"No wonder they call them the Many... there's too Many of them!!!"

Prologue:
Wow... what a battle. I've been playing the online text-based game (yes, they ARE still around...) Urban Dead, in which the humans battle hordes of zombies. One of my characters was in Fort Creedy, and I'm part of the Creedy Defence Force, a resistance force to battle the undead hordes. And one of the most infamous hordes are aptly named "The Many".

As of now, Fort Creedy's barricades have been bashed in, and the defenders are horribly outnumbered. Yet they still continue to fight on...

Characters:
The zombies - As they're zombies, they can't speak properly. Apparently their vowels get kind of rattled. It's called Death Rattle.

Do look out for some of the human players, especially Von Luthius - some of their lines are ridiculously Monty Pythonesque...

Peppardville

Farmer Bob King Gidora John Hunter yellowfish Inky ...
139 zombies

You are yyafireman and you are infected. You have 45 Hit Points and 93 Experience Points. You have 50 Action Points remaining.

You are inside the Armoury. The majority of its shelves and lockers have been cleared. The building's doors have been left wide open. Also here are Farmer Bob, King Gidora, John Hunter, yellowfish, Inky, Socom, Spike Speigel, Turic Darkrider, Jeremy Thorne, snarrff, Alya, Samuria5, Triss, LOPcagney, Kaiser Sose, Tigpoppa, Bramtyr, Domiel, Vincent Postrel, TigDoc3, armoury3, SSKnight, YorkRite, 31Flavors, MadDogMcree, Armatron, DeFib, Reno911, Car54, HillStreet, BlueBack, Vahalla, Apathy's Death, NightShift, FF4Life, CubScout, Gibso, Sean Dead, Ed69b, Flimple, John Death, Grgh Argh, Black Lab, Melani, Jerry Coe, starshadow, Magwai, Grey Pete, ToraTora, Troy of NN, taniangde, Lazarus Blue, Lakius, Syndre, Andrew Jiang, John Stout, RainyNight, gladsfab, Fab5Mark, Smitney, Greist, Barsam, pinochey, RibRaby, TexNRex, curtainK, BearBob, marhipan.

Somebody has spraypainted Fort Creedy has fallen, retreat! onto a wall.

There is a horde of 139 zombies here.

There are 24 dead bodies here.
Since your last turn:

A zombie said "Graaaagh!" (10-18 00:39 GMT)
Drab Emordnilap said "AAAAAAAAAGH! 53 Z's outside, and 22 inside! Barricade them in and run away!!!" (10-18 00:53 GMT)
monkeynose said "don't be so silly." (10-18 00:54 GMT)
Old Man Waits said "Rh an rrrh rh... Nrh! Rh harh rna rrmbrh... Mrh ra... Rn rhrrh - rm rrrh..." (10-18 00:54 GMT)
Grantad said "I need a shot gun!" (10-18 01:08 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Luno! I'm loving that Tuba Sound! melani! Why are you punching! use that Banshee Scre...arrrr, I mean Beautiful Voice of yours ... Ummm...yeah....To make those rotter run to the Hills! *Continues playing trumpet Loudly!* Waits! Rottified! That's hilarious" (10-18 01:32 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Luno! Yopu were drooling madly there for a sec and excuse me for thinkinbg it normal for a Tubaist, but there ya go mate! All patched nicely. Now start the Ride of the Valkyries! It's the only song that goes with this Fun! That's it! Melani! Where's your" (10-18 01:34 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Operatic Voice to contribute to this cacophany of sound! Onwards lads! Lets take em down! Waits! Where are you you old Stinker you! We need yuour Harmonica! Hey, Zombie dudes, Contribute some singing and we'll reward you nicely! Speak up lads! That's it!" (10-18 01:36 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Hey Jak! Can you speak or just murmur? Someones hacking you right now, you poor rotter! Guys, once you kill a Z dump them outside before attacking a new one, else they just rise back to their feet again! That's it Luno! Louder *Tuba becomes a roar!* Ahhh." (10-18 01:38 GMT)
Hobel said "Ahh Vol Luthius Double down can't make it he is out searching needles..but told me to say your playing is a great backdrop to this zombie attack...I was wondering DD said you had a plan for creedy if you still have the suplies for that?" (10-18 01:39 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Ahhh, Hobel, My thanks to Pn Double Down and all those others listening to our melodies! Sorry bout that, I just felt like going outside and DNA tagging 20 Z's including Ed Man, and reviving Josey Wales! And no, the revives are fast running out. There" (10-18 01:44 GMT)
Von Luthius said "were 30 odd Z's in here prior to our stocking up. If we knew there were people in here, before we dropped all our guns for supplies, all we were carrying were fully loaded shotties and pistols! It was fun getting rid of that load together into a hoard of" (10-18 01:45 GMT)
A flare was fired 1 block to the east and 9 blocks to the south. (10-18 01:46 GMT)
Lord Tin Tin said "I'm infected I really need a heal, thanks in advance. Using my Last action point to say this" (10-18 01:47 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Rotters' Heads! Geesh! These Rotters are the strong silent type! Either that or they are dumbstruck by the beuty of our music! Heck! Stuff it, I don't know these rotters! Luno *Luno stops playing* Give me your Tuba for a sec. *Hands Von Luthius his Tuba*" (10-18 01:47 GMT)
Hobel said "Well I do belive we are entering last curtin call" (10-18 01:47 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Luno, here take it back! I was gonna smash a Z with it! But hey, they broke in, here's the barricade back up, and to us Providing the entertainment. Luno, Melani, Get your music going! And Melani, I expect to hear you singing this time! *Plays Trumpet wit" (10-18 01:49 GMT)
Pestilo said "That's for hassling my zombie alt, Von Luthius!" (10-18 01:50 GMT)
Von Luthius said "renued Gusto!* Hey! This Rotter Bit me! How unfair! attacking the Band! What did we ever do to you? Provide music and great atmosphere for the killing. Don't kill us to last! Spread the word, we're all having fun here playing to our Doom! Encore Luno! Mel" (10-18 01:51 GMT)
Von Luthius said "PESTILLO is a PKer! Fuck off you shit for brains fuck head! I'm playing me trumpet and your shooting me! Ther ignominy of the event! Hobel Help me! Get ya Bagpipes matey!" (10-18 01:52 GMT)
Pestilo said "Don't worry, I'll heal you. I wasn't trying to kill you, just hassle you." (10-18 01:53 GMT)
Von Luthius said "So Now you heal me? You attacked me for attacking/tagging a freaking Zombie! There's over 100 of the bastards and youi expect me not to hassel them? We're under seige in a frickin Hell Pit of a city and me and mine are doing our best to bring back the" (10-18 01:55 GMT)
Von Luthius said "arts. I mean, You interrupted the Playing! And I wasted my last FAK healing an all out attack! Bah! *Walks up to Pestillo and screeches a Super G in his Ear defening him as a personal Hassel back.* You better be able to play something Pestillo! Now join" (10-18 01:57 GMT)
Von Luthius said "the band! And heal me back to the 60HP I was on! Who Else can play an instrument? I have an entire bag here for you to take and play! Let's all play joyous music to the end of this chapter of Fort Creedy! Bring it! Sing It! Wheeee-Harrr! That's it!" (10-18 01:58 GMT)
Melani said "how long does it take for ap to refresh?" (10-18 02:04 GMT)
EvilHomer said "GARAGHH!!!" (10-18 02:08 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Von Luthius - I can hum a little bit. Can you play the Horst Wessel song, followed by Happy Trails?" (10-18 02:09 GMT)
Hobel said "**Pulles out his Banjo** this is the best I can do Von...but how about that theam from the movie deliverance...I think theses zombies would understand it best" (10-18 02:11 GMT)
Eva Braun said "OOOOOOUCH!!!! EvilHomer bit me with his nasty infectious bite. Bad EvilHomer! Bad! Can anyone spare a FAK for a poor widow? Heil Cowboy Up!!!" (10-18 02:13 GMT)
Melani said "IM INFECTED!" (10-18 02:14 GMT)
Melani said "Thank you! yh" (10-18 02:14 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Thanks, yh! You are truly dedicated to the cause. Heil Cowboy Up!" (10-18 02:15 GMT)
Thandar said "Zrmbaaaazrmbaaaazrmbaaa Zrmbaaaazrmbaaaazrmbaaa... BANNAH!" (10-18 02:15 GMT)
Melani said "I'm spent on ap... sorry guys *sits and sings sadly wishes she could help*" (10-18 02:16 GMT)
AshTheZombie said "Rrh rh hra rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh" (10-18 02:19 GMT)
Pestilo said "Yeah, I'm infected too." (10-18 02:19 GMT)
Ashurbinipaul said "This place isn't going to hold out much longer. I recommend getting out ASAP. The Necro building East is probably your best bet..." (10-18 02:21 GMT)
That Hurts Baby said "15hp, infected, dying - fresh from the Marks slaughter. If any CDF members or others could give me some heals I'd appreciate it very much." (10-18 02:23 GMT)
Wisbechzombie said "Zhamaamba" (10-18 02:25 GMT)
RobertK said "I'm holding the door's closed!!! Can anyone bring something to block them?" (10-18 02:29 GMT)
Bubba McJones said "AMMO!!!" (10-18 02:30 GMT)
DJRoberts said "Infected, please bring healing" (10-18 02:38 GMT)
Joe Dead said "7 Rotters! Kill 'em! Got med kits, so sound off" (10-18 02:53 GMT)
tirion said "Need on here please...." (10-18 02:55 GMT)
BlueBack said "Spund Off for first aid I dont have diagnosis." (10-18 02:59 GMT)
Pestilo said "As soon as someone heals me, I'm getting the hell out of here!" (10-18 03:02 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Coward! Hey Eva, Hobel! Welcome to the Band! Zombies, I expect us to die last cause we are the Band and we'll play till the end and talk all the while! Melani, Eva, Duet time! I'll play whatever whenever, Zombies! I want requests or join the Choir! Hobel," (10-18 03:04 GMT)
Von Luthius said "anyone else in the band with AP! Get outside and tell the Z's not to kill Von Lutthiu, Luno, Melani, Eva Braun and Hobel till last as we are providing Music, atmosphere and entertainment to all! Come on guys! This is Cool Ass Fun! Who else wants ta play?" (10-18 03:08 GMT)
BlueBack healed you for 5 HP. (10-18 03:08 GMT)
Karl Lenin said "Comrades, drive these deadites out and I will bring healing! Keep singing Von Luthius!" (10-18 03:09 GMT)
Hobel said "Anyone know that song the band played from the movie the Titantic?...Von Luthius Eva, Luno. Melani...it has been an honor playing with you tonight. Daa naa naa naa" (10-18 03:13 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Hobel, no worries mate! hey, We need someone in here who will leave their character inactive till the fort gets overrun then copies and pastes the entirety of their conversation into a UD Forum thread entitled Fort Creedy - The Last Hours. I soooo wanna" (10-18 03:15 GMT)
Von Luthius said "see that when it's done! Oh, and I play the trumpet. Melani and Eva are the singers, and Luno the Tubaist, Hobel the Banjo player and Old man Waits the Harmonica player! Where's the Trombonist when we need them They have the best humour Ever!" (10-18 03:18 GMT)
Karl Lenin said "It is time to evacuate comrades, the hospital might be coming with some healing, but don't count on it. 161 dead corpses outside, 52 more walking corpses, not to mention the others around here. Sorry comrades, time to abandon ship!" (10-18 03:19 GMT)
Randoly said "there are only 5 zeds left in here coward!" (10-18 03:20 GMT)
Randoly said "there are only 5 zeds left in here coward!" (10-18 03:22 GMT)
Karl Lenin said "5 in here, but ten times that outside, I don't feel like being feasted upon, I'll bring help if I can, but I don't know if anyone will come, good luck comrades!" (10-18 03:23 GMT)
Hobel said "Bing bing Bing...ahh see the CDF does still stand..Long play the music...Von Luthius..its time for the charge of the Valkurie..lets sturr the chaps on to the final drive..the baricades hold..only 4 rotters in here...come on boys drive them to the sea" (10-18 03:26 GMT)
Hobel said "Bing bing Bing...ahh see the CDF does still stand..Long play the music...Von Luthius..its time for the charge of the Valkurie..lets sturr the chaps on to the final drive..the baricades hold..only 4 rotters in here...come on boys drive them to the sea" (10-18 03:31 GMT)
MG said "shit we're all dead! 63 Zeds outside and 5 inside! Wake up fuckers!" (10-18 03:55 GMT)
MagicG said "I'm infected. Need healing!" (10-18 03:57 GMT)
Joe Dead said "4 med kits left. Who wants them?" (10-18 03:58 GMT)
MagicG said "Can someone get rid of this infection for me?" (10-18 03:59 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Von Luthius - it would seem that now would be a good time to strike up a verse or two of Lili Marlene. And a one, and a two..." (10-18 03:59 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Outside the barracks, by the corner light...I'll always stand and wait for you at night...We will create a world for two...I'll wait for you the whole night through...For you, Lili Marlene...For you, Lili Marlene." (10-18 04:01 GMT)
Hobel said "OMG did you see that..the Zombie broke my banjo....well I did not want to have to do this to everyone but here it is *pulls out a bagpipe and blows the eary sound** ok Von lets do a little amazing grace for the recent falling...**Amazing grace how......." (10-18 04:03 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Bugler tonight don't play the call to arms...I want another evening with her charms...Then we will say goodbye and part...I'll always keep you in my heart...With me, Lili Marlene...With me, Lili Marlene." (10-18 04:03 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Can you hold the Amazing Grace rendition until I finish my solo? A little decency in death is all I ask." (10-18 04:04 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Give me a rose to show how much you care...Tie to the stem a lock of golden hair...Surely tomorrow, you'll feel blue...But then will come a love that's new...For you, Lili Marlene...For you, Lili Marlene." (10-18 04:05 GMT)
Eva Braun said "When we are marching in the mud and cold...And when my pack seems more than I can hold...My love for you renews my might...I'm warm again, my pack is light...It's you, Lili Marlene...It's you, Lili Marlene." (10-18 04:07 GMT)
Eva Braun said "My love for you renews my might...I'm warm again, my pack is light...It's you, Lili Marlene...It's you, Lili Marlene." (10-18 04:08 GMT)
Bruce McGiven said "there in attack" (10-18 04:08 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Braindead Ned wants me dead, so let's end the evening with everyone's favorite - Amazing Grace...How sweet the sound..." (10-18 04:10 GMT)
Eva Braun said "That save a wretch like me (and Cowboy Up!)...I once was lost but now am found...Was blind but now I see." (10-18 04:11 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Gaa...aackkk...[gasp]...Heil Cowboy Up!" (10-18 04:12 GMT)
Gertrude Stein said "Zhamaa-maaamba zha zhaa-maaaamba zha ma bam ba, zha-maaaamba zha barhah!" (10-18 04:13 GMT)
Gertrude Stein said "Zha maaaaam-ba zha zha harh ha ha, zha maaaaamba zha barhah!" (10-18 04:14 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Have the reinforcements arrived to save us yet? I think I hear...gaaaaaaaaaackkkkkkk.......Ug. [THUD]" (10-18 04:14 GMT)
Gertrude Stein said "Aza Brahm zhng maarh!" (10-18 04:15 GMT)
Eva Braun said "Don't...let...them...get...the...har...mon...i...ca...player...Heil Cowboy Up! [gassssssssp]" (10-18 04:16 GMT)
Gertrude Stein said "Zhng Azha Brahn!! Zhaaaaang harh Zhamaamba! Zhng!!" (10-18 04:16 GMT)
Gertrude Stein said "Aaaah!! Azha Brahn zha hambargarh!! Zhamaamba!" (10-18 04:18 GMT)
Stabby Stabby said "one of the zombies is my friend, mister rick! if anyone can revive him, plz...." (10-18 04:20 GMT)
MorganFreeman said "I was not expecting this. No. Really." (10-18 04:30 GMT)
Melani said "I'm infected angain!" (10-18 04:35 GMT)
Melani said "Last ap for the night most likely... I'll try to comeback keep up the good fight!" (10-18 04:37 GMT)
Hobel said "Eva Braun..I am sorry to start before your solo was over..but at least we picked it up..and thanks to the Zombies for goining in..yes..everyone is welcome to sing and play in the Fort Creedy Last stand lonley heart band..." (10-18 04:39 GMT)
Hobel said "Eva Braun..I am sorry to start before your solo was over..but at least we picked it up..and thanks to the Zombies for goining in..yes..everyone is welcome to sing and play in the Fort Creedy Last stand lonley heart band..." (10-18 04:50 GMT)
Saromu4 said "16 zombies in here!!!!" (10-18 04:51 GMT)
Bramtyr said "DEFEND!!!!! DESTROY ALL ZOMBIES!!! RALLY FORT CREEDY!!!!!" (10-18 04:51 GMT)
gunslinger2 said "63 zs outside, the many have this batle owned" (10-18 05:08 GMT)
Killer D said "CDF is officially pulling out of here... if you don't want to die, move to adjacent buildings... I hope all you bastards that talk shit get eaten" (10-18 05:41 GMT)
Melani said "*cires histarically* I'm gonna die!" (10-18 05:56 GMT)
Hobel said "Ahh its time to again strike up the band....Von Luthius..I am going play a little Jazz maybe a little Zoot suit riot your trumpet would be great with it...everyone..living and dead..you know where to scream Zoot suit riot so sing along. here we go..." (10-18 06:37 GMT)
Phil Nekro said "Rh an rh ra rrh an hrh rrh rrh" (10-18 06:44 GMT)
Officer Dan said "at 18 hp and is infected. Could someone heal please? Stupid fuckin zeds burn in hell." (10-18 07:02 GMT)
Hobel said "To all in the fort and the zombies Von Luthius and I are plaing music to the fall of the fort please leave us be to our own devices..**grabing a harmonica** lets do the I have the Collapsed barricades blues" (10-18 07:08 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Hobel Well Done Mate! Zombies Hobel and me and Eva and Melani and Luno and Old Man Waits are playing music and singing till the end. Kill us last and we'll make it atmospheric to say the least! *Pulls out Trumpet and plays Zoot Suite Riot! Well Done Eva!" (10-18 07:29 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Yeah, read the Sign Kill Us last! *Continues blasting on the Trumpet to the Bagpipes a stirling and often times improvised version of In the Hall of the Mountain King. Requests taken Always! Zombies! What do you want us to play? We'll do the lot! *Play on" (10-18 07:32 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Hobel, Eva, Luno, Melani. Contact me via PM of Squidgey on the UD Forums after this is done. I wanna keep this band a going strong! Besides the conversation is great as well! Requests people and Rotters! Rottify us last! *Da da da da da-da dar, da da dar*" (10-18 07:34 GMT)
Von Luthius said "Hobel, Eva Luno, Melani, I hav enough NT Syringes to revive us all, if you want it to go when the Fort falls completely! Oh, and the CDF ARE COWARDS! I mean look how many people and zombies are here for our performance. Makes me eart swell with Pride! :D" (10-18 07:36 GMT)
Hobel said "**putting down the Bagpipes for a second* Actally Sir..The CDF was all killed last night as they slept trying to hold the Marks building to the nw most of them are now zombies bitting other zombies outside..even in death the CDF is fighting for the fort" (10-18 07:46 GMT)
Hobel said "Von I will pm you on the main boards..I look foward to playing with out again on other disasters..*picks back up bagpides* ok here is Brown eye Girl comeone everyone join in" (10-18 07:58 GMT)
Barry Zuckerkorn said "uhhhh, the many are outside. there are 71 of them." (10-18 08:44 GMT)
Fifties said "Screw it, I'm not going to wait around to get splattered!" (10-18 08:46 GMT)

Meaningful M&M

I like this M&M (Memorise & Meditate) verse... somehow it's very comforting to chew on it. Sorta like those Delifrance baguette bread that you take ages to chew on... :)

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

(NIV)

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,

With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;

Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

(KJV)

Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace.

(NLT)

In light of all this, here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk--better yet, run!-on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline--not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.

(The Message)

And for a real piece to chew on, here's the Greek version:

1 παρακαλω ουν υμας εγω ο δεσμιος εν κυριω αξιως περιπατησαι της κλησεως ης εκληθητε

2 μετα πασης ταπεινοφροσυνης και πραυτητος μετα μακροθυμιας ανεχομενοι αλληλων εν αγαπη

3 σπουδαζοντες τηρειν την ενοτητα του πνευματος εν τω συνδεσμω της ειρηνης

Ephesians 4:1-3

"If boys would be men, would girls be ladies?"

Just read this one from one of the caregroups' blogs (NG5A3) in the Adults ministry... it's very interesting. When I read this, my conscience felt pricked a lot, 'cos I know where I've fallen short.

So do take a look at this... brothers! :D Let's be men after God's own heart... and sisters! help us be men after God's own heart... =) that we may help you be women after God's own heart... because there is neither male nor female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28) :)

*****************

"If boys would be men, would girls be ladies?"
- By Joshua Harris

Let's Be Men.
First, I want to talk to the men. Men, we have our work cut out for us, and we need to take it very seriously. What business do we have pursuing a relationship with a girl when we still haven't figured out what it means to be a man? We owe it to the women in our lives, our future wives, and to God to figure this out.

Elisabeth Elliot, a woman I deeply respect, wrote to her nephew Pete, "The world cries for men who are strong -- strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray that you will be that kind of man -- grad that God made you a man, grad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contempt."

I want to be that kind of man. I have a long way to go. I fail more often than I succeed. I let my sin, my fear, and my laziness get the best of me. But I want to change. I know that God has made me a man for a reason. No matter what culture says, or even what some women say, I want to gladly "shoulder the burden of manliness."

It's not the easiest path. Earlier I told you a book that encouraged men to be passive in relationships. According to the author, the only alternative to passivity is being aggressive and overbearing. Sadly, these are the two courses many men take. But God wants us to reject both of them. Biblical masculinity is neither passive nor rudely aggressive. God calls us to be servant initiators--firm, but gentle; masculine, yet caring; leaders, yet servants. We're called to be protectors, not seducters.

Here are four practical ways you can do these things in your relationships with women.


1) Assume the responsibility of leading and initiating in your relationships with women.

Leading is a form of serving. When you provide direction, suggest ideas, and initiate conversation or activities, you're serving your sisters.

This does not mean that you treat women as if you were their husband and the one to lead them in important life decisions. Even during the season of courtship, this isn't your place. Until you're a woman's husband, she is under no obligation to submit to your leadership. If she has a Christian father, that protection and oversight should come from him. But while you shouldn't overstep your bounds, you can serve a woman (and win her trust for the future) by leading and initiating in small ways.

For example, you can serve your sisters by being the one to plan times together. This applies to a courtship as well as friendships with women. My single friends Jacob and Ryan frequently plan get-together at their apartment. They do the work of organizing activities and inviting other guys and girls to participate.

One woman told me what a burden it is when her male friends sit around waiting for women to plan everything. "I don't like it when a man sits there asking, 'So what do you want to do?'" she said, "I want them to make a decision!"

The same principle applies in your courtship (or friendships). Do you initiate conversations? Do you carefully plan your dates? Are you thinking ahead and directing the course of the courtship? It's your job to make sure that it's continuing to grow at a healthy rate. It's your responsibility to make sure you're both guarding your hearts.

As you can see, servant leadership requires work. It means sacrifice. It means going out on a limb and proposing ideas, setting direction, and inviting others to follow. It means listening, taking others' interests and needs into account, and adjusting as necessary. It means deferring to others at times. Leadership isn't tyranny; it's service rendered. It's difficult, but it's a big part of what it means a man.


2) Be a spiritual leader in your relationships with women.

Men, we should set the spiritual pace in our relationships with women.

We should be the ones to make sure our relationships aren't merely, superficial and entertainment oriented, but deep, God focused, and characterized by biblical fellowship.

The first important step is to make your own personal growth in godliness a priority. Don't be content to be spiritually lukewarm-strive to set an example of passive for God.

My friend Joseph sets a terrific example in this area. When he's with a group of friends, at some point in the conversation he'll ask a question like "So what did you think of the sermon on Sunday?" or "Can I share something God is showing me?" or "What's the area God is helping you to grow in?"

Do you know what is Joseph doing? He's initiating biblical fellowship. He's asking questions that help him and his friends share the new life they have because of Jesus. He's leading them in talking about reality of God in their lives.

Joseph isn't a spiritual show-off. That should never be our motive. His goal is to serve his friends and enrich his own life. He knows how easy it is to let a whole night go by without having a serious a serious, God-focus conversation. He knows that in fellowships he and his friends are truly growing closer.

Men, in marriage we'll be called to be spiritual leaders of our homes. Before marriage, let's practice leading in biblical fellowship with friends and during courtship. Then we'll be that much more prepared to do so with our wives and children.



3) Do Little Things In Your Relationships With Women That Communicate Your Care, Respect, and Desire to protect.

This doesn't have to be complicated. Simply be a gentleman to the women in your life. Your goal is to show through your actions that their status as a woman is a noble one.

Let them feel your concern and respect in as many ways as you possibly can. You can do this through small actions: open the door for them, pull out their chair, escort them to their car (or house) at the end of the night. If you need more guidance, ask a few Christian women for pointers. You'll be amazed how willing they'll help educate you!

In your courtship, remember that you're not doing these things merely to impress or to win a woman's heart. You are doing these things for God's glory. You do them to serve a sister in Christ and honor her as a woman.

(A brief aside to women: If you're just friends with a man, and he's trying to treat you like a lady, don't assume he has a romantic interest in you. One of the fastest ways to derail a man's attempts to practice servant leadership is to interpret his actions as romantic overtures. As my friend Jen put it, "Girls should assume that until a guy express interest, they're just friends")


4) Encourage Women to Embrace Godly Femininity.

Look for ways to encourage your sisters in godly femininity. When they make room for you to practice leadership, thank them. When they're humble and gentle, encourage them. Femininity is not weakness. It requires great strength of character for a woman to be gentle in an age that screams for her to do otherwise.

When you see woman going against the grain of culture by cultivating a skill that will serve her family someday, compliment her. When a girl is pursuing a demanding career, but it is still being feminine, let her know you notice. Let her know you respect her.

Men should be the biggest encouragers and prayer warriors for women who are seeking to glorify God by practicing godly femininity.



A Challenge to the Girls: Be Godly Ladies
I think I can understand how you feel. I'm sure that you can think of ways these biblical truths have been misused and misapplied by domineering and chauvinistic men. I'm sorry that has been the case. Please know that there are many men today who want to spend their lives proving that that's not what biblical masculininity is about.

Don't give up on us. We need your support. We need your prayers. We need you to fix your eyes on God-not on the men who have misrepresented His plan-and live your life in response to His commands for you as a woman.

Here are the four ways you can be sisters to the men in you life and practice mature femininity.

1) In Your Relationship with Godly Men, Encourage and Make Room for Them to Practice Servant Leadership.

If a man's biggest temptation is to be passive, a woman's biggest temptation is to take control. The man isn't setting a course, so the woman grabs the steering wheel. It might fix things in the short term, but in the long run it only discourages men from playing their God-given role as initiators.

You can encourage men to be men by refusing to do the work of leading for them. What you want to avoid is developing a habit initiating your relationships with men. This doesn't mean you never do so, but that it's not the normal pattern in your life. Neither does this mean that when you're single, you're supposed to submit to every man you meet. God asks a woman to submit to her husband. But a single woman can, with men whose character warrants it, encourage servant leadership and respond to their initiative.

So if you're in a courtship, make room for him to lead. Step back and let him be one to take charge. How else will he learn to lead? How else can you practice for the time when you will follow a husband?

Sylvia, who is in her thirties, gave me one example of how women can let men lead. "We ladies can be too quick to fill the silence in a conversation." she said. "We're like, 'Oh no, he's not talking! I need to say something.' But I think it's important for us to let there be awkward moments of silence so the men can step up and lead the conversation."


2) Be a Sister to the Men in Your Life.

What are the categories you have for Christian men in your life-potential boyfriend, potential husband, no potential whatsoever? I encourage you to drop these categories. The first way you should view a Christian guy is as a brother.

Be a sister to the men in your life. Pray for them. Be yourself. Don't put up a front. Be a friend.

And remember, encourage men to lead and to initiate doesn't mean that girls never start a conversation or have ideas for activities. My coworker Dawn and her three roommates make a practice of inviting a group of guys over for dinner every two weeks. They use these times to reach out to new people in their singles ministry and to develop friendships. Dawn and her roommates are being sisters to their brothers in the Lord.


3) Cultivate the Attitude that Motherhood is a Noble and Fulfilling Calling.

Today many people scorn motherhood and the skills associated with managing a home. In our culture children are viewed as a nuisance, and motherhood is considered a waste of a woman's talents. A college counselor once told me that majority of the female students she worked with secretly longed to get married and have kids, but they were too ashamed to admit it. What a tragedy!

Please don't believe our culture's lies about motherhood. If God has placed that desire in your heart, don't be embarrassed about it. The Bible encourages younger women to learn homemaking skills from older women. Learning to keep a home and love husband and children is part of God's plan for the complete training of younger women (see Titus 2:3). Don't hesitate to learn the practical skills that will one day allow you to serve a family. Search out godly mothers in your local church from whom you can learn.

You can process biblical femininity without being married or having children. As a single woman, you can express your femininity by practicing hospitality and by caring for and nurturing the people in your life. But you can also honor God's plan for womanhood by agreeing that motherhood is a high and noble calling.


4) Cultivate Godliness and Inward Beauty in Your Life

A girl once wrote to tell me how God had used Proverbs 7:5 to convict her of being like the wayward woman who led men astray. "I don't want to be a seductress like her," she wrote. "I don't want flirtatiousness or immodest clothing to keep guys from seeing me as a sister in Christ."

If you want godly men to respect and cherish you as a woman, refuse to buy in to our culture's obsession with being physically beautiful and sexually alluring. This is an attitude that springs from the motives of your heart and extends to the way you dress and act around men.

Is your wardrobe an expression of your love for God? Shannon often says to women, "There's a big difference between dressing attractively and dressing to attract." What's your motive? Have you ever asked your father or another Christian woman to honestly evaluate your clothing? Are you willing to sacrifice fashion to be obedient to God?

During out courtship, Shannon honored me by always acting and dressing modestly. A few times that meant getting rid of outfits that she didn't think would cause a problem (Ladies, you'll never know just how differently we're wired until you get married!". Once when I told her that a particular pair of shorts were a little too short and were causing me to struggle, she quickly replace them.

In Scripture, Peter tell Christian women that their beauty should be that of their inner selves -"the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:4).

*****************

A sweet blessing

Flince blessed me last night with a packet of M&Ms. Thanks dear bro, it tastes really sweet. :)

Hmm! :)

Tried the test...

Don't really think the personality test is very accurate though - I mean, look at the 3rd result. Nah... :P

What do you guys think?

Your #1 Match: ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #2 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #3 Match: ENTJ

The Executive You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others. Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise. Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow. You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

What's Your Personality Type?

Convictions

Think my personal conviction abt not using pirated software is being tested... 'cos was thinking of using a pirated copy of Win XP to reinstall on my sister's computer, and quite worried abt how to get a copy of Microsoft Office 'cos my sis may not adapt well to using OpenOffice.

The crunch: *Do I REALLY believe that Jesus wants me NOT to use pirated software?* and do I trust in Him to provide for me the software that me and my sis and dad'll need?

I think this is a real test to see if my conviction is genuine...

I've made the decision - I won't use pirated software, by the grace of God, because the Bible says "Do not steal." And I'm trusting in Him to provide for my needs, one way or another.

Think this is how convictions are formed. At first you just accept it as true... it's just an agreement, not a belief.

Then the crunch comes and the assent that you made is challenged, and you wonder, is it worth it? Is this really worth the trouble to stick to this agreement? And is this issue even worth bothering about?

And the crossroads - which choice shall i make? To stay firm on this agreement, which will make it a true belief - with all its consequences, or to throw aside the agreement, which means that i reject it as true... I realised that even with a simple decision like this, there's no turning back once the decision is made. Either this agreement becomes a belief or it becomes a belief that using pirated software is NOT wrong.

Somehow sensed God's assurance on me when I made this decision to stand firm for Him, the assurance that I've done the right thing and He is pleased with me. I remembered what Sijia said during CG last night, that the Kingdom of God extends to ALL areas of our lives. And that includes pirated software. :)

Really thank God for this invaluable lesson - a "lab demo session" on developing convictions. This has helped me see how a conviction can be formed:
a mere agreement -> a shaky belief -> a steadfast conviction.

And at each ->, there's at least one decision to be made.

Hey! I just realised, this is really wonderful, because recently, I've been praying to God to ask Him to help me grow in conviction for His Word in all aspects of my life, to obey His Word more and more. And think God is answering this prayer by helping me through this reflection just now, the one about choosing whether to use or not to use.

Surely we serve a great Teacher! :D

The stars that shine

[The LORD] took [Abram] outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."

Genesis 15:5

Was sitting outside HQ thinking of God's faithfulness in my life. Then remembered the verse above and looked up at the sky. But saw only clouds and darkness.

Then this thought came to me:

The stars are there, even if we cannot see them.

I'm a Kurt Halsey fan now... =)

Recently went to this website from Yufen's blog: http://www.kurthalsey.com

Really like the designs - there's a very melancholic tune to his artwork - yet at the same time, a whimsical hope and dreaminess to his designs. :)

There's even a fan site for his designs: Kurt Halsey's Fandom

The majority of the fans seems to be girls, though. :P Not surprising when you see his designs...

What says you?

Ubuntu, Ubuntu, how do you do? Not very well, thank you - there's only FAT32...

Haha... I like this title... ;)

'Cos I was installing Ubuntu, a desktop edition of the Linux operating system yesterday - with a LOT of help from Weizhu...

Haha... he converted me to Ubuntu... after seeing Windows XP go through 3 Moores Laws' cycles... yah, WZ, XP really is history. ;) LOL

Anyway, "nuked" (i.e. reformatted, but "reformatted" sounds so boring leh...) my hard-disk finally... it felt fantastic at first, to have an opportunity to start afresh...

But in less than an hour, spyware and worms gate-crashed my defenceless laptop and merrily installed themselves onto my harddisk.

*sigh* 8 worms. :P 180degree Search Assistant. Etc, etc...

And oh yeah, seems like there's a little Sasser-type worm floating around... for helpless hosts like me. :P

<geek>
(To the tune of "3 Little Pigs")
Big Bad Worm: "Lsass.exe, Lsass.exe, let me in."
Lsass.exe: "Oh no no, not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!"
Big Bad Worm: "Then I'll hack, and I'll crack, and I'll flow your buffer down!"

You get the idea...
</geek>

The Stolen Sacrifice, the Frustrated Monkey and the Happy Wife

Met Weizhu over lunch yesterday. What he told me was so inspiring, that I want to pen it down as a way to remind myself and share with you guys. :)

In case you haven't heard yet, he got rid of all his pirated stuff.

When he shared this news with me, I was so amazed. A lot of thoughts went through my mind, but the one that stood out was that this brother really has a lot of conviction. So I decided to follow his example, took out my laptop, and started deleting my own pirated stuff.

As he sat there watching, I remarked to him, "Hey... it occurred to me - I'll need some of the software for my design ministry..."

He said,

"Imagine you're a poor farmer in the Old Testament. You want to make a sacrifice to God. But all your cows are scrawny and sick. Then you look over your neighbour's fence and see... yes! a healthy-looking cow! So you steal your neighbour's cow and make your offering. Would God be happy with that?"

I looked at him and smiled.

He went on, "Actually, I was also worried about that. But God will provide for our needs..."

I exclaimed, "Oh! I see... even more when it's for ministry!"

"Yes! You got it."

I thought a while about what he had said, and envied his heart and conviction for God. So I felt very sad, discouraged and angry with myself because I felt that I didn't have his level of passion and joy. So I mentioned that to him.

He replied, "Actually, the problem is not that you hate sin, but rather, you hate the fact that you sin. Can you see the difference?"

The light started turning on in my head.

"You set your own standards, and when you can't meet up to your own standards, you feel angry with yourself. That's pride."

I nodded in agreement. Because that's what a legalist does - he/she sets up his own standards, and if he can meet his own standards, he starts thinking of himself as having pleased God, and therefore being very spiritual.

So he gave me this analogy:

"It's like a monkey climbing a tree. You are the monkey, and the tree represents righteousness. As we grow in our walk with God, we climb up, say 5 metres, and slip 4 metres. But we keep climbing and climbing...

Now what if the monkey climbs 5 metres and drops one metre? He starts focusing on the one metre he drops, and he's very frustrated about it. As a result of being so frustrated, he drops another 2 or 3 metres further. So don't waste all your energy that you spend in being angry and discouraged at your drop. Rather, focus on doing the positive things instead."

I thought about that for another while. Actually, I was still very confused about the difference between legalism and obedience. After all, isn't it important to obey God even when we don't feel like it? Besides, Jesus had prayed to the Father, "Not my will, but Yours be done."

So told him about this. He paused for a while, and then said,

"I think you're seeing it in this way:

if (do the right thing == true)
then God_will_be_pleased;

Say you bought flowers for your wife. You know that it'll make her happy. Even if you weren't around to see her smile when you left the flowers for her on the table before you went off to work, you'd know that she'll definitely be happy.

It's not if (i buy flowers for my wife) then (she will be happy).

rather, it's: Knowing(God_will_be_pleased) -> I_do_the_right_thing.

It's not, if I do the right thing, then God will be pleased. Actually, God IS pleased when we do something that is right."

I was puzzled. Then I thought about what he said about the happy wife... I imagined myself as the husband who buys flowers for his wife... not because he has to, but because he knows that his wife simply loves it, her eyes sparkling with delight, as she sees the flowers. He knows her heart, even if he can't see her smile.

Maybe you'll find it a bit hard to understand... think it's like that in any romantic relationship, where you buy gifts and flowers for your sweetheart, not because you're supposed to, but because just seeing him/her so happy simply makes your own heart jump for joy. You're happy BECAUSE he/she is happy.

************

Later that day, I went up to one of the roof-tops in Engineering Block E5. Was still quite confused, with all those things that WZ had told me swimming around in my head. So prayed, and then prayed some more. Then somehow, I'm not sure how, I think God helped me put 2 and 2 together, until I understood what WZ had told me.

It's quite hard to describe this understanding, I guess - kinda like doing long division... you've been struggling with it for a while, until it just falls into place, and the light comes to your eyes.

Personally, this renewed understanding about making God happy has helped me understand in a newer light Jesus' thirst to glorify and obey His Father... especially His statements to describe His relationship with the Father, such as: "I always do what pleases Him," and "but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me."

And that He IS sad when I choose to disobey Him...

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. (John 6:66-67)

Surely... it's all about Jesus' heart, and not me. At the moment I'm writing this blog entry, I'm thinking of Him looking over my shoulder and looking at what I type. To be honest, I think He's not exactly super-delighted at the moment - this blog entry was written for my own personal reflection, not for His glory really. But I know He is patient with me, wanting me to grow in obedience to Him, because it makes Him smile when I do something good - "something that's of worth / that will bless Your heart..."

Think just want to encourage whoever's reading this (and congrats for making it this far!) with this promise from Hebrews 13:16:
"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased."

bLeSSeD BirThDay Peter! :D

Just celebrated my shepherd's bday. Really thank God for a dear shepherd and friend like him. :D

And you thought your PC was hot...

Cultural eye-opener

Now in LT9 for this Visual Ethnography module...

Very interesting, this module. My lecturer's a blond-haired woman, with a unique accent that borders on the near-unintelligible (or maybe I just don't understand what's she talking about haha). =)

She's lecturing now about this Iranian film made by an all-women crew. It argues "women need to do sociology from their own point of view, and starting from own bodily experience and tacit knowledge." Title is provocative: "Divorce Iranian style."

Thank God for this module, 'cos it's been quite an eye-opener, watching ethnographic films of people. And learning how the film-makers try to express the 'feel' of a culture through various filming techniques - e.g. angle of camera, closeness of distance, facial shots versus long-distance...

Think this is something that I'd love to do in future... maybe if I get to serve in a multimedia ministry next time... =) You know, this joy of trying to express a culture (need not necessarily be a remote tribe in Africa - can be your own caregroup: it has its own unique sub-culture within a sub-culture (my church) within a distinct culture (Christianity)).

Technical details aside, getting an insight into other people's cultures - think it helps open my heart to be more aware of how different people interact with each other - and particularly, how they express common emotions and perspectives (e.g. divorce) in different ways.

Hey... just watched this scene where there's this pretty-looking (and outspoken) woman who pesters a civil servant to find her file. The man sits there, sipping his tea, telling her that the file is mislaid, so she should come back in a week or 10 days' time. Obviously the man is irritated with the woman...

Then the woman keeps asking the guy when she can have her file ("in 10 minutes?"). The guy tells her bemusedly, "You turn my tea into poison when you stand over my head." And the lady says, "Enjoy your tea."

Wah.....

Still a lot more to go...

Guard your heart...

Had a refreshing unit 242 just now. Learnt from Shirley abt God's Word being our filter... we had a Bible quiz + a practical session where we evaluated 3 statements to see if they're biblical.

Now in PGP TV room. Fell back on the sofa, wondering "What is my life going to be? Is this time in NUS meaningful?"
Felt quite worried. But need to jaga my heart, remembering what one bro told me yesterday (i'm paraphrasing him): "Don't let the wrong thots come into your heart."

Yes... need to guard my heart attitudes, and one way I need to do this is to use God's Word as a filter.
Two things Shirley told us:
1. Do I know enough of His Word?
2. Am I practising it?

Ha... in a way, I do know quite a bit of His Word... but it's only surface knowledge, facts.
Frankly, I don't understand the meaning behind what I do know.
So pt 1 applies to me - do I understand what His Word REALLY is saying?

And 2! Ha... plain and simple.

Prayed today after I went back from the 242. Prayed to God to commit this decision that I've made to Him, to help me take captive every thought, word and deed to obey Christ Jesus my Lord.

Yes... jaga my heart, 'cos out of it flows the wellspring of life.

Learning something new every day...

Still, there's this small fear in my heart, "Does my life really count for anything? And what I am doing really mean anything?"

Lord, I long to talk with You abt this, just to be in Your presence.
Was feeling very 'kan-cheong' about a lot of things,
but I know Jesus wants me to focus on Him, not my feelings or problems.
"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

Breakthrough campaign - Day 1 to 3

Mmm... it's been ages since I last blogged something long. =)

Personally, it really touches my heart to see how much Jesus cares for me. When I see His love for me, I feel so bad I really don't want to sin against Him.

Why the title "Breakthrough campaign"? For two reasons:
1. My church is having a breakthrough campaign. Breakthrough in every area of our lives - be it financial, spiritual, emotional, mental, physical and so on. And this is the general direction for every member in the church. Breakthrough, not only because the church says so, but simply because God Himself wants us to have a breakthrough in faith.

2. On a personal basis, it's a personal desire to want to break out for once and for all - make a full-scale charge "over the top" to tackle one area that has been hindering me in my fellowship with people.

And along the way, while looking for the solution to my problems... I've realised that Jesus doesn't just know the solution... He IS the Solution.

I can't win this battle on my own. I've tried so many, many times, and it's been getting worse and worse... the old wineskin, left unchanged, will burst in the face of new challenges. After my CL and shepherd asked me whether I prayed to God for help with my problems, I realised that I've not been praying to Him actually for help.

Guess I'll just copy and paste from my personal journal here. They're bits and pieces of my thoughts, so might get a bit confusing at times. :P

Day 1 (Sep 1) of personal breakthru campaign started with this:
What Sijia told me:
"...and that He rewards those who EARNESTLY seek Him."
Rewards - a growing character is the MAIN reward; tasks and titles are secondary.
"Do the right things. Not many things."

Note to self:
Learn from QN! After learning God's word, this brother goes back and faces himself honestly with the Word.

To be honest, I still feel scared when I think abt that... would I be able to stand firm and honestly confront myself?

Lord, help me look hard into the mirror.

Attention-seeking... root issue is: have I sensed God's acceptance of me?

Personal thoughts:
Feel quite excited, Lord... I believe You promised me that this semester will be a breakthru. To charge out of the trenches, the stalemate... and with Your help, we'll bring down this attention-seeking area in my life once and for all. No more retreating, no more stalemate... it's been like that for almost my whole life.

Day 2:
Thank You Father for today's shepping. Think my shep was quite drained by the time though. :P but really tks shep. :)

Points Peter told me:
- Assurance from God.
- Seek God's attention.

What makes me want to change? Because people tell me... or God?

YA, remember what made you want to stop your dirty jokes and swearing when you first became a Christian.

"Dear Jesus, I want to be a good testimony to Your name. I don't want to tell dirty jokes anymore. In Jesus' name, Amen."

So now... it's the same thing, Yeu Ann. You change because you want to honour Jesus. You don't want to dishonour Him, to bring shame to His name. You love him, you know that.

What Peter told me near the end of our shepherding:
"Pray to God daily, ask Him to help you overcome these problem areas. Ask the Holy Spirit to guard your heart and help you keep watch over these areas and temptations. And you'll see a change. Pray DAILY."

Prayer for Protection:
"... and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one."

Day 3:
Just as my shepherd suggested yesterday night, prayed to God this morning about my problem areas. Was conked out, but thank God for His help, as I struggled to pray while still groggy, somehow He enabled me to pray in more and more detail over my life. Spent half an hour praying... wanted to sleep again, but remembered His words, "Are you still sleeping? Pray so that you will not fall into temptation."

Prayed against leaning on my own understanding too.

Near the end of the prayer, I thought about this: I'm a person who really really wants attention.

But perhaps this attention-seeking nature was actually uniquely given by God... my fallen attention-seeking nature seeks to gain attention from men, but really, I think He gave me this attention-seeking nature with the full intention for me, when I have turned back to Him, to seek HIM and HIM alone. And it would bring Him such joy...

I think He, having redeemed me, wants to restore my nature to what it was intended all along to be: To seek God's attention with all my heart... and God, being Himself, would be so full of joy when He sees His son seeking Him, crying out for His attention... it would bring so much joy to His heart, just like when a father's heart jumps for joy when he hears his son just wanting to be with him.

During worship service today, shared with God about the desire again to want to be paid attention to... (somehow God had arranged things such that I really felt left out.) Felt very distracted during service, so cried out to him quietly during worship.

Then I remembered something my shepherd told me the night before: "Don't deny your emotions."

Then think the Spirit here helped me put 2 and 2 together... (It's one of those "Oh yah hor... now I see..." moments.) The emotions that I feel when I feel neglected, feel left out... I've been attempting to suppress these emotions and tell myself it's wrong to feel these emotions.

But as somebody put it so well, "Thirst was made for water." Likewise, my heart was meant all along to thirst for God's love.

Then I remembered one of the films that I had watched for one of my modules. It was a scene of a woman pumping water from a tap. It was good clean water, but it only came in spurts as the woman pumped.

Then I realised that my church, being made up of imperfect people, is at best a pump-well that we have to regularly pump. Of course, it supplies fresh water, good water, clean water... it is part of God's plan all along. And compared to the surrounding desert, well, the well is practically paradise. =)

But the well, as we see it now in this world, only gives spurts at best. The well was meant to sustain the thirsty traveller, the weary wanderer... and point us to the Source Himself, the Spring of Living Water. Think of drinking from a continually flowing, gushing spring of crystal-clear, clean and cool water... I remember what Jiexian's testimony today... she described experiencing God's presence as "very shiok." [Thanks sis! It was a wonderful testimony. Believe God used your testimony to touch many hearts and turn them around that day.]

So I realised then that it's ok to feel these emotions... but I must seek God's attention and go to Him to satisfy this emotional thirst. Whenever I am emotionally thirsty, I need to go to Jesus who loves me and seek His attention.

(Just like it's normal for a thirsty man to feel thirsty... but he MUST go drink some water ASAP.)

Looking forward to spending more time with You, Lord. Thanks thanks for the understanding today. =)

A really really funny animation

Watched it four or five times. And I'm STILL LAUGHING. =D

http://www.atomfilms.com/af/content/angry_kid_sofa

God does care

Was thinking how many things I really need to change and grow in. Was dismayed and discouraged at my constant struggle with my sins, especially the sin of pride. Complained to God, but in the end prayed to him.

Then walked out and felt the gentle breeze upon my face. As if God was kissing me gently and holding me close to His chest. And this verse came to mind: "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

And He would know I love breezes.

Haha... really? :)

You are Romans.


Which book of the Bible are you?
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Ramblings II

Ok... the sequel's here. =)

Mmm... school's starting soon. It's been about 3 months or so, the vacation + matriculation programme + church camp + a whole bunch of other things.

Gosh, it's been a really thick 3 months... think if you were to ask me how my holidays were - not the casual "how are you?" - but the deep, sincere one - I guess I'd have to use the phrase "hard to describe - a mixture of fearfulness, expectancy and hopefulness".

It's getting late. Think I'll write down another day.

Ramblings

Mmm... it's been a long while since I blogged. Well, thanks to Flince's prompting, I'm writing...

Ha, somehow it seemed easier to blog when I'm thinking about it... but when I sit at the keyboard, suddenly, I feel like I'm writing for an audience... heh, yeah, that's true anyway. :) Maybe it's that kind of day-dream where you imagine yourself doing some wonderfully amazing impromptu stand-up comedy or give a powerful speech in front of an audience... leaving the audience spell-bound in awe...

and when you actually get around to doing it - hey, you get that sudden nervous twinge - "My God, what shall I say? do? etc. etc..." - 'cos it's no longer just you and yourself.

Think some pple find it easier to express how they naturally feel, in a very candid way that's straightforward, and systematically clear. Ha, just feel that's not very much me at the moment, though I'd definitely like to be able to express clearly n concisely what I'm thinking - not just feeling - at this point.

Maybe it's that desire to look good in pple's eyes that makes me self-conscious about myself, which leads me to organising my words, take ages on a one-page blog... trying to squeeze out some impressive rhetoric.

But, dunno, just want to do something new today in my writing. Just to share what's on my mind at the moment... a little 'candid snapshot' of my thoughts. :) Guess it's prompted in a way by Flince's little egging-on - it touched me that someone would keep checking out my blog... think it's the wanting to know what's going on in someone's life... or just to be entertained by some random ramblings of a friend on a drizzly day. :)

That my random ramblings can actually be interesting in their own unique way... XD

So that would be the main reason for just writing down some ramblings - just to share my thoughts, just being myself. LOL! =)