I was starting to feel a bit down again about my past failures at work, even though my boss, being very nice and understanding, assured me that she didn't hold anything against me for my mistakes, but wanted to help me learn. Yep, I've learnt from these things, and she even praised me for some good initiative that I took yesterday. :) (thanks Elvis for praying for me! :D)

I felt rather discouraged, because of the fact that the damage was already done in a sense, even though I could move on and learn from it.

So I was talking to God as I walked off for lunch. I shared with Him my fears and sadness... when He reminded me about the sermon on Sunday: Jesus restoring Peter.

And He said clearly, "That's why this sermon is for you too."

Wow. :D Touched. Because I was asking God on Sunday, how does the sermon apply to me in my current circumstances? I know that it would have been a great comfort to me 5 years ago, but now, with the blessings of being used by God to lead without a title, and also a very clear calling and experiencing God... I wonder how so does this sermon about restoration apply to me, or any believer who has moved on already?

I realised that we who are stronger by God's grace, and have even experienced restoration in the past personally and are experiencing a wonderful time of God's closeness and goodness - we need this sermon just as much as the brother who is struggling with regrets and remorse over his sins and failures.

Because... sooner or later, we who dance on the mountaintops will inevitably be reminded of our failures. And we being pattern-prone humans, are bound to make the same mistakes again and again, even if they get less and less severe. Like a series of nukes where the mushroom cloud gets downsized. But the fallout is always there, no matter how small you have managed to make your 'nuke'.

So Jesus' words speak to those on the mountaintop just as much as those in the valley. Restoration is meant to be an everyday thing, because we WILL fail again and again, and it's never a pleasant thing to fail, especially when it's a character issue e.g. slacking, anger, lust, and so on.

But He asks us again, "Do you love me?" And when we confess that, yes, we do love Him though we fail Him so many times, He sends us back into the playing field again, no matter how many goals we've let through - even those own goals.

Hope, the Virtue

Hope is one of the Great Virtues in life. It is not a teddy bear nor a crutch - it is bedrock, a sure foundation to build & rebuild your life on. And we practice the virtue of hope not in dissipated, dead-end daydreaming, but by choosing to invest in what we know can be done - and is worth doing.

And it's so touching. Right now, I don't have any official shepherd now during this transition period (but I am very blessed to be able to chat with Peter anytime when needed, and of course, my buddies too). But as Hong Teck quipped, "God is your new shepherd!" Haha. Funny lah. But in the meantime, HT reminded me that it's not the 'structure' that's so important. "We don't do organized religion. It's the relationship with God that counts. And people too. In this caregroup, we all will take care of you, and you too help to take care of us."

When I mulled over what he said, I realised that this is a new kind of discipleship level. You know that in our discipleship conference, we learnt about a spiritual newborn, to a spiritual child, to a disciple, and to a disciplemaker. 

Well, I met up with Yufen on Saturday night, and she shared with me that she learnt from one of Edmund Chan's books (a pastor from another church - CEFC? I'm not sure right now) about yet another level of discipleship: CO-LABOURERS with Christ.

It struck me that hey! in this HopeKids CG, this ministry caregroup, we're all co-labourers. :) Thought about it. We have a great structure for discipleship. But ultimately, like the stick for a grapevine, the scaffolding for a building, the gantries for a rocket, all these structures were meant to fall away when the time is right.

It shouldn't be the case that if we're not told to take care of someone, then we don't take care. That's one rather unfortunate side-effect that could happen if we're not intentional in our disciplemaking. We have the shepherding system, so that we can have the opportunity to catch the heart of a shepherd, and learn the skills needed. So that wherever we go later on, disciplemaking will be an integral part of our nature as disciples of Christ. Everywhere we go, we can't but help make disciples, in the same way that a physically mature adult can't help but make babies if the conditions are right. Hmm. That sounds rather... haha. But yeah! =)

Thank You Father. :) For such a sweet & blessed weekend, esp with Robert, Weizhu, Jon, Yufen and Spencer. And the time with the little ones again today, and the lunch with Hong Teck haha. But I think more important than all these was the quiet time with You in the evening.

You know, it's been such a long time since I really spent quality time with You. I realise that what my soul really needed during this time was not a "structure" in the sense of going through my daily Bible readings, or even praying... but just being still in Your presence, and just enjoying Your creation. To gaze upon what You have made and to know that You are God.

It's like what David wrote in Psalm 23. That You are my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. :) Yeah. And You know, I really felt so touched when I found myself just starting to talk with You like a man does with his friend. I remember Ps Jeff preaching last time in his 'Drawing Near to God' series, about having a 'Starbucks' moment with You - you know, the table of showbread that symbolised the communion of fellowship in Your presence? :) Yeah, that one. Haha.

But yes! I was talking with You... and then I just felt Your voice speaking to me. It's so strange. That I can't hear Your voice audibly in the normal sense, yet I sensed it strongly. A gentle whisper. I recognized it as Your voice, like how You spoke to me the other times. And of course, when You spoke to Elijah the prophet too, it was in a soft gentle whisper. :)

So we chatted... when You then asked me, "How are you, Yeu Ann?" It was that kind of gentle tone that means You really want to know how I've been and what I've been up to. I went, "Lord, surely You know, don't You? You know all things, after all!"

And You said, "Yes, I know how you are, and what you've been doing. But... I want to hear it straight from you. From your mouth. I want to hear you sharing it to me personally. :)" Wow. Felt so touched, that I teared. That You, O Sovereign Lord, even though You know all things, that You know the names of all the stars in all the galaxies of the universe... should actually want to know how I am? What is yeu ann, that You are mindful of him, the son of man that You care for him?

*pause*

Yeah. So I shared with You, and I realised that I had a hard time expressing how I felt. But You gently prompted me with a couple of questions (like how Peter would also ask me questions when I got stuck), so that I could answer more deeply. And yes, You assured me that You are with me, and reminded me of what You have promised in Your Word. And I was amazed when You told me that You not only put me in the workplace to learn and train me... You also put me in the office to be a comfort and a support to a couple of my colleagues. :) Wow. I didn't see it that way before. But yes, I am Your servant... to those who love You, You encourage and comfort. Blessed be Your name!

Hmm yeah. Then of course, You know what the next thing was on my mind. So haha, I found it very funny when You asked me some of the questions that You asked me. But thanks for listening, Father! It really encourages me. And yes, I shall be patient. :) I am so grateful that You really know what is dear to my heart, and You do see - You are the God Who Sees, after all. And thankful too that Yufen, when she listened to what I had shared in my prayer request, understood what I meant, and prayed. It really makes a difference. So I pray that You grant me the peace that surpasses all understanding. Peace! :)

So thank You Father. I just want to say it's been such a great time hearing from You personally... and wow, You are truly humble and gentle in heart, and I have found rest for my soul. You are my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. And thank You, Father, for being my dearest friend. Thank You for sending Your Son Jesus to save me from my sins. Thank You so much Father. :D In Jesus' most precious name I pray amen. :)

The End of Men

From http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/8135/1/:

Earlier this year, women became the majority of the workforce for the first time in U.S. history. Most managers are now women too. And for every two men who get a college degree this year, three women will do the same. For years, women’s progress has been cast as a struggle for equality. But what if equality isn’t the end point? What if modern, postindustrial society is simply better suited to women? A report on the unprecedented role reversal now under way— and its vast cultural consequences.

A very heart-aching article (for me personally). :) You know, I have two female colleagues who are quite disrespectful towards me - maybe because I'm soft-spoken, but recently with the encouragement of my other colleagues, taken a stand to be gentle but assertive. But yes, food for thought - what are your thots abt it? To what extent is this valid in Singapore? And more importantly, how could the church respond to strengthen men in general?

Personally, I believe the natural order, as ordained by God, is that man was created to lead, provide for and to protect the woman, while the woman will nurture, support and give birth to more men. A beautiful partnership. Both were equal in their importance, though the man was to be the head... to feminists out there, just because the head is, well, the head, doesn't make the body any less important. I mean, if you remove the head from the body, both won't function very well after that. :P However, the Bible shows us that after Adam sinned and fell, he started pushing the blame onto the woman, and the woman would end up trying to please the man and having pains in childbirth.

I think the church should, against all protests of the world, be a healthy place where both men and women can be what God created them to be, yet having a blessed equality - we are all one in Christ, yet the wife submits to the husband as a model of the church's submission to Christ, and the husband loves the wife as Christ loves the church. So we need to guard against the worldly ideas of feminism, and be courageously counter-cultural, in setting an example for the world to show how gentlemanly the brothers can be to the sisters - being servant-leaders to them, while the sisters can take the lead in supporting. Such a beautiful interplay of mutual servanthood...

I see a beautiful example in my brother-in-law. Everytime my sister goes out, he will kneel down to tie her shoelaces. Obviously my sister is more than capable of tying her own shoelaces, yet she submits to my brother-in-law's initiative by allowing him to serve her, while of course my brother-in-law shows macho servanthood by kneeling down to tie her shoelaces. Such a beautiful model for me to see! :)

As for me, haha, with my disrespectful colleagues, God reminded me that He is a mighty warrior, and when there's a time to take a stand, He will help me stand firm and put them in their right places. =) But yeah, need wisdom and discernment for the right time... and meanwhile, praying.

---

So I also thought about God. I think He shows us how to be men - and how being a real man demonstrates to the world a certain aspect of God's Personness. And how being a real woman demonstrates the glory of a beautiful Church. Still, I find this a mystery far too deep to grasp fully, as Paul said. But well, just stand and admire the beauty of two genders.

(Why did God create TWO genders, anyway? Why not one or three or multiple?)

It gave me a good insight into God's patience too. We often demand that God work faster. But sometimes God is more patient than we deserve. He deliberately holds back and let us insult Him, even though He has every right to destroy us. (That's why I admire Kim Leong's heart so much - that he does respect and fear God as God.) He even let us crucify Him, because He knew that we did not know what we were doing.

But to those who know already, God doesn't mince His words nor His deeds. "It is mine to avenge; I will repay." The tender heart of a caring Father, with the wings of a mother hen gathering her chicks... but also the fearsome and awful wrath of a holy God, trampling sinners like grapes in the mashing-pit, full of blood. Because He will fight to the death (and He did) to defend those He loves, and those who hate Him and will fight against Him, He warns, warns and warns yet again - till the point of utter rebellion. A powerful and mighty Father God fighting for His flock with the fury and ferocity of a mother defending her children from slaughter. Wow. Again and again, I marvel at how a father and mother can, when combined, demonstrate so powerfully - though it be but a mere shadow - the perfect wholeness of a thrice-holy God. Blessed be the LORD God Almighty, King of Kings and Lord of Lord, and the Shepherd of our souls - blessed be the triune God - the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, world without end! =) (Hee, sorry to get all so doxological here =D but yeah, true, true, isn't it?)

I met up with a dear bro over lunch today. Dehua and I had brought him to Christ in his first year, during our NUS days. He joined the Navigators, and then after that, joined Covenant Evangelical Free Church (the Bukit Panjang branch) with his wife.

So C (the bro) and I caught up over lunch. We shared about our lives and what'd been going on. Gosh. About three years since we really caught up! But as he shared, I was so encouraged by how God has grown his faith from strength to strength.

C: "I've been really very joyful. More joyful than the past two years."

me: "Wow! Really? Tell me more!"

So he shared. A couple of years ago, his father had died without coming to know Christ, despite C's best efforts and prayers. So C was shaken and dismayed and very affected. He took two years to get over his grief, but thank God his girlfriend (who is now his wife :D) encouraged and prayed together with him. And now he's more joyful and deeper in his walk with God than ever before.

He shared with me other testimonies, e.g. how God had provided for him at the right times in his studies (he started up his own software company), and how God even helped him get into the Masters programme even though he hadn't gotten honours (his NUS grades weren't good, I guess, in part due to his ministry involvement in the Navigators).

So encouraged again to see how God honoured this dear bro's faith.

And, he also shared with me about the situation for Christians in his home country. (He's from an Asian country that is unfriendly towards Christians.) About how the police can just kick the doors in and arrest you on the spot and break up your church meetings, without any warning.

I looked at him as he shared, and I marvelled at the grace and goodness of God in this dear bro's life. So grateful that he chose to accept Christ even though he knew that if he returned to his own country, he would be likely to face persecution. Wow. And we're so worried about scaring off the people we bring to Christ... but honestly... sometimes we are more scared of sharing Christ to our friends than our friends would be to receive the gospel!

But still, he was all ready to return to his homeland a few years back, but somehow God didn't let him go back. But his spirit was, even though he really enjoyed staying here and with all his friends and of course his wife... his spirit was so sweet and childlike: "If God wants me to go now, I'll pack my bags and go!"

Sometimes I think the threat of persecution, like a cold blast of freezing water, can really help to clarify our priorities, as to what really counts in this life.

Through this meetup, C taught me, through his joy and gladness, that really, to follow Christ without any hesitations, without any reservations, without any second thoughts, really means life. Even in the face of persecution and death, for Christ promised a crown of life to those who endured the first death.

And to do the opposite... to hem and haw... is to shortchange yourself, and your faith and ultimately your reward in heaven.

Warmth in the Storm

Thank God for Peter. He messaged me to see how I was. He came like a warm fire in a midnight blizzard.

Very grateful how God sends brothers along to encourage.

Something I realised over the years is that I'll keep on struggling with "blizzards". But in the words of Leo Tolstoy:

"If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I am staggering from side to side! If it is not the right way, then show me another way; but if I stagger and lose the way, you must help me, you must keep me on the true path, just as I am ready to support you. Do not mislead me, do not be glad that I have got lost, do not shout out joyfully:'Look at him! He said he was going home, but there he is crawling into a bog!' No, do not gloat, but give me your help and support." - Leo Tolstoy in a personal letter

I need people, man. I need the Body of Christ. And I'm thankful for this weakness that forces me to team together with others. Because it keeps me broken and humble, and in unity with Christ and his church. And... the Church allows me to experience God in a very deep, personal and human way too.

I guess this is a raw post. But I'm feeling another round of sadness again.

Psalm 142:4
"Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life."

Lord, remind me, what is the point of doing good to others if they don't care what happens to me?

If I died, would they notice? Would anyone care, actually?

Is it any use to do good to others?

*Deep breath*

Ah. I remember my CG shared about me during the farewell. And I know Elvis initiated the meetup. That means I'm not unappreciated.

It is hard for a man to voice out his fears I guess.

Oh God, hold me tight when I am insecure, and mock those who mock me, I pray. Vindicate me, O Lord, and help me live a blameless life before You. To those who would look down on me and think lesser of me... pay them back in full for whatever they do. Let me not put my trust in men, but put my trust in You alone. Defend me, Father!

Proverbs 20:22
Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

Proverbs 14:10
Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.

Sigh. Tried doing the long-overdue website for Hope Ecuador. But I feel pinned down by some worries. HopeKids script as well.

Oh. I remember Spencer wanted to try his hand at writing the skit. =)

And there's the Paypal issue to fix for my client's website. Sick of Paypal.

But ah. I need to be God's pray pal. =)

Hmm. Transition period. Not easy I guess. Starting to feel that period of lostness in a way. Not to say that I don't have ppl to meet up with. But... just don't want to bother them too much during this time, even tho I am so fortunate to have ppl to meet up with.

But yeah... just sitting here on my own. Ah well. Thank God for the blessing of having a job during this time. Lends a certain structure.

Hold me steady, Father, during this time. Please help me walk before You and be blameless I pray. So many things I want to do and can do. But just getting distracted I guess.

I was touched by a friend's card from my previous CG. That there's a mutual situation that we'd both experienced, and gone through. So it reminded me that I'm not alone.

Sigh.

But the journey ahead, as my CG reminded me, will not be easy. They know, along with me, that this will be a lonely road, with few to understand and share the joy.

Ah. But our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us a eternal glory that will outweigh them all. =) And I am encouraged again when reminded of what the Bible promises.

Ohhh... 2 Corinthians 4... the whole passage encourages my heart very much. A huge whisper from God during this transition time.

Grateful for the new company of heroes (both bros and sisters) whom I am serving together with. =) Amen.

Reflections from my old CG experiences

When I came into my previous CG for the first time in 2007, during service, God whispered to me very clearly this message: "This is the CG that I have placed you in."

Over the past three years, especially when I was so discouraged I wanted to change CGs halfway... this rhema message + my shepherd's care and a prophetic word of encouragement during an altar call all helped comfort and strengthen me to endure further.

Ironically, it was at my lowest point, when I confided to Peter that I couldn't stand it anymore and wanted out, that the next day, Huaqiang invited me to join him for coreteam meetings. I think I must have been the most dejected and reluctant coreteam member in all Hope. :) Haha...

But yup... over time, I see how God used all the time in my old CG to train me and mould me. I remember I still did try to "escape" from my old CG, by requesting for a transfer to HopeKids. But again, God looked at me, and said, "Hmm, no, my son, you aren't complete yet here. I need to do more work in your heart first." So, as more time passed by, I eventually grew in fondness for my caregroup, and found more kindred spirits in the caregroup. And I guess God is so romantic. He really saved the best for the last. Kim Leong (Kim Chun's bro) came in, and we hit it off well... and I'm really so humbled and grateful that God chose to use me to be a friend to this dear bro, and even be part of his discipleship process.

And because of all the experiences what I went through in the old caregroup, I am now doing my part to help another bro who is currently feeling alienated from his caregroup to start loving his CG more, and to also grow in learning how to build better relationships with others. I had a dear friend (a sister some more) who told me a month ago that I'm very mature and Christlike. Yeah, I was really encouraged. :)

Just to clarify, I'm elated, not because she said that I'm very mature or Christlike, but rather, that I'm glad that we brothers can set a good example for the sisters in church. (This is a burden that I have for the bros in church - that we can set an example for the sisters in church - no easy calling!)

But as I reflect on all these, I am so grateful to God. Because it wasn't me, but God's handiwork through the Body of Christ. He used my CG, especially the brothers like Huaqiang, Peter, Zhenzhong and Shawn, to show me how to be more mature as a man in every area. Gentleness, courage, integrity, consistency, honour, godliness, initiative, wisdom, situational awareness, care and consideration for others and so many more manly attributes... these four brothers have really influenced my life in such a macho way. =D

And the farewell that they had for me... really was so touching. Sharon cried when she shared, Kim Leong shared very sincerely from his heart (and the way things are, it looks like God has touched his heart to carry on the work that I initiated - praying weekly for my caregroup), Zhenzhong really blessed me with his sharing... and there's so much more. But I remember Huaqiang's macho words: "Today, I have lost a prayer warrior. Thank you for your comradeship." Man. Can't think of a finer phrase than that. Very manly... and very appropriate, I guess.

It occurred to me that this wasn't so much a farewell ceremony as it was a commissioning and sending-off. Shared with them about this, and told them that I hope that this CG will become like an aircraft carrier - that this CG will be sending off more and more ppl to go where God wants them to go. And one of the CG ppl replied, "And you are the first one to go!" AMEN! yes, i hope I am the 'first' (not as in 'top position', but rather there'll be second, third, fourth and so on.) The first plane off the flight deck... followed by you all, each better than the one before. Like how Jesus sent us... "As the Father has sent Me, so send I you."

Then when the time came for them to pray for me, I knelt down, feeling very humbled and grateful and just... blessed.

So now today, as I stand here today, and look back at all that I've been through, I'm so, so, so mega-amazed at the wisdom, power and patience of my macho Father in heaven. His ways are indeed higher than my ways, His thots than my thots. I'm so glad that He helped me through the valley, and now I stand on higher ground, more able to see the Promised Land in all its fullness, before I go on into the missions field that He's called me to.

Dear Father, thank You for being such an awesomely awesome Father. You are the One from whom all fatherhood in heaven and earth derives its name. And may NG4B1 be more than a "caregroup"... may the Lord God Almighty, the Commander of Commanders, make it a holy carrier battle group to carry forth the gospel and invade the dominion of darkness in the spiritual realms! Amen!

And may God use the children's ministry, as Yanjie quipped so funnily, disciple so well that they'll make the men's ministry obsolete! :D Haha...

Different CGs But Same Same =)

Joined my first caregroup with Hopekids today. Very blessed by Hannah and Deborah. Hannah, in her usual sanguine way, pumped my hand so cheerfully that I was still bouncing after her hand-pumping. And she gave me a detailed FAQ and intro and orientation to the HK CG in the space of just five minutes. Haha.

Deborah and Eugene, her fiancee, welcomed me over lunch. She asked me, "What's the biggest difference between your old CG and the new CG?" I thought about it and said, "The number of guys." Haha. But more seriously, I told her, I didn't really think so much about the differences as I did the similarities - that no matter which CG we are in or which ministry - we serve God in different ways, but the heart is still the same - whether NG4B1 or the HopeKids caregroup.

Very blessed by the HopeKids people. A really sumptuous Japanese dinner at Sakae Sushi with the CG people... haha... it's full of family people and working people, btw. So much opportunity to learn from their wisdom and experiences too. =D

And I think that's one of the most important things when making the transition: to see what is the same, not so much the difference. Because Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. But we mustn't long for everything to be the same as before. All new growth requires a dying of the old. So we also have to look forward to what is different. Not just be different, but making a difference. :D

So now... moving over to the new CG, I went in with a different desire - not a desire to be welcomed, but a desire to go in and bless the CG. And I did do my best, as naturally as possible... and to my very pleasant surprise, my new CG really blessed me even more than I expected. Which made me think about how God really wants us to be towards one another: "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves."

So Burdened.

On the way back, just felt so burdened for a particular friend. I felt like I could cry, like how the prophet Samuel cried out to the LORD all night for King Saul. So I asked God why this burden - that it would not go from my heart - and asked Him to help me understand.

It's a difficult thing to have the gift of prophecy when you sense a heavy burden on your heart for a particular friend, but you can't give a clear reason why, even though your friend may say that everything is ok.

2 Kings 4 reminds me... I know that there are some friends whom I sensed spiritually that something was not well with the person's inner life, but when I asked the persons, they were convinced that they were fine. Unfortunately, a couple of them left church shortly after that, but another friend thanked me later on, and said that she indeed had been having some internal struggles.

Over the years, I've learnt to recognize this particular ache in the heart as a very clear impression from God that something is not well with the person. But I wish I could have a precise word of knowledge to accompany these prophetic impressions from the Holy Spirit. (By 'prophetic' I mean an accurate insight that something is well or not well with the person's soul.)

How, Lord, HOW?!!! I want to cry for this friend, but no tears will come. Help me intercede for this friend in prayer... just so burdened.

Suddenly reminded that perhaps this pressing burden I feel is not only my personal burden... it could be the grief and compassion of the Holy Spirit. This is just a tiny portion of how much the Holy Spirit really loves and cares for us.

Father, if this burden really is a prophetic burden from You, then may You reveal and stir my friend's heart... and may You guard and protect him/her from the evil one, and may You carry him/her safely through this time - and most of all, restore his/her first love for You, and for his/her fellow bros and sisters.

Revelation

My God. I just realised - the plans that I'd planned and committed into God's hands for the vision God has in store for me - they are coming to pass before my very eyes!

Rub-A-Dub, Rub-A-Dub, Three Men And A Tub

A short story that I wrote for fun... any comments?

---

"The irony," he grumbled. "I'd watched all these Terminator movies about humans fighting machines and all that. But never in my whole life did I imagine we'd be fighting against machines controlled by humans."

"Ah. The sweet irony of iron ruled by frail flesh, to crush frail flesh."

"Exactly!" He waved his hands for emphasis. "I mean, where's the honour now? the death-and-glory charges? the humanity in all this warfare?"

"Humanity in warfare? Hah! But, yes, I know what you mean."

"Do you? Once our ancestors were men, who faced each other on the battlefield, and they faced each other as mortal enemies - but mortal, fresh-faced, full of humanity in all its fallenness, yet with fierce beauty - oh, the noble knight, the honourable samurai... when you could actually see your enemy face to face even as you shot and stabbed each other. To hear all the screams, the cries and the wailing of shattered bones and weeping wounds."

"And I guess, that somehow put a limit on what men could do to one another - for when the crunch comes, it all boils down to this, that it is one man versus another."

"But now with machines, it's... like we're becoming ants just to be crushed. We're just white little thermal dots on a black screen, running around helplessly before we're blown to kingdom come. Where's the honour, the glory, in all that?"

"Ignominious, I know."

"The thing is, these machines were meant to be used against other machines. Machines versus machines. And we humans would just sit back, and let our machines fight it out against theirs. And whoever had the most toys at the end would be the winner."

A wry smile. "He who dies with the most toys wins, eh?"

"I know. Until they turned their machines upon us humans. That wasn't supposed to be how it was to be! Can you imagine the irony? We're fighting tons and tons of hulking machines, just like those Terminator movies, 40-watts phased plasma bolts and all that nonsense, while all we have are Molotov cocktails and RPGs! And controlled not by some diabolical Skynet - but by an intelligence even more diabolical - a fellow human! Don't you see what's happening to us humans?"

"That we humans have become..."

"Machines. This is how humanity is erased - not by machines against men, but..."

"... by the fornication of men with machines."

They paused, a moment of silence.

"Do you hear that?"

"A drone!"

And they dove into the shallow trench.

Pause. Panicked breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Did you put on your breath-absorber masks - those accursed machines can smell your breath from a kilometre away. Hush now. Breathe in, breathe out. All quiet now, all silent on the eastern front.

A hushed whisper.

- Wait. I know that sound.

- What sound?

- It's not the enemy's. It's ours.

- How do you know?

- The drone's going from east to west.

- Hush! I hear more.

- Those must be the new ones.

- Whoa. Hear them ripping up the enemy...

- You know, I wonder if the enemy on the other side is thinking the same thing as us.

- About those machines?

- Maybe.

- Let's take a look.

- Sure.

They carefully got out and looked at the land before them. A typical war-torn zone, that used to be some poor farmer's livelihood.

"Look! Hear that?"

"Someone's wounded."

"Careful now, it could be a booby trap. You know, those machines - those damned pilots of theirs like to hide in good places, play sound recordings of wounded people... and when we go over to help them, they open fire on us..."

"You keep watch. Kill him - or it - if you see anything funny."

"Ready when you are."

He half-ducked, half-ran. That cry was coming from a trench. For a moment, he contemplated throwing a grenade inside, just to play it safe.

Then he heard a wild, almost-infant like cry: "Mama... Mama..."

Seized with an unnatural compassion, he got up and ran quickly into the trench.

A short silence followed. His friend nervously knelt, looking all around at the desolate land. What was happening in there?

Suddenly a triumphant cry. "Help me carry him!" He was dragging out a tub with a wounded enemy.

"Ha! A prisoner!"

"I reckon so. But he looks torn-up. I don't think he'll live very long."

"Pity, that. But what's with the tub?"

"Just some debris that I found."

"Rub-a-dub, rub-a-dub, three men in a tub - "

"Cut it out! Now's not the time for lame jokes! Give him some water!"

They looked at the wounded enemy. His young wispy beard was matted with blood. And ... the intestines. A couple of flies smelled the bloody stench and buzzed around. The wounded enemy, pale and with laboured breath, suddenly looked up at them, and with a grateful smile, closed his eyes and, with a painful twitch, stopped moving.

"He's gone, Jip. He's gone."

"You seem all broken over him, Jub."

"I know. I shouldn't. He was the enemy. But... I heard him cry for his mama. It was... I don't know whether to laugh or to cry."

He stood up, tears glistening down his cheeks.

"Listen, Jip. For the first time in this whole war, in all these years, I've finally seen the enemy face to face. Felt his blood on my hands. Seen his life ebb out even as I held his guts in my hands. I never felt so close to a human being, as I've done just now. Felt his lifeblood spill, warm, living, dripping. I have never loved my enemy so much as I did now. Do you understand? Jip, do you understand what it feels like to embrace your enemy? Hand to hand, face to face, guts to guts? To fight a living, breathing, mortal enemy? One who is flesh and blood, just like us? In this war of lifeless, thoughtless, godless machines?"

Then he began to sing, from some distant memory: "Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God has God made man."

"Amen. I hear you, bro."

They looked at each other in silence. For what seemed like forever. The gentle breeze whistled softly around them, as though it was curiously looking at these two men standing in a field, with a dead body in-between them.

All of a sudden, they burst out into peals of boyish laughter. They yanked off their boots, and threw them into the air - up, up and down, plopping into the mud. They breathed deeply the chalky-sweet air, and let their wrinkled toes dig into the warm embracing clay. And they laughed and guffawed and chortled and hee-hawed and slapped their knees, at the whole silliness of everything, until all heaven could hear them. They laughed and laughed, as though they'd never laughed since the day they were born.

They laughed, even when the enemy drones detected their breaths, and silenced them once and for all.

And today, my friends, today, if you stand very carefully in that green overgrown field of red clay - oh very, very carefully and quietly - you might just hear the wind laughing like three crazy men upon that gentle plain.

I'm currently editing some video stories done by primary school kids. Yesterday, I edited the ones done by the secondary school kids.

You might expect the ones done by the secondary school kids to be better than those by the primary school kids. I was expecting that too. But the surprise is that the primary school kids managed to turn in stories more relevant to the given theme (and therefore better in that sense), even though the sec students used more special effects and graphics and had better speech.

Made me think. Sometimes as we grow older and live out our life stories, we think we are living out the best stories that could be written - the 5 Cs, travelling to all the countries in the world, winning trophies and accolades and so on. Yet in the end, we find that our stories never qualified for the competition, simply because we did not follow the given theme of the competition.

And to our shame, we find that the people we least expected to win the prize, won, even though they were much less sophisticated and capable than us, simply because they followed God's theme for their lives. And they were simply being themselves, no fancy effects or special photos... but just simply telling a good story that fit the theme.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (New International Version)
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

How To Figure Out the Will of God without Hearing Voices From Heaven =)

The waiting response is often a wasting response. I've talked to too many young people on Christian college campuses and at summer Bible conferences who are doing little or nothing in the way of Christian service, because they are still waiting for the great revelation as to exactly what it is that the Lord wants them to do. (At least that's what they claim is the reason for their inactivity.) [...] Jesus has already told them, via Scripture, to go into all the world and preach the gospel (Mark 16:15). I don't know what further marching orders they need. It seems to me that if they would be faithful in the little opportunities that are everywhere at hand, then they would be led to the bigger things that God wills for them to do with their lives (Matthew 25:21). I find that those who are waiting for the great revelation from on high before they attempt to do anything for God seldom accomplish much for the kingdom. On the other hand, people who are into redeeming the time (Ephesians 5:16) by getting on with whatever good for God they can do in the present end up being persons in whom we see great evidence of God's guiding hand.

Eastern College, where I teach, offers a well-developed Christian service program. Every student is encouraged to get involved in some kind of outreach to the many needy people who live in the greater Philadelphia area. There are opportunities to tutor disadvantaged urban kids in a variety of afterschool programs, to get involved in prison ministries, or to work with youth groups doing everything from Bible studies to sports programs. Nevertheless, I regularly encounter Christian students at Eastern who are not involved in any kind of ministry whatsoever because they "just don't feel led" to do so.

[...]

[T]here is something wonderful about those people who know what needs to be done, figure that with God's help they can do it, and then just go for it. I tell young men and women quite simply that, if they see a need and realize that they can meet that need without taking anything aay from fulfilling godly obligations to which they are already committed, they should step up and go for it. "Unless there is something better at hand that you are already doing for God," I tell them, "do what you see that needs to be done for God."

Whenever I hear of a Christian copping out of some undertaking for God in order to wait to learn God's will for his or her life, I have to ask, "Where in the Bible does it tell you that God will reveal the divine plan for your whole life? It seems to me that it's just the opposite. The Bible lets us know that God leads us one step at a time." Then I go on to explain that this is the way God keeps us in a constructive and spiritually edifying state of dependency.

[...]

For those who maintain a close relationship with Christ through a daily surrender to the Holy Spirit, there comes a sense of oughtness. I know this may seem a bit subjective at first, but as I will try to explain, there are ways of overcoming pure subjectivity and having the assurance that what you feel really is "His Spirit bearing witness with your spirit" (Romans 8:14-16). Many who nurture a right relationship with God trhough a consistent devotional life give testimony to the fact that they feel a sense of oughtness and affirmation when they are doing the will of God. Contrariwise, they claim to have an inner awareness of when they are not in the will of God. There are a couple of safeguards in all of this to protect us from confusing God's actual will with wht we feel is God's will. These two safeguards are Scripture and Christian fellowship with close friends.

- Tony Campolo, Following Jesus without Embarrassing God

Friends From Every Era

It's going to be the last CG with my current CG in a couple of hours more. From next week onwards, I'll be moving over to HopeKids ministry CG, under the wonderful leadership of Hong Teck. I'm looking forward to it, yes, and it's such an honour to be part of this zingy and zany team, but oh, I ... I am going to miss my old CG.

To be honest, I even felt tearful a few times thinking about having to say goodbye. But I'm actually really happy that I'm a bit sad to move on - because it showed me that I've grown to love my caregroup brothers and sisters from the heart with affection and tenderness.

*pause* And I think that is how God would have me be - to leave with love.

Yet Peter reminded me about the show 'Highlander'. It's a serial drama about an immortal from medivael Scotland (hence the name) who lived through the ages, from the Middle Ages to the Enlightement, to WWI and WWII and all the way up to modern times. He made friends from every era, and as each generation grew old and died, he still lived on. But he made new friends from each new era as it came.

So I guess it's going to be a good goodbye here. At least I'll still be in the second service.

But yes, I'm excited about fulfilling God's call for my life - oh, the depths of God's grace and the wonder of His calling! In a way, it's just a very small taste of being a missionary a century or two ago - preparing to say goodbye to all your loved ones, knowing full well that you'd probably never see them again in your lifetime. But as you wiped the tears from your eyes and turned to face the new horizon and the rising sun, you saw new faces and new friends... a new generation of souls to love and disciple.

And it's so rewarding when you see those who you took care of in children's ministry move on to youth ministry. As they mature, and become the next leaders in church, they remember you as one of those who blessed them and took care of them. Honestly, I can't really think of very many rewards that are sweeter than this.

The best days of my life are just about to begin. And the best will yet become even better, because we will go from glory to glory, strength to strength, till we meet again in the Golden City, the New Jerusalem, the City of the Living God.

"Those who love God never meet for the last time." - Eric Liddell's mum

Was discussing with a fellow CG bro about how to promote more CG bonding...

He said tt we're already starting it... by playing more board games and so on. Great for creating common ground.

That made me think.I thought abt it... while board games are great for creating shared experiences and memories... perhaps we shouldn't rely on it for creating common ground, as in a reason, a foundation, for building strong friendships on.

One bro from the PolyDINS side - Zhiwei - said, when we were talking about the problem of different life-stations and cultural differences btwn Youth, Adults, Uni, and Poly ppl...

He pointed out that frankly, it's not reasonable to say that we cannot bond because of 'cultural differences'. If we are Christians, then we have one ultimate culture: the 'God-culture'. Those were very wise words from a bro who's almost ten years younger than me... and I was so glad to hear these words from his mouth. :D The Poly people are doing a great work discipling mature believers!

Which makes me think about us in the Adults ministry. While we do our best to have fun activities... how much time are we devoting to discipling people and feeding them the Word? And... teaching them what the Christian life really means? Living out dynamic, purposeful and intentional lives? Lives bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being filled with the power of the Holy Spirit so that we may have great endurance and patience - and joyfully giving thanks to the Father who has saved us from the dominion of darkness, and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves... in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of our sins?

Or are we subtly telling them that working life damn tough lah, damn sian, everyday this and that, till we create a culture of complaining instead of thanksgiving? No wonder our younger ones will take a look at us in working life and conclude that if this is what being in the Adults ministry is like, oh man, I want to go back to the good ol' days where everyone was doing exciting, meaningful and purposeful things for the kingdom of God.

Firestarters are great for starting a BBQ... but you can't rely on firestarters alone to make a BBQ! No, you use firestarters to warm up and then ignite the big charcoal chunks, and when they have caught fire, you put them closer together, so that they create a self-sustaining fire that will burn the whole night long, giving light and warmth and a fragrant roasty aroma that attracts people from everywhere. And where there's a BBQ, there's fun and a party!