Oh God. Can't I have the gift of celibacy? It would be such a gift, seriously. :) No worries, no troubles... and no swinging back and forth, getting distracted. :)

*******
Oh! on a brighter and joyous note, I bumped into Cuong this morning, the bro I brought to Christ in my first year in NUS. Though he decided to commit to the Navigators instead of joining my church, I'm so encouraged by his growth in Christ... he's mentoring a few younger brothers now, and is serving God faithfully, even though he's very tired after his work. Wow... what a joy to know that by God's grace, Dehua and I reached out to Cuong when I was in my 1st year and Dehua in his 4th... and see how Cuong has grown in his conviction and burden for God... He shared with me his burden to see his own people come to know Christ too, even though it will not be easy, esp in his own country.

Wow, so thankful to God... these are the moments when I'm reminded that it really is worth it all, to share and share the Gospel with those around me... when you reach out to one person - remember, in years to come, he could reach an entire nation, and an entire nation could be saved, simply because you were faithful to share Christ with one person. That's the sheer power of God.

Then went for career fair at NUS SRC. :) Was intending to go down with Tamar, but we didn't manage to meet up in the end. :P

Then had a wonderful lunch with Swee Leong. REally thank God for this dear bro, for his sweet spirit and openness - very very refreshed by this dear bro. :)

*******
And was talking with Swee later on today. He shared with me about that night when I shared openly with some of the other brothers about the sisters that I liked - his shepherd was there too, and had told Swee that we should be more open like that too. :) To help build up closeness among the brothers. Reminds me of what Zhenzhong shared with us.

It struck me as very meaningful, because last time, Hanhui and some other bros made me share abt the sisters that I liked, during my bday celebration - (it was a bros' only bday celeb). I was very unwilling to share, but HH explained to me why he was doing that - if I don't take the initiative to share even abt the sisters I like with the other bros (it was a group of bros who are closer than the usual CG gathering), then how can I grow in closeness with the other bros? As Fengqi taught me, "Openness breeds openness."

[Qualifier: Such openness isn't for everyone. It's only for a closer and trusted group. HH had made the bros' group covenant with one another that they would NEVER spill anything that was shared in private in the group. Trust is critical for true openness to grow.]

So the reason I was able to share much more openly with the bros 2 years on was because of what HH did for me. Thank God for you, dearest bro! :) I believe what you did 2 years ago sowed seed, and now a future generation of younger bros are learning to bond and grow in depth of relationship and brotherhood, because of the legacy that you passed on.

What makes a popular blog?

The "Creating Passionate Users" blog is now in the Technorati Top 100. The big question is... why? We're not the brightest crayons in the box, or the best writers, and we rarely participate in A-Lister topics... so it's got to be something else. More importantly, are there lessons learned that can help someone else with their blog (or other content)? I have my own theories (one of them: this blog tries to practice what it preaches in making it far more about you than about us). The only way to make this top 100 thing useful to anyone is to reverse-engineer the blog and try to make some general principles others can apply (if they're interested in having a lot of readers)... [continue]

Found this post very meaningful. And something that struck me was the others-oriented nature of this blog. Which is very much in contrast to my own blog, which is very naturally self-centred. Heh... :) that's the truth of it.

I like this quote that goes: "Look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Do read the comments in that blog post - they are very very meaningful. If you don't read the comments, you're missing out on a great learning experience.

How to be a Great Public Speaker - Without Having to Actually Speak in Public (or worse, Speaker's Corner in Singapore)

Longest Title, eh? But pretty informative, I think. ;) Probably won longest title of the year award for a blog. ;)

Something that Weizhu commented to me on Monday stirred something in me. We were chatting about public speaking. I was telling him about an article that I read on the Net about Christians speaking in public, using very conversational topics, and how they speak effectively even to non-Christians, who enjoy listening to their speeches.

I commented to him that we can't do this kind of thing in Singapore, well, since you need to apply for a permit to speak in public, make sure you don't step on any OB-markers, etc. etc. Understandable, given all the (genuine) sensitivities and concern about possible inflammatory speech and hate rhetoric, etc. etc.

But WZ replied that you can do your own "public speaking" for God in other ways. Pointing to the poster featuring starbloggers such as Xiaxue and "Mr Brown", Joe Augustin etc., he said that if you have a blog or a website or a forum that's popular, you can be a positive influencer, even tho the content that you put there seem "secular".

Like Bono of U2 fame, when he passionately uses his music talents to shine for Christ, both in the world and in extending God's Kingdom too, rallying the churches to help out more with charity causes.

And Peter's words came back to my mind again: "Be an impact and influencer in media. Media has the power to influence people's mind. So make the most of every opportunity, whether it be blog or TV..."

We Cannot Hide Our Light. Does Anyone Turn Off A Lamp During A Blackout?
And, coincidentally, I chanced upon a book called, "The Narnian", yet another biography of C.S. Lewis. Thought of borrowing it, think Jits would like it, but not sure if it's her cup of tea. 'Cos there's a lot of books on this CS Lewis fellow and his famous Narnia books.

But what struck me, as I leafed through the book, was the writer's commentary on how CS Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, though explicitly allegorical of Christ and Christianity at times, shines so brightly as one of the best works of children's literature, that JK Rowling, famed author of Harry Potter, said that when she picked one of the Narnia books up, she knew that it was obviously "preachy", but she didn't care, so good was the book.

So that's one big way how we, as Christ calls us, the salt of the earth, should impact today's cultures for Christ.

Talked with this about Shuyi over the phone. She agreed wholeheartedly, sharing that she was dismayed by a Christian singer, who though very popular in the media, failed to seize on the opportunity to shine for God, only giving God a passing mention ("I do quiet time...") in some small tabloid for his talent.

If The Salt Loses Its Saltiness... What Good Is It?

On the other hand, it's all too easy to become so enamoured with the worldly way of entertainment, that we get all too sucked into its values. That too is wrong.

WZ commented that Xiaxue has a large sphere of influence, but she's not a positive influence, frankly, not one of the blogs that you want your kids to learn from. (For obvious reasons lah...)

So shouldn't we aim for something much better and more encouraging than existentialist day-to-day nitpicking and bitching? Heh, I think Mr Brown's website is a better example. More solid, his site. :) Inspiring too. Even gahmen mention one leh. Got PM say in speech some more.

People will eat even rotten food, in a famine. So let's figure out what we can give.

Let Your Light Shine Before Men!
You needn't be a Project Superstar to shine for God, to be a positive influencer and inspirer. One of the core values that I captured from the "Net Safety" day event at the Orchard Library was to use the Net to positively influence others.

I'm thinking now - join me together in this - what are the talents that we have and can use to attract people?

People listened to Jesus, because of his intelligence, his stature and his powerful speech and stories. He spoke in such a way, that even the police sent to arrest him turned back and told their superiors (John 7):

Not until halfway through the Feast did Jesus go up to the temple courts and begin to teach. The Jews were amazed and asked, "How did this man get such learning without having studied?" Jesus answered, "My teaching is not my own. It comes from him who sent me...

...The Pharisees heard the crowd whispering such things about him. Then the chief priests and the Pharisees sent temple guards to arrest him... Finally the temple guards went back to the chief priests and Pharisees, who asked them, "Why didn't you bring him in?"

"No one ever spoke the way this man does," the guards declared.

Think a desire to change the world starts with a change in mindset. A mindset from, "It cannot be done - we are too small" to "It can be done - impossible is nothing!"

Feel this sudden urge to just call Zhiwei and talk cock with him over the phone. Miss him lots even tho it's only a few days - that's how dear this bro is to me. :)

Wow... God is so amazing. His timing is PERFECT. (but of course!)

Because when I finally decided to give Zhiwei a call, thot of msging him on MSN first.
Turns out that he was just about to MSN me too, because he also wanted to catch up wif me too (and chase me about my resume).

Whoa... so we had a good time catching up... feel very blessed by this dear bro... =) and most of all, thank God so much for His perfect timing and goodness! :D

Tired but happy. :) God is so good!

Woke up at 5.45 am today, to see my new CL, Huaqiang, off at the airport. He'll be in Cambodia for a week for business trip. Very pleasantly surprised to see Shawn there too. We had a good time chatting and prayed for him.

Then went to help Weizhu with some volunteer work about Cyberwellness. Initially not v excited about it, since it means approaching pple who walk past the booth and telling them abt the concept of cyberwellness.

But thank God, it was a very good time - very blessed by WZ's colleagues, and learnt a lot from them, especially Helen and Charlene. H, for her joyful enthusiasm - I mean, just how many adult workers are JOYFUL about their work? :) And C, for her cheerful determination - wow, something that I can learn a lot from.

Then after tt we had a surprise bday celebration for Jitsy. Heh, very funny how it went... was at HQ penning down my affirmation for her, when she suddenly popped by HQ with Huili. Jits saw me and asked me, hey! what are you doing here? Heh, thank God managed to 'smoke' and preserve the bday surprise. And also really really really must thank God that even tho one of the "secret bday planners" slipped up and accidentally sent a msg intended for Calyn to Jits herself... turns out that Jits had left her hp in her PGP room! ;) LOL... God really has a great sense of humour! :D

So anyway was a very simple time of dinner and games and sharing, but one thing that I always love about the way that the (old)NUSB2 CG celebrate their bros and sisters' bdays is that it's really very full of simple and sincere love - see how they celebrated Swee's, Crystal's and Jits' bdays... tink tis is smtg that I want to learn from them too, to carry over into my new CG. :)

Feel this sudden urge to just call Zhiwei and talk cock with him over the phone. Miss him lots even tho it's only a few days - that's how dear this bro is to me. :)

1 Thess: We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel, but also our lives, since you had become so dear to us.

Wow... I remember sharing the gospel wif him together wif YF and Flince... now I'm sharing life wif him too. :) Isn't God so good? =)

Just prayed for Shuyi over the phone regarding her test. Thank God for a fellow encourager like her! :) She prayed for me too, feel very refreshed and encouraged! :)

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

My New CG!

Haha... on a ligher note, it's really a blessing getting to know my new CG today. :) Feel very blessed to be part of this new CG, and for the brothers and sisters who welcomed me in. :)

Something that I've observed - my new CG's also very quiet. Just like my other CGs during my time in NUS ministry. Haha... God has a funny sense of humour. ;)

Think God spoke to me during worship time. That this CG is the new family that He's put me in. And what the speaker shared during Holy Comm confirmed exactly what God impressed on my heart. :) So touched by His words of confirmation and assurance. =)

Think it's going to be a new way from here, but looking back at what I've learnt during NUS ministry, I'm so grateful for the bros and sisters who taught and equipped me and guided and rebuked and corrected me wisely during that time. Because I think all the experiences and teachings that I've learnt during my time in NUS, they will be priceless in this new ministry.

I've been in the Adults ministry before I came to NUS, but this time round, it's really different. Back then, I was really one of the youngest people around in the Adults ministry, and hee, my older bros and sisters really took good care of me (and patiently put up with my immature antics and behaviour too).

But now, it's entering back again, no longer as a younger bro, but as a peer, a fellow adult looking for work. Different times bring different expectations. But one truth stands eternal: Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever! :D

Hope and pray I can have (and always keep!) this attitude in my heart as I start by building stronger relationships with my bros and sisters in my new CG (thank God for Peter's wise advice here):

[The apostle Paul wrote,] "For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me."

Kin Wee, Robert and Peter shared with me that building relationships, especially in the new culture of the Adults ministry, calls for a lot of time and effort on your own initiative. You can't meet at HQ, you'll have to purposely fix lunch dates and appointments, you'll have to put in more time and energy - and of course, you'll get misunderstood and rejected from time to time.

Yet, I think I do want to build close relationships in this new ministry, because it's the incredible love and grace of God, which I NEVER deserved at all, that spurs me on to want to do the same. I want to put in my 110%, while juggling work and family life, to bless and serve my dear brothers and sisters - yet not I, but the grace of God that is even now with me. :) Because I lost my fire for God during my darkest moment in NUS ministry, but He graciously caught me and wonderfully relit the fire in my heart again!

Man, oh man, we REALLY serve a great and gracious Lord and Saviour! :D

A Time for New Things

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

-Ecc3:1-8

Just read it from RF's blog, and I was thinking about today.

Today's a very meaningful day, because it's the first day with my new caregroup, a new ministry, and a new phase of life.

And today is also very meaningful too, because RF left for the USA today. He'll be there for a few years - he doesn't know how long it'll be - could be two years, could be seven.

But it'll be a long time all the same.

Yes, it's true we can keep in touch via Skype, and even video-conferencing, but in the end, there's really no fuller joy than to meet face to face and share life. I'm very inspired by his passion for life, for God and for whatever he does. Really pray that God will keep him safe and sound and direct all his ways over there in the USA, and help him be rooted in a strong and biblical church over there.

Hey bro, I'll miss you. You've been a very dear brother, not only to me, but also to many others.

But as this beautiful saying goes, those who love God never meet for the last time. :)

It struck me about something else that I observed at the departure hall too. All those who went to see him off were his family and friends, both from the church and outside the church.

And also something else that I observed was that not a single representative from NUS or a company was there to see him off, despite NUS awarding him an award for being an outstanding student and his being publicised in the newspapers as The Guy Who Won Eleven Patents, Etc.

Not that I'm putting NUS down, but the reality of this observation struck me - at the Great Departure Hall of Life, when it's your time to go, who will be there at your departure hall?

It won't be the Fortune 100 companies that you poured all your time, money and effort into.

It won't be the gold medals that you won in the Olympics.

It won't be the news media or the TV shows that you've made.

But it's the people whose lives you've invested in.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."
Jim Elliot, martyred missionary

Just came back from David Lee's and Pui See's wedding. So happy to see this wonderful couple of God married! :D

Hee, Shirley was teasing me about my being so happy - haha, yeah it's practically an in-house joke among my bros and sisters abt my desire to get married. RF teases me about it almost every time we meet up. ;)

But actually, to be honest, I think over the years, God has been changing and moulding my heart in this area.

I can remember how desperate last time I was actually... and Zewei was talking with me about it. He mentioned something very true - that if I lack strong relationships with the other brothers, I'll naturally tend to look for it in the sisters.

And how true that is... but so thankful to God over the past few years that He's helped me grow in depth of friendship and brotherhood with my brothers in church, and about having realistic expectations in relationships, etc.

And think one thing that has gradually changed in my heart is this increasing sense of contentment, especially ever since I set my heart on seeking God last year with all my heart. Somehow, the loneliness that plagued me for a long, long time faded away.

And feel so much more contented by the grace of God. Was telling Xinying on the way back home that actually now, think it's come to this stage that I really don't mind NOT getting married at all. It's really really true what the Bible says - He is all I need. Really.

(But I do fear the pressure that I'll face from my parents and relatives - your "straightness" is questioned, heh. "How come you're not interested in girls?!!" "Pa... it's not like that -" "Aiyah... I'm just concerned for you... you know..." "*inner groan from me*")

Oh, just to add: it's not that I'm a misogynist - on the contrary, there are some sisters that I admire more. ;) Ok, MUCH more. Haha... but I'm okay with getting to know them better as friends first. (And incidentally, that's how the godly couples that I've seen get into courtship and marriage started off - they always started off as friends first.) And heh, even among the sisters that I like more, I'm seeing the not-so-sweet side of them, which makes me think a whole lot more whether I can stand the effort needed to bear with these shortcomings. And makes me think about my own shortcomings too.

No wonder a brother said that he doesn't want to get into a relationship at the moment - it's too much trouble. I know what you mean, bro.

I think I have learnt to be contented in this area of my heart regarding this. Because, really, when you've experienced God's love in all its sweetness and fullness, nothing else can ever take its place. I've tasted His goodness... wow, after you've tasted His love in all its fullness, whoa, you realise that there really is no other person who can truly fill your heart with joy like Jesus can do!

Like Shirley put it so funnily, if you've tasted New York pizza, you'll never ever ever want to eat Singaporean pizza again!

"I have come that they may have life and have it to the FULL." Amen!

Hmm. After typing this out, I think I'll be tested in this area, actually. God, give me strength to stay true to You despite the strong heart-tugs and temptations.

Reason I'm jotting all these down is because I heard that there's this friend who left this church to go to another church, and even placed her info on a Christian singles website.

Not that I'm against these kind of singles websites, but I just don't think finding a partner thru these means is as good as actually serving together, rubbing shoulders, seeing the darker and more ugly sides of each other, sharing life and joy and sorrows together as we serve God, wherever we are... honestly, I do believe with all my heart that the best place to find your future life partner is in ministry.

Like what the teaching about priorities in Essence of Love Volume I goes:
Seek your Maker first, then seek your Ministry, then finally seek your Mate.

So it's: Maker, Ministry and Mate, in that order. :) Sweet, eh?

*******
So that moves me on to the next point:
What do I want to do for God with this short life that I have here on earth? In other words, what is God's ministry for me in this life? 'Cos before I 'cheong', I do want to know first which direction to 'cheong' in! :P

Think it's gradually coming to a clearer viewpoint:
Fatherhood ministry? I mean, I love children - this is really a gift from God - despite my shyness with children and struggle to correct or discipline them, I find that God is blessing me in this area.

Plus I have a burden to see the young children grow into strong and biblical young adults who will go on to make an impact for Christ in their lifetimes in their sphere of influences.

And I have a passion for media - which could be used to touch the hearts of future men and fathers...

And fatherhood is something that is very close to God's heart - I mean, He is our FATHER who art in heaven, from whom all FATHERHOOD derives its name!

And this generation and future generations are increasingly becoming fatherless. God's heartbeat aches so much when He sees young ppl growing up without a father (even if they are not orphans...) - He is a Father to the fatherless...

And I do hope one day that I can go overseas for a short-term missions trip, to help reach out to the young children overseas too...

Hmm... and heh, thinking about how God gave me the name "Abraham"... somehow, I do think this is the direction that God may be pointing me as far as I can see from this present moment.

Fatherhood. Hmm. Come to think of it, one good thing is that I don't need to marry of sorts, I think, to be a father figure. Adoption is a possibility... Frankly, if you look at the stats, if it's a single-parent family, think the child would be better off emotionally and mentally with a father rather than a mother - that's the kind of advantage a man has when it comes to taking care. Though of course, it's so much better if it comes to two parents.

Ruey Fong

RF's flying off on Sunday 4th Jan. He'll be around Changi Airport from 2 to 4 pm. Will miss him lots. He's been a great joy and blessing to many of us. :)

Friends
Michael W. Smith

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
I can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter of your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

Love,
YA

A History of Microsoft Windows - Halcyon Days!

So nostalgic... I remember installing Windows 3.0 back in 1993... and Windows 3.1, ah, honestly, it makes my heart tingle with nostalgia... =) and how I tried 'modding' my copy of Windows 3.1 a la Windows 95, simply because I couldn't wait for the real Windows 95 to come out sooner. ;) Those were the days!

gratefully shocked

Looking thru this entry - realised it's the same thing I wrote about a week or two ago. Hmm...

******

Feeling ... wordless. Not worthless, but wordless. Wordless, because the truth of my weakness and sin is so clear, there's no words to cover it up.

Same old argument with my mum - but this time i have a better understanding what led to it.

She was angry that i wasn't helping her with her work as much as she wants, and i was angry, because if she needs help, then she should say so lor!

But after the time with Peter, and what he told me, pointing out to me that I need to grow in being more sensitive to people's needs - I see the truth, that I was being very, very, very insensitive to her burden and tiredness, not bothering to look at her needs.

Some bros and sisters have said that I'm very sensitive to their needs. Peter told me that I'm very weak in understanding people's needs. What gives?

Think it's sensitivity to feelings, but I don't bother to apply it at home. The old adage "Charity begins at home" is so true. What's the point of being so caring in church if I'm not caring at home? The Kingdom of God doesn't only apply to church... it applies at HOME!

God, I'm incredibly bo-chup and insensitive and inconsiderate at home. Please help me change and grow in this area. Same old cycle again, because of this weakness. I must progress in this area - set a goal of anticipating my mum's needs esp her workload... and come back earlier to help her!

God, this is so ... tiring. Uphill climb.
But if I can't take care of my parents, how can I take care of my future family? And the Bible adds very clearly - if I can't take care of my own family, how can I take care of God's family, His church?

Sobering. But glad. Felt like I was splashed with cold water when I realised the truth - that's how I'm feeling now. Shocked, but gratefully shocked into soberness.

Top Seven Presentation Bloopers to Avoid

Came across a friend's blog (Eric Feng) - he's in the same batch as me, from School of Computing, NUS. Proud of him! =) Anyway, do check out this article, think it's very useful - you'd be an idiot not to read it. ;)

Top Seven Presentation Bloopers to Avoid

*******
Hmm! I was very inspired by this friend's blog, and not just so, I'm very inspired by how he pursued his passion in public speaking, even though think he stumbled quite a bit at first when he first started out. But he was faithful with the small opportunities that he could use e.g. doing high-quality presentations during his modules, and then went on to bigger things.

Feel very encouraged, because think God has been very faithful and good to me too - I've a growing passion in media too. From observing him, realised that there are things from him that I can 'chope' and apply in my own work as I attempt to nurture and develop the passion that God has given me - not for my glory, but to bring glory to God and bless His big, big, big heart. =) And I'll feel His divine pleasure in my heart as I put this God-given passion to work. Was sharing with Hanesolo that I would like to be a director next time... =) with God all things are possible!

Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will serve before kings; he will not serve before obscure men.
Proverbs 22:29

What is the work that you are skilled in today? Nurture your nature, and let it thrive and prosper!

Have you got a brook in your little heart

Was doing some reading up for inspiration for designing a Valentine's Day mug... and came across some very sweet poems. ;) So enjoy!

Love
by Emily Dickinson

IX.
Have you got a brook in your little heart,
Where bashful flowers blow,
And blushing birds go down to drink,
And shadows tremble so?

And nobody knows, so still it flows,
That any brook is there;
And yet your little draught of life
Is daily drunken there.

Then look out for the little brook in March,
When the rivers overflow,
And the snows come hurrying from the hills,
And the bridges often go.

And later, in August it may be,
When the meadows parching lie,
Beware, lest this little brook of life
Some burning noon go dry!

Shall I Compare Thee To A Summer's Day?
by William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

Love is anterior to life
by Emily Dickinson
Love is anterior to life,
Posterior to death,
Initial of creation, and
The exponent of breath.

Emily Dickinson, c. 1864
I could not drink it, Sweet,
Till You had tasted first,
Though cooler than the Water was
The Thoughtfulness of Thirst.

Ben Jonson (1573–1637) from "Song to Celia"
Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kiss but in the cup,
And I'll not look for wine.

Thank God for today! :)

Accompanied Peter to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for his physio for his broken leg. And it was a God-given opportunity to learn more things. Thank God for his pushing me to think ahead and anticipate his needs, so that I can learn to meet others' needs better in future.

Realised that I've become more sensitive to people's feelings, but am still very weak in identifying with people's needs.

I did some things that bordered on the hilarious, like helping Peter climb down the stairs, holding one of his crutches so that he could hold the railing... and then when he'd just finished descending the steps, I absent-mindedly walked off with his precious crutch, leaving him to hop after me with his other crutch. Poor Peter... :P

Was initially quite upset again, when I realised this, 'cos very tired of this weakness. But Peter reminded me that since I had prayed to God to help me grow, God allowed this experience to happen, so that He can show me clearly my weaknesses in this area, so that I can learn from it. And besides, God's grace was clearly here - it was Peter, and not someone else less understanding or gracious, who noticed my lack of understanding his needs (especially since he had a broken leg), so since he's my mentor, he can feedback to me more clearly, especially since he knows me so well, including my weaknesses.

Yup, God is so good! :D

So, after that, we discussed, and he advised me to learn from others how they anticipate and meet others' needs - to observe. He also reminded me that God spoke to me through that experience, so that I can learn - it's just that I wasn't expecting Him to speak through that experience...

"Don't box God in - He can speak through many, many ways, not only those ways that you expect Him to speak."

And, do expect God to speak to you, but don't expect Him to speak to you through only a few "preset" ways.

'Cos God's ways are not like our ways, and His thoughts aren't like ours - his ways and thoughts are much higher than ours!

Asked him how to know whether God's speaking to me through a situation and how can I know that whether my interpretation of a situation is correct... Peter reminded me that the first basic principle for making sense of a situation to understand God's will is very simple - does my understanding contradict the Bible or not?

Yup... one thing for sure: we can know that in every situation, whether good or bad, joyful or tragic - in all things He really does work for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. =)

Amen!

So my spirit was lifted up again after thinking through that. Realised that I still haven't responded in a mature way when I go through experiences that show my weaknesses... I need to remember that this is part of God's love - tough love - that He allows these experiences to show clearly what my weaknesses are.

I have some weaknesses that really, really bug me and others a lot - some are so ... irritating and I wish I didn't have them.

But I was reading through the teaching on self-acceptance in Christian Living 2, that actually, God's power can be shown all the more through our weaknesses, and His grace is sufficient for us.

Seriously, I have these weaknesses - so what? These weaknesses will take years, even my whole life, to overcome - so what?

Plan systematically, plan for progress, and set milestones in overcoming these problems, and PRAY to God to help me grow - keep praying, for He rewards those who earnestly seek Him! And He WILL provide powerfully for me in overcoming these weaknesses, so that through these weaknesses of mine, when I overcome them, everyone can see that it is not by my own strength alone, but it is CLEARLY with God's help that I have overcome! =D And so, His power will be made perfect in my weaknesses. For when I am weak, then I am strong. And all the glory goes to Jesus! =)

*******
Had also a wonderful time with some of the bros and sisters today, jogging with them through Kent Ridge Park, very lovely place. =)

Then we ate dinner at Clementi. Marcus, Swee, Huanyan, Guanrui and I ate together, and hee, thank God for them, it was a great time with them. Haven't laughed so hard in ages... was dizzy with laughter. Oh God, Swee, HY and Ah Rui can come up with the craziest jokes... three really are better than one... And was also a very edifying time at the same time too... =)

But also a wonderful time learning to observe them, how they interact with each other. Realise there's a lot of things I can learn from my dear brothers, especially how they make conversation socially...

Realise I also still tend to stick to my old ways of interacting with others, but learnt a lot from watching how Marcus socialises with the others - can learn a LOT from this bro! 'cos think we have similar personalities, both of us being introverted, but Marcus is able to adapt so much better. Really need to learn from him more. =)

Yup, exciting times, these days, learning and learning... still so much to learn, a lifetime to learn, and learn some more! But what a joy it truly is to learn! :D Ask God to teach you, and He WILL teach you and lead you into all truth...

Thank God! :D

Reflections on a Legacy

Was reading through the various affirmation letters that my dear bros and sisters, some bringing a huge smile to my heart, others more thought-provoking, yet others sobering.

It made me think about the end of my life, when I'll have to give a complete accounting to God for what I've done with what I have. It's that feeling when you complete a ministry, a phase of your life, and look back and wonder what kind of legacy you left behind - one built on gold, or one built on straw? One that will stand the test of fire, or one that will collapse and burn?

What kind of legacy will you leave behind with your life?

Hmm... had been praying that God will speak to me through these many letters, and think He impressed on my heart what I need to take note of:

1. To grow in effectiveness in serving God and in discipling people


2. To grow in wisdom in caring for others


3. To grow in maturity of faith

1. Effectiveness in service and discipling - Many of the brothers and sisters commended me for my heart in serving God. While that's true, I realise that having a good heart is not necessarily equal to effective service - one that touches and impacts many lives.

Of course, it's much, much more important to have the right heart in serving God, but at the same time, we need to consider whether our acts of service have been effective in impacting people to experience God's love. While it's true that in heaven, we'll be commended by God for our faithfulness and purity of heart, one major reason that we serve God so hard here on earth is because we want to impact as many lives as we can for Christ. We are on a rescue mission. We want to save as many lives as we can. While one life is infinitely precious, many lives saved is even better.

It's like the doctor of a century ago, and the doctor of today. While a doctor in either age would be sincerely and wholeheartedly committed to saving lives, the doctor of today is doing better in a way, because he is more effective in saving lives due to more effective techniques and technologies.

2. Wisdom in caring - Quite a number of people have commented that I'm very sensitive to the needs of other people. One dear bro said that this sensitivity to others is a gift from God. Hee... Yah, it's definitely a gift from God, because by nature, I really am not a sensitive or caring person - without Christ, I'd be a heartless brute. Honestly. I'm so glad He's in my life, I'm so glad He came to save us.

However, I realise that this sensitivity doesn't necessarily translate into helping people feel cared for. Hee... guess this is like having sensitive radar that can detect hidden problems and needs in others, but even if you detect, you don't know how to handle these problems and needs well.

And that is what I want to grow in as well - wisdom to help people feel cared for.

Just like what Shirley shared with me so long ago from Philippians 1:

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

3. Maturity of faith - I chose to bold this, because one very wise sister wrote this to me: "I pray that you will mature in your faith..."

How true it is! Upon further thinking, I realised that while I have been serving hard and done my best in helping others feel cared for, one of the greatest hindrances in my being an effective discipler and influencer of others is the weakness and low maturity of my faith in God. When trials and tests come, I tend to feel very low and shaky in emotions and thoughts. A strong and mature Christian is one whose faith in God stands firm in the face of troubles and difficulties.

Really thank God for this word of wisdom, because I realise that this is one thing that is present in the lives of many of the more mature Christians: a strong mature faith in God that is able to stand steady and secure in the face of difficulties and testing.

2 Corinthians 13:5 says, "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you — unless, of course, you fail the test?"

And 1 Peter 1:7 says, "These [trials] have come so that your faith — of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire — may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

And what Paul wrote to the Roman church helped me understand that our effective sphere of influence and service is linked to our measure of faith that we have:

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

So thank God for this truth - He helped me realise that I need to grow in my faith in God to face the more difficult challenges of the Adults ministry. Jinghe reminded me of this truth when we were chatting over dinner: "Adults ministry is a time when you'll really have to rely on God. It'll definitely help to build up your faith in Him."

I'm very encouraged and inspired by the lives of the mature bros and sisters in Christ. They don't let their difficulties and shortcomings pull them down. Instead, they choose to trust God's Word and stand upon the promises He has made.

So this shall be one of my New Year's resolutions that I am making: To grow in faith in God. It won't be easy, since James 1 tells me that if my faith is to be mature and complete, I must go through many testings and trials to prove it genuine. But I have faith in God that He is with me all the way, and I know that He will refine and purify my faith in Him. Forever God is faithful, forever God is strong! Forever God is with us, forever and ever! Amen! :D

Hee... so yup, these three things are what I aim to grow in spiritually this year, as I enter the Adults ministry.

However it's not only "I need to grow in this and that..." Some things to also thank God for, is that He's grown me in in the past 4.5 years, especially in growing in servanthood and humility. Really thank God for His grace to me, how He purified and refined me, pushing me to repent and grow in this area, to be more vulnerable and willing to accept correction and apply it to my life, even if it's painful. To learn to look outward, beyond my own little world, and look to the interests of others. And best of all, to learn to love God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all my strength. =)

So I guess the phase of the tertiary ministry has been something like graduating from the "Service" academy, where you learn to be a true servant to others. Hee, thank God for His patience with me, think I took a very long time to "graduate" from this "school"... 8 years liao.

But now it's time to move on to the "Discipleship" academy of life, where I learn to stand firm and not falter in my faith, to develop a deeper walk and faith in God - because when you walk right with God, inevitably, you become more and more like Christ, which will cause others to sit up and take notice of your life. It's exactly what Jesus said when he was asking his first disciples to follow him: "Come follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."

Amen! Yes, I want to follow Jesus, and to walk right with Him. Because in the Adults ministry, Rueyfong told me, you really need the opportunities, the "breaks", that only God can give. "Walk right with God, and He will walk right with you!"

Amen! :D

Can a lottery win make you happy?

I just read this article, and it made me think about what Ps Jeff preached about today, on what we do with our money...

Money is good... because with it, we can share with those who are in need... it's the LOVE of money that is a root of all kinds of evil! So true! When I read the article, the following quote struck me:

Despite stories about overnight millionaires going off the rails, money does not have the dramatic effect we might think.

"People are frightened it's going to change them as a person but in fact it's their lifestyle that alters. If they were a kind, warm-hearted person before, they will be after."

How true... it is a good thing to have plenty of money in our hands, and no money in our hearts! So that we can give generously to those in need! "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be..."

It struck me very strongly that the Kingdom of God needs money to help those in need... it's a very practical thing. So responded to the altar call to be a successful and influential money-earner for the Kingdom of God... do eagerly hope to support the church vision to build strong and biblical people to plant strong and biblical churches in Singapore and all over the world... and hopefully one day, also be able to go overseas and help support the other churches and their social work too! (Maybe South America...)

Finishing Well God's Way

Just read this beautiful article, and it inspired me to type a post using its title...

Just came back from the sub-D farewell for Winnie and me. Feel very, very, very loved. Thank you so much, dearest bros and sisters... it truly has been a great joy to serve God together with you all.

Think what I'll carry away with me from this old ministry into the new ministry is the precious memories and the very dear friendships formed, esp those with whom I have gone through thick and thin. Special thanks to Jan, Mich, YF, Flince, Huanyan, Swee Leong, Bowen, Guanrui, Hongtao... you all have been very dear and precious friends and co-workers together in this ministry, and I will miss you deeply! I remember especially the joys and the sorrows that we faced together - that is why I truly treasure these friendships very much. But, as this beautiful saying goes, "those who love God never meet for the last time". Amen? :)

Hee, really thank God for my dear brothers and sisters, some who have moved on already into the Adults ministry (I'm coming, I'm coming!)... over the past 4.5 years, many of them have sown seeds of love, grace and truth into my heart, and hee, like the pretty picture of the mustard plant that they drew, their seeds have made a lasting impact on my heart.

How true it is that one is able to reach his or her fullest potential only when he/she is in a community of caring and committed friends! Thank you for being a family to me! :D

I was thinking about what I shared with them... yes, it's really true that it doesn't matter very much how you started... what truly, truly counts is whether you finished the race of life well.

It's just like a marathon - God doesn't care how fast you run... But He cares that you are faithful to finish the race. And all those who are faithful to the very end will receive the crown of life that He has promised to those who love Him.

And I'm so grateful to God that He has allowed and helped me finish this lap of my life well. It was such a joy to see the close friendships that I've developed with the other brothers, especially those in the MACHO Turbo group! Thank God so much for all of you who shared or wrote or messaged your words of affirmation with me, and Eugene for his backrub, since he knows that touch is one of my love languages!

And finally, I do pray earnestly and eagerly in my heart that Winnie and I will have impacted you guys in the NUS ministry to love God more and love His people more. If we have impacted just even one teeny, tiny heart, and that heart responds to God, then we will know that all our labour in the Lord has not been in vain!

Dear friends, dear brothers and sisters, dear comrades in Christ, it really doesn't matter if you started well or not in the Marathon of Life - what truly, truly, truly matters in God's eyes is that you finish well - to cross that Great Finishing Line to Heaven and hear the beloved words that have been heard by all those who have loved God and their fellowmen to the end, across the ages, from the beginning of the world to the end of it: "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

So let's serve God and His people with all our passion and perseverance, no matter how mighty or mundane it may seem - let us fight the good fight, let us finish the race and let us keep the faith!

Amen! :D

Freedom for the Captives!!!

Hee, just really, really want to thank You Lord for the past few days...

Think Wednesday was an absolutely stunning day. We had follow-up with a dear bro, shared with him about the Holy Spirit, and somehow, God gave us a prophetic word of knowledge into this dear bro's situation... and when we shared that with him, think he was very surprised... but that really helped him to open up and share what was troubling him...

Felt so touched when he was crying and sharing, that I almost cried myself... it really strikes me how deep the love of God is... even in the midst of our lostness and confusion, He is never too far away... He hears even the faintest cry of the lost, and He steps across all heaven and earth to reach out to us...

After tt, Isaiah 61 came to my mind...

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners..."

Later on, I met Yuantao... was super-encouraged... we had a really wonderful time of fellowship. Something that he shared with me really really made me smile so much... he told me that God has been showing love to him in such caring ways... e.g. when his CG celebrated his bday on a particular day even tho it was earlier than his actual bday, his dad called him the next day, and told him that the prev day was his birthday according to the Lunar calendar!

And also, somehow, everytime Qiaoping was going to teach him about a particular topic, he would ask QP first on the very topic that she was about to share! Like, how he was thinking of being water-baptised and asked QP about it... and it turns out that she was about to teach him on that very same topic!

Praise God! :D

It's really such a huge, huge, huge joy to see what God can do in the lives of those who love Him... it's such a joy to see how God is liberating those who were held captive to their fears all their lives... how He is healing those who have been broken-hearted... what a wonderful Saviour we serve!!! :D

He is able, He is able
I know He is able
I know my God is able
To carry me through

He heals the broken-hearted
And sets the captives free
He makes the lame to walk again
And the blind to see

He came from a place of glory
To set the captives free
He gave His life in love for me
And caused my eyes to see...

*******
Think this is something I learnt from Yuantao... to see God's deep, deep love and care in even in the very small things i experience everyday...

So other things i wanna thank Daddy for:
For the good time with Shawn today - hee, so glad to be able to help this dear bro today...

For the opportunity to be able to attend HopeKids leadership huddle... really want to capture the spirit of service from my team leaders who faithfully get up early on Sun mornings to take care of the children...

For the sweet time of fellowship with my very dear brothers yesterday and today... for the time with Huanyan celebrating his birthday... for the times with Guanrui and Hongtao and Jan...

For the ultra-romantic moment with my dear CG on top of Engine rooftop... the night sky was so incredibly beautiful... worshipping God together as the night breeze blows on us... is like feeling God's gentle presence upon us literally...

For Jodie's help in helping me copy a old project that we did together for one of our modules... it was a great time to reconnect and keep in touch with a dear friend...

For my dad and mum, especially for my dad's hugs... something I realise is that there are many, many men who would literally sell everything they owned just to be able to receive a father's love, let alone the numerous hugs I get so often. i am so incredibly blessed... even when i totally do not deserve such love!

For the opportunity to make a new friend today - think his name's Hanesolo, Ziwei's friend - at HQ... think he's quite talented in music and likes to read a lot... :)

For Zhiwei's msgs to me showing his care and concern... hee, really treasure this dear bro and friend...

Yup, yup... so many blessings when I count them... God indeed is good, even to the worst of sinners... that they may turn to Him and He will have mercy on them, to our God, for He will freely pardon... for His ways are not our ways, neither are His thoughts our thoughts!

I really love this Bible verse - especially since it's in the Old Testament where God is supposed to be super-fierce and zapping sinners with holy fire... (He can do that... but He really really is patient and gracious even with the hard-hearted and is super-quick to forgive if they will turn back to Him!)

Isaiah 55:6-9 (New International Version)

Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Walk On - The Spiritual Journey of U2

Read this from Weizhu's blog. Think it's very meaningful.

... I knew Bono is special and he's been doing many wonderful things in recent years, and was a Time magazine Person of the Year. But now I'm beginning to see where his passion stems from... [continue]

Focus, conviction

Think these are two things that God's impressing on my heart - that He really wants me to desire and grow in.

Thank God so much for His goodness =) think the cloud's clearing finally. =) hee hee...

Oh God, it's so good to come back into Your arms again after so long. =) How sweet Your love, Your Word, Your presence in my life is. Feel much more renewed and refreshed.

Something I learnt from Proverbs 1 today: That God wants me to acquire a DISCIPLINED and PRUDENT life.

And this good rebuke came to me:
Prov 1:22
"How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?
How long will mockers delight in mockery,
and fools hate knowledge?"

Think God asked me to take a good look at my heart, and think about the many times I've insisted on living simple-minded ways, instead of living in the fullness of His grace and His truth.

[BTW "simple" here means one who doesn't have a sense of moral direction and is inclined to evil.]

Yup, thank God so much, need to keep this word in my heart. :)

Oh yah, focus - that's something I learnt from last year's Standard Chartered marathon, and what Yufen shared with me over a casual meetup yesterday and also what Peter told me a week ago. It's simply amazing what a person with focus can do, especially when he has God's help.

Just like a laser. One reason why a laser is so much more useful than a torchlight or even a billion-watt searchlight is that it has extreme precision, focus and purity (since it has only one wavelength). It may not be able to spread out much, but because of its sheer focus, it can be used for many, many things e.g. surgery in cutting, reading data, scanning barcodes, etc.

Isn't it like a person who is wholeheartedly pure and focused for God? He/she may not have a very wide sphere of influence, but those that he/she influences - oh boy, oh boy - what depth of influence! If you can impact one and only one person, impact that person to be a world-changer, who will go on to impact many, many, many, many, many, many, many other people!

Just like Father Abraham, father of many nations...

"By faith Abraham, even though he was past age - and Sarah herself was barren - was enabled to become a father because he considered Him faithful who had made the promise. And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore." (Hebrews 11:11-12)

Perhaps an even better example would be Jesus Christ Himself. Napoleon is attributed to have said this in humble acknowledgement of the impact of Jesus Christ:

"I die before my time and my body shall be given back to the earth and devoured by worms. What an abysmal gulf between my deep miseries and the eternal Kingdom of Christ. I marvel that whereas the ambitious dreams of myself and of Alexander and of Caesar should have vanished into thin air, a Judean peasant-Jesus-should be able to stretch his hands across the centuries, and control the destinies of men and nations."

Hmm. Praying that God'll show me where to aim and focus upon. And purity and depth of conviction, I also want...