Tuesday, January 17, 2006

"Take heart! It is I; don't be afraid."

Mmm, just a short update on what's gg on in my life.

Been working on my hons year project. As I've shared wif some of my friends, it's been getting more and more stressful, mainly bcos the project really is quite tough to do.

Been worried (and have felt frustrated too) abt it quite a few times, but realised tt it's important to guard my heart n not let difficulties or my own inability to do the work (which promises to be a big load this sem) take my eyes off Jesus.

Something I'm really grateful to Jesus thru this time ... ok, many things :) -

He's blessed me with a good friend in the lab - he's currently a scholar serving his NS in the lab... he's really hardworking and effective in his work - something I wanna capture from him.

But what's sweeter than that is that he's v willing to help others, and patient too. And he understands the technical aspects of my project and the programming language too. Wow, when God sends help, He really sends help... in the form of a scholar, and a very helpful one at that... really thank God for this friend in my life. Really enjoy his company too - he's from Hwa Chong JC last time, same year as me. :D

LOL, for those who know which JC i was from... he's living proof tt HCJC owNz the game... hahaha...

(looking fwd to compliments from HCJC d00ds in my comments box. and complaints from my JC mates... hahaha, i score own goal liao...)

Anyway, back to serious stuff. Was reading my Bible, when my eyes were drawn to a few verses regarding faith in God - which I was reminded of too when praying the night before...

I remembered this passage from the Bible where Jesus sends the disciples ahead of him to cross a lake in a boat. Then a storm came up, and the boat was in trouble, tossed abt by the waves. Then the disciples, who were in the boat, saw somebody walking on the water towards them. They were terrified and cried out, "It's a GHOST!!!!"

But the Somebody immediately said to them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

So thought about it... think the workload this semester is like a storm in a way. But think God is reassuring me frm tis verse tt even when the storm is raging and tossing me here n there, He is always there. And in case I doubt His ability n goodness thru this time, i need to remember that He's greater than any storm - He walks ON the water.

Yup... tk God for His goodness so much... learning to rejoice in His unfailing love and goodness, and to draw courage from His presence thru tis time in the midst of this storm.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

A Mac Called Desire


Baby...


Apple MacBook Pro

Just a thot...

Just a thot:
Why do I feel good when I do some things well?

Is it:
- bcos I know I've blessed God's heart and brought a smile to Him?
Or is it:
- bcos I've met my own standards, and therefore, feel self-satisfied?

Hmm...

Monday, January 9, 2006

A little girl...

Over the past few weeks, i've been getting to play more and more with my tuition boss' baby daughter - she's a toddler now. it's really so heartwarming, seeing hw she smiles and says hello (she tries her best) to me every time i come over.

and today, she took my big hand in hers, and fingered my palm, playing with my fingers. :)

guess these are the times that makes you want to be a father. Or at least join the HopeKids ministry. ;)

"...because of You."

After shepping, peter told me some really impt things, helped me realise etc., etc. etc. things that i keep forgetting.

:) ha, there are just some things that words aren't enough to express. yeah, even mine too haha.

but after tt i prayed - tink God musta haf fixed the time such tt i wld have an hr to pray b4 giving tuition. felt really troubled, and cried to God, asking Him why he let me be like tt. ranting, but slowly, He turned my ranting into praying. read the psalms, and shared the psalmist's ranting... then i reflected on His goodness to me. remembered the times He called me, and His presence with me. and just sensed God's goodness filling the room.

then prayed - and the Spirit put this verse in my mind - from today's QT: "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." and tis verse too, "You, my brothers, were called to be free... But...rather, serve one another in love." and "So I say, live by the Spirit..."

but tis verse especially: "The ONLY thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

and peter's testimony came to mind. "I do [this] because of Jesus."

argh, words aren't enough here - tink i'd rather say it, but still... then after tt i got into an argument with my mum. felt really agitated, angry, annoyed... found myself biting my tongue at times. still the angry words came rushing out. yep, the sinner in me was gg at full-blast, the royal-rumble-wrestling-steel-chair-bashing mode (well, in words, not in action - fortunately!)

after that argument, got down on my knees and prayed to God. He knows i'm far from perfect - and i have no standards left to speak of. He knows i've tried my best - and failed miserably. And He has forgiven my sins, and helps me get back on my feet, and try again and again.

thru tis experience, realised how weak i am - i keep falling and falling, cannot obey His commands not to sin, but - bcos of tis experience - i'm glad for tt time. not bcos i argued wif my mum, but bcos it reminded me that i'm weak, a sinner - human, in other words. "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses..."

argh, i don't know how to express tis gladness and relief. :)

bcos of tt relief and His forgiveness, i found myself singing, "Find rest my soul / in Christ alone / know His power / In quietness and trust..."

then shortly after tt, my sis was ranting abt not being able to find some CD. so she told me to search my stuff. normally, i wld feel really angry and annoyed, and even wif Jesus' words in mind, "...he must be slave of all...", i wld still feel really angry. but at that point, i remembered peter's words, "... because of Jesus." so i prayed to God, and said, i'll do this because of You. because of love.

and the funny thing is, i found a peace and gladness filling my heart right after tt prayer. and smiling! whoa... because of Jesus!

so now i understand, in a small way, hw the early Christians were able to rejoice in persecutions, in hardships, in insults, in torture, even to death... simply bcos of Jesus. it's not a cliche slogan - it's a reality, a truth that exceeds this life, and even death.

and read jitsy's and guanzhen's blogs - whoa, both were talking abt weaknesses and God's perfection...

and even the crosswalk.com was talking abt the same thing!

reflecting... you know, it's stunning. God is so good, and i'm so bad. but He's so good, that He loves even bad pple like me. and He's so so good, that He can turn bad pple into good pple!

made me tink abt tis more... i'm v inspired by my dear shepherd's example. it's what he said tt struck me: "i've done all this because of Jesus."

Jesus, i love You. :)