - even though it was written for the USA, it does offer some serious food for thought for us Christians in Singapore.

Evangelical political engagement is a topic of concern and discussion among many Christians. As the believer's raison d'etre is the advancement of the gospel for the joy of the nations and the glory of God, that reality is accomplished in obedience to the Great Commission (Matt. 28:18f) and the Cultural Mandate (Gen. 1:28). Charles Spurgeon understood that twin directive and preached Christ and the application of His will as it had bearing on the politics of his day and often swayed elections at the local and national levels. Many evangelical pastors of a bygone era did the same without compromising or neglecting the gospel of Christ. Hence, it seems appropriate to offer a few observations along those lines... [continue]

Was reflecting on my way to HQ just now. Had this vague uneasy feeling that something isn't quite right... somehow it felt like my r/ps wif others isn't exactly right in God's eyes...

Then while praying as i was walking along, it struck me that I was becoming increasingly selfish and self-centred... as i've been so busy, i've been asking people to help me, but i never bother to offer to help them too...

thank God for zhenfeng's ready and prompt offer of help in my programming when i asked him... really can learn so much from his helpful and willing spirit even though he may not be a Christian... there is still so much i can learn from him.

think this is a very bad habit of mine that makes people subtly irritated with me, and i know that this is something that i tend to do much more often when i'm under stress... that means in the workplace sure confirm kena...

but thank God so much for HIs gentle prompting... somehow felt this persistent urge in my heart to sms another friend and offer to help him with the help that i received... initially, i wasn't expecting him to need my help - in fact i'm the one who need much more help... or so i thot...

turns out that he was very busy, and i think he was touched by my help - and he needed it too! :D wow... again, Jesus' infinite wisdom wins over my limited understanding...

So some learning points from today's reflection:
1. I tend to become very self-absorbed and selfish and self-seeking and self-centred when under stress. That in turn causes me to lose my "saltiness" in my sphere of influence...

But remembering Peter's advice about watching myself, with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in me... I can breakthru in this area when i take stronger ownership of my walk with God in this area.

2. Sometimes, when there's this uneasy feeling in your heart, or thot in your mind, don't brush it aside. Bring it to Jesus in prayer... ask Him to search your heart and show you what is wrong with you... He WILL open your eyes and help you see what is not pleasing to Him...

3. Do step out to help others, even when you are feeling very stressed... "A generous man will prosper - he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." That's a promise of God, sure confirmed and sealed with a chop! :) And even if you don't think you can be of much help, it's ok... just ask God to show you how and when to offer help... and even if nobody needs your help at that moment, it's all right in His eyes... because the Bible says in 2 Cor, "For if the willingness is there, the gift [to God] is acceptable according to what one has, not what one does not have." :) Either way, He's equally pleased when He sees the willing heart looking out for others in His name. :)

Cleanse my lips!

Just went thru the Tabernacle prayer... I feel SO REFRESHED!!! :D PRAISE GOD! :D haha... wow... really really really so warmed and so touched by God's presence... I realise that it's been a long time since I gave my Heavenly Daddy a kiss in the "Holy of Holies"... :) haha... He knows that touch is one of my secondary love languages... so really pray that it'll be something that will bless His big big bigheart...

Was reminded of so many promises that He has made in His Word... realised how many beautiful promises of God I've forgotten over this period of time... wow... how real, is this Presence that I feel... Your love, so overwhelming...

And while praying at the "Bronze basin", confessing my sins to Him... think He prompted me that I need to repent of my unclean lips... not so much of dirty language, but rather, faithless speech that I have been saying for quite a period of time... tink it's kinda like bad breath to Him - it's really... not pleasing to Him at all.

So confessed and repented of the times I have spouted faithless speech, moaning and complaining that I am so tired, the work so hard, etc. etc...

Then started singing in the Spirit... wow... so sweet... it's really a joy to sing in the Spirit! Prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to help me sing a NEW song to Him...

then this brand-new song came to mind... somehow the melody also comes... I have no idea how to write the melody down... but I can sense it in my heart... play it to a thumping drum-beat. 4/4... :)

CLEANSE MY LIPS (Isaiah 6)
Cleanse my lips!
Cleanse my mouth!
Cleanse my heart!
Cleanse my mind! (2x)

For I
am a man of unclean lips
And my eyes have seen the King
For I
am a man of unclean lips
And my eyes have seen the King

Chorus:
See now, your lips have been cleansed
See now, your guilt is atoned for
By the burning coal of God's Word
By the blood of the Lamb cleansed


*******

Oh! I just saw this line from Crosswalk.com:
"Our Personal Accountability So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God (Romans 14:12). Godly friends are a rich source of accountability. They can help us discern pure motives and right actions, thoughts, and feelings."

Wow... think it's a v timely reminder... bcos I've been wanting to account to a dear friend about this sister I like, but have been quite scared of doing so... but after reading that, think it's a divine prompting to do what is good in His sight...

Thank God so much for His amazing goodness! :D haha... now gg off to eat dinner wif some of the bros+sisters at HQ...

God's correction to me

Thank God! He answered my prayer for help immediately after I tried searching for an answer to my programming problem for an HOUR... So shared this with Eugene... and he reminded me to ask God for the answers as a first resort, not as a last resort. aMeN!
Forgive me Father, I've forgotten the basics... but thank You for graciously reminding me... even tho this is something SO basic... because I keep on forgetting the basics of walking close wif You when I'm under stress... but it's good training for the working world. aMEN!

And thank YOu for Your patience with me... You remind me that even my schoolwork is a ministry unto You... EVERYTHING belongs to You. Not just "spiritual" things, but also my schoolwork.

I must learn to humble myself more and get down on my knees in my heart to keep asking Daddy to give me what I need.

Total dependance, total surrender - a broken and contrite heart He will not despise.

*******
This verse came to mind as I was praying just now:
2 Corinthians 1:8-9 "Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."

Isaiah - God's rebuke to me:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength..."

And I HAVE BEEN DOING THAT. It really displeases God.

"But blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust..."

Yup! I repent, Lord... help me change - becos I really cannot. In Jesus' most precious name, amen!

Application points -
Think this is a test to show me where I ACTUALLY look to for strength when I'm exhausted...
and arh, I realised I've flunked again.

But I shall get up again, and keep looking up to Jesus.

"Not by might, not by power, but by His Spirit", says the LORD Almighty...

Yup, am still praying to Him to help me grow in maturity - especially emotional maturity. I know He will answer this prayer of mine... because He is faithful, the One who makes me righteous and holy in His sight.

Wow! :D Thank You Daddy! You spoke to me again... You encouraged me AGAIN!

Wow! :D Just happened to read this newsletter on perseverance... it's very timely - really spoke very clearly to my present situation of weariness... God's love is so direct and exact... haha I think He is encouraging me thru three different things:
1. the Bible
2. prophetic encouragements the past few days.
3. this newsletter

Praise God! Hope you feel encouraged too after reading this passage.

Every Christian has a short-term and a long-term function in life. We tend to develop a strong short-term function in order to handle whatever our issues might be for that day or week, but have trouble with our long-term function. When a difficult situation drags on for days, weeks, months, or even years, we try to find a way out, to find a different track to run. Job is a perfect example of this. In the short run he did just fine; but as his health continued to deteriorate, his attitude began to change. The duration of his illness began to wear him down. We too have a tendency to wear down over the long-term trial.

We would do well to keep in mind the teaching of Ephesians 6:11 where Paul states that Satan employs a methodical attack on the believer. And, in order to do well, we must follow his command to "Put on the whole armor of God, to be able to stand against the methods of the devil." The word translated "methods" is the plural of the Greek word meqodei/a (Strong's #3180), which means a system or method. Its use here reveals that Satan plans a series of attacks in an attempt to wear a believer down. Additional information on the enemy's tactics is revealed from the Greek word translated "persecution" throughout the Bible. It is diw/kw (Strong's #1377) and means, "to chase or pursue." Satan chases believers in an attempt to make us weary and discouraged, so that we will decide to quit running the race.

For this reason, Paul says in Galatians 6:9, "… we should not be weary while doing good, for in its own time we will reap, by not fainting." Furthermore, the writer of Hebrews, in teaching the importance of long-term faith, says in 12:9-11 "… we have had fathers as correctors of our flesh, and we respected them; shall we not much more be submitted to the father of spirits, and we shall live? For they indeed disciplined us for a few days according to that which seemed good to them; but He disciplines us based upon that which is beneficial, for us to partake of His holiness. And all discipline indeed does not seem to be of joy for the present, but of grief; but afterward it gives back the peaceable fruit of righteousness to the ones having been exercised through it. On account of which, straighten up the hands hanging down and the knees which have become enfeebled; and make straight tracks for your feet, in order that the lame should not be turned out of the way, but rather healed." The writer of Hebrews encourages believers to not buckle under when they are going through the disciplinary process, but to "lift up the hands hanging down and the knees that have become enfeebled, and make straight tracks for your feet." He states that the purpose for this admonition is that "the lame should not be turned out of the way," that is – out of the way of the course, but rather they should be healed through the discipline process.

Struggles, redux

I'm now at HQ with Eugene.

Just celebrated Bo's bday. =)

So many things going thru my mind again, but was very blessed by Eugene. Really so touched to see how God has been changing his spirit, his life... was affirming Eugene, and Eugene said it's really thank God... and he shared wif me that he really wants to grow.

Wow... i was so touched, that for a moment, i felt my eyes welling up wif tears - so great is His power to change and transform lives... really really thank God for Eugene's spirit - so sweet, and it's growing! :D

Told him that I really almost want to cry wif joy - such a joy to see the brothers growing in spirit, loving God and wanting to serve Him more...

I'm also v amazed at how my own heart is changing... didn't expect myself to feel like crying when i see someone breaking thru and growing... but it's so amazing, the depths of God's love that when you think of how He so loved us that He sent His one and only Son... how can you not shed tears? how can you not cry for joy?

But also was feeling depressed again... it's been like that for a few days, but really thank God for how He speaks to me and encourages me, whether it's thru bros/sisters, or the Bible, or an experience or an answered prayer... or even just a gentle breeze to let me know that I am loved by Him, in spite of my sinfulness...

I know I'm not what He wants me to be...
I caught myself comparing myself with others again, and honestly, felt very sad when i saw how others have so much more than me...

But realised that this is not pleasing in God's eyes... because that is pride, actually... pride compares, wanting to be first over the others, who have been made in the image of God.

I compare myself with others in terms of academic grades.
I compare myself with others in terms of spiritual maturity.
I compare myself with others in terms of productivity.
I compare myself with others in terms of what ministry/work roles that they are in.
I even compare myself with others in terms of how much they've achieved...

But these are old things that should have been put to death already a long time ago.

So that's why I was discouraged - haven't I already overcome these things before? Then how come I am struggling with these things again?

But think perhaps this is all right in God's eyes... there are some things that we fight, and we do overcome... and then they come back again in greater measure... we fight thru the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony... and overcome again...

It's all right to have on-going struggles, as long as we grow in how we handle the struggle...

Was reading this verse, and it made me think...

NIV version:
Philippians 1:29-30
"For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have."

The Message version:
"27-30Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ. Let nothing in your conduct hang on whether I come or not. Your conduct must be the same whether I show up to see things for myself or hear of it from a distance. Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people's trust in the Message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they're up against: defeat for them, victory for you—and both because of God. There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting. You're involved in the same kind of struggle you saw me go through, on which you are now getting an updated report in this letter."

The Amplified version:
"For you have been granted [the privilege] for Christ's sake not only to believe in (adhere to, rely on, and trust in) Him, but also to suffer in His behalf. So you are engaged in the same conflict which you saw me [wage] and which you now hear to be mine [still]."

What struck me as I read this passage was the word, "struggle" which the Amplified version renders as "conflict". Suffering, or conflict, whether internal or external - we are fighting a won battle and we can't lose. It's not a winning battle - it's a WON battle - because Christ has already defeated Satan and his minions 2000 years ago when He rose from the dead.

So it's ok to struggle and still keep on struggling. But let's grow stronger even as we keep on fighting. As long as we fight a new fight each time.

Reading Paul's letter to the Philippians - it made me smile. :) Haha, think it's been quite a long while since I really smiled while reading a Bible passage. There are dreams, and there are visions. But no matter what, we must step out of our comfort zones - we do NOT need to be leaders in ministry or what... because Christ has chosen and called each and every one of us to "go and make DISCIPLES of all nations..."

It encourages me a lot.

As long as Christ's name is honored, and His Great News is preached to all the nations - that is what really counts.

How I need to be a stronger Christian. More courageous. More zealous. More filled-with-Christ's-love. More loyal, even when everyone around me say that He's just another religion, so why preach the Message?

I can't. Simply because there's no other way! Really, no matter how offensive this may sound, He really is the Way, the Truth and the Life, and no one can come to the Father except through Him! He himself said this, and He really rose from the dead - so I'm banking my entire life and destiny on what He has said. It's a no-lose investment, even if it does seem like sure-lose. Because... I believe. Because I have already tasted His reality for myself and seen it in so many others... I believe with all my heart. Even if I'm crap in the eyes of everyone else, He himself bends down to me and tells me that I am fully forgiven, worth dying for. And He calls me to follow Him today.

Yup... what do you think? Pls correct me if you think I'm wrong in this understanding or need better understanding... thanks a lot! :)

My Quarter-Life "Crisis" part II

So... back after the commercial break. ;)

"Where do I go from here?"
Have been thinking about the media industry in Singapore. Somehow, to be honest, it really doesn't seem easy to establish a niche there, and I'm starting to wonder - what was I ever thinking of when I said I wanted to do something for Him in this area?

But I remember Peter's words again: "Media is important, because it has the power to influence the minds and thoughts of people. It won't be easy, but I have faith in God that this is possible."

Thank God for my dear shepherd again... how he faithfully exercises this gift of faith to strengthen my own weak faith.

Think God also scolded me during the worship time today, when we were worshipping Him, and Jasmine led us into an extended time of prayer. I was pouring out to God about this worry, my doubts, and how can this be possible?

Then He brought the passage about Peter asking Jesus to ask him to come to Him on the water... and Jesus said, "Come." Then Peter really did step out of the boat onto the water. Best!

But then, Peter started noticing the waves and the wind, and started getting afraid. Starting to sink, he cried out, "LORD! HELP ME!!!" (I think he failed his swimming proficiency test.)

Jesus reached out and took his hand, and chided him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

That rhema word, together with quite a lot of other things e.g. the verses that He spoke to me during QT, the sharing from other brothers and sisters... God never fails to keep on encouraging me! Wow... His encouragement keeps on coming in, filling my heart with courage... because I really leak very fast. :P But He is INCREDIBLY patient and gracious with me... wow...

Even during the praise and worship today and the Unit 242 yesterday... there really were so many encouragement verses that He was dropping right in front of me, yet I did not take notice of... but He still keeps on dropping "love letters" to me... I really really really cannot comprehend the vast depths of His love for all creation!

Just read this from Hong Teck's blog - wow! it really spoke to me.
Her lesson for us is to continue to do things we see in the vision that God has given us even though everybody else don't see it. One day when all things come into place people may only see it then...

So many things... Lord, help me remember... because at the end of it all, at the end of my life, I really do so want to "bring something that's of worth, that will bless Your heart..."

Even from a poor beggar like me. Because You are one rich King... who became poor for our sake. "All for love's sake became poor..."

I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.

2 Corinthians 8:8-9

And even my worries abt finding my "missing rib", but yup, trust God to provide in due time... :) hee hee... seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well! aMeN!

So here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say
That You're my God

You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful
You are to me...

My Quarter-Life "Crisis"

Was thinking about a lot of things recently, and think it can be summed up in one sentence: Where do I go from here?

And something that God has been impressing on my heart VERY VERY strongly, so strongly, that it aches: I need to have faith in Him.

*******

1. So where do I go from here?
Recently, this week, I've been struggling with fears, both old and new... remember how I kept on sharing about making an impact for Christ in the area of media? Well, I've been struggling to believe that this will happen, one way or another - that God is going to use a joker like me to make an impact for Christ in the media industry... can barely imagine myself being able to bless a city like Singapore, let alone the world.

Then Peter's words come to mind: "That's why you need to share the vision. To impart and win people over."

Why do I doubt? Why do I find it hard to have faith in God?

Probably because I really lack skills, and I'm putting my trust in them. Grades even, I'm also lacking in... to be honest, I'm struggling in my project work - most of my project members in the year 4 modules are really very motivated "high-flyers" - you know, the types who go to NOC, Silicon Valley, entrepreneurs, etc... or are Dean's Lists types...

So was feeling really discouraged, because I'm struggling to understand the theories and concepts, and even staying on the same page as them. When I heard about us Christians needing to make an impact in our "sphere of influence", felt even more discouraged and helpless, because I was thinking about those in my sphere of influence... and to be honest, I feel that I've really not made much of a positive impact in a way...

Except, maybe for character, in the sense of humility - wanting to learn more from them, and being willing to receive advice and feedback - and in honesty. My lecturer was impressed with my honesty when it came to a miscalculation of marks in my favour, and she said she'd give me credit for it. :) Thank God so much...

And well, yes, one of my project group mates said I'm very eloquent in how I speak... wow, really ah? It was so encouraging, especially since she's not a Christian, so really thank God for this grace that He has given me. Really want the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart to be pleasing in His eyes... and to practise speaking louder and articulating my words better.

*******

Still, I do compare myself with the others, in terms of productivity... truth is, I'm simply not able to keep up, partly because of my own laziness, my own mindset towards work and my work attitudes...

Thank God for my dear shepherd, who helped point out this area to me, and also for Jitsy and Huanyan who have been role models for me in working efficiently and effectively... haha, Yufen also comes to my mind, though maybe less so, because I haven't really gotten to see her at work. But her CAP grades are really high (above 4.0 if I remember correctly), so I'm pretty sure she's been putting in a bit of work too, especially in the honours lab. ;) Hee hee...

To be honest, I give myself excuses for this attitude, because I think back to one of my dear friends (who is a role model for me in other areas of his life, but, in this particular aspect, he's weaker...) and say to myself, since he's like this in this area, I can also be like that, what...

But Jesus corrects me, telling me to follow this brother's example AS he follows the example of Christ. Like how Robert tells his sheep, "Follow what's good in me and reject what's bad!" Thank God for Robert, how he's so blatantly honest with himself, with his good points AND bad points. It's really so sweet, I think. :)

*******

So, looking back at this week, and what God has spoken to me... think something that He helped me make sense of this experience of deadlines EVERY day was that He is preparing me for the working world.

I've been feeling very, very spiritually dry and hungry - living on "starvation rations" of His daily bread - the Bible... imagine going one whole day on just one chapter of the Bible! Can lah... but it's really so ... like going for a whole day on just one hastily-slapped together cheese sandwich. Makes me feel very hungry, just thinking about it. Gastric of the soul, that's how it feels sometimes.

I was telling God during service yesterday that I'll spend more time with Him after my deadlines are over, but think He told me, "You won't have any more such free times in future. The deadlines will be coming EVERY day in the working world. Then how?"

So I realised that all this hard work that I'm going through this week is actually a simulation of the working world. Like how the apostle James put it so well:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So I realised that since I won't be getting any such breaks in the working world, I really need to institute a set of disciplines to ensure that I stay spiritually healthy. Sorta like how people make a commitment when they go into university after JC or NS to keep on exercising on their own, even tho there's no more PE teacher or Physical Training Instructors to push you... so likewise, I want to take care of my own spiritual life. (And definitely, physical exercise will actually have to be part of these spiritual disciplines... because we ARE creatures of dust after all - biochemical beings who get tired and mentally groggy if we don't take good care of our bodies - a temple of God in fact!)

So part of the spiritual disciplines I'm instituting (some are easier for me than others) are:

• Reading at least 3 chapters of the Bible every day - one for breakfast, one for lunch and one for dinner. Keep chewing on the Word of God! It really does have a very powerful effect on my mind and my emotions... somehow I find my thoughts untangled and set right when I read God's words...
• Praying in the Spirit and for others
  
• Taking time to be still and listen to God's voice
• Reflecting on my life, where it's going
  
• Sharing my faith - it really is very healthy, actually... it's not just preaching - it's more than that - it's sharing what God has done in my life
• Discipline of joy - actually, this is not easy for me, because I tend to be very negative and melancholic... that's the amazing thing that some people say I'm cheerful and joyful... yeah, this REALLY REALLY has to be Jesus in me, 'cos by nature I am not a joyful person... but what the hey, I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me!
• Reading a good Christian book regularly - once or twice a month. Because I found out that I connect best to God intellectually (as per John Ortberg's great book - "God is closer than you think")
• Fellowship - making the extra effort to fellowship - I remember Bowen calling me to "just talk rubbish"... was so touched by his wonderful heart! :D


• Fasting regularly - Peter shared this advice with me... I found it to be true! but i don't find it very easy, especially since I love to eat and eat...

*******

Well, that's really a lot I've written. How carthartic blogging can be. :) But i'll put the 2nd set of thots into the next post.

Just analysed how I felt. Thank God for Huanyan who accompanied me to the lecture when I didn't feel like going at all, and his gentle reminder to me to face up to what I need to do - else more problems will crop up.

Just some thoughts:
- Think getting up and doing what I need to do, even when I'm depressed, doesn't really solve the problem of the depressed feelings in the first place. Fact is, it IS a sap on your strength and emotions... which make it hard to think clearly. Good if you can still think clearly despite the sad and negative thoughts, but the sadness still remains.
- Then after praying a silent prayer, this thought came to mind: "worldly sorrow versus godly sorrow."

Ah, thank You Lord.

Think I understand why now. Because I was so concerned about what would happen to ME, that's why I felt so low and downcast. But when I choose to look at what I can do for Christ, and how I can better bless others next time, learning from my mistakes and experiences, I find that my heart is strangely filled with joy. :)

It's Christ's classic paradox: In order to truly live, you must first learn to die to self. What a joy! :D No wonder Paul was so joyful despite his being imprisoned... because he could see beyond the confines of his chains - he chose to look upwards and outwards - upwards, because he can see how his being in prison serves to advance Christ's cause, and outwards, because he was thinking about others, how he can encourage them on...

And remembering that Christ has already forgiven me - so get up and move on again! "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

Yup, thanks Lord, I will turn my eyes away from myself and look towards seeing how I can bring glory to Your name in my schoolwork and my life... and how I can bless others better and more through this experience. So will learn to see this from God's perspective, and not my own.

So will not let myself get discouraged. "Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Yup, want to grow in wisdom and in stature... Jesus, come change me and make me new! In Your name, I pray amen!

Lord, feeling a bit sad again. How? Project group work... i'm simply not a good testimony, dear Jesus.

I'm weak and helpless - be my Crutch, Lord, and set my heart right.

Sigh.

But it's good to remember that He is there, waiting for me to run into His arms, when I can't be what the world wants me to be, and just throw myself into His arms.

Is "hegemonic discourse" really that hegemonic?

Just came across this article. Really interesting...

It is currently a favorite complaint and/or explanation: a "hegemonic discourse" is repressing someone. Thus, for instance, it is said that "patriarchal" societies practice a hegemonic masculinist discourse, and that this is why when gender-feminists try to say their truth they are driven to such linguistic enormities. Or again, Christians who actually believe the gospel are said to bind the religious impulses of their fellow denominationalists with dogmatically grammared language, which is why when the latter try to express the depths within them these come out seeming so paltry. Et cetera. [continue...]

Though it reads a lot like one of my 4th-year readings, in a nutshell, the good professor is saying that the post-modern notion of "hegemonic discourse", which state that there are types of speeches that represses someone else's belief - a nod to postmodernism's embrace of the crazy notion of "relative truths", is a bit ridiculous, because every discourse is inevitably "hegemonic" in nature. Or how could we ever learn to talk to one another? The "hegemony" of language, the "hegemony" of good grammar... you picture a guy blurting Singlish to a non-English-speaking tourist - this is the kind of chaos that result from politically-correct "non-hegemonic discourses" - stuff that scratches itchy ears that hear only what they want to hear.

Not that I'm saying that all "hegemonic" discourse are good. Some are really hegemonic - think of hate and racist speech, for example. Or more simply, as the Bible puts it wisely - "Do not let any unwholesome words come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building others up, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians)

Therefore the penultimate enterprise of seeking less oppressive linguistic polities is not hopeless. We must only be aware of what a tremendous thing we are then attempting, and of the true possibilities and limits of human enterprise on such lines. My suspicion is that if we achieve such awareness, we will stop worrying about "hegemonic discourse."

Sheesh. Methinks postmodern discourse really is a whole lot of complicated smoke, in order to sound politically correct. Think all this kind of talk only serves to produce, in CS Lewis' words, "Men without Bodies". :P

Every Step of the Way

Read this just now from a friend's blog: "Amazed that we can talk to Him every moment of our lives, every step of the way."

I remember my trekking back to YIH from PGP just now - 'cos I had a superheavy bag with me (packed full of all those stupid readings haha). Silent, because of my burden that I was dragging along, and also about the things that were on my mind - hopes, dreams, ideas, plans, desires, etc.

Felt that I should take this opportunity to pray as I walked in the night, so prayed in the Spirit, because I didn't know what else to pray - my mind was feeling quite blank. Then my thoughts started drifting away again to other things. (It's pretty hard to pray in the Spirit when you're panting for breath too. :P)

And this thought somehow came to mind that during this trek back, God wants to speak to me through this experience. To remember all the good things that He has done for me. Walked on, and on, through the night. And as I walked the familiar old route, I recounted moments spent with friends along this particular stretch of road, and memories came back. Mused how so many things can happen to me in one year, and how God is able to make even someone like me grow in just the space of one year.

Then walked underneath the overhead bridge, and I remembered something sweet. That, half a year ago, I had been sharing with Him my despair and struggles as I had walked along that old route... that very moment, I was reassured that He heard my prayer that night so long ago... and He never forgets.

"Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me."
(Psalm 86:6-7)

He has heard and answered my prayer in such a wonderful way! :D I was fearful that in the last semester of this NUS ministry, I would be, in a way, kind of "useless" as an old "dinosaur"... as an "obsolete" worker... but He reminded me that He can use anyone He wants to use... He richly blesses all who call upon Him for help...

"And it shall come to pass that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered." (Joel 2:32)

I'm just a broken jar of clay, but He loves to use broken pieces, broken lives...

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts broken lives
He will take them all...

These words really touch my heart a lot:

I believe You'll always lead me
All my days have been ordained
All Your thoughts toward me are holy,
full of love and grace

And that He is thinking of us at this very moment, even when we are struggling with heavy loads and burdens every step of the way.

He is encouraging us on, cheering us on, reminding us that He is carrying us in His hands even as we stumble along.

He is leading us even now. Leading us to the top of the mountain, from where we can stand and look back, and see how far He has brought us thus far.

Tis' grace that hath brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home...

So somehow I'm reminded that He wants me to learn from this experience, that He always thinks of me, even when I'm not thinking of Him.

Battle of the Undead Deadlines

Wow, wow, o wow.

It's really been one of the most intense battles of my entire school life. Deadlines EVERY day this week. Wow. And what amazes me a lot is that I'm actually smiling even after all these while. =) Praise God for all His help, in big and small ways.

Why the title? Well, you watched all those zombie movies? The one where the hero battles a never-ending horde of undead zombies baying for his brains - and the more zeds you shoot down, the more they come? =) Yeah. Except that the hero somehow, deus ex machina, manages to escape the zeds, whereas the undead deadlines have eaten my brain up.

Apparently, it wasn't very much for them. :P

Very tired, but deep down, I know that there is this joy in my heart that simply just won't go away. "... and in that day, no one will take your joy away". Why? Perhaps it's because over the years, I've learnt to trust God for my problems and deadlines... that in ALL things He works for the good of those who love Him... to see that every problem that comes along, is actually a blessing in disguise (even if it's very well-disguised). Like, this week, I didn't realise that I can take so much stress and not break down... wow... praise God - He really gives me strength in ways I cannot imagine.

So much more to write down... but I think if there's anything that really deserves to be written down, it's simply how wonderful Jesus is. The darker my situation, the better I see His light.

******

My dear bros and sisters celebrated my bday... plus a very dear old friend whom I've not heard from for AGES... meaning 1 or 2 years! =) And my sister called from England... Wow... praise God!

God, I keep thinking I'm shy. Is this true? And even if it's true, then... is it good to think such things?

Then this verse comes to mind: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

Think shyness is my natural reaction to rejection, and the fear of being rejected/looking bad in others' eyes... but I tend to be shyer with certain personalities whereas I'm much more comfortable with other personalities.

Maybe it's because of a particularly bad experience I had for one year with a very fierce primary school teacher, that made me very tense whenever I meet people with similar personalities like her.