Something that someone shared with me struck me a lot.

Something I like to share which I think you know about this too:
It is not to expect things to happen but to try all means to make it happen, either by prayer or by suggesting and initiating.
There are some pple who are not happy with the church and keep being negative and in the end they left.
However, there are some who knew that the church is not perfect and they do their best to suggest, to initiate, to persevere for improvement through proper channel.

It's timely, 'cos I had been praying, and somehow this same thought had come persistently knocking at the door of my mind. And then my friend wrote the above comment. Seems like it's God's way of speaking to me here... =)

Shall I be a Doer, or a Quitter?

And another thing I learnt as well:

Do, even as you pray, and pray even as you do.

Jiaxiang messaged me today to just ask me how my day was. Whoa. So blessed by the sweetness of his thoughtfulness. :)

Proverbs 16:24
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

:)

A lot has happened this week. A lot of emails, actually. Personal emails. And it was such a joy to share on a personal level. We clarified and shared and discussed. And with one of my friends, I sent a whole LOT of SMSes to explain smoething. I should have sent an email, but ... well, the SMSes did seem more personal in a way.

Just felt everything's getting so much deeper in terms of friendships and so on. "Deep calls to deep..." And it's very late now. But my soul yearns deeply for God even now.

The Heart of a True Shepherd

Was talking to God about some recent happenings in my church, and also about a movie I watched recently, "Doubt"... so was asking God how to help my brothers and sisters grow stronger and safer... then somehow had this desire to check out a particular verse. And found it in Acts 20. It really spoke deeply to me. So want to share with you too. :)

25"Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. 26Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of all men. 27For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. 28Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God,[b] which he bought with his own blood. 29I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. 30Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. 31So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears.

32"Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified. 33I have not coveted anyone's silver or gold or clothing. 34You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. 35In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" [emphasis mine]

True Usefulness

I was asking God today, "Lord, what is true usefulness actually? What really make a man truly useful in Your eyes?"

2 Timothy 2:20-21 came to mind:

NIV: 20In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. 21If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

NLT: 20 In a wealthy home some utensils are made of gold and silver, and some are made of wood and clay. The expensive utensils are used for special occasions, and the cheap ones are for everyday use. 21 If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.

AMP: 20But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also [utensils] of wood and earthenware, and some for honorable and noble [use] and some for menial and ignoble [use]. 21So whoever cleanses himself [from what is ignoble and unclean, who separates himself from contact with contaminating and corrupting influences] will [then himself] be a vessel set apart and useful for honorable and noble purposes, consecrated and profitable to the Master, fit and ready for any good work.

Was mulling over the verse. And I think I'm starting to understand. True usefulness in God's eyes is not about how well you can do something, but how pure your heart is for God. How devoted you are to Him. If God can use even a wooden staff...

Would I be willing to do anything and everything God wanted me to do, no matter how tiny or menial it is?

Acts 13:22
After removing Saul, [God] made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.'

And in light of certain happenings, I've come to realize that no matter how many big-looking and impressive things you may do for the Lord... ultimately, if you are not careful to walk right with God and be pure for Him... He can't and won't want to use you very much then. What a dismaying thought.

1 Samuel 15:22-23
But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

For rebellion is like the sin of divination,
and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the LORD,
he has rejected you as king."

Obedience before competence. Purity before passion. Availability before ability.

Personal M&M

Psalm 86:11
"Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear Your name."
I think I will start again my habit of writing down Bible verses from memory and reciting them aloud. This simple habit makes it much easier for me to memorise Bible verses. When I was a very young believer, hee, I was quite scared actually that I'd forget God and felt quite lonely a lot of times. Also I felt paiseh to be reading the Bible in front of my family, so I started this habit of writing down verses on scraps of paper so that I could memorise them.

And hee, I think God blessed me in this area a lot. I simply love to recite some of the Bible passages... they're so poetic and so beautiful. I guess quite a few bros and sisters said that I'm like a walking Bible "Google".

Hmm... actually, I really think you shouldn't be admiring me or what... admiring me in the same way like you do someone who can memorise the entire Periodic Table or the 500th digit of pi or what... it's not a "stunt" or something amazing... I mean, a human can breathe the whole day without getting tired, right? But none of us get so amazed at the fact that we can breathe without tiring, breathing in our sleep.

In fact, it should be natural to want to stuff yourself full of God's Word. Like babies craving for milk, we too should crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it we may grow up in our salvation, now that we've tasted that the Lord is good!

In fact, God's Word is SO ESSENTIAL TO OUR VERY OWN SURVIVAL. Moses said in Deuteronomy 32:45-47

45 When Moses finished reciting all these words to all Israel, 46 he said to them, "Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law. 47 They are not just idle words for you—they are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess."

God's Word is so important to us. Without the Bible to guide us, we will most certainly be deceived and led astray. We will feel lost and helpless. We will not be able to receive God's comfort and assurance and guidance. We will be unable to distinguish between good and evil.

In fact, Abraham Lincoln himself said of the Bible:

"In regard to this Great book, I have but to say, it is the best gift God has given to man. All the good the Savior gave to the world was communicated through this book. But for it we could not know right from wrong. All things most desirable for man’s welfare, here and hereafter, are to be found portrayed in it."

And the surprising thing is that, at that time, he wasn't even a Christian yet, but a skeptic. Gosh. I think he was an agnostic then.

:) Yep, believe it or not. A non-believer had such a high regard of God's Word... and see how God used him to save a nation and deliver an entire generation from slavery. And thank God, Mr. Lincoln did receive Christ into his heart around that time of the Civil War. =)

And it's in no little part due to the influence of God's Word upon Lincoln's character that this man is now the standard upon which all future Presidents would be measured up against.

And I'm encouraged by TH's willingness to explore the Bible for himself and have us explain to him. In fact, he understands some truths of the Bible much better than some of us Christians do! Gosh. So have much to learn from his willing heart to learn.

Gosh. If there are non-believers who have such a healthy respect for the Scriptures even though they are not Christians... then I think we Christians have to really buck up and repent. God's Word is a joy, you know. It is beautiful to read - not only doctrinally or mentally... it is also a literary joy to read!

Yup. So I want to grow in my love and hunger for God's Word... and to put it even more eagerly into practice. To do God's will God's way! Not to use my own understanding to shape my understanding of God's Word... but to let God's Word become my very understanding of the world!

Aye-men!

Am thinking of committing more time to Bible studies by taking more HopeSem courses, especially after the discussion I had with the other brothers. Think Certificate in Global Christian Ministry would be really helpful... but I hope the courses I've taken so far can be carried over... =)

Well, let me know if you're interested - here's the schedule for the courses for 2009.

Is It Ok To Share This Kind of Joke?

One brother posted this on his CG blog.

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy! He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

Yes, I know it's hilarious, but I'm thinking: is it an example of what Ephesians 5:4 says: "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving."

What do you guys think? All comments are welcome... I'm thinking through this!

The Rise of False Teachings...

Hmm. One very meaningful thing that Robert shared during the gathering in my house. He said that he had read one of my previous posts on leadership in the church. And he shared with us that the Bible has clearly said that in the last days, there will be people in the church who put up a front of godliness, but deny its power... those who seem to be very godly, but actually have their own agendas...

So he shared his thoughts about it, and then posed this question to us: "In light of the approaching of the last days, and possible false teachings that may arise... is it possible to trust what is being preached from the pulpit?"

A thoughtful silence fell across the room.

Then the sharing started, and we interjected, interrupted, and introspected. Among some of the food-for-thought issues that we discussed about were:

i. How much do we really know our Bibles? The Bible itself reminds us that Satan knows the Bible better than a lot of us know... he even tried to quote a portion of Scripture out of context to tempt Jesus to sin! Win already lor... he tried it on JESUS HIMSELF, so what makes us think he'll not try it on you and me?

ii. We in Hope are becoming quite lazy, actually, not being able to remember even basic Scripture like Psalm 23... not bothering to bring our Bibles to services, preferring to read from the screen... and not double-checking with the Scriptures when we listen to the teachings that we receive.

iii. We are not really thinking very much when we receive plenty of teachings... often we don't question (sincerely) what we are taught, even if we feel uncomfortable sometimes. One of the bros shared that he had felt a bit uncomfortable when a leader shared about his own views on homosexuality... but wasn't sure whether to speak up or not. (Although if I remember correctly, the leader had invited us to share our own thoughts and viewpoints too, so I think it's more of our fear of looking like sore thumbs in questioning...)

Perhaps it's partly due to our own education system in Singapore where we don't think so much... and also due to our own church culture, where in the name of good intentions of wanting to make it more convenient for our younger brothers and sisters, we spoonfeed them Bible verses and so on.

So that's not good. Such well-intentioned actions may not help us to learn to train ourselves towards being Godly.

In fact, Scripture commands us clearly and explicitly that as we grow up in Christ, we must train ourselves. To learn the Word for ourselves.

1 Timothy 4
7Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. 8For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

Hebrews 5
11We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. 12In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

Thus, in order to discern and distinguish false teachings from true (which the Lord has clearly warned us in the Bible so long ago ever since the first church), we MUST know what the Holy Scriptures say! And to practice applying it into our own lives!

Otherwise we are like soldiers running into battle without ammo, or even if we had lots of ammo, we do not know how to aim, shoot or even load our rifles! Thus we are sent fleeing in disarray and in panic.

So we concluded that we should take responsibility for ourselves to double-check the Scriptures, know clearly what the Bible says... in short, to know what the Logos, the Written Word, says! And I'll add, to study the Bible for all its worth. Do inductive Bible study on my own. Not be lazy and just let others spoonfeed me. No! I must take stronger ownership of my own walk with the Lord, and study the Word of God, which is God-breathed, and is useful for training and equipping me. Aye-men!

********
It's very timely, heh, 'cos today, I had messaged the references for a Bible passage to my CG, to encourage them to read the verse... my CL thoughtfully suggested that I should include the verse as well, 'cos it would be more convenient for them to read.

But I replied to my leader, "I would... But it will make the SMS very long. Then i'd have to send 2 or 3 messages per person. If they really want to read the verses, they can read their Bibles." To be frank, I wanted to be even blunter: "If they really want to read the verses, they jolly well can read their own Bibles - if they can be bothered to!"

Of course, I'm not putting down my CL's advice. But I think it's time to push older believers to start doing for themselves what they are perfectly able to do on their own (especially after YEARS of being in church). I mean, if they have genuine issues, then sure, we who are spiritual should restore him/her gently... we are to carry each other's crushing burdens, BUT we should carry what we are supposed to carry on our own!

As Galatians 6 says,

1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5for each one should carry his own load. [my emphasis]

In HopeTots, there are little children who struggle to put on their own shoes. So I kneel down and help them. And there are older children who sit down and ask me to help put on their shoes. I stare hard at them, and tell them, "Do it yourself. You're old enough to do it on your own." (And I shake my head, thinking, alamak, must be someone with a maid... - haha because I myself had a maid when I was very young - she would help me with a LOT of things... well, I struggled later on life because of that.)
********

Yup... so these are some things that we talked about. Any thoughts or comments?

CNY gathering at my room

Just finished a gathering of some dear friends at my place. In my room, to be precise. Weizhu, Huichun, Robert, Melissa, Peter and Yanjie. Sharon was supposed to drop by, but she had DMM at 8 pm.

We huddled in the tiny confines of my room, but even though my mum asked us whether we wanted to use the dining room, they replied, "Auntie, no need lah, the room is very cozy." :) Hee! Thank God so much. 'Cos was a bit concerned that my room might be too small for more than 7 people. But well, God is faithful and He always provides. :)

Over a meal of fried chicken, Robert kicked off the time by sharing about something that I had written in my blog. And the other bros shared and shared... while Huichun and Melissa sat by and listened attentively to what we were sharing.

After that, we shared about old times in NUS... haha... and the crazy matriculation games that we played when we were all in year 2...

Wow. It's so heartwarming, the sweet time of fellowship. The floor of my room is a bit grubby now, with some KFC stains on it, but the sweetness of friendship's aroma still lingers around long after the gathering is over.

And I think we could have more of these brothers' gatherings! :) Actually, we should! I think I will open up my room again for more gatherings... =) (But only up to a max of 7 or 8 people, depending on their waist-sizes... and any farters will be immediately cast out into the darkness, where there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth... [yeah, I farted a few times... as discreetly as possible though haha])

The discussion that we had was so stimulating and so thought-provoking, that actually, I was quite disappointed when Weizhu helped to conclude it... 'cos I felt this was a great time for stirring our hearts to action! Well, so I'll post it on my blog soon!)

Not only that. I realized that each brother had their own unique strengths and perspectives to add to the sharing and discussion. Robert had his powerful voice and direct opinions, while Yanjie had his humourous insights, while Weizhu had his steady and thoughtful, empathetic sharings, while Peter had his balanced and comprehensive analysis, while I think I had my experiences and stories to share.

And it was so delightful, 'cos I saw how everyone of the brothers blessed everyone else in the group with their own unique experiences and insights. Complementary.

Not only so, but we all had the same passion and spiritual heartbeat to see us grow in maturity and in being solidly grounded in the Word of God. That is so unifying! And my heart was very nourished and blessed by this true fellowship.

Personally, I think we've been abusing the word "fellowship". We use it in the same breath as "let's play DOTA; let's go shopping; let's do this and that..." But what really is fellowship?

Hanhui asked the brothers last time, some years back in NUS times. One of us suggested, "Something like Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring?" And HH said yes, this is what fellowship is about.

Well, let's go back to the Word... from what I can remember... it's eating together with glad and sincere hearts, meeting up daily in our own homes, praising God together, sharing whatever we have with one another... also encouraging one another in our walk with the Lord...

I think fellowship can be described simply as this: Being in the same ship as the other person. :) If the ship goes to the Maldives, we rejoice together! If it goes into the perfect storm, we face it together. We are covenanted with one another, by the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ! Blood is thicker than water, but spirit is even thicker than blood!

Yup! Thank you Lord for being here with us! :)

Matthew 18:20
"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

Acts 2:46
Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts...

Anyway, yah, it's such a joy to open up my room... I realised that even though my room's really quite small, it actually is a very cozy place to fellowship! :) (Not to mention the aircon helped to keep the room cool. And to think I didn't want the aircon at all... God really has His reasons.) It's such a joy to practise hospitality, to open up my room to bless my brothers and sisters in Christ! I pray that the Lord will use this tiny room to enlarge the fellowship and love of the church in His timing and wisdom! Amen!

Sweet as Honey - The Joy of Humour

Did you know that God puts a premium on pleasant words? “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). We all know that too much honey can make us sick. But Solomon is not talking about the flattering, fawning, sickening sweet gush that turns our stomachs. He is talking about words that are born in love, that breathe love—agreeable, gracious, friendly, kind words that demonstrate unselfish concern for the welfare of others. They are the opposite of negative, critical, complaining, quarrelsome words. They are sweet to the soul. That is, they minister to our innermost being, lifting our spirits and brightening our lives. And they are health to our bones. That is, they contribute ultimately to our physical well-being. Just as surely as unpleasant words can make us sick, pleasant words can help to keep us healthy. [read more!]

Gee, it's so true. I guess for a natural phleg-mel like me, haha, I have to work on this area. But yah, you know, pleasant words (and that includes humour) really is a gift and a blessing from God.

What I learnt about pleasant words are these:

• They Are Agreeable
  
• They Are Joyful
  
• They Are Thankful
  
• They Are Hopeful
  

:)

Well, my personal thoughts:

I'm very thankful for Peter's crazy jokes... I remember a lot of times I really felt very stressed about some stuff that I had to share to him. But Peter constantly responded with such a sweet and gracious spirit. In fact, he helped to lighten up the mood by using gentle humour - in his trademark style of course, that I really felt ministered. Which made it so much easier to continue sharing.

And I think those pleasant words that Peter used really was an act of grace from God through Peter. Grace, gently getting me to laugh at myself, to see that in the end, I'm simply God's child, and nothing can change the fact that He loves me. That God takes delight in me, no matter how lousy I feel.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

To think that God actually takes delight in me, is a beautiful, nourishing, delightful and thrilling truth that never fails to bring joy and cheer to me. It brightens up my walk, renews my soul, and encourages me to love Him even more in return. It inspires me to walk in greater holiness and obedience, because I know that walking with Jesus really is such a joy that as the old song goes, "O I could dance a thousand miles / Because of Your great love..." :D

Hee. Think that truth that the Lord takes delight in me is such a meaningful thing to me. Especially for someone who constantly struggles with confidence and self-worth. =) And that knowledge that I am loved by God no matter what happens, He enables me to walk out of the land of slavery with my head lifted high. :) "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands!"

And He takes delight in me by helping me laugh at myself, to remind myself not to take myself too seriously, even while reminding me that He's totally serious about me, like a father laughing together with his son. We can be seriously joyful, seriously funny, seriously delighted!

Ok! God will help me grow in pleasant words, in sweet speech that brings joy to His ears! :) So help me grow, God. I know You will! In Jesus' name, Amen!

Something so beautiful happened today. I came back from visiting Peter's, Meixian's and Jeannie's houses with my CG... and I bumped into Andrew, one of the ULs from the Tertiary ministry. We got to know each other through another brother last year, on the night of my unit's Christmas party, when I went back on the MRT with him.

And... you know, I think God really put our paths literally together. As we walked back home and chatted, he asked me about the writing thing that I had mentioned about. He told me that he had told one of the sisters in the tertiary ministry, who's very into writing, about my idea of setting up a Writer's Ministry in church.

THEN, this sister went and searched for my blog. Not only that, she posted a comment telling me about this MDA initiative for first-time writers. And that's how I got to know about the writing for children's book thing.

THEN, somehow, God also brought HL to my blog at the SAME time too, 'cos HL had been thinking about starting on a career in illustration. And HL had never been to my blog before, for all the past 4 or 5 years that we'd known each other.

But, well, God helped point HL to my blog at just the right time... and so, since the MDA initiative was for writing illustrated children's books... I would need an illustrator. And who better to ask than Ms HL herself?

So... we are now doing the children's book. Absolutely Amazing. It's very clear that God's hand is behind all this.

God really is the Master Weaver - He really tied up all the threads of our lives, the wefts and the warps perfectly. No loose ends... all the timings and synchronizations of the threads are perfectly timed!

And if I hadn't met Andrew at all that night of the Christmas party, I would have never gotten to tell him about the writing circle idea... and he would have never told the sister... and she would have never told me... and I would have never told HL... and we would have never done the children's book...

And if HL had never visited my blog, i would have never known that she can really draw...

And if I hadn't gotten to know Leslie back in my tertiary days, Leslie would have never introduced me to Andrew...

It's absolutely amazing to see how God also cares for HL too, helping her towards her heart's desire to glorify Him with her illustration skills... I mean, this is kinda like getting a "Double Kill" in DOTA, you know.

Actually, Andrew also needed some encouragement at the point when I met him, and I also needed some encouragement myself. And both of us met each other, walking directly towards each other.

So, God blessed me, Andrew, Denise, and HL... 4 in total, just from one whole series of events... Whoa! Make that a "Quadruple Kill"!

(Sorry, I think only DOTA players will get what I mean... hee!)

OMG. OMG. OMG. This chain of fortunate events is just so highly improbable, so tightly integrated with seemingly unrelated events. How can this be? Yet, I remember, nothing is impossible with God. AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

:) God's hand is definitely at work here! Thank You Daddy!!!

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus, through all generations, forever and ever! Amen."

I had been reflecting lately... and I'm becoming more and more convinced that only God's Word is the truly safe and sure foundation to build your life upon.

It's so true. People in the Church will fail us. To be honest, I'm someone who's generally very low in skepticism - I trust people very easily. So, I do trust my leaders a lot.

To be honest, when I first came into Hope, I was so impressed with the spirituality of the leaders, that I thought they were able to discern everything that was on my mind. So actually I felt very paiseh to be around some of them, whom I thought to be more discerning. :P Hee.

But as I went into NUS, I realised that my leaders are normal people... who make mistakes. "Everyone's normal till you get to know them." LOL! They may be very wise, very mature and so on... but they do make mistakes that sometimes the youngest believer is able to see.

And I did see quite a few mistakes that some of my leaders made, but I wasn't sure whether what I saw was a mistake or not. So I decided to trust them and carry on, and not to voice out my opinion.

And... well, there were a few times I decided to speak up. And it turns out, I'm glad I did, because the leaders really did make an error in judgment.

And a bro shared with me some years ago about his troubled heart about the leaders, how he felt confused and uncertain about how different leaders seemed to have different opinions on the same issues... and this bro was a leader himself before!

And another friend shared with me quite a few times his/her troubled heart about how some leaders didn't seem to rely on God, but on their own wisdom... he/she wondered how come they didn't seem to be praying more often and exercising faith and so on.

I did speak up for the leaders, but I understood their confusion and troubled hearts too.

=======================================================
Hmm. Why am I sharing all these? Well, I read Wenjiang's post some time ago, and it was so thought-provoking. About how men, even the Church, will fail us, but God will never fail us. And how the Church is still so precious and powerful in His hands.

Personally, for me, trusting my leaders is not really a struggle for me. In fact, my personality is that I trust people very readily - those who are sincere, that is.

(Thank God He graciously gave me a very high degree of empathy - it helps to compensate for my low level of scepticism by enabling me to discern a person's sincerity or lack thereof. So that's one reason I haven't been conned out of my life savings haha... by God's grace...)

But the problem is, if my leaders are sincerely mistaken, then... I would tend to be very easily influenced by them. Thank God for Alan who helped me realise this danger point of my personality. :)

In fact... after sharing with Peter some time ago, I realised that I had quite a few misunderstandings... which were actually due to incorrect or imbalanced sharings from some of my leaders. Gosh.

So... what I've come to understand at the end of ten years as a Christian is that only God's Word is the sure and secure foundation upon which to build our lives. All the wisdom and the power of men, no matter how influential, how wise, how capable they are - they will ALL fail.

That I don't have to be afraid of giving feedback to my leaders, especially if I understand the Scriptures to say so. And to resolve to think deeper about how the Word of God applies. It's not easy, especially if you're a working adult, but if we persevere on, and ask God to help us understand, His Holy Spirit will guide us and teach us, and lead us into all truth.

Yup. We will fail, but Jesus never fails. Ultimately, who are we, really? Only fellow servants together with our leaders in Christ. They are God's servants too. We support and love one another. In fact, as one of my old CLs told me, it is possible for you to be more spiritual (in the correct biblical sense) than your leaders... of course, that greater spirituality would be shown by your greater level of support, submissiveness, humility and eagerness to learn from the leader God placed above you... but also, maybe you do have some experience that would be invaluable to your less-experienced leader. In that case I think God would want us to share what we already know to our leaders, so that we can support them. So that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that wouldn't be of any advantage to us, you know.

Just some thoughts. Feel free to comment...

An Earworm Prayer

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

This song, I've been singing it again and again yesterday. Not just a earworm; it so echoes what I long to pray for in my heart.

I really love the part where we sing, "Break my heart for what breaks Your..." And can you sense the urgency, the holy desperation to throw everything into His kingdom's arms? And the part about walking from earth into eternity... I wonder how it looks like, to step into eternity. Eternity. It sounds so ethereal, but it is so real.

Learning To See Through A Child's Eyes Once Again

It's really fun. And really painful. It's like giving birth. (Though I can't say I really know...)

No, I haven't given birth, but the mental pain is like that. Worse than constipation. (This one I really know...)

But the joy of delivering a story... gosh! it really feels like your very own baby. Which it definitely is. =)

But on a more thoughtful note, writing a children's book is really one of the toughest things to do. You need to exact a severe austerity of words, and yet ensure that the vocabulary is so simple that a little child can literally understand it.

Writing a children's book has forced me to get down on my knees, and to practise thinking like a child again. To throw out high-level abstract reasoning, and to put on the eyes of a child. To see wonder in the simplest acts: "He opened the door..."

John Ortberg described the different levels of wonder for his three children. I think he wrote something like this:

"He opened the door, and behind the door was something. To his surprise, he saw a _____!"

He said that his 9-years old daughter showed surprise after he had read out the entire sentence. But for his 5 years old child, he was surprised that something actually lay behind the door.

And his 2 years old son? "He opened the door..." The child was filled with awe and wonder at the very act of a door being opened.

And I think, from time to time, we need to learn to see the beauty of life again as God created it to be. To stand together with Him in holy appraisal, and put our hands on our hips, and smile, and say: "It is very good."

To learn to see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wildflower.

TH and I were star-watching the other night. And TH asked me whether there is life on other planets. I said, "I don't know..."

Suddenly, it struck me that ... what if the stars themselves are alive? After all, stars are born and they die. In a sense, they can give birth to more stars, if they collapse into black holes.

And the Bible did say that stars have a heavenly kind of "flesh". And more metaphorically, God did ask Job, "Where were you... when the morning stars sang for joy?"

Maybe the stars really are alive. It's just that we don't know how to see them as they really are. We just see burning balls of fire. Hardly the ancient sentinels of the skies that they might be. After all, God does knows each star by its own name. Cool! :)

Maybe, just maybe... this world is more alive than we ever could think it to be. The Bible does give a whisper, a hint of a broken world that is groaning... and perhaps it was more alive than we ever knew it to be. Maybe, maybe... all of creation is whispering for the day when it shall be truly alive once again, and the mountains and hills shall burst forth into songs - the hills are alive with the sound of music! - and the trees of the fields shall clap their hands...

And on that glorious day, we shall literally hear the stones tremble out, "Worthy is the Lamb!" And every fish, every bird, every amoeba and every bacterium shall cry out in one huge crescendo, "Worthy is the Lamb!"

:)

Just my imagination, but I think sometimes, the world we see it as of now is actually the Shadow World, the World That Was Not Supposed To Be. Earth as Thulcandra, the Silent Planet. A world gone mute, after the Fall. But it's waiting to sing its song once again, as it did in the days of Adam.

"Lord, the world is waiting
Let all creation see the coming of Your day..."

Maybe, maybe... who knows? :) Maybe the truth is stranger than fiction.

Hee!

Plucking Blackberries

Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God,
But only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The fruit, not the phone. :)

Let's Barely Thrive! (Breakthrough, not Breakdown)

Hong Teck messaged some of us this SMS this morning:

Don't be 'barely surviving'. 'Barely thriving' is a better state. We allow situations to bring us to the brink of breakdown. Instead, it is wise to intentionally place ourselves in the verge of breakthrough. We should also be in a place that we are not there yet, but 'anytime now'.

And I think it came so timely. 'Cos I was writing to a dear friend just before I got Hong Teck's SMS:

Gosh! [I have] a lot of ambitious plans for God this year. But I don't want to be so caught up with doing things that I forget Him. And yet... maybe it's His fire in me that inspires me to get off my lazy bum and start living a life worthy of His calling.

And a thought just struck me. I said my plans are ambitious. But... are they really ambitious? I'm reminded of what Jesus said, that when we have done all we are supposed to do, we should simply say, "We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty."

Gosh. I'm still doing less than my duties actually. At the least, I should discharge all my duties, like Paul exhorted Timothy. Sobering thought, that we dream so big (or at least we would like to think so), and it turns out that all along it's what God simply assigned us to do.

Am I making sense here? Haha...

And my friend's reply was thought-provoking:

I have the exact same thoughts. We should do what God assigned us and gifted us to do, not more, not less. I guess people who do big things didn't set out wanting to do a big thing, but it was simply what they felt in their hearts that they wanted to do. Then again, big or small is not for us to judge, and is not important. Let's be faithful with our call.

Aye-men. :) I'm not sure if you can see the link between Hong Teck's SMS and my email, but, well, to me, they're very strongly related.

Maybe I can summarise it as:

"We're not there yet now, but let's get there anyhow, 'cos we'll get there somehow."

Deeply Grateful

Just want to really, really, really say thanks from the bottom of my heart to all my dear friends who have given their precious feedback, comments... and encouragement for the story draft that we emailed you.

I totally don't deserve all your kind and encouraging words, but they are really a great joy - each one of them, I'm offering them as a thank-you bouquet to God in my prayers. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength! Aye-men. All the glory goes to our Papa in heaven, for He's the Master Storyteller, the Dream-Giver, the History-Maker. And all the mistakes go to us, for we're just leaky pens and broken pencils in His perfect hands.

But well, if God can use a wooden staff, if He can use a twig, if He can use a donkey, if He can feed thousands with just a few loaves and fishes... I reckon using some clay worms like us shouldn't be too tricky - if we're willing, that's all. =)

Dear friends, let's dare to dream such big dreams for God, that without God, they will utterly fail! Then can it be seen that our God truly is a great God, and richly blesses all who call upon Him, for everyone who calls on His name will be saved. YEAH!

We Live in Public (and the end of empathy)

It's a very long post, but I think it's terribly worth thinking about. So I've pasted an excerpt from the post:

The Breakdown

Back in the late ’90s, one of my best friends was a guy named Josh Harris. He formed a company called Jupiter Communications which wrote all those crazy research reports in the Web 1.0 days that said Internet advertising, broadband and e-commerce would shoot to the moon like a rocket over the first decade of the Internet. And they were right.

Josh had a front row seat to the Internet Revolution writing those reports, and he made around $80 million when Jupiter went public. He lost it just as quickly when he started experimenting with technology.

One day, he came to my office and couldn’t look me in the eye.

It was one of those horrible, ugly New York City winter days. The ones where it’s not cold enough for the dirty snow to completely melt from the pounding sleet, making the walk to get a cup of coffee feel like theIditarod . Josh rocked back and forth in a chair and repeated a couple of random phrases to me: “The jig’s up, can’t do it, jig’s up, can’t do it–gotta get off the grid.”

I tried to comfort him. I explained that he used to be one of my favorite people to break bread with, that he had inspired me to try and do great things, and that I’d learned more from his outlandish failures than I ever did from my modest successes. However, he had become boring and obsessed with his press clippings. “Did you see Vanity Fair? We’re in the Post tomorrow!,” he would tell me toward the end. I’d ask what the press was for, and the answer placed him directly between Andy and Paris on the unknown-but-famous-anyway spectrum: “For being me!”

Later that slushy day, Josh took a couple of bags and the last of his dwindling fortune to his newly acquired apple farm in upstate New York. He had literally–two beats, please–bought the farm.

The Background

Josh had spent the last couple of months working on two art projects examining what happens when you put yourself under non-stop Internet surveillance.

One was called Quiet and one was called “We Live in Public.” The first, Quiet, was an art project that was famous in New York City’s downtown circles around the turning of the millennium. Josh had a couple dozen folks in a bunker for 30 days living in “pods” (bunks) that included cameras watching their every move. He tried to get me to move into the “hotel,” but I knew it wasn’t a good idea when I saw the people running around naked on psychoactive drugs, firingsubmachine guns. That’s not an exaggeration–that was happening in the basement of this Tribeca building.

You’ll see all this footage if you see the movie. It was madness.

Quiet was shut down by Giuliani’s nightclub task force as a millennial cult 18 months before 9/11–the milestone by which most New Yorkers, including myself, mark our lives. For me, everything in my memory is eitherpre- or post-9/11. Quiet, Silicon Alley Reporter and my adolescence are all pre-9/11. Adulthood, gravitas and the fallout from the undiagnosed PTSD are all post-9/11. (But that’s for another medium, perhaps one with covers as opposed to headers).

In the second experiment, “We Live in Public,” Josh put a couple dozen cameras all over his loft and recorded the inevitable breakdown of his life with the love of his life, Tanya. It was after “We Live in Public” that Josh came to see me, a character witness to his nervous breakdown, before heading to the farm.

People in the chat rooms for “We Live in Public” were vicious to Josh and his then-girlfriend Tanya. They lost their empathy for the people living under video surveillance, and what had started as a fun time playing with technology turned into a nightmare. The audience tortured the subjects in the box–Milgram would have been proud.

It took Josh five years to recover from the “We Live in Public” experiment. I’m wondering how long it will take the rest of us to hit rock bottom and recover.

Godwin’s Law Meets Harris’ Law

Josh’s experiments in 2000, during which he and his cohorts became obsessed with their view counts, parallels today’s blogging, social media and YouTube “arms race.” In his experiment, the technology robbed the subjects–and their audience–of every last ounce of empathy.

Digital communications is a wonderful thing–at least at the start. Everyone participating in digital communities is eventually introduced to Godwin’s Law: At some point, a participant, or more typically his or her thinking, will be compared to the Nazis. But that’s only part of the breakdown. Eventually, you see the effect of what I’ll call Harris’ Law: At some point, all humanity in an online community is lost, and the goal becomes to inflict as much psychological suffering as possible on another person.

Harris’ Law took effect last year when Abraham Biggs killed himself in front of a live webcam audience on life-streaming service JustinTV. The audience’s role? They encouraged him to do it.

Harris’ law took effect in October of 2006, when Lori Drew, a grown woman, created a fake alias on MySpace (”Josh Evans”) in order to psychologically torture 14-year-old Megan Meier. Drew started a online love affair with Megan as “Evans” before pulling the rug out and viciously turning on her victim. This “cyber-bullying,” as the press likes to call it, resulted in Megan killing herself.

Harris’ Law took effect in October of last year when Choi Jin-sil killed herself, reportedly over the fallout from Internet rumors. The bullying in Korea has become so intense that you’re now required to use your Social Security Number to sign up for a social network. This lack of anonymity is one of the most enlightened things I’ve heard of from one of the most advanced–if not the most advanced–Internet communities in the world.

Ownership of one’s behavior? Who knew?!?!?

I’m sure some of the wacky Internet contingents will flame me for saying that anonymity is a bad thing, but the fact is that anonymous environments create the environments in which Godwin’s and Harris’ Laws apply. What’s the point of starting these communities if they eventually end in pain and suffering? Anonymity is overrated in my book. (Whistle-blowers are an exception, and last time I checked, anyone can anonymously drop an envelope in a mailbox, so it’s not like the Internet needs to be there for that).

Internet Asperger’s Syndrome (IAS)

I’ve come to recognize a new disorder, the underlying cause of Harris’ Law. This disease affects people when their communication moves to digital, and the emotional cues of face-to-face interaction–including tone, facial expression and the so called “blush response”–are lost (More: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FxwHfoWdS8 ).

In this syndrome, the afflicted stops seeing the humanity in other people. They view individuals as objects, not individuals. The focus on repetitive behaviors–checking email, blogging, twittering and retiring andys–combines with an inability to feel empathy and connect with people.

Now, I’m not using this new term to make light of Asperger’s Syndrome. Far from it, I jsut can’t deny the fact that the evolution of people’s behavior online eventually parallels Asperger’s. I feel I’m within my rights as pundit to reconstitute the idea of Asperger’s to explain my own experiences and thoughts. Although I’ll understand it if you, as someone affected in some way by Asperger’s, claim your right to flame me for “hijacking” the disease. Such is the life of linguists in the age of sound-bites over debate, and skimming over reading.

If you do choose to flame me, I’d ask that you attempt to throttle back your IAS and see me not as an email-producing object, but rather as a 38-year-old searching for answers at the mid-way point in his life, when his collective experience equals his remaining time to experience life. That’s really who I am–just another kid on verge of being old who spends a lot of time thinking about the half-way mark. Be gentle with me.

Back to the point: In IAS, screen names and avatars shift from representing people to representing characters in a video game. Our 2600’s and 64’s have trained us to pound these characters into submission in order to level up. We look at bloggers, people on Twitter andpodcasters not as individuals, but as challenges–in some cases, “bosses”–that we must crush to make it to the next phase.

The dual nature of Asperger’s, from my understanding, is that it makes the individual focused on very specific behaviors–obsessively so in many cases–while decreasing their capacity for basic empathy and communication. It’s almost as if you trade off intensity in one area for common decency and communications in another area–not that the person has a choice.

Well, trading off people’s feelings for page views and Twitter followers sounds familiar to me.

What’s the Damage (Partner)?

One of the reasons I stopped blogging was because the dozen negative comments under every blog post I wrote started wearing me down. I’d write for an hour and the immediate reward was four people, under 12 different accounts, slamming me. Some were people I had fired, others were mentally unstable folks but, in many cases, they were normal people suffering fromIAS.

As you know, I moved to this email newsletter to get away from the IAS factor on blogs. It worked for the first four months, but last month, someone flamed me, calling me an idiot and my missive “garbage.” It was the first time any one of the 12,000 or so people on the list ever flamed me.

Now, I consider myself a fairly thick-skinned, tough person, but I realized that I had not emailed you in a month, and that it was probably because of that short email. The 12k suffered due to a three sentence flame by just one person, probably suffering fromIAS.

I’ve had a couple of folks introduce themselves to me in the past couple of years and say something to the effect of “Oh, I wrote this horrible thing about you but I didn’t really mean it. I really respect your work.” They are normally very uncomfortable when this happens. Sometimes, they are even shaking and stuttering. I typically pretend I don’t know what they’re talking about and tell them it doesn’t matter–a complete lie. Typically, I know exactly what they said, because you remember when folks say something nasty. I’ve come to the conclusion that all I can do is forgive them and move on.

The switch, from an initial lack of empathy to cowering in shame from their own behavior, is telling. It proves to me that otherwise normal folks will lose their empathy online, only to regain it the instant they face the “object” (aka real person) of their scorn.

What’s at stake?

We’re all canaries in the coal mines now, like Josh Harris was back in the ’90s. We’re harvesting our lives and putting them online. We’re addicted to gaining followers and friends (or email subscribers, as the case may be), and reading comments we get in return. As we look for validation and our daily 15 minutes of fame, we do so at the cost of our humanity.

Today, we’re destroying each other with words, but teaching ourselves to objectify individuals and to identify with aggressors will result in more than psychological violence. This behavior will find its way into the real world, like it did when Wayne Forrester murdered his wife Emma over a change in herFacebook status, from married to single.

It’s only a matter of time, sadly, until this loss of empathy will hit the real world. We’re training ourselves to destroy other people, and there’s a generation growing up with this in their DNA. They don’t remember a world when communications were primarily in the real world.

The threats we’ve seen against women online are a warning sign of what’s to come–we’re all going to face this aggressive behavior and we’re all going to withdraw from these communication services.

I’m 100% convinced that the trend in 2010 and forward will be people trying to remove their virtual presence on sites like Flickr, YouTube and Facebook. Already, I’ve noticed people are moving their settings to private–perhaps something they should have done from the start.

What a shame, because there is so much gained from sharing.

Rafe Loses His Empathy

No one is immune to IAS, I’ve learned. Just yesterday, one of my old friends, Rafe Needleman, got suckered into the blogging trap of trying to get page views. He printed a story entitled “How to be the most hated person on the Internet: Five role models.” [Here: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17939_109-10150167-2.html ]

Yes, you guessed it, he included me in the piece. My crime? As he describes it, I’ve “taken to acting like a new-money rock star, publicly buying flashy cars, strutting around the conference he produced with Arrington with his two mascot bulldogs, calling his Twitter followers the ‘Jason Nation,’ and then telling bloggers he’s too good for the medium, opting to write instead to a private e-mail list. His weapons of choice: arrogance and money.”

Wow, thanks, pal!

First off, I bought the Tesla because it’s better for the planet. Oh, heck… Who am I kidding: I bought it because it’s really sexy and fast–and good for the planet. Probably in that order. Guilty as charged! Also, I show it to everyone, Twitter about it constantly and I could care less if people have a problem with the fact that it’s expensive. So what? Who cares? It’s just a car, and it’s drool-worthy because of the technology, not the price tag.

Also, if you’re going to hate on me because Taurus and Fondue are the most lovable dogs in history of dogdom, well, I think that’s kind of low.

Since the time of Rafe writing his piece, I’ve been involved in a very long thread with the other members of the “most hated” list, including Mike Arrington and DaveWiner. Rafe regretted doing the piece. However, I’m not surprised he did it.

Rafe has a goal: To get more traffic for the withering CNET brand. We are just objects to solve this problem. Rafe dehumanized his friends in order to make them objects that get him to the next level.

It’s classic IAS.

We’re Donkey Kong to him. These big, sad gorillas that he needs to take down to get to the next level. It’s all a game, but the hurt feelings can be real. Rafe now has to go to bed for the next couple of nights knowing that he’s taken someone who is his friend–namely, me–and thrown him under the bus. For the next couple of years, folks will reference that I’m “the most hated guy on theinternet” when, in fact, my life is filled with love and joy.

Next time I see Rafe in person, he is going to do the whole nervous, coy “I really didn’t mean it, you know I respect what you’ve done” thing and I’ll say “Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t matter.”

Didn’t you ask for this?

The classic argument when someone “famous” gets beat up is to say “Didn’t you ask for this?” Well, actually, no. The reason I got into blogging was not to be famous or to get attention. It was simply to have an intelligent discussion with people I respected. The people I thought were interesting were debating stuff in the blog format, so I was drawn to it.

Now, the entire blogosphere has collapsed on itself to the point at which a respectable journalist like Rafe is so desperate to get to the top of Techmeme, he has to rip his friends apart. Not to single Rafe out; this is occurring daily. People find the 20 people at the top of the hill and rip them apart, hoping to move up themselves.

Steve Jobs has had his personal life ripped apart by otherwise normal journalists who are obsessed with invading his privacy, under the guise that he should bear his soul to us. It feels to me like these Jobs-obsessed bloggers and so-called journalists won’t be happy until they can just stream Jobs’ next doctor visit.

Oh, the humanity of it. It’s really disgraceful.

Wrapping up

Thanks to the 17 people out of 12,000 who made it this far. I know this has been a rambling email and it could have been constructed better.

In summary, how we treat each other does matter. It matters because, without empathy, our lives are shallow, self-centered and meaningless.

The Internet and technology are turning on us, just like the story in “We Live in Public.”

Right now, I’ve got over ten thousand of you to share my thoughts with, until such time as you decide to crush and beat me down by hitting the respond key to this email and flaming me. If you do that, I’ll have to retreat again, but I’m not sure what’s left except the real world. Are we going to destroy ourselves to the point at which we unplug the Internet? Are we going to have to create private areas for discourse and lose the “Open Web” gestalt?

These are just some ideas I’m putting out there for you to consider. If you like, hit the reply key and share some thoughts with me.

Did I mention, I love you all? Each and every one one of you, including the guy who flamed me last time.

best regards,

Jason McCabe Calacanis

PS1: Mike Arrington was spit on in Germany this week, and had death threats last month. He’s now taking a month off from blogging.
http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/01/28/some-things-need-to-change/
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2009/01/arrington-takes.html

PS2: Some press regarding “We Live in Public”
http://www.mahalo.com/We_Live_in_Public_Reviews
http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117939428.html?categoryid=31&cs=1&nid=2562

PS3: Today I started “empathy day” on Twitter. The concept is simple: say something nice to someone and put #empathyday at the end. You can do this on Facebook or your blog if you like as well.
http://search.twitter.com/search?q=empathyday

Wow. The depravity of everyone. Civilization just helps to suppress our brokenness and fallenness.

I like what the writer wrote:

In summary, how we treat each other does matter. It matters because, without empathy, our lives are shallow, self-centered and meaningless.

Nothing Less Than Total, Abandoned, Absolute, Unconditional Surrender

Read Huanyan's latest article: "Is there not a cost?"
And I'm so with him on this.

When someone stands up and say 'let's go and build something', someone will stand up and say 'let's go and destroy'.

Christian life is not a rosy one, especially for those who want to serve God with one whole steadfast heart, with one that refuses to compromise with God's values and standards. The world will definitely at some time stand up and obstruct our effort. I cannot fathom but think about this, that I can identify with that, despite the environment that I encounter. What else would that missionaries in other countries, the closed countries, be encountering?

Is there not a cost? There is a cost. Seeing the people who served their hearts out over the centuries makes me wonder what the modern world has done to the believers on the road. No offence but really, is studies, career and BGR all there is to life? What is God's burden? Come on, tell me what is God's burden? I tell you, the answer is in the youtube video I posted earlier. I can only think of the time when Jesus said that He came not for the righteous but the sick.

I guess the idealist side of me refuses to accept that the Christian life is called to be a stable, happy and well-balanced life. To paraphrase someone, "You can't be considered very well-adjusted and balanced by a world that leaves you nailed naked on a cross."

And then, I was thinking about us guys going off to play computer games after church service. And of course, I enjoy games a lot. But there is still this twinge of dissatisfaction in my heart that we are not giving our utmost to our God. Perhaps we could be pouring more time, money and effort into more sharing, more Bible studies and so on? Activities are nice... but God's Word is ultimately the foundation and cement that holds us men together.

Ultimately, when it comes to building relationships... only the bedrock of Christ and His Word are safe, strong and sure enough to bond very disparate personalities together. After all, weren't Jesus' 12 disciples very different men too?

I need to hurry up with establishing the men's ministry on my side, together with Peter. Time's not exactly on our side... but God is! :)

Radical? I think so. Zealous? I reckon so... Fanatic? Maybe! After all, the cross says that God is crazy enough to come down and die for us... and the resurrection shows that all this Christianity business actually has something to it.

Even the lazy, ill-disciplined phlegmatic in me says that this life is not enough for a great God. I may not be able to do many big things in the eyes of the world, but I just want to do God's things God's way.

And I think that's more than enough for a lifetime.

Only one life, 'twill soon be past
Only what's done for Christ will last.

Isaiah 55 speaks to me! :) I read it during my quiet time. Believe God is whispering some things to me from this passage. Shall sit and chew on it for a few days...

1 "Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

I remember my literature teacher, Mr Edwards de Cruz, when I went back to RI for a visit, happen to see me holding my Bible. So he borrowed it and browsed through it, as though he were looking for something. Then he paused and grinned widely. He began booming aloud in cheerful cadence from Isaiah 55. And I remember his rich and deep golden voice, as he metered out the rhythms, reciting Isaiah as though he were Shakespeare incarnated in a different time and age. Wow.