"...because of You."

After shepping, peter told me some really impt things, helped me realise etc., etc. etc. things that i keep forgetting.

:) ha, there are just some things that words aren't enough to express. yeah, even mine too haha.

but after tt i prayed - tink God musta haf fixed the time such tt i wld have an hr to pray b4 giving tuition. felt really troubled, and cried to God, asking Him why he let me be like tt. ranting, but slowly, He turned my ranting into praying. read the psalms, and shared the psalmist's ranting... then i reflected on His goodness to me. remembered the times He called me, and His presence with me. and just sensed God's goodness filling the room.

then prayed - and the Spirit put this verse in my mind - from today's QT: "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." and tis verse too, "You, my brothers, were called to be free... But...rather, serve one another in love." and "So I say, live by the Spirit..."

but tis verse especially: "The ONLY thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

and peter's testimony came to mind. "I do [this] because of Jesus."

argh, words aren't enough here - tink i'd rather say it, but still... then after tt i got into an argument with my mum. felt really agitated, angry, annoyed... found myself biting my tongue at times. still the angry words came rushing out. yep, the sinner in me was gg at full-blast, the royal-rumble-wrestling-steel-chair-bashing mode (well, in words, not in action - fortunately!)

after that argument, got down on my knees and prayed to God. He knows i'm far from perfect - and i have no standards left to speak of. He knows i've tried my best - and failed miserably. And He has forgiven my sins, and helps me get back on my feet, and try again and again.

thru tis experience, realised how weak i am - i keep falling and falling, cannot obey His commands not to sin, but - bcos of tis experience - i'm glad for tt time. not bcos i argued wif my mum, but bcos it reminded me that i'm weak, a sinner - human, in other words. "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses..."

argh, i don't know how to express tis gladness and relief. :)

bcos of tt relief and His forgiveness, i found myself singing, "Find rest my soul / in Christ alone / know His power / In quietness and trust..."

then shortly after tt, my sis was ranting abt not being able to find some CD. so she told me to search my stuff. normally, i wld feel really angry and annoyed, and even wif Jesus' words in mind, "...he must be slave of all...", i wld still feel really angry. but at that point, i remembered peter's words, "... because of Jesus." so i prayed to God, and said, i'll do this because of You. because of love.

and the funny thing is, i found a peace and gladness filling my heart right after tt prayer. and smiling! whoa... because of Jesus!

so now i understand, in a small way, hw the early Christians were able to rejoice in persecutions, in hardships, in insults, in torture, even to death... simply bcos of Jesus. it's not a cliche slogan - it's a reality, a truth that exceeds this life, and even death.

and read jitsy's and guanzhen's blogs - whoa, both were talking abt weaknesses and God's perfection...

and even the crosswalk.com was talking abt the same thing!

reflecting... you know, it's stunning. God is so good, and i'm so bad. but He's so good, that He loves even bad pple like me. and He's so so good, that He can turn bad pple into good pple!

made me tink abt tis more... i'm v inspired by my dear shepherd's example. it's what he said tt struck me: "i've done all this because of Jesus."

Jesus, i love You. :)