God does care

Was thinking how many things I really need to change and grow in. Was dismayed and discouraged at my constant struggle with my sins, especially the sin of pride. Complained to God, but in the end prayed to him.

Then walked out and felt the gentle breeze upon my face. As if God was kissing me gently and holding me close to His chest. And this verse came to mind: "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

And He would know I love breezes.

Haha... really? :)

You are Romans.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ramblings II

Ok... the sequel's here. =)

Mmm... school's starting soon. It's been about 3 months or so, the vacation + matriculation programme + church camp + a whole bunch of other things.

Gosh, it's been a really thick 3 months... think if you were to ask me how my holidays were - not the casual "how are you?" - but the deep, sincere one - I guess I'd have to use the phrase "hard to describe - a mixture of fearfulness, expectancy and hopefulness".

It's getting late. Think I'll write down another day.

Ramblings

Mmm... it's been a long while since I blogged. Well, thanks to Flince's prompting, I'm writing...

Ha, somehow it seemed easier to blog when I'm thinking about it... but when I sit at the keyboard, suddenly, I feel like I'm writing for an audience... heh, yeah, that's true anyway. :) Maybe it's that kind of day-dream where you imagine yourself doing some wonderfully amazing impromptu stand-up comedy or give a powerful speech in front of an audience... leaving the audience spell-bound in awe...

and when you actually get around to doing it - hey, you get that sudden nervous twinge - "My God, what shall I say? do? etc. etc..." - 'cos it's no longer just you and yourself.

Think some pple find it easier to express how they naturally feel, in a very candid way that's straightforward, and systematically clear. Ha, just feel that's not very much me at the moment, though I'd definitely like to be able to express clearly n concisely what I'm thinking - not just feeling - at this point.

Maybe it's that desire to look good in pple's eyes that makes me self-conscious about myself, which leads me to organising my words, take ages on a one-page blog... trying to squeeze out some impressive rhetoric.

But, dunno, just want to do something new today in my writing. Just to share what's on my mind at the moment... a little 'candid snapshot' of my thoughts. :) Guess it's prompted in a way by Flince's little egging-on - it touched me that someone would keep checking out my blog... think it's the wanting to know what's going on in someone's life... or just to be entertained by some random ramblings of a friend on a drizzly day. :)

That my random ramblings can actually be interesting in their own unique way... XD

So that would be the main reason for just writing down some ramblings - just to share my thoughts, just being myself. LOL! =)

Realised something abt myself

I'm a "Thumb Sucker".

A "Thumb Sucker", according to John Maxwell's "Be a People Person", tends to pout, are full of self-pity, and try to get people to cater to his/her own desires.

It can be very subtle - probably through a sulky face, the silent treatment, etc.

At first I found it really hard to accept. But like what this bro reminded me, I only hear what I want to hear. So must thank God for helping me see myself for who I really am.

Fact is, people care abt me - but they can't meet my needs all the time. (That was the part I really hate to hear 'cos it implies that I'm looking for people to meet my needs... sounds like a parasite huh?)

But come to think of it, frankly, I realised through my bro's comments that it's not me only who got struggles.

Other people have MUCH more.

And if I got only a few non-critical things on my mind, then how about the other person with 4 or 5 important things on his/her mind?

Then... my moodiness is a choice. I'm responsible for my own responses, my own attitudes, the atmosphere I create with others.

Like what this bro told me:
"We've all got to carry our own burdens. But we can carry our own burdens joyfully."

And, "I don't really care what people think of me. C'mon, I got [all these important things] and besides, I get to serve God..."

Thanks bro, for your frank and sincere feedback. It hurt for a while, but hope this helps me become a better person for Him in the end.

Thanks Jan :)

Jan called me today to see how I am.

*touched*

Thanks dear bro. Really so inspired by your heart and compassion for others, bro.

Aaron's blog

Been reading through Aaron's blog.

Wow, really thank God for His wonderful transforming power in Aaron - when I read his blog, I feel SO amazed, inspired and encouraged by this dear bro's simple, childlike faith, and how his clarity of thought and conviction shows up clearly in his blog.

Really... this brother has been given much by God. Let's pray that he'll be faithful in using the talents and giftings that God has given him. It's so amazing to see what God can do in our lives!

Lord, I pray that Your grace shall be upon this dear bro all his life and may You keep him safe in Your wonderful hands as you mould him through this time in New Zealand. =)

Weizhu's blog

Realised something abt WZ's spirit in his blog - even when he writes abt himself - somehow, it's not inwards-focused but outwards-looking. :)

http://wei.lookingabove.com :)

Wow, really thank God for you, WZ. :) Thanks for leaving a ripple in my life, bro. =)

Sensitive teeth...

Ouch, recently my molars + wisdom teeth have been hurting at times... I dun think it's an infected tooth per se, but rather, sensitive teeth... think parts of the teeth are partially exposed (why? maybe cavities??)...

Chocolate, in particular, are a real pain to chew on... dunno why, my molars are VERY sensitive to choccies nowadays... *oh no*...

So I've visited the NUH website... shall make an appointment wif the dentist... better double-check the condition of my teeth...

Met Gerard from West unit yesterday morning at YIH. He blessed me with a surprise breakfast treat. Really blessed. TQ Lord, it's a joy getting to know another bro, esp one as sincere as Gerard.

Commented to him tt I find him sincere. He mentioned to me tt a lot of pple also say that. Wow... I remember praying the day before that You send me examples of pple who are sincere so that I can learn from them.

Thank You Lord. =) I really want to grow, to learn from others. Think this is true: true humility brings joy to the heart...

"And be thankful." - Colossians 3:15b

Mm... been thinking abt some pple in my life to be thankful for... really want to learn from them.

"And be thankful." - Colossians 3:15b

There's quite a few pple to write abt... these are just notes, 'snapshots' of who they are... so guess I'll be putting up a few more in time to come.

**************
Chiyen - a saint whose boots i'm not fit to polish...
his delaying his work to give econs tuition to jia, jan and mich...

So proud of him! :)
**************
Jia's sincere heart for pple... tink "sincere" is not a good enough word... delightful! that would be a better word..
she really takes delight in others...
**************
Thanksgiving for Chi Chong...
what he said to me today: "You've touched me a lot many times."
Thank You Lord...
**************
Thank You for the time spent with QN last nite...
haha... the banana phone thingy tt QN showed me...
the fishing game... his Maple Story game...
and the time together on his parallel programming assignment...

Lord, I hope our friendship grows deeper.
**************

I Do I Do like it!

Came back earlier from watching the "I Do I Do" movie with some of the bros and sisters from West... really farny the movie... very funny, the movie! :D (Though really bawdy... and that was the CENSORED version!)

Thanks bros sisters (Kangwei, Ruizhi, Meiyan, Robert, Weizhu, Barney, Beng Lee, Jiayan, KC, Claire... I know there r some other pple... but can't rem their names... :P sorry... but really enjoyed the time tog wif u all) for such a wonderful time together (and special thanks to Robert for his help in translating the Hokkien jokes... ;) hee hee... though the "two" and "too" pun by Adrian didn't need any translation... dreadfully funny liao... XD)

Thanks guys... feel so refreshed by the time together. And thanks a ton, KC & WZ, for ur setting up the hardware and ur prompt "tech support" too. The movie wouldn't have been very enjoyable without your help. ;)

One in stomach...

Something interesting... Had dinner with Jan, Yufen, Mich and Jia before we met up on 29 March... Huili brought her own food.

Ok, J, YF, Jia and M all bought their food from the Chinese Mixed Rice + Veggies stall in PGP aircon food court.

Then, the next day, J, YF, me and Mich all kena stomach pains... you know that kind, that makes you break out in cold sweat and goosebumps? :) Poor Jan was hit the hardest... he had to see the doctor and take MC.

But funny thing is, Jia was all right, even though she had eaten a whole plate of The Stuff... quite surprising! :P

Joked with her that "M'sian stomachs are stronger than S'porean stomaches"... ;)

**********
Ok, think some of the more eagle-eyed readers will ask, "Hey, YA, how come you kena stomachache even though you hadn't bought the same food as them?"

That's because we shared our food all around when we ate... :P Guess I was hit the least hard, because I only got a small helping of The Stuff, whereas the rest of the gang had chowed their entire platefuls. :P

(Which makes me think abt the strength of Sijia's stomach... :) so that rules her out for the job of food-tester... hee hee!)

Ha... actually, in a way, it's really a memorable moment... that we shared not just food and fun... but in a way we've all got a common experience of 'suffering' together... Think it's simple things like these that make our fship in NUS so memorable n delightful (well, when the pain has passed away)...

Yup, that's what makes me glad when I recall that incident. That we are a family, that we don't just share only the good things, but we go thru pain, sufferings and troubles together - "mourn with those who mourn". And in that sense, that's when you can really feel the depth and trueness of fellowship, just as God would have us be. :)

"Joy and laughter,
Burdens and sorrows,
At the hands of His Body
No less to carry
And to be carried..."

Taken from QDB: Top 100 Quotes:

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

Gosh...

HCI idea... a "piles" metaphor?

Just in case you're wondering what in the world I'm talking abt, it's not something to do with haemorrhoids... :P

Actually, I was doing some research for my Human-Computer Interaction module, and came across this very interesting site for an interface metaphor, called "piles" because it arranges files in "piles", just like how papers are arranged in piles on a desktop.

Image-Based Information Access

Here's what the blurb says:

"One application of Dynapad is to explore image-based information access. Currently we are developing applications to provide multiscale visual organization and access to digital photo collections and personal libraries of PDF documents. The research objective is to explore a generalization of the notion of a “pile” as a foundation for a versatile suite of tools to provide unobtrusive assistance for organizational and other sensemaking activities. Our goals are to develop an architecture to facilitate design of multiscale image-based applications and abstract a set of principles for designing effective spatial tools."

Hmm... toying with the idea of writing a Flash interface for this idea in my free time... :)

Got report to finish... was due this morning...

Hah, here I am in S16 level 5, still gazing at my laptop... and what in the world am I posting a post for??? :P :P :P

Newton's Law of Inertia:
"An object at rest tends to stay at rest..."

How true... :P c'mon Yeu Ann... jiayou jiayou!!!

Struggling with impatience

Hmm... recently realised that I'm really impatient... (ok, so that's an old thing...)... hmm, but tink now I realise more the extent of my impatience...

1. I'm impatient with God - how I wish He'd quickly answer my questions, solve my problems, etc. etc... that's why sometimes I find "waiting on Him" a real chore... 'cos I'm REALLY impatient for Him to answer me...
   
   like, Lord, kuai dian lah... :P
   
   Hmm... really want to thank Him for helping me realise this... 'cos frankly, all God wants of me is more of me... and that means He just simply wants to spend time with me too.
   
   (Gosh, Lord, really ah? :))
   
   But really, sometimes I rather go and do my own things... oh dear... think this must hurt Daddy a lot at times... *sigh*... Yeu Ann is willing... but very impatient... help me, Lord! You invite me to come sit on Your lap and take time to listen to You, but I wanna jump off and run off to play and do my own things... not knowing that You take delight in me...
   
   Lord, help me, I'm really childish at times, not childlike as I should be...
   
   
2. I'm also very impatient in my relationships... think I really want to see relationships grow to where I want them to be... but gosh! that's not good... I think that's being self-centred, and definitely not pleasing to You, Lord.
   
   God, I find it very hard to sit down and simply enjoy other people's presence... this is one major difficulty I have in building strong friendships.
   
   Hmm... something that two dear bros shared with me recently(both separately)... that relationships (and fellowship) take TIME.
   
   Time... haiz... how I wish that relationships, both with God and with men, would instantly grow... in the twinkle of an eye, in a flash... but that isn't the way the world was made, nor life itself works...
   
   Hmm... actually, you know what? I think one reason our relationships, as humans, with God is so unique is simply because of TIME.
   
   I mean, without Time, a relationship simply would be... different. You'd never know what it meant to be apart from God, the sadness and lostness... and you'd never be able to know the joy of redemption, forgiveness... and you'd never be able to know the delight, the surprise of knowing something about the other person that you NEVER knew before...
   

YA

Note on fellowship

1:16 AM 14-Feb-05
Discussed this with Kin Wee abt tis after Sunday lunch...

The Bible's standard for f/ship - very simple (but not easy, nor instant):
"They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts..."

Glad = appreciating one another (i.e. delighting in the other person, simply bcos that person is himself/herself...

Sincere = being real with one another (i.e. open, sharing abt our joys and sorrows, strengths and weaknesses, triumphs and struggles...) 1 Thess 5:18

It's not easy though... it doesn't come naturally... but it's genuine, that's for sure...

So it gotta be bcos of Christ... "He is our peace, Who has broken down every wall..."

He is all I need

Wow... SUPER long time i nvr blogged... haha... sorry, but i've been posting... it's just tt I posted most of my blogs at NUS East's blog...

So many things... but just to update y'all... changed shepherds already... had a very fun n 'romantic' high-tea wif my old shep, Guo Qiang, at Checkers cafe at Somerset after service... very blessed n encouraged by the letter that he gave me.

And my new shep is ... Weizhu! :D

haha... lots more to share, but in a nutshell, God did some really wonderful stuff, including the way that He brought Weizhu and me tog last wk... haha...
and the new brothers that He's been adding to our CG... so happy! :D

Think some of you saw me crying yesterday during church service...
it's bcos God spoke to me a phrase that went really deep into my heart...

"You're all I need." [You = God]

Why so powerful?

'cos as some of you guys know, I'm struggling wif insecurity, and especially, I tend to be very worried abt what others think of me... and my putting on a mask before others...

All these issues, God really addressed very simply with this:
God is ALL I need. Really.

It's one thing to know it in the head, but when He speaks it into your heart - it really shatters, really pierces, really shakes, really humbles...

So that's why I was crying after service... it's like, you feel totally rotten and helpless, feel totally foolish, like a total idiot, totally ashamed... and yet, you wish this would go on; it's SO healing... and you sense His mercy and grace even deeper than you ever felt before...

Then I felt someone sit next to me and put his hand around me. I didn't open my eyes; but I really appreciated his presence... Nothing was said - just this brother's presence during this time.

Think this was God's way of showing me His love and forgiveness to me... thru this brother's presence.

Isn't it so sweet, His forgiveness?

I remember what this brother told me after tt: "Now THIS is the real spiritual Yeu Ann. Remember this experience... this is TRULY the Kingdom come."

He is all I need, He is all I need
In times of war
In times of peace
He is all I need

He is all I need, He is all I need
My heart shall say
My heart shall know
He is all I need

Firing up Firefox...

Ha, just downloaded Mozilla.org's Firefox. Seems it's getting really popular... I tried it on my lab's computer just now, and I really like the interface. So here we go... hello FF, bye-bye IE... :)



(Hey, Weizhu, u trying it out too?)