Unit Prayer Gathering, a Reflection, and Joy to the World!

Today we had unit prayer meeting. Really thank God for that time of prayer - felt very refreshed again by the Spirit of God, especially when I've been feeling weary.

But think the Lord Jesus encouraged me not be weary, but reminded me that it's a joy and privilege to be able to serve Him in this way, and feel His pleasure... He reminded me that what I'm creating will be seen by 3000-over people in Kallang Theatre, as part of His outreach plan to the lost!!!

Wow! So exciting... I'm reminded of His sheer grace to me, that started from last year... when I did a video clip for My Church My Home... and that was during my darkest period... and I responded to His call to be salt and light in the media industry... even though my heart wasn't right with God at that time...

But our Lord is merciful indeed - He richly blesses all those who call upon Him! :) So found myself doing multimedia stuff in increasingly bigger portions... doing MM for tertiary service advertisements... then doing MM for Alpha, an evangelistic programme... thank God for the bros and sisters who did a great job in working on the MM... unforgettable! :D now doing MM for Christmas service at Kallang Theatre this year... wow! God really is good - and He has turned my heart around too... I'm increasingly finding more and more joy in serving backstage in a way... yup, really want to be a servant of God, because even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and give His life as a ransom for many.

Hee hee... I remember Guanrui sharing about how God inspired him to create an encouragement banner during exam revision period, you know, that one that said in BIG BLOCK LETTERS: "LORD IS WITH US". Yup... think can understand how he feels - hee hee, it's really thrilling when God gives you an inspiration, an exciting idea... yeah! hi-five~ Daddy for what He's done!

Felt my heart renewed, realigned to God. :D Reminded by the Spirit to draw strength from Him daily, for apart from Him I can do nothing.

Something that Shirley also shared struck me. She shared about her prayer life, that even when she was very busy, she will take time to pray to God. Not just that, even if her situation didn't change, at least her heart has changed. And that struck me as a very precious truth.

I'm very inspired by Shirley. Something I noticed about her over a long period of time is that she has increasingly this inner sense of tranquility and confidence and strength that clearly comes from a deeply-rooted faith in God and His power, love and grace. It's especially obvious when she is worshipping God... I don't know how, but somehow her face seems to have that "glow" when she is worshipping God. (Seriously... I'm reminded of Acts 6:15 that says, "All who were sitting in the Sanhedrin looked intently at Stephen, and they saw that his face was like the face of an angel.")

A powerful testimony, our countenances! A sober question to ask myself: How many times has my face shone for Christ? The Bible describes Stephen as "a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit"... how I want my life to be like that too!

Guess, yeah, I am envious of those who walk closer and have a stronger and deeper faith in You... but Lord, transform my heart and my motives. I think very often my heart is like Simon the sorceror who wanted the gift of the Holy Spirit for himself so that people would see Simon do great things and regard him highly.

But God is not pleased with such an attitude. Hmm... I'm thinking of some dear brother in my unit - even though he's younger than me, he strikes me as someone with simple childlike faith in God, eager to practise His Word!

And how I do need to practise God's Word. Yufen was gently correcting me, when I shared with her about my latest crush, that I already know what I need to do, so just go and practise it.

Yup... I want more breakthroughs in my life - I want to PRACTISE GOD'S WORD! So, taking heart from God's promises, let's really go and claim all His promises in His Word, and ACT UPON IT! For no matter how many promises God has made, they are YES in Christ Jesus! And so through Him the "aMeN!" is spoken by us to the glory of God!

Last 3 or 4 weeks in NUS ministry for me... but whether long or short time left in this ministry, we are all serving the same God and Saviour of the world! So let's really OOMPH, let's really PUSH on for JESUS during this Christmas season! Remember, Jesus is the Reason for the Season! Fight against every shred of discouragement with the Word of God! Encourage one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching! Exercise every spiritual gift He has given you to support one another in this push to tell more people about Jesus, and be faithful in prayer too! For where all the best efforts of men fail, just one word from God can touch their hearts!

aMeN?!

Christmas, isn't Christmas
Till it happens in your heart
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts
So give your heart to Jesus
You find that once you do
It's Christmas, really Christmas
For you...

BTW had sent my personal journal to Peter - it's something I do so that he can know better what's going on in my life and thoughts - and he noticed that I was having another crush again.

Yup... that's me again. Hmm... but thank God for him, he gave me very good advice - don't get so fixed on your crush. There are also other people who need your care and concern too. So I asked him how do I manage my crushes, when I get them, and he shared this verse with me:

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Yes, well, I do feel this inner sigh in me again, when he told me that. But I don't care, I want to be patient and wait for God's perfect timing. :) He's carried me through SO many years of crushes, that I think a few more years isn't too much for Him to sustain me through! :)

Some ways that I manage my thought patterns and contents when I feel v emotional or negative or melancholic are:

1. Sing P&W songs to God... thank God that He's blessed me with an excellent memory for song lyrics, so I need to make much more use of this "MP3 player" that He's installed in my memory... hee hee!

I need to remember this too:

Ephesians 5:19-20
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

2. Reflect on the good things He has done for me all this while.

3. Enjoy the present moment as a gift from God - one thing about me is that I can become very melancholic and self-absorbed even in the midst of a joyful time... so must discipline myself to be joyful, to celebrate, because the Lord is near! :D

4. Enjoy the company of my friends, family and brothers and sisters.

5. Think joyful thoughts too... noble thoughts... focus on Jesus, and the passion that He has for me... it's ALL ABOUT JESUS, REALLY!

6. Stick with joyful people too. Stay away from gloomy people. It's necessary...

7. Remember this verse:

Nehemiah 8:10
Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

Plus, there's an additional incentive too: I remember what Huanyan shared with me before: "If you want to bless others, sometimes the best way to bless them is simply have a joyful spirit!" I think that's very true... :) Thanks bro!

Yup yup... additional advice always welcome too!

Marathon Days

Just came back from shepherding. Feeling very gloomy - thank God for Peter who bears patiently with me when I'm very sleepy and tired.

Was ranting to God on my way back - "God, why did You make me like this? Why am I so emotional? Why do I feel so tired, etc., become so confused? Why can't I control my thoughts and emotions when I'm tired, etc.? Why do I have this weakness?" I thought about people who tell me that I need to control... yes... I know. I wish you were me. I try my best... and frankly, I feel alone in this struggle to direct my thoughts and attention. On a good day, when I'm well-rested, it's much, much easier to do so. But on a day when I don't have enough sleep and am frustrated in trying to solve a problem e.g. work, ministry, etc. - don't talk to me, don't come near me!

Felt very discouraged and dismayed again. "Of all things", I asked God, "why must I have this ******** weakness?"

Then somehow this story of a father and his son came to my mind. This small boy was having a very bad day, in a very grouchy and unhappy mood. He was ranting to his dad, and his dad was patiently listening to him rant. And then the dad took up his son, carried him in his arms and whispered, "Hush, hush... my son."

And this verse came to mind immediately after that story:
"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

I felt very touched, and somehow, I felt that God was speaking to me through that story and verse... that He was reminding me that He already knows my weaknesses... that I'm very grouchy and easily disoriented and confused without sleep (and especially so, when I go into the working world - I WILL be tested heavily in this area)... and when I come face-to-face with situations that directly test my weaknesses, that's the moment when He will take me up into His arms, and whisper, "Hush hush..." to me.

He carries me when I have no more strength to carry on.

Deuteronomy 33:27
The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.

*******
In fact, that's what the Bible has been saying all along, both in the Old Testament and the New Testament... that cursed is the one who depends on flesh for his own strength... but blessed is the one who depends on the LORD his God for strength. That's the way the Kingdom of God works - look to God for His strength to grow into the person that - not I - but He wants me to be.

I know that, by myself, I can't be an emotionally stable person on my own. But in Christ, as I pray to Him daily... I have faith, that in one way or another, He will transform me into the man that He wants me to be. Somehow, some way, He'll do it. But I just need to keep my eyes fixed on Him, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. And to keep running on.

I guess, that's what you might call a marathon day - days when you feel like you're running a marathon in the middle, and you're not smiling anymore and feeling like kicking the guy in front of you AND behind you... yup, just press on, take a look at Jesus and all His saints and angels cheering you on, and feel the joy come back into your heart, mind and legs.

:) Keep running for Jesus! :D

December Days - prayer as a privilege

Was adding to my calendar to pray for Claramae's job interview next Tuesday, when it struck me that I was actually making an appointment to pray for someone... before I became a Christian, such a thing wouldn't have crossed my mind, even though I was raised in a Christian family.

Had earlier on read this Crosswalk.com article about the importance of praying for our preachers, for protecting those who share the Gospel. And I thought about our prayers for the Christmas outreach, and for our leaders too. Who knows how many leaders have been saved from falling away or falling down, simply because a caring bro or sister took time to get down on his/her knees in prayer? The devil does not fear prayerless religion, but when we get down to prayer, whoa, Jesus Himself said that whatever we bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever we loose on earth, shall be loosed in heaven! aMeN! And He shall build His church, and the gates of Hades shall NOT PREVAIL against it!

Prayer is an extremely powerful weapon. It can be considered both a strategic and a tactical weapon too - strategic as in capable of demolishing spiritual strongholds that hold sway over entire nations and continents, or tactical as in supporting a spiritual skirmish in which we share the Gospel with a lost friend or family member. Wow.

I recommend this excellent book by Ed Silvoso on prayer evangelism: "That None Should Perish", and Pastor Jim Cymbala's "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire", on the power of prayer. And while you're at it - get Brother Yun's book, "The Heavenly Man", a gripping account of a Chinese Christian in today's China - the testimony of how he walked out of a max-security prison with TWO broken legs at the busiest hour of the day is simply an amazing testimony of the power of God when we pray and believe Him to do great and mighty things! aMeN!

(BTW you can get them from Hope Resources while stocks last! Disclaimer: I'm not serving in Hope Resources... I'm just one blessed customer. ;))

Oh yah, so what about prayer as a privilege? It just struck me that when I first received Christ, it really was so thrilling to realise that I now have connection to the Father, and that I really can ask Jesus for anything in His name, and He'll do it! After many years, however, prayer can seem very stale... Lord, I don't want ever to lose that freshness of joy, of the thrill in being able to touch heaven, Your face, when we pray and ask in Jesus' mighty name.

An old spiritual "fight song", but powerful as ever:

In the name of Jesus
In the name of Jesus
We have the victory! (AMEN!)
In the name of Jesus
In the name of Jesus
Demons will have to flee! (AMEN!)

When we stand on the name of Jesus
Tell me who can stand before
In the mighty name of Jesus
We have the victory!

Was very tired today, after rushing my part for the Christmas MM. Tired, spiritually hungry - only went through today's verse for the F&P for Christmas outreach. Didn't feel like reading the Bible - tried to, but couldn't focus. Fell asleep while reading the Bible.

Then woke up and went down at midnight to the Senior Citizen's void deck to spend some quiet time - prompted by the verse: "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

Jesus is so sweet. :)

Had a really wonderful quiet time, just being still, admiring the beauty of the night, and the fresh breeze that comes just before it's going to rain. Meditated on today's F&P verse. Think God spoke a lot to me through that time of meditation - I had some fresh new insights and somehow, I felt my heart aligning back to Jesus' heart - His heart of compassion.

I've been praying for myself to grow in care and consideration for others - this is a weakness of my character. Thank God for my dear, dear shep who has been faithfully and consistently pointing out this area of my life to me, and encouraging me to pray for myself in this area.

I don't know how, but the more I spent that time with Jesus, I felt my heart being increasingly stirred to have compassion for the poor and needy. I think something very much that Jesus wants to see me grow, specifically for me, is to grow in compassion for the PHYSICAL needs of others.

I think a lot of us Christians, especially in the more developed countries, tend to focus a lot more on the spiritual needs of people. While that is true and important - I mean, this is going to affect the ETERNITIES of people, the Bible also stresses equal emphasis on meeting the PHYSICAL needs of people, both in the Old Testament and the New Testament. James wrote that it's no use wishing a poor Christian to be warm and well-fed if we don't do anything. And likewise, Jesus went around doing good and healing people and feeding the hungry multitudes.

This is in contrast to the dualistic (Greek/Gnostic) notion of the soul being more important than the body. Such a view runs counter to the Judeo-Christian perspective of the sacredness of the human body -

1 Cor 6:19-20
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

Think, then, this is not so much of which one is more important - physical or spiritual. Actually, it seems that both are equally precious in His eyes - in fact Jesus says that if we fed a hungry brother or gave him water or visited him when he was sick in this lifetime, we did it for JESUS HIMSELF, and He'll never ever forget what we've done in this lifetime for all eternity.

Matthew 25
31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

So what practical application point for me then?

I think one way that I can grow in compassion for others is to practise being more sensitive to the physical conditions of others. Like how Jesus noticed that His disciples needed rest after being so busy in preaching that they did not even have time to eat. That is something I'm really weak in, but my God is mighty to change me. :)

I NEED to get off my butt - I've finished my studies. What does Jesus want me to do now? I'm still wondering - but one thing for sure - I really want to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and He'll meet all my needs, both physical and spiritual, in His perfect timing. :)

Just to add on to my previous post:

This thought came to my mind just now. I think God allowed this to happen, for me to forget to contact the person in charge, because He wants to show me, to bring to light, to expose the true depths of my character - and most importantly, to test and show me what is my TRUE response when my faults and sins are brought into the light.

Hmm... I remember what Ps Jeff said during the Alpha camp earlier this year on overcoming evil:
"God tests us to help us pass; the devil tempts us to make us fail!"

So, from that experience, I see how much I tend to make excuses for my behaviours and attitudes, instead of accepting responsibility for them.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

Will I go the way of King Saul, who said, "They sinned - not me!", or will I respond like King David, "I sinned - no one else!"

*******
I always love Psalm 51 - I think it's one of the most beautiful psalms in the Bible. I always turn to this psalm when I feel crushed, disappointed, guilty, condemned... because it reminds me to own up to the Judge of all Ages, to confess everything... so that I may receive mercy and grace to help me in my time of need.

Psalm 51
For the choir director: A psalm of David, regarding the time Nathan the prophet came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
2 Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb,
teaching me wisdom even there.

And it never fails to make me cry when I read this part - so desperate is his spirit:

7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
9 Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.

How good God is!

16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

To remind myself:

In future, when making appointments/booking for equipment and I need to cancel it, I die-die must let the person in charge know, by hook or by crook!

Frustrated at my own stupidity and irresponsibility. I'm so sorry Jesus.

*******
Reflection:
Every inch of me was crying out to make an excuse, to shift the blame on someone else. Even now I find myself trying to make excuses. God, the struggle against accepting responsibility for my own faults and failings is really hard, especially at times like this. Even now, I still don't like the fact that I sin - I struggle to accept the basic fact that I will sin, even when I don't want to.

It's moments like these that makes me want to cry out in anger against myself, asking God why I did such irresponsible things, and I wish I didn't make any mistakes, period.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart,
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."

But I need to remember that I must accept what the Bible says about me, not only what is pleasant, but what I need to hear - that I am a sinner, who has sinned and fall short of God's perfect standards - and am justified freely by Christ's blood for me on the cross.

Yet, there's this cry in my heart to be put right with God, a cry for perfection, a cry to be good, a cry to be holy, pure and blameless.

How I wish I was fully there! Yet...

Put your sadness aside, get up, and remember his forgiveness, YA. Move on, fix your eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of your faith...

Remember! In your struggle against sin, you haven't yet resisted to the point of spilling your blood. And you've forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the LORD's discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, for the LORD disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son."

So don't be stumbled; just get up and run on again. Remember, all this is because of Jesus - and He chose to use a very imperfect person like me.

:)

Was intending to blog about something else, but a thought just struck me. Call it an epiphany, if you will... :)

Hmm... was exchanging messages with a dear bro just now, and I reflected on my spirit, and the tone of my words, and wondered whether he understands where I'm coming from, my heart and intentions. Frankly, I'm worried that he might misunderstand - all the more since it's just words that we are exchanging over SMS - which lend themselves too well to misunderstandings.

I wonder what the Bible says exactly about all these daily situations and things - now not only for myself, but also, how do I communicate and explain to him the principles of the Bible clearly in a way that he can understand, consideration of an appropriate time to share, etc.

Frankly, it's been quite scary, this responsibility to help feed my younger bro God's Word in a good way - it's all so easy for me to fall into the trap of stuffing him full of Bible verses without giving him time to digest and understand. I'm scared that I'll stuff him too full, and so scare him off.

And God knows how impatient I can be. But very thankful for His wonderful grace to me, even in my halting, stumbling attempts (trembling on the inside, really unsure if what I'm sharing is relevant to him), he said thanks for being so patient in explaining to him. (It really warmed my heart when he said that.) Think it's really a miracle, because I know that this must be the work of the Holy Spirit in me, because by nature, I really am not a patient person at all. (Just ask my family!)

Hmm... I think it's also starting to reach that stage where, after spending quite a bit of time together, we start knowing each other better. Sometimes we know more than we want to know. Personally, I think we're reaching that stage where we wonder about each other, "Why (fill in your favourite phrase here) is he doing that kind of thing?" That point where subtle irritations start taking on that extra edge. Think that point is where Satan sees the opportunity to strike and sow seeds of discord, stopping the friendship from going deeper.

But again, the Word of Christ alerts and defends us against these divisive tactics of the devil. "Love one another... pray for one another... bear with each other... forgive each other as the Lord forgave you..."

Think it's also a priceless time of experiences. Experiences of groping your way along in the dark as you try to figure out what to say next, as you try to understand and relate with the other bro, as you desperately try to sense God's leading when to share and when NOT to share. And sometimes experiences of learning just to relax, trust in God and not worry so much for him.

*******
Oh, and the epiphany?

Well, it was this: There will be times that, for all my best efforts, I fail, and make a Very Stupid Mistake in taking care of him. And Jesus would have forseen that already, way, way in advance.

And 1 Corinthians 2:1-4 came to mind as I was writing just now:

"When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.

For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. (I think what I learnt from this verse was that I should resolve to keep the message of Christ simple and clear, as I share with him.)

I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. (Amen... That is what I so feel now.)

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power,

so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

What a relief and joy it is to know that He knows that I would have made all these mistakes, and yet, He actually chose to choose me.

John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit — fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

Wow...

Just feel so burdened again in my heart for the younger bros and sisters. Some are doing well, others are not - but still, feel the ache, the longing to see them grow to be all they can be in Christ.

I wonder why I have this ache in the heart. I think I can identify with the apostle Paul and his friends when he wrote to the young church at Thessalonica:

As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us...

So when we could stand it no longer, we thought it best to be left by ourselves in Athens. ... For this reason, when I could stand it no longer, I sent Timothy to find out about your faith. I was afraid that in some way the tempter might have tempted you and our efforts might have been useless.

Sigh... I really don't know how, Lord. My heart really wants to see the younger ones safely growing in the Word of God... taking root... enfolded into the fellowship... feel like crying for them. Just feel so deeply for them, Father... how big Your heart is for them. And my heart is so small, just a tiny tiny tiny grain of sand, as compared to Your heart, so BIG! For You so loved the world, that You gave Your one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

I wish I shared Your heart, Your burden for the lost. Lord, my heart is really not as big as Yours, but I know that as I continue walking with You, I pray that You'll open my eyes bigger and bigger to be like Yours... eyes of compassion, eyes of love. In Jesus' name, Father, I pray amen.

And remember my brothers and sisters! Help them grow stronger and more secure and more joyful in You too during the holidays! Thanks Lord! :D

December Days - delightful disturbances

Ha, seems like my titles are getting awfully alliterative. Alas, alack! poor Yorick, i did knew him well.

Stumbled upon a stick-figure version of Hamlet. :) Check it out!



Went down to Nexus today. Bought a book by Joyce Meyer: "Approval Addiction: Overcoming your need to please everyone". Think it's very timely, am reading through it now. Think God has been impressing on my heart very strongly the past few days about having faith in Him that He loves me - nay, more than that - delights in me, and will help me through.

Very timely... because I'm getting very convicted about the need to have faith in Him. "The righteous shall live by faith." From my QT, from the teachings, from the sermons, from books, from here and there... I keep hearing Him tell me to have faith in Him. But why are all these things talking about faith in particular? I'm puzzled, but yet, I think He has something in store for me when I cross over, and He wants me to exercise faith in Him for such a time and place like this. Perhaps I'll face a lot of challenges to my faith, both in church and outside the church, and He knows my heart, and wants to push me on to breakthrough and grow further.

Hmm... pensive, yeah? But honestly, I'd say this is a delightful divine "disturbance", and I must have faith in His word that He loves me unconditionally... and has a wonderful plan for me (and not just me, but for everyone who will believe in His Son, Jesus Christ). To humbly believe, and not let pride rule in my heart, else Christ can't do many miracles in our lives. Thank God for the sermon yesterday. Very convicted and cried. Asked Him to stretch my faith. I know He will... in fact He was waiting for me to pray that prayer! :)

*******
Oh yeah, blessed birthdays, Shirley, Clara and Jason! :) And to my dad too (tho I think he'll not be reading this blog). =)

December Days - discovery of myself

Thank God, feel much better now. :D It really is a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer. Actually was feeling quite down because of a friend - seriously, find it very hard to relate to this friend at times. Thought about it, felt guilty because I think it's my own fault actually.

But I think Jesus would have me get up and move on again. I mean, He doesn't condemn me; rather, He'd just have me look up to Him for His approval. After all, at the end of time, what really counts is His approval. :)

Hee! :) Oh, am talking now with an ex-NUS friend... quite touched, actually, by what he shared with me... quite a surprise, since I didn't expect him to suddenly msg me out of the blue. But oh yah, he's a working professional now, so hopefully can get to know him deeper too! :) God works in wonderful ways... aMeN!

December Days - dwelling

Oh no, I'm dwelling, Lord... again!

Actually, been sitting in bed since last night and just thinking about a lot of things swirling around in my mind. I really don't like dwelling, yet I keep wanting to have a sense of closure. But sometimes, it's like those recursive loops in a program that keeps on going on and on the deeper you go. You can't break out of it.

But there is a way... just hand over all the mess in your mind to Jesus, and let Him resolve it for you. Like a student handing over his half-completed, uncompilable and buggy program to his lab TA, I've decided to hand over the mess in my mind to Jesus for Him to settle.

I keep on wrestling with a lot of guilt in my heart. But that is where I really need to claim the promise of God's forgiveness - "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Think God just rebuked me strongly from the Bible. To be honest, I don't feel like responding, but when was faith ever about having the "right" feelings?

Jesus Predicts His Death
From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!"

Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." (I think He was rebuking me here for dwelling in self-pity.)

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life[h] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."

Thinking again about what Peter told me before: "Be real with God in your prayers. Don't be religious. Just be real."

Mm. I know what I need to do now. (I think.)

December Days - the crossing-over II

Feeling quite melancholic at the moment, just thinking about the advice Shirley gave me regarding my transition to Adults ministry. Felt half-excited, half-sad. The advice is good, really good... :) really thank God for a wise sister like her! It really helped me narrow down my decisions. Tomorrow I'm meeting my shepherd. Shall share with him what I learnt yesterday, and see what he says. Then Claramae on Monday, and if possible, Alan Tea on Tuesday. I really need a lot of advice, because I really lack wisdom, but the Bible says in Proverbs 15:22 that "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."

Some of the things that Shirley shared with me struck me: "This will be a new phase of growth for you." and it's not healthy for me to stay too long in the NUS ministry, partly because the younger brothers and sisters are less likely to challenge me - which would stunt me from learning more things and growing. A learning spirit... how I really want to have a hungry spirit before God to learn and grow in understanding and wisdom.

It just struck me, while listening to the affirmations for Shirley and Claramae, that I could have chased them for more advice on many, many more things. Wasted opportunities to seize every learning opportunity! But, I shall not look back... for I'm grateful for the things that they have already told me before, and shall carry this hungry spirit to learn over to the Adults ministry, by God's grace.

Treasure every little seed of wisdom; seize every moment to learn something new everyday. There is always a treasure of wisdom and understanding if only we are discerning enough to keep a sharp eye out for opportunities to learn, especially with the Holy Spirit's help and guidance.

Proverbs 14:6 "The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none, but knowledge comes easily to the discerning."

My tooth was on fire again just now, after some food got stuck in its cavity. Thank God for the toothpick that was on hand. (Now you know why I've been recently asking for toothpicks regularly.) I have YET to see the dentist. The cavity is starting to look ugly. :(

Reflected - it's a sign of my tendency to procrastinate - a weakness of mine. Somehow I like to put things off till the last minute, and honestly, it's a daily battle to put to death this aspect of my character/personality. 'Cos it's not something that I'm proud of, and God doesn't want me to be like this.

Yet, I'm grateful to Him for His grace... somehow, He knows this weakness in my character - wonder if I'm those late-bloomer types. Probably... I only started learning to talk when I was 4 or 5 years old. Remember very clearly my trying to understand language, but everything sounded gibberish to me. Not sure if that's a form of aphasia or something like that? Then one miraculous day, I learnt to talk. And the floodgates of heaven opened. :) Haha...

He's saved my skin many many times. I struggle with a lot of things, and yet He's given me so much grace. People have been kinder to me than I deserve, even in Army, and I'm amazed, wondering why.

But, because of that love He has given me so freely, it compels me to want to push on, even when I fail and lose face, push on that little bit longer and harder for Him. Reminded of how Shuyi encouraged me to give my best for Jesus while we were running together in the marathon, and I was thinking about Jesus looking at me, and the T-shirt that I was wearing... just kept me going on, and pushing that little more.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. :) I checked my position in the 10km division for the Standard Chartered Marathon, and realised that I'm in the first 35% of the runners for that division. Hee, I'm quite encouraged actually, and it spurs me on to want to push harder for Jesus next time. :)

Oh yah, my tooth. Some day I'll get it pulled out. As of now, I'm brushing it extra. Intend to keep my tooth as long as possible. Sentimental value, my tooth - it's been part of me for a long time leh...

December Days - the crossing-over

Hmm... 3 am. Later I'll be meeting Shirley to talk with her about my moving on to Adults ministry. And meeting Alan Tea next week to do a DISC test (it's some personality test, useful for helping me know myself better).

Think it's been, like what Robert said before, "full circle". God has been good to me indeed, even during my darkest days, and I think I've grown closer to God and gotten to know His character and heartbeat, in a very tiny, tiny way, a little more. :) And I've also learnt how to draw closer to people, and really for the first time in my life, found brothers and sisters whom I can be really close with... friends are really a gift from God! I've learnt to lean upon God in prayer, even when I don't understand, and to treasure His words more... to take stronger ownership of my life, joyfully pressing on towards the prize... discovered more strengths and talents... think God has blessed me with a new spiritual gift... discovering a little more what His calling for my life is... discovering my passion for media, coupled with my professor's commendation... learning more about how to find my future spouse God's way...

and perhaps, the best thing of all: "Love God. And love His people." :) If there's only one thing that managed to get into my head (and hopefully, into my heart), i do hope these two commandments have drilled themselves into the thick skull of my head and thick walls of my heart.

There are so many things God has blessed me with during these 4 years of NUS ministry... it's not just spiritual things, but also intellectually and socially, etc. Enjoyed the Comms and New Media programme that I took... learnt to think deeper... discovered my analytical side... got to work with children... and with people very fascinating and different from me... to meet with people from very different cultures... made dear friends from other countries... got to help out as an OGL for the first time in my life...

Hmm... I think if there's any regrets that I really really have... it would have been not being willing to respond to whatever I've been challenged to do, letting my pride make me stay in my own comfort zone instead of responding to Christ's challenges.

That's it. But what an it! I remember one of my greatest disappointments is that when my CL asked me to lead a group discussion, due to my fears of not being able to come up with a good set of discussion questions, I didn't do it in the end, and so a sister had to fill in the gap. Think that really was a very sad experience for me - because I never got the chance again.

But one of the most important lessons that I learnt is this: "Get up and move on again." Thank God for my dear shepherd, Peter, who kept on telling me this, reminding and rebuking me whenever I started dwelling in worldly sorrow.

Philippians 3:12-14:
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

And what Weizhu and Peter told me before: To humbly accept the fact that I have sinned. I sin. And will sin. :) But just get up and keep walking.

And not just keep walking on, but to become more and more aware of when I am going to sin. That's maturity... being wiser, learning from my past mistakes and weaknesses.

And the things that I have already overcome... to help others with what I do know and have... as what WZ shared with me: "Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

And the verse to use to guard against thinking of myself too highly... "Do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought to..."

And what Hanhui told me about experiencing the grace of God, and God's grace being the key motivating factor behind everything we do... and Peter's "I do all this, because of Jesus."

And during my darkest, most despondent moments last year - Sijia's and Peter's corrections: "Seek God earnestly for healing..." and "Put your hope in God. You've tried so hard, again and again - and have failed. You can't do it on your own. So put your hope in God."

And the words that God spoke to me... so real, so deep! Jeremiah 29:31... "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart, and I WILL BE FOUND BY YOU," declares the LORD...

To have an eager heart to want to learn... to be willing to be corrected by my leaders... Peter again: "You need to have a broken spirit before God!"

Alpha 2006 - the harvest of souls! The time of MM and intense ministry... I really cannot forget the wonderful shared moments... the dear brothers and sisters whom I got to serve with... Shunrong. Jits. Edmund. Nic. Joseph. Huili. Dorling. Swee Leong. Huanyan. Hongyao. Timothy. Ellson. Wenjiang. Guanzhen... and more! So many memories, so many joys...

*******

And a new phase of my life is coming up. It's time to pack up and cross the next "Jordan River" of my life into the Promised Land.

Hmm... I see these last few weeks as a final sprint to the end of this lap of my life, the NUS lap. I want to push on to give my very best for Jesus, no turning back! To prepare myself in fasting and prayer for the next lap - for it will be a long, long lap. To brush up on skills. To train my brain. To learn more about myself during this time. Direction? Calling? Where to go? Which job? Etc.

Peter told me that this time of crossing over to Adults ministry would be like that D-Day beach landing scene in Saving Private Ryan. Some won't make it across the water. Others will make it, only to get pinned down by enemy fire. Yet others will move on, only to be surprised by the minefields. But by God's grace, we'll establish the next beachhead. :)

So I need to don the armour of God for this difficult time. "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

To have joy, for the joy of the Lord is my strength.

To pray and pray earnestly, that my faith may not fail.

To encourage others who are making the crossing.

And whatever else happen, stick to Jesus!

December Days - what does true love feel like? :)

Wow, it's been quite a while since I've blogged. Guess you can see that my exams are finally over. PRAISE GOD!!!

Very thankful to God for the past one month. It's really been a great joy and learning experience, because I got to experience God's grace, bless others, and learn more about myself during this time. Reminded and renewed about joy in the Lord, joy of learning, joy of living, joy of this and that... =)

Exams, Standard Chartered marathon (ok, it was 10 km lah...), doing Christmas MM... think quite a few bros and sisters have waxed lyrical about the joys of studying together, notably Huanyan the Security Guard, Guanrui the Banner Man and Flince the Mugger. Go read their blogs... I too lazy to type. Haha!

Oh, the title of this post? Read more below... ;)

*******
Came back earlier from doing Christmas MM with ZW at his hall room. I'm really so blessed by this dear bro - he really blessed my socks off! He offered to help me with the Christmas MM, and even sponsored the firewire cable that we needed for downloading the videos from the camera onto his computer. Wow... very touched by his eager heart to help...

We had a great time of fellowship, and I really have a lot to learn from him, besides his MM skills... his sensitivity for others' feelings, his childlike spirit even when he shares about his difficulties in various areas... (because God doesn't look for perfect people - he looks for humble people!)

Hmm... in retrospect, I think God has changed my heart in this area of taking care of younger Christians. Last time, I regarded taking care of a younger Christian as "I'm older-than-you-so-I-know-more, so come, let me teach you, you-who-know-nothing-much..."

Oh man. My dear old CL made sure that I learnt my lesson well. Thank God for Hanhui! :) I still remember what he shared with us: "Learn to enjoy people, to take delight in them. To just simply love them, enjoy their presence." And another time, he asked me, "Do you relate to them as a brother?"

Yup... think it's what Jesus would have done... the religious people of His day called Him a "friend of sinners"!

His name is Jesus, Jesus
Friend of sinners...

Think such an understanding has thus helped to transform how I see the younger ones now... to be honest, I now really love my CG people as my brothers and sisters in Christ. Really treasure their friendships, their company... And I think that is really how Jesus wants us to love one another. And I really love my shepherd too. :) I was amazed when, while sharing to Bowen some time ago about my shepherd, I found myself starting to cry. Think it really is a great blessing having a mentor who loves you enough to scold you, "because I'm worried for you."

So, what does it really mean to love one another? Because I remember a few years ago, there was this dear brother who shared about his struggle to love the brothers in the CG... he was sincerely trying his best to love others, but didn't know what it really meant to love as God would want him to love. He asked about the part about "loving others even though you don't feel very loving - isn't that being hypocritical?"

Actually, he said the question that I didn't dare say out.

This point from the book "Love Beyond Reason" really helped me understand what it means to love as Jesus would have me love... I think it's a very good test of whether you truly love the other person (especially if that person is very difficult to love!):

Love Delights in and Enjoys the One Who Is Loved
This facet has to do with the heart of the one who loves. When I love you, it is not something I do simply out of duty or obligation.

I remember hearing a Christian speaker say that you should always love your spouse with an in spite of love, never with a because of love - but who wants to be on the receiving end of that? If, when I was proposing to my wife, I had said, "Well, there's certainly nothing about you that any reasonable person could ever warm up to, but because of my noble character I will hold my nose and love you anyweay" the proposing process would not have gone nearly as well as it actually did.

No, when we love someone the mere sight of them causes our eyes to light up... When you see someone you love, it makes your heart glad.

It is very important to remember that God loves us in this way. Some Christian writers have written as if God loves us only in spite of ourselves. Of course there is plenty God has to love us "in spite of." But raggedness is not the whole story about you. As Lewis Smedes put it, it may be a very bad thing that I needed God to die for me, but it is a wonderful thing that God thinks I'm worth dying for. We may be ragged, but we must never confuse raggedness with worthlessness.

God doesn't just love you because he has to, he loves you because he wants to. God delights in you. Of course, that doesn't mean God delights in everything you do. Your own mother doesn't do thta, if she's at all healthy. But the fact that you exist - you, your own self - is very good in God's eyes. God likes to love you.

Hope this sharing blesses you! :)

Very thankful got to bump into Dr. Chung from last semester - we chatted and she mentioned that she really likes the idea that I presented last semester. Asked me to let her know how it goes in future... :) yup yup I will... it's been a real pleasure taking your class, Dr Chung! :)

Praise God! :D

Qiaoping just got a job offer! :D It starts next Monday. But that's not the only wonderful thing... what's even more wonderful is how God has answered her prayers and ours too in such perfect timing! Because today's the last day that she can stay in Singapore (since she's a Malaysian) without a job... but now that she's gotten a job offer, she doesn't have to leave Singapore anymore!!! :D

Praise God for His wonderful goodness! :D Really so happy for her... this verse kept ringing in my head: "Rejoice with those who rejoice!"

She shared this verse encouraged her a lot when she was so worried that she couldn't get a job... Zep 3:17. :D "The LORD your God is mighty to save..."

Wow! :D Praise God! Looks like this verse has been encouraging a lot of people recently, including me... somehow think God wants to encourage our sub-district with this particular verse, that He is mighty to save... think He wants us to get to know Him in a deeper way, that He REALLY is MIGHTY to save.

Because, frankly, especially in pragmatic Singapore, a lot of us (including me) are professing Christians, but practising atheists. What do I mean by that? It means that we profess to believe in a mighty God for whom nothing is impossible, but then when the crunch come, and we face minor difficulties e.g. failing an assignment or exam or financial troubles, emotional breakdowns, etc... (yes, they are minor... there are bigger troubles than getting an F for a paper)...

Then we forget that there is a God who is mighty to save, for whom everything exists and have their being... that's why we're practising atheists - no faith in a God who is omnipotent.

Think He's reminding me, giving me an encouraging nudge through Qiaoping's faith turned into joy, that He really cares and more than that - He is able to do the mathematically impossible.

I should know - I witnessed this happen with a cashcard that, somehow, was able to print an 80-cents document for 5 cents only when I was rushing to meet a deadline, and praying to God to help me meet the deadline. And Jesus multiplying 5 loaves and 2 fishes to feed 5000 people...

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" John 11:40

Think the problem with me is that so often, I do not have, simply because I do not ask God. Yeu Ann, is anything too hard for the LORD?

The Joy Journal - Day 3: Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...

Just got back my term paper - wow, praise God, the extremely tough term paper that I did on mass media and the Government - my tutor said that it was a well-done essay. Praise God for His wonderful MERCY, and thank God for Huanyan, Guoxiong and Edwin who gave me invaluable guidance. Not forgetting Jitsy's vetting too.

(But, Jits... really, I don't care whether a sentence starts or ends with a "but"!) ;)

Hmm... just got back the marks for two other modules - Culture Industries and Game Development.

Thank God again, I did quite well overall for my CA in Culture Industries... but when I read my CA marks for Game Development, my heart sank.

Actually, I feel very afraid, even though I've done my best most of the time... because level 4 programming is very tough, and a lot of marks have been allocated to the labs.

Honestly, I'm afraid that I could fail this Game Development module. That would mean that I have to stay back ONE more semester. Oh Lord, I don't want to. It would be a terrible testimony for You.

But I need to remember that God is here with me, even in this storm where I really could sink and drown. Just like what Calyn encouraged me today, and what I read in my QT today... that He is here with me. He comes walking on the water... and at first I don't recognise Him. I think Him to be a ghost, and I cry out in fear. But I hear His voice booming in the storm, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

And I remember that sometimes, the very thing in a crisis that causes us to start panicking and losing control, could actually turn out to be Jesus Himself coming into the picture.

*******
Have prayed just now. Forced myself to be still and turn my eyes upon Jesus. And I know that my dear Saviour wants me to depend on Him totally. This precious verse from 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 comes to me:

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

Yes... If He can raise the dead, He can raise my grades too! :) (Since my CS4213 grades are good as dead. ;)) Haha... sorry, bad joke.

Am praying in the Spirit even now as I write this. Somehow, I feel calmer and more peaceful now. It's a peace, and I believe, an assurance that He will deliver me - and enable me to clear this final semester well. Because I really have done all I can do... now, the rest is up to God. Honestly, honestly... this is my faith in Jesus despite my shaky feelings. Because I really do want to please God, even if I do have to stay back one more semester.

Yup... now going off to read my Bible. Don't know what is going to happen next, but THANK GOD FOR THIS VERSE:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

*******
In any case, there are so many things to thank God for - and they are not "trivial" blessings - they are BIG blessings... hee hee... like how I messaged my sister to wish her happy birthday and God bless - somehow my heart towards her has changed for the better since last year... and she said thanks. :)

And how I'm getting to know more friends... and Zhiwei's been a real joy and blessing to me, messaging me to find out how's my revision coming along. I think ah, he's showing me more care and concern than I have been doing for him! Wow... he really is a blessing from God! (Not to mention his hilarious jokes about Orcs and nukes and candies - all in one conversation.)

How sweet the grace of God... that transforms lives like his!

And the time spent with my dear brothers and sisters...

And the time being enriched in mind and enjoying my studies...

And the time of discovering further His purpose and plans for me...

So many joys, so many blessings...

What can we give
That You have not given?
And what do we have
That is not already Yours?

All we possess
Are these lives we're living
And that's what we give to you, Lord...

The Joy Journal: Day 1

Thank You so much dear Lord...

Wow, for what You told me yesterday and today - about having joy in my heart. What You told me during QT yesterday and today, coupled with what Huanyan prayed for when he was praying for me, together with Yufen's guidance that since You're telling me to have this attitude of joy first through the Word, then through Huanyan...

Then what Shuyi shared with me and encouraged me on the bus...

And the prophetic word spoken thru Clara... "your feelings go up and down..."

WOW!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH DADDY FOR BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME!!!
really very humbled, really very touched. You never gave up on me, and You never stop loving me... i'm so touched... what am i, Lord, that You should even bother to think of me???

Yup... later I shared wif Shuyi on the way to dinner (or it was more of Shuyi encouraging me again, reminding me of the prophetic word spoken thru Clara during service...)... that I think You are answering my birthday wish and prayer to grow in emotional stabliity...

I think You are teaching me that one aspect of true emotional stability is not being emotional-less... the Son of Man had the deepest emotions ever in the whole history of mankind, and yet He never lost control of His emotions nor got swayed by them...

That is TRUE emotional strength and stability...

So I think He wants to help me grow in joy - joy that is independent of any circumstances. For happiness depends on happenings, but joy comes from JESUS!!!

Like what HY told me, that if I really want to bless others, the attitude of joy is one of the most important blessings that I can give others, together with the other fruit of the Spirit like love and peace...

WOW... so so so amazed... truly He hears my prayers... He never fails... HE IS THE JOYFUL GOD!!!

Rejoice in the LORD always! I will say it again: REJOICE! Philippians 4:4

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace... Galatians 5

Joy is the serious business of heaven. C.S. Lewis

To miss out on joy is to miss out on the reason for your existence. Lewis Smedes

*******
And from John Ortberg's chapter on joy:
Ironically, often the thing that keeps me from experiencing joy is my preoccupation with self. The very selfishness that keeps me from pouring myself out for the joy of others also keeps me from noticing and delighting in the myriad small gifts God offers each day...

And I need to learn. Joy is at the heart of God's plan for human beings. The reason for this is worth pondering awhile: Joy is at the heart of God himself. We will never understand the significance of joy in human life until we understand its importance to God. I suspect that most of us seriously underestimate God's capacity for joy.

...

So it is with God, but not with us. "For we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we."

We will not understand God until we understand this about him: "God is the happiest being in the universe." God also knows sorrow. Jesus is remembered, among other things, as "a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." But the sorrow of God, like the anger of God, is His temporary response to a fallen world. That sorrow will be banished forever from His heart on the day the world is set right. Joy is God's basic character. Joy is His eternal destiny. God is the happiest being in the universe.

...

The Bible puts joy in the nonoptional category. Joy is a command. Joylessness is a serious sin, one that religious people are particularly prone to indulge in. It may be the sin most readily tolerated by the church...

But how much damage have joyless Christians done to the cause of Christ?... How often have people misunderstood God because they attributed to Him the grim, judgmental, defensive, soul-wearying spirit of many who claim to be His followers?

*******
So I think today I shall begin NOW. "THIS is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!"

The book advised that I can try finding "joy mentors", and thankfully, there are bros and sisters I can learn from... spend time with them... to be INTENTIONAL to spend time with them too...

Surprisingly, some of them are those I may not think of being naturally joyful, but they have learnt to find joy in the Lord... I remember what Hongtao shared with us in CG about God telling him something very simple after ministering to him during Subd242... "Smile more."

Haha... so touched when I heard this very dear bro's testimony... wow!!!!!!!!!!!

So much to learn, but I will REJOICE! Because this is really going to be one of the most joyful times ever... joyful, because I choose to see life from today onwards from the Bible's perspective - to view all of life's events in light of the Resurrection and the ultimate triumph of the risen Christ.

And am thinking of a dear bro who's not joyful at the moment... ah... praying for him... though to be honest feel like scolding him for sticking to that attitude... but really want to be joyful myself too! So yup yup, Jesus is my JOYGIVER!!! So looking fwd to a new breakthru, as I enter the next phase of my life in Christ very soon... working life!

I WILL REJOICE, AND I DON'T CARE WHAT THE WORLD THROWS AT ME - I WILL REJOICE, BECAUSE MY LORD IS RISEN FOREVERMORE!!!

I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD, BECAUSE HE CAN TURN MY MOURNING INTO DANCING, MY SORROW INTO JOY!

AMEN!