How ongoing Your presence is, O God!

You are powerful, yet gentle; strong yet humble in heart.

You are incredibly thoughtful - when I have no idea and feel stressed out over the daily mundane things and duties that I have to do, You ask me to bring it to You in prayer...

and You invite me to be patient with You...

and then as I wait upon You, You give me a clearer idea of what I need to do... and You show me what to plan for... and how to plan... and how to execute the plans...

and it incredibly touches me so because You, King of all the Universe, would actually bother to step in to help manage my little daily mundane things that I can't even handle...

Father, nothing is too daily or too small or too mundane for You to handle. Father, transform every little act, every little word, every little thought of mine into a sacred thing, forever hallowing Your name... just as You did with the towel and wash-basin that night - a mundane act, now forever hallowed.

---

Am I seeing things with my real eyes or am I seeing them with religious glasses?

---

Super-touched - God spoke yet again to me as I was flipping through "My Utmost for His Highest" - every page I flipped through spoke to what I had been praying to God earlier.

I'm incredibly touched once again. Daddy knows my thoughts from afar.

Excited at God :)

Recently got this reply when I sent an email to the HopeKids ministry team.

Hi Yeu Ann,

Thanks for your interest to partner with us to renew the generation for Christ. I’m delighted to hear of the options we have for you. Currently we need to beef up the multimedia aspect of our HopeKids LIVE! service more than anything. It’s the weekly display of multimedia. Maybe you can drop by one day at our service to check out what’s best for you to be involved ? It can be any Sunday, even this coming one…just let us know.

His,
Hong Teck

Wow, feel very excited... :) Think this is the clearest confirmation yet of God's calling for me in my life. :) I'll be going tomorrow (9 am to 11 am). And whoa, the timing is so fantastic - I just read the HopeKids' blog and found out that there'll be a volunteers' mtg tml at 1.30pm at Europe Room. Hmm... think I'll be going for that too. :)

Excited, and at the same time, quite uncertain abt what's going to happen tml. Wonder what it'll be like... it's my first time there. Back to Sunday School... haha...

Think that's the mystery of God's calling... because it really is something that I wouldn't have even thought of in my wildest dreams. And yet... everything seems to be adding up to this direction.

Think God impressed the word "FAITH" on my heart during worship today during service abt walking with Him. As Abraham obeyed God and went, even though he did not know where he was going, somehow I also feel the same way too. I really know nuts about what's going to happen next... was actually hoping to go to HopeTots haha. But I think God's specific direction for me here is not HopeTots (yet), but HopeKids Live... at this point in time.

And Joyce's (aka Faith) sharing abt her missions trip during dinner... she was mentioning abt kids... and how the Lord really touched the pple, including the kids.

And tml's topic for the service is on "Help To Witness"... whoa. :)

And today's sermon... about God being a BIG-HEARTED FATHER. :)

Whoa. Somehow the circumstanstial evidence here... seems pretty compelling. :) It's not definite evidence, but somehow... well, I dunno, but whereever Jesus calls me to go, I'll go. Anywhere but home. :)

Really exciting. And yet I must remind myself - when Christ calls me to go, I MUST go. No questioning, no doubting, no disobedience, no fear. Amen! :)

Failure: The First Step to Victory

In Touch Daily Devotional
by Dr. Charles Stanley

Sunday June 18, 2006

Failure: The First Step to Victory
Romans 7:15-25

Paul tried to do the right thing, but, like us, sometimes he failed. In his letter to the Romans, Paul seems to agonize over his inability to triumph over sin at every confrontation in his life.

Don’t we all feel like Paul at times? We want to do what’s right, but our actions don’t always represent our true desires.

However, Paul learned that failure shouldn’t be condemning – in fact, it taught him one invaluable lesson: "Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor. 12:10).

Here are some things to remember about defeat:

1) Defeat is often engineered by God. God isn’t after self-improvement. He is after death – death to our flesh, which leads to life in Him.

2) Defeat is often essential for God to fulfill His purposes in our lives. When we are broken to the point that the only place we can look is up–and see Him–then we begin to see the purposes and plans He has for our lives.

3) Defeat exposes our weaknesses and inadequacies. Our best efforts never match what God can–and wants–to do in us and through us.

Defeat in our lives doesn’t mean we are defeated. It’s merely God’s way of pointing us to ultimate victory.

---

Am very encouraged again... haha... thank God! :D Yet again it's on the subject of failure... but something with an extra touch... bcos I was thinking and talking to God in my heart yesterday and today abt His plans for my life... and something very sweet that happened today that caused me to reflect on God's sheer goodness to a sinner like me...

This point touched me a lot: "2) Defeat is often essential for God to fulfill His purposes in our lives. When we are broken to the point that the only place we can look is up–and see Him–then we begin to see the purposes and plans He has for our lives."

I was thinking back to my 4 years in NUS, to the time that God really broke my spirit and humbled me... think "crushed" is a more appropriate word. :) Because through that time God really, through a whole series of circumstances and events and what-not, stripped my heart bare, showing me what REALLY was in my heart - so many wicked things, the sheer hypocrisy, the pride, the greed and selfishness that reigned in my heart... and especially the false religious attire that i had put on in front of my brothers n sisters. When He stripped my facade off and showed me what was in my heart, actually i was shocked to see who i really was... and i had a very hard time accepting the sheer ugliness of my character.

But now I'm really grateful to Jesus, my Saviour, because He sent me pple who corrected and rebuked me in love, who helped me turn around and face up to my true inner condition... Hanhui... Weizhu... Peter... Sijia... Shirley... Zewei... and other brothers and sisters who tried to feedback to me. And thank God especially for my shepherds, Weizhu and Peter, who told me to turn back to Jesus... and to put my hope in God for redemption... When I think of all this, I'm reminded of what King Nebuchadnezzar wrote to all the people of the world, "Now I praise and glorify and exalt the God of heaven... for those who walk in pride He is able to humble."

But back to the point... why is this point so meaningful? Think it's because in the past few months, God has been putting a burden and calling in my heart to serve in the children's ministry... somehow I have the feeling that it's much more than a burden... I believe it's a calling from God Himself... and all this started only after I repented and turned back to Jesus for forgiveness last year...

I'm so surprised... because working with children is really totally something i would have never imagined or even dreamt of doing before... because I tend to feel v shy with children, not knowing how to talk or take care of them. But after a series of encounters with children, I've found out that children feel very comfortable with me... and also feedback from Ruey Fong, my dear brother... and also somehow I believe God impressed on my heart that He wanted to give me the name "Abraham"... which means "Father of many nations"... haha...

So I have found myself growing in love and burden for the children of the world... have really desired and been praying to God that He will help mould and shape me to be a good and godly father, not just biologically, but also one who is able to guide and prepare future generations for the dangers and the spiritual battles that lie ahead for each of them.

And something today REALLY touched my heart so much... it makes my heart really jump with joy... today I was at Nexus, when I saw Jits, Clara and Shirley there... as I was chatting with Jits, Shirley suddenly came into my view. She was carrying this super-adorable toddler called Harry. So I asked whether I can also try carrying Harry...

Wah lau, he felt so soft and tender... I couldn't help but think of old Abrahan grinning from ear to ear as he carried his baby son Isaac... and reflected on just how so intensely precious each child is in the eyes of God... as Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me, and DO NOT HINDER THEM, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such these."

And as I held him there, Harry's eyes looked into my eyes... really magic. Then he stuck out his stubby lil' hand and tried to take off my glasses. haha... not that I mind... i realised how clean babies' hands can be (if they're not sucking on their fingers, that is). :D Really really... intensely sweet. :D How precious each child is, in the eyes of the Father of fathers.

So am amazed at God's wonderful plans and purpose for my life... I was recalling all the talents, strengths, giftings, personality, experiences, desires and baptism name that He has given me... and realised that they are slowly but surely pointing simultaneously in one particular direction... realise the personal vision that He gave me in 2002, just before I entered NUS ministry, is gradually becoming personalised and more real. A dream to fulfill the Great Commission in my lifetime... by building strong and biblical people (including children!) to plant strong and biblical churches in Singapore and all over the world!

And when I think of all these things, I can only stand amazed at His sheer grace... "What is Yeu Ann, that You are mindful of him; the son of man that You care for him?" What is my life, Lord, that You should even bother to have a plan for me in the first place? A plan so uniquely designed... that when I see the unfolding of it in my life, I can only exclaim, "So this is what I am here for!"

Hallelujah!

Just a reflection

"God is not so much interested in whether I complete a task, as He is interested in my attitude in doing it. Everything a Christian does is a spiritual task, whether he/she realises it or not." Hmm...

Also, was feeling quite frustrated and stuck 'cos my sister took over the comp when I was away, and I felt really annoyed. But decided to read my Bible while waiting for her. Then read this verse from Proverbs: "Through patience, a ruler can be persuaded / and a gentle tongue can break a bone."

Whoa, think God gave me a good piece of advice how to get her away from the comp so tt i can resume my work... so just waited patiently next to her, and chatted with her abt what she's doing. Hahaha... thank God, can bless her at the same time, and she also finished doing her web-surfing much faster.

Wow, the Word of God is really wise. :D Still learning more everyday... :D

Frugality

Found this on Crosswalk.com. Very useful! :)
http://crosswalk.com/family/finances/1401010.html

Frugality Opens Doors to Giving, Enjoying God's Blessings
Deborah Smith Pegues
Author

"Now gather the leftovers," Jesus told his disciples, "so that nothing is wasted."

Jesus set a great example for frugality. Even though He had performed a miracle and fed a crowd of 5,000 men and an undisclosed number of women and children with only five loaves and two small fishes, He instructed His disciples to gather up the leftovers. When it was all said and done, they had gathered 12 basketfuls. Now, Jesus, you may wonder, was that necessary? You could have thrown that extra bread away. All you had to do was perform another miracle and make more bread when You needed it. Through His actions, Jesus was showing the importance of not squandering what God has provided—even when it appears that you do not need the excess.

I talked to a couple recently who had lived a rather lavish lifestyle, but through a series of misfortunes lost everything. They are starting to rebuild their lives and are working at jobs that pay much less than they were used to making. I queried them about the role they had played in their financial decline, and they confessed that they were partly responsible. I concluded from a casual observation of their current behavior that a lot of their old wasteful habits were still alive and well. They called it "generosity" when they gave a 95 percent tip to the restaurant’s parking attendant. By no means am I opposed to such bigheartedness, but when you are trying to stabilize your finances, you need to understand that frugality is a significant part of spirituality and God is not pleased when we engage in extravagance.

In one of His parables, Jesus talked about a son who convinced his father to give him his inheritance before the appointed time. "A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and took a trip to a land, and there he wasted all his money on wild living"(Luke 15:13 NLT). When the economy turned sour, he could only find work feeding a farmer’s swine. He almost starved to death. At one point, he became so hungry he had to eat the pods that the farmer fed to the swine. I can imagine him sitting there by the trough dividing the food between himself and the pigs: "swine," "mine," "swine," "mine." He then realized that his father’s servants were living better than this. He humbled himself and headed home. His merciful father was glad to receive him and gave him a big welcome back party. Of course, by having the party, the father was by no means condoning his son’s wastefulness, but rather celebrating his coming to his senses.

Are you wasteful in any area of your life, or do you actively seek ways to practice frugality? For instance, do you allow your children to open a can of soda, take a few sips, and then trash it? Did you know that there are special lids available at the supermarket that will allow you to seal the can and preserve the fizz? Are you too embarrassed to ask for a doggie bag when you eat out? Do you bring home leftovers from your restaurant dining and then allow them to spoil in the refrigerator before you can consume them? Do you consider reusing plastic lunch bags, especially when you only use them for dry goods such as chips and cookies? They can be recycled at least once after a quick swipe with a damp towel. Do you always turn the lights off when you leave the room? Do you use both sides of the paper when printing drafts of reports—at home and at work?

I have practiced frugality as far back as I can remember. In fact, Darnell teases that I squeeze each dollar so tightly it’s a wonder I don’t rub George Washington’s face right off the front of it. Yes, I turn the bottle upside down and get the last drop out of everything. I pick up every penny I find when I’m out walking. As Benjamin Franklin said, "A penny saved is a penny earned." I use vinegar and water instead of the fancy cleaners to clean glass and shiny surfaces. I do everything I can to save money—not to hoard it, but so that I can share it. I can’t think of a single thing I have ever purchased that has brought more joy than writing a check to someone who desperately needs it. We are never more like Christ than when we are giving.

I want to be careful to balance our discussion by warning that we should not allow our desire to be frugal to keep us from fully enjoying the things that are within the bounds of what God allows. I thoroughly enjoy the breathtaking view of the city from my home. My husband and I have made great sacrifices in putting the needs of God’s house before our own desires. Therefore, we refuse to allow Satan to make us feel guilty about what God has provided.

Frugality is not a call to poverty, and it certainly should not take the fun out of our lives. It is important that we enjoy the abundant life that Christ came to give us. It is equally important to understand that abundance is not to be equated with extravagance. God blesses His children with abundance so that they can bless others with their overflow. If we are all poverty-stricken, how will we have an overflow?

Frugality is simply avoiding waste. Wastefulness will keep your finances in a tailspin. Frugality is evidence that God can trust you with increased resources because you have learned how to manage what He already supplied.

Taken from 30 Days to Taming Your Finances by Deborah Smith Pegues; Copyright 2006 by Deborah Smith Pegues; Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR; Used by Permission.

Deborah Smith Pegues is an experienced certified public accountant, a Bible teacher, a speaker, a certified behavioral consultant specializing in understanding personality temperaments, and the author of 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue. She and her husband, Darnell, have been married for more than 27 years and make their home in California.

Talking about golden sunshine...

Talking about golden sunshine... I love the lyrics to this song. :) it's an old song, but hope you guys enjoy it. *nostalgic* Not sure how many pple know the melody... think ppl of my generation and older will know this one. :P *nudges Huanyan* so HY, you gotta learn all the beautiful old songs so tt u can pass it on to the younger ones next time... haha... :D

His love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh
His love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky
His love is brighter than the brighest star that
Shines every night above
And there is nothing is this world
That can ever change His love

Once i thought that love was meant
For anyone else but me
Once i thought that no one knew the way
Now that only goes to show
How wrong we all can be
'cause now it seems He loves me more each day

Something happened to my heart
That day that i met Him
Something that i never felt before
And that something is that He has buried all my sins
And everyday i know He loves me more...

He hears the tiniest whisper of my heart

Thank God for His incredible love and goodness and grace to a sinner like me. :)

Ha, because i woke up tis morning, and somehow all sorts of fears and worries and doubts started creeping into my mind. Strangely, it happened after a wonderful night of Bible reading which I think God really ministered to me...

Felt totally pinned down and suppressed - when i'm plagued by fears and worries and doubts, it's very hard for me to get up from bed - yup it's true. So cried out to Jesus to help me from this attack, and somehow i felt this inner prompting to take my Bible and read it.

Opened the book, and hey! praise God! :D my eyes fell on these words:

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Wow... thank God indeed... He has heard the wordless cries of my voice... and the silent whimpers of my heart. So now am typing this, because really want to thank God for all His goodness to me... to "lift up the cup of salvation / and call on the name of the LORD."

Just also want to share another testimony abt His goodness to me...
Yesterday i was rushing to take a cab down to NUS to meet the multimedia team for Alpha to do some filming. But it was raining, and it was a Sunday, and i was at Junction 8. So that means a long, long crowd waiting for taxis... So I was wondering how to get a cab on time, 'cos i have to pass the tape for filming to the MM team, or else they can't film, and they've been waiting for a very long time. Whispered a very small prayer to God that I really need a cab, but the queue very long, so could He send one along?

Then hey, the moment I stepped out to the main road, a taxi came along, dropping off its passengers. Hey! So flagged down the taxi, and the taxi came and stopped next to me. Wow! :D Thank God... am reminded of His sensitivity and thoughtfulness... that He hears even the tiniest whisper of my heart... Think it's very reassuring, this experience, esp for someone like me who tends to worry whether He has heard my prayers... that even someone like me matters so much to Him... as John Ortberg puts it, a "love beyond reason".

Shall keep in mind what the Bible says about this experience:

"1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live."
Psalm 116

very touched leh... :D think I will paste this psalm down, think it really reflects very meaningfully today's and yesterday's experiences.

And think it's not a coincidence that at this moment, just as i'm typing this entry, the sun's coming in... and He knows that I love golden sunshine. :)

Psalm 116

"1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you."

"To know His ways more..." - a renewed perspective that i got today :)

Hmm... wonder how to start... feel so... intensely touched by what God is doing in my life... it's all about JESUS, really! Life is simply NOT big enough for Him... He is JUST too big for any life, ever! How big His heart! How... i can't express it enuff in words, the way He spoke to me thru so many words, from so many pple, from so many sources... thru His Holy Spirit... thru His Word... thru my brothers n sisters... thru the voice of Reason, the voice of Logic, the voice of many experiences...

His love is too deep to express sufficiently in words... Like the song goes, "There are no words / Good enough to thank You / There are no words to express my praise..."

Perhaps, one could take pause and agree with Wittgenstein in his Tractatus, who said that there are some things that simply cannot be expressed in words... and thus, one should just remind silent.

To just stand and behold the glory of God... just "Lost for words with all to say /
Lord you take my breath away / Still my soul, my soul cries out / For you are holy..."

---

Think I'll just summarise what I've learnt from my reflections on the past few weeks... think God impressed on my heart during worship time today during service that He allows me to experience failures and disappointments, that He allows me to be weak and struggle with fears within and without... AND not just that, He POINTS out these failures to me in one way or another... especially my repeated failures, sins and stumbles...

Think my old response would have been to be very disappointed even more at my own failures and start falling into despair and self-pity. But thank God for my dear shepherd, Peter, who reminded me last year about distinguishing btwn worldly sorrow (bad sorrow) vs godly sorrow - that's good sorrow, and just as imptly, discerning WHEN I'm abt to fall into the trap of worldly sorrow...

Now I find myself more confident and alert this time around (esp during matriculation season when i find myself especially prone to negative thoughts and physical tiredness), bcos of what the Bible says abt this issue, in recognising and putting to death this worldly sorrow that i am so prone to. (I imagine myself using 2 Corinthians 7:10 like a bayonet, sticking it into the throat of the undead zombie of the old Yeu Ann, the sinful nature of mine... violent imagery, yes, but spiritual warfare is no less real than physical warfare.) Praise God for His Word, that is sharper than any sword, that helps me live the right (and victorious) way! :D

So what's the new perspective today that somehow struck me during service? That God is using all these "mini-trials" where i face up to my own weaknesses, personal and character failings, and external difficulties and frustrations, NOT to 'tekan' me, BUT to TRAIN me and show me more abt the true myself... AND to show me what I need to change in... all these trials, testings and temptations are an integral part of His shaping of my character, personality, lifestyle, dreams, hopes, manhood and future fatherhood and God knows what else. :)

---

And you know what? After I came back from service, I just now flipped open this book by John Ortberg ("The Life You've Always Wanted"), and surprise! The pages that I first set my eyes upon were:

Start with Small Trials
To be formed and transformed through trials, the place to start is with little ordeals. The place is when "all kinds of trials and temptations" crowd into our lives, as the Phillips version expresses James 1:2.

Often I am humbled by my failure to endure even the smallest trials...

[...]

Life is filled with minitrials. When someone interrupts me, I can learn to graciously hold my tongue. When my co-worker borrows something and doesn't return it immediately, I can learn patience. When I have a headache, I can discover that it is possible to suffer and not tell everybody about it. As simple as it sounds, the place to start being formed by trials is with the mini variety.

But we need to add persistence for the large trials. Perhaps you need to identify the greates challenge of your life right now, or a dilemma you are about ready to give up on. Make a commitment that you are going to relentlessly persevere in prayer.

Perhaps the challenge is relational. Is someone you love far from God and you have about given up hope? Is it a pattern of sin in your life that you haven't been able to break and you feel as if you will be in its grip forever? Is it a new habit you would do well to cultivate? Is it a family rupture that has been going on for years?

Are we on the road to Moriah? Surely we will experience suffering of one sort or another. Yet the question remains: How will we run the race? Will we finish well? Will we keep the faith?

We do not accomplish this from sheer strength of will. The reason we can trust God is that he understands what it is to walk in darkness. One message of the Cross is that God chooses not to stand apart from our suffering. He is not unmoved by the pain of the creatures he loves. He embraces that pain and suffers with us. Karl Barth wrote that God would rather be unblessed with his creatures than to be the blessed God of unblessed creatures.

[NB: i really wasn't thinking of looking for a message from God by random flipping - that's not usually how God wants to speak to us, unless He confirms it thru the Bible and other means.]

I'm super-touched, not only bcos He is working in my life, but also bcos, in a small way, today, I've managed to (or rather, He let me) catch a glimpse of His super-big heart, His ways of dealing with men... And I tell you, nothing is as thrilling as seeing God's very own character, and knowing a little more about how He behaves... how He feels for us... how He loves... how He hates... how He JUST is!

He JUST simply is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!

Yup, I REALLY want to know God's ways better... to love Him more each day... to listen to His gentle voice and His mighty heartbeat that roars at the world's injustices, that throbs with pain for the lost, and that sings with joy every time a sinner comes to Him to be saved... that I may share His very own heartbeat too... that my heart may more and more beat together with His mighty heart of hearts.

---

No wonder Moses asked God, "If you are pleased with me, teach me Your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you... Now show me your glory."

And what the Lord replied to Moses: "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

And Moses did indeed get to see God's glory with his own eyes... even though it was just a little bit... it's just the "demo version" of what God's very own character is like! :D

---

Thinking... some practical things that I think He wants me to change in...
Firstly, after a series of 3 consecutive experiences in which some ppl said to me that the advice that I share with some ppl, yes I've got good intentions, but they need time to be alone / not in a very receptive mood / filled to the brim and need to have time... I realised that what I'm doing is not right... not that the advice is wrong... but what they need more is a fuller understanding of their situation... time to be alone... where just keeping an open ear to listen to their feelings (and definitely not preaching!) is much, much, much more ministering...

Think the Spirit put this verse (1 Cor 8:1b) in my mind as an additional agreement... "Knowledge [as in my own knowledge and opinions of what they should do) puffs up, but love builds up." It really struck me there, bcos i realised that yah, i've been so full of how much i know, and how many opinions i have of things... that i have neglected the importance of loving the other person.

How important listening is! James 1:19-20 (which i heard in today's sermon by Jasmine) says (which I heard during sermon today): "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." It spoke to me not only in the area of understanding ppl, but also in the area of self-control and anger.

'Cos I was worried about having my temper grow out of control... bcos actually, i tend to get very agitated every time a particular someone loses his temper and starts shouting at me over the phone when he has problems with the computer or printer. i know he's frustrated bcos he has deadlines to rush, but i keep finding it very hard to keep my cool and stay controlled. in fact i started scolding him over the phone to keep quiet (sometimes i use the words, "SHUT UP!") and let me do the asking of questions instead. (It really isn't easy to be a tech support guy when the other person on the phone is screaming at you.)

I feel very troubled everytime this person calls me for tech support, because I really find it very hard to control my temper and stay calm while trying to figure out what is wrong with the computer / printer / God knows what else over the phone AND solve it on the spot.

So i was praying to God today how can i overcome this temper problem? i really don't want to be a captive to my temper, i want to please God, to exercise greater self-control even when i'm mentally tired, emotionally exhausted and angry. I said to God that I'm really afraid because if this temper of mine is not kept under control, i may go on to do even worse things in future. Yah, i know, some pple have said that I'm a patient guy... that IS a miracle from Jesus! Because by nature, I am DEFINITELY NOT a patient person at all. So any patience that you see in me is solely a result of what Jesus has done in my life ever since i asked Him to come into my life.

So i'm very touched also because today's passage was from Ephesians 4... and one of the verses that Jasmine spoke about was this: "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

Praise God! :D it's really so sweet of how He hears my prayer and answers it in such an exact way... thru that sermon, God pointed out James 1:19-20 to me, which answered my prayer, "How can i control and overcome my temper problem?" Jasmine highlighted these key words in this verse: "Everyone should be quick to listen, sl-o-o-o-w to speak and sl-o-o-o-w to become angry..."

So realised the cure for this temper problem is stated very clearly in James 1:19-20... "be QUICK! to listen! SLOOOOOOOOOW to speeeeeeeaaaaaaaak... and slooooooooooooooooooooow to become angrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee." Hahaha... really very touched by how God really can speak into my life when I really ask Him for advice and help.

I'm determined to put these reflections into practice NOW. Because James 1:22 says, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."

A visual analogy i use to help me understand the power of putting reflections and understandings into practice is like soldiers who conduct daily raids on the enemy's strongholds and trenches... even though these may not be as dramatic as en-masse charges (i.e. one big-time concerted all-out effort to have a massive breakthru in some area of my life), they can be no less powerful and effective in achieving breakthrus. Little by little... we're taking ground... every prayer a powerful weapon; strongholds down, tumbling down and dOwN and DOWN! Just like what I happened to glance at another Christian reading next to me on the MRT - it was on overcoming struggles with sins and strongholds in one's life... to paraphrase, "Often the battle against the devil requires that one battle doggedly and determinedly, taking ground little by little."

Amen! Our God is a GOOD and GREAT GOD! :D

Faithfulness and Obedience

Hmm... just finished sending some emails that I'd promised to send a few days ago. Felt quite guilty for procrastinating, but I remember what the Bible says about worldly sorrow versus godly sorrow.

Hmm...

Think the past few days, I've been starting to feel increasingly 'sian' and discouraged in my calling people up for the upcoming Alpha programme. And ironically, it's after a series of very encouraging calls - the freshmen are generally responsive, I'm getting to know them better, etc. etc...

But the negative feelings have been starting to flood in again - feelings of discouragement, 'sian'-ness, and when i start procrastinating because of the sian-ness, i start feeling guilty all over again.

But you know, really gotta thank God for His preparation beforehand... what Wenjiang taught during the Uni District camp about putting on the spiritual armour of God, esp the belt of truth - we choose to obey the truth, not our feelings - and the shield of faith. Also Peter told me to pray to God for increasing awareness of my sins - not just when i have sinned, but especially when I am going to sin. To be watchful and alert, like a soldier carefully scanning the jungle before him to make sure he doesn't get ambushed by the enemy, especially those classic traps that any soldier worth his salt should be so familiar with...

Or to put in DOTA terms, it's one thing to make a noob mistake... but it's TOTALLY another thing to make the same noob mistake time after time...

So what does this entry's title have to do with the contents?

Well, just sharing... been reflecting... putting the pieces together about what God has been showing me in His Word the past week... experiences, sharings, "coincidences", etc. etc.... think God is telling me that what I'm experiencing at the moment is a good time to push myself to grow in faithfulness and obedience to God.

Commitment to Christ. What a wonder...









Think have been feeling increasingly sian, but praying that God will protect me. Father, help me, I really want to please You. I keep struggling in the face of my discouragements and negative thoughts, but I know that no matter what, You are the same yesterday, today and forever.

Lord, I'm really feeling quite strung-out and a bit weary. But keep my heart going on for You... remind me ofwhat You have done for me on the cross. I don't want this to be just a religious activity - You know that I really feel like ... just feel quite... intense inside.

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fighting within and fears without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come...

Yeah, Papa... I guess it's not been easy to pen down just exactly what is in my heart. Yet, i'm really grateful to You, Lord... that You have been encouraging me through Your words and Your precious promises... it assures my heart to knwo that I'm not alone through this time.

Ha, hope You like my entry, God... i guess this is hopefully another step, breakthrough in becoming more real with You, with my feelings and thoughts.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need in Thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come...

Hmm... guess I feel really masculine, actually, as I write this entry... it's nice to know that, despite all my attempts, my emotions don't really flow out as easily as I would want it to be... and I think that's a good thing, in a way.

Perhaps it's because I'm learning to be stronger emotionally, at least, by the grace of God, more emotionally mature than last time. I guess, to be able to speak frankly what's on my mind and my heart without being emotional - to be like You, Jesus, full of emotions, but not emotional (as in being affected easily by emotions).

Ha, thanks for listening, God. I guess it really helps just to be able to write something to You... thanks for being with me always, just as You have already said. Really want to be more and more secure in what You've promised in Your words. And You know how I love beautiful words. And there are none as beautiful as Yours, Daddy.

In Jesus' most precious name,
Amen.

A testimony of testimonies

Very encouraged indeed... We had CG, and Joyce shared not one, but two wonderful testimonies... her testimonies really was so encouraging! And after CG, Yufen, Bowen and I were on our way back, waiting for the MRT, when an old friend from JC, Shaowei, appeared. He's an extremely intelligent guy, on a scholarship, a Maths "god". :) I chatted with him, and found out that he accepted Christ 5 years ago, during his NS days. Before that, he was an atheist.

So I asked him, "How did you become a Christian?"

He replied, "Through a dream." He went on to describe how God helped him see his need for Him, and after he asked Jesus into his life, he prayed on a Saturday, "Jesus, I believe in You, but I really don't know much about You. Can you tell me more about Yourself?"

The next Monday, an army Christian friend of his passed him a book on Christianity. (If I remember Shaowei's words correctly, it's "Questions of Life: A Practical Introduction to the Christian Faith" by Nicky Gumbel, founder of the Alpha Programme.) This Christian friend told Shaowei that he was walking with his girlfriend on Saturday, and then suddenly, his girlfriend said that she felt at that moment like buying a particular book - the very book that Shaowei was holding 2 days later. You figure the rest of the story...

When I heard this, I was, like, so amazed and encouraged! :D Wow... Shaowei said to YF, Bo and me that a lot of people must have been praying for him. He said that some Christian friend had tried to debate with him before, but he wasn't convinced. But what argument alone could not do, the power of God was more than enough to save him - not through wise and persuasive words, but with a simple dream.

So something I was refreshed and reminded of after that meeting with Shaowei, was how SO essential prayer is when we are telling others about Jesus. We can share and share till the cows come home, but if we don't have God's help, the guy can't know God. Like Jesus said, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him." And Paul said that "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."

So want to encourage you guys, if you're Christian and sharing the Gospel with someone for a long time, take heart! :D Pray, pray and pray... because nothing is impossible for God!

---

Thinking about it... what makes a testimony really so wonderful? And why is the Christian faith so full of testimonies? As the apostle Paul wrote to Philemon, "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith..."

Think the answer can be summed up in one word: God.

Somehow, think the most amazing and encouraging testimonies are those where we hear of coincidences that are... simply so timely, so statistically improbable, that... they can't be coincidences. It's way too beyond the 99% confidence interval test; it passes the t-test with flying colours; it flattens the null hypothesis left, right and centre. It's those times, in the most improbable of situations, that Jesus shows Who's The Boss, and prove yet once again, why He pwns the entire game. :)

Because, at the end of the day, it's all about what Jesus has done! Nothing about me. Everything about Him! It's really super-thrilling to hear, every single time, to hear of what God has done, especially when things work out in such an improbable and wonderful way that the whole thing shouts "JESUS WAS HERE!!!"

Amen! :D