First Week of 2008

Thank God it's Friday! :) Just came back from having my teeth cleaned and polished *gleaming smile*.

It's been a great relaxed last week of 2007, thank God, and honestly, was in a very holiday mood when I came back to work. Something I want to thank God for was a comment one of my colleagues made, when I asked him to evaluate me on my work so far... and especially whether the team found me irritating (that was something I'm really worried about, due to my past experiences)... he broke out into a big grin and said, "Actually, it's quite fun having you around."

Hee! Thank God so much... was very, very surprised, 'cos I'm one of the quietest guys around in my team... hmm... think one reason I do want to get along well with my colleagues is that I want to be able to bless them more, so that can show God's love to them in the workplace. Thank God for Ruey Fong's suggestion that, even though I may be very quiet, I can bless my colleagues by doing small things "behind-the-scenes" to bless them. Like remembering their birthdays, for example. :D

It was awfully relieving to hear my colleague's comment. And no, I don't think he was pulling my leg; he's a frank and straightforward person. :) So am grateful to my heavenly Daddy for His grace to me here indeed... hee!

On the other hand, I really have to breakthrough in prioritization and working more urgently. 'Cos these two weaknesses of mine cause me to become very slow in my work. My colleague was telling me that these two are holding me back from performing to my best. "It's not that you can't program," he said, "you're really very good in programming... gifted even! But you really need to work on your prioritization, etc."

Groaned inwardly when I heard that, but reflected about this... yah it's true... and Proverbs 3:3-4 reminded me:

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man."

And Weizhu confirmed it later, when I asked him over the phone.

Actually, something very interesting. WZ said, "Remember our LAN game, the Company of Heroes game we were playing? You had a bigger army than me, but I was pushing ahead first... and waiting for you to start pushing! But somehow you didn't get going... so in the end I did the pushing. So maybe it's because you were too busy focusing on capturing points, etc... but to win the game, you just need to invade and defeat the enemy."

"So perhaps it's not the lack of work in itself so much as you focus on the less-important things..."

Thinking about that, I analysed my style of working... yah it's very true - I get easily distracted, when I'm programming, on unnecessary details... e.g. performing optimization tasks on very trivial details (i mean, saving 4 bytes of memory for a 1 gigabyte system is, well, to put it lightly, stupid of me.)

Yeah... actually, it's another pattern I observed in me... often the main reason I procrastinate is because of fear that I'll do something wrong... and even when i start, often i get distracted by less-impt details.

So... this year... with God's help, I'll grow in this area... need to major on the major, minor on the minor! :)

Anyway, another thanksgiving! Got to make a new friend yesterday in the office. I'd brought my guitar to office to practise, and turns out that this guy, Hanfai (sounds like "Hi-Five"), likes guitar too. And he taught me how to do proper finger-picking, and even the staple chords for almost any Chinese song. :) And he plays a very nice Jay Chou guitar piece. w00t! :)

so that's something really want to thank God for this week! :) yeah!

Open Source Living

From the blurb:

Welcome to Open Source Living, an archive of the Web's best Open Source software, applications and references for a zero-cost / top quality digital experience.

But seriously, it's cool. =)

Following His Lead, Part II

Today I was reading on my way back on bus 59, with Huaqiang, my Bible. Then this verse came into my mind:
Isaiah 43:18-19
"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

"See, I am doing a new thing!" Can you feel his holy delight, his joyfulness, as he declares to the whole world, and especially to you and me, what is the new thing that He is doing?

And that is the question that I think He was asking me for 2008: "Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" He wants me to see where HE is going, and He beckons me to come follow Him, to join Him in His work for humanity this year.

Been planning to go on a short-term missions trip to Africa this year, if it's God's will. And, by God's grace, I may be going to a conference soon to help me grow in leading in the children's ministry. And as I look back in the past year, I really want to thank God for His faithfulness and His guidance, how He miraculously blessed me in my job search, and has blessed my team in children's ministry, and the Jonathan-like affirmation by Ruey Fong last Sunday, that he senses that God has given me a unique ability to work with children.

And my own dream to help meet the educational needs of children in less-developed countries, and to tell them the story of Jesus. :D Hee, very excited now... I'm not sure how things will turn out, but one thing I am sure of - He wants me to keep asking Him for guidance, what His will is, AND TO OBEY HIS CALLING AND GUIDANCE. Then, and only then, can I know that this year will be a truly fruitful year. Anything less is a wasted life.

Something I am truly grateful to God for is that He accepts me the way I am, and despite all my fears and past failures, His grace is greater than all my sins. His grace covers over all my failures, and His power compensates for all my weaknesses. His joy overwhelms all my pessimism, His faith overcomes all my doubts, His hope overshadows all my shadows and His love overflows into all those around Him!

I know, because I have struggled so many times with my frustrations of wanting to become a better person in the past year, but thank God for His encouragement... what He really wants is an obedient heart to love and follow Him, to love my neighbour as myself. And the main reason why I should overcome whatever is hindering me in my own life is that as long as it stops me from loving God or people less, then it must be overcome. And that is very simple, really.

Hee! :) Praying, Lord, help me be more and more childlike in faith this year, and more and more wiser in wisdom this year too! In Jesus' most wonderful name, amen!

Following His Lead, Part I

Happy New 2008 everyone!

It was a very fun and enjoyable New Year Eve's celebration, a time of fellowship and counting God's blessings upon our lives last year.

And Jeannie graciously blessed us with her place to stay over and we played board games... Edmund and Joy are walking Settler's Cafes, I tell you. Got a game here, game there, games games everywhere - from a game about escaping zombies to a game about building power plants across the USA, they had the games! :)

So that was the last day of 2007, and something that Dehua shared with the unit struck me: It's not just about giving thanks to God for the blessings that have happened to us, but also for the disappointments, etc... because they are blessings in disguise. Otherwise if we had a very easy year, we wouldn't have the opportunity to learn to die to our old selves, to allow God to shape and mould us... As Oswald Chambers wrote in My Utmost for His Highest,

"God's order has to work up to a crisis in our lives because we will not heed the gentler way. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him, and we begin to debate; then He produces a providential crisis where we have to decide - for or against, and from that point the "Great Divide" begins."

I remember there were many, many experiences in 2007. Some were very, very, very sweet; others were very heart-rending. I had the blessings of experiencing God's answers to my prayers for certain friendships to grow, and Weizhu's friendship is really one of them. And I can't forget how He, in answer to another prayer, blessed a particular friendship to grow so quickly in a year. Yet another friendship in my CG, yet another friendship here and there.

And as I think about why He chose to bless me with these particular friendships, I'm reminded that friendships are a gift from God, and He gives us particular friendships to equip and strengthen both me and the other friend for the specific purposes that He has for both of us. For a friendship, by essence, has to be mutual, and it is because both share a common destination, a common goal. To paraphrase CS Lewis, "Friendship love is not the same as romantic love. Lovers look into each other's faces; friends look toward a common destination."

Of course, there were very sad moments. One friend whom I'd brought to Christ in 2006 decided to turn away from God, despite his personal experiences, because he was disappointed by some things. I was very heartbroken when he told me of his decision - because this was not a friendship thing, but his own eternal destiny. And I pled with God in private to touch my friend's heart again, and to save him again. Quite confused, but when I read the Bible, I was reminded that Jesus Himself understands - in fact He feels deeper the anguish in his heart for those who have chosen to turn away from Him. But He didn't let that affect him emotionally; instead, He kept on sharing the gospel with more and more people. So I recall this beautiful quote that I read some time ago:

On that glorious eternal day, when I die and go to heaven, I will be very surprised to see three types of people there in heaven:

1. Those whom I didn't expect to see.


2. Those whom I expected to see, but did not see.


3. Me.

Benazir Bhutto assassinated

Pakistani former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto has been assassinated in a suicide attack.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7161590.stm

Thank God for Peter listening to my worries and struggle... after I finished sharing, he asked simply:

"Do you tag your spirituality to your performance? This is what I've observed in you: Your security seems to be tied to how well you perform in ministry, in work..."

Then he deadpanned in his classic style: "You want to be Mr. Popular? Singapore Idol."

(LOL!)

More somberly, I have a tendency to want to be popular (due to my past background), so need to be very aware of this. I'm like Starscream... :P

Anyway, he shared this with me (Peter, not Starscream) more on MSN:

yEEah!!! managed to backup my sms to my pc says:
God gave us a unique set of talents and abilites
so understand ur strength n uniqueness
tryin to compare n trying to be somebody else only makes u forget ur uniqueness n strength
but of course this shld not be an excuse against where u can grow n improve in
just a disclaimer ha

u dun ask a melee hero to do a range hero thing
it pointless u try to ask Skeleton King to shoot aeros like Bone fletcher

Sharing this, 'cos hope it helps anyone else too! :)

Thanks so much Peter. Very helped and encouraged by what you shared with me again. :)

Met up with Huanyan today. Really thank God for answering my prayers... it was a very refreshing and encouraging time. Deeply blessed by HY... :D

We shared testimonies about our friends we're reaching out to, and 'tips' for encouraging our CGs to share their own testimonies, and he gave me good advice for quite a few things. :D

And hee, a question that was lingering in the back of my mind, and that I shared with him today, was: Once you've experienced a breakthrough - is it permanent, or is it only temporary?

And after we discussed, it's really like a battle, especially in the spiritual sense - you may win a breakthrough in a particular area, but you have to hold the breakthrough and not be lazy... more than that, God wants us not only to stay in that position we broke through, but to move on and reclaim more areas, be it in our lives, or in relationships, or in spiritual warfare, in evangelism, etc etc. "For the kingdom of God is forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it."

And it's so important not to be complacent in our growth, in what we have already attained... we need to move on to better and newer things that God is calling us onwards!

Blessed Christmas!

I got this sweet SMS from one of my old friends whom I messaged to wish Merry Christmas... he was my first sheep back when I was in Adults (had reached out to him during NS times) before I moved on to NUS ministry...

"Morn yew ann! Wana thank u for always rem me. Though i may be a missing sheep among ur herd, but i always keep in mind u as mi shepherd, n i still have faith n believe in Him. Thank u for ur past guidance n patience..."

Whee! :D Thank You so much dear Lord... that SMS came in as a totally unexpected blessing... esp the part in bold. It encourages me to keep on sowing and sharing the gospel with others, 'cos that's really the greatest gift you can give others for Christmas - the good news about a Saviour born 2000 years ago: Christ the Lord!

And also got a bookmark from Peter. It touched me very much. :D Thank You so much Father for these little drops of sweet grace this Christmas.

Hee, thanks for HQ's reminding me: "Be thankful for what you [already] have." Must remember to count my blessings! :)

Finger on the Pulse

Thank God! He helped me find an answer to one of my most urgent questions this morning. My question was: "What makes the difference between Christians like Alan and Andrew, my own shepherd, people like Hanhui, who live powerful and impactful lives as role models... and what hinder other Christians, like me, from living lives as impactful and influential lives for Him?"

I mean, I'm trying to put my finger on the pulse here.

Is the employee working in an isolated back office of a large corporation any less loved by God than a big and successful entrepreneur with many awards to his name?

Is the Christian who appears in the newspaper having done some admirable things any more loved than the Christian who works faithfully for years in some remote community unrecognized, known only by the people he/she works with?

It can't be so. The Bible doesn't seem to say that. Jesus promised a life full and abundant to everyone who believes in Him.

What is the secret to a life full and abundant, really? If the Lord said that He has come that we "may have life, and have it to the full", then why is it that so many of us Christians still feel so small and unfruitful for Him?

In short, how do we go about living the full and abundant life in Christ?

Then, as I was doing my work just now, I saw my copy of "Every Day with Jesus" (got it for free from Festival of Praise this year), and somehow decided to flip it open.

And these words spoke clearly to my heart, which I think is God's way of answering my question regarding His Word:

Something more than physical nourishment is needed if we are to - really live. We require also the spiritual sustenance that is to be found in the words that come from the mouth of God. 'Our souls... are word-shaped.'.. [O]ur relationships to others (and also to ourselves) are shaped by some 'word' or other, some idea or philosophy of what it means to be a person. From the moment we begin our education a variety of 'words' are pumped into us about who we are and how to find our identity in this world, and whatever 'word' we accept, that becomes the moulding influence which determines how we view ourselves and others.

So often it is the 'word' of men, not the Word of God, that is taken to heart by us, and that then becomes the power that shapes our thinking about life and other things. The shape our souls take is determined largely by what 'word' we accept and assimilate. If God's Word does not have pride of place in our souls, then quite simply, our souls will not develop or function in the way they were designed.

Think God helped me see that the biggest difference between these two groups of Christians is that the former have decided to take to heart the Word of God. Whereas the latter take to heart their own understanding, and to a certain extent, others' understanding.

While the understanding of others, especially older and more mature Christians, is one way of God's speaking truth to us, sometimes I think we may not be able to understand fully the truths that they're saying. So we need to learn to see everything from God's perspective. Oh! Actually the leaders have been trying so hard to help us learn from God's perspective... but slow-witted me, I keep on forgetting that basic elementary truth.

And so, I think I get it today. To begin knowing our live's destinies, visions and purpose, we need to begin here. Here, with God's Word in our hearts, His rhematic revelation gradually unfolding in our lives day by day.

2 Corinthians 3:18
"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

Anyway, here's what I originally intended to share on this blog before I saw Andrew's latest posting and excitedly scribbled off a post...

I was contemplating while bathing just now. Was telling God how inadequate I STILL am feeling. Especially with my difficulty in interacting in group settings of more than 4 people who are not in close physical proximity (because of my hearing impairment). (Thanks HQ for observing this.)

It's a physical/physiological limitation, to be sure, besides other factors... but sometimes I feel really discouraged. So was "spamming" God about this, complaining to Him again. But I confessed to Him that I think I'm reliving some of my old fears, and dwelling again on the past...

And after I stepped out of the bath, and was drying myself... I suddenly looked at myself in the mirror and told myself fiercely, "Yeu Ann, forgetting what lies behind, let's press on to take hold of that which Christ has called you to. Don't let your weaknesses hold you back; rather, live your strengths for Jesus Himself."

And right after that, this verse popped into my mind:

Judges 6:14
The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have[...] Am I not sending you?"

I remember Pastor Simon Eng preaching on this verse during 2003's A Courageous Church church camp.

Thank You dear Holy Spirit. I just feel so strengthened by this rhema word. :)

Surrendered Unto God :) And the Fruits that Follow

Whee~! :D Just read this post: Super-encouraging!

An Interview with MDIS Horizon


To be honest, when I read that post, the first thought that came into my mind was: I'm not Andrew, I'm not as driven as this bro, I'm so phlegmatic, and I don't really have a dream to start a business (and I don't even think that I'm called to be an entrepreneur...), and I'm so inadequate... does God really want me to be so driven?

But as I pondered on that, I randomly clicked on another part of his blog, and read this:

The aim of this blog is to set you thinking; that living a life with and in God is just as relevant, possible and if not more exciting to have in our contemporary day-to-day life. Hopefully it empowers you too to live a full life that you meant to have with God.

Hee! That part really encouraged me. And I'm thinking here... I may not be Andrew. But by the grace of God, I am what I am, and I know that His grace to me has not been without effect! :)

Something that I learn from Andrew's life through the comments left on his blog - is that it's not because of natural talent or sheer willpower that kept him going on... but it's simply because of his life that chose to be surrendered unto God. :)

The most important thing here is not so much of achieving many and/or dramatic things for Him, even though these can be used to win credibility and be a good testimony in His eyes... the most important thing is a life fully thrown and surrendered into His hands, in response to His call: "Who will go for us? And whom shall I send?" - "Here am I - send me!"

Oh! I am suddenly struck by this realization that Isaiah's reply, "SEND ME!", was AFTER he realised his sheer uncleanness and unholiness... and AFTER the angel assured him that his sin has been forgiven by God...

It was not BEFORE, but AFTER, that he was enabled to respond to the call!

And with that realization, I really want to throw myself fully into His eternal hands... chasing not the approval of men, but the approval of the Lord Himself!

So help me Lord, this is really an uphill task, knowing full well that I am a super-lazy person... but, Lord, here I am, send me! Please! In Jesus' most amazing name, amen! :D And thank You so much dear Father for lives like Andrew's that help us look up to YOU, to see just how Great Is Our God... Amen! :D

Was reading Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" that Hanes lent me at the middle of this year. Think it's a must-read for anyone who wants to win friends. :)

He has a very astute observation of human nature, coupled with extensive readings and research.

His first 2 principles:
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

So decided to start small. Bought a farewell gift for my maid - a box of really good-looking chocolates. She was very touched. Have bought one for my new maid too - but *shhh* planning to give her for Christmas. ;)

As Carnegie humorously quoted, "He who understands this principle [of appreciating]... even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies."

Realised that appreciating people is so important. Actually, I enjoy affirming others, but sincere heartfelt appreciation is not easy. It takes hard work - you have to NOTICE in order to appreciate. Otherwise you'll only be mouthing empty words - like inflated dollars due to overprinting. Recognised that I'm guilty of overusing nice-sounding words sometimes - mainly due to insecurity, subtly wanting ppl to reciprociate in kind.

But was trying to see it better from a Biblical viewpoint. Then realised that Dale Carnegie's advice can be expressed more simply as this: People crave for grace.

Sinners, even the greedy tax collectors and the immoral prostitutes, were so drawn to Jesus. Why? Perhaps it's because they knew that this holy man was different from the religious teachers and lawyers of the day. He actually saw the good in them. He saw them as men and women, not labelling them. Though He also spoke the truth to them, "Go and sin no more," He yet did it in such a way that people didn't feel condemned. "For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ."

Then it makes me think. We appreciate people, who are made in God's own image - wouldn't He be pleased with appreciation of He Himself? And yet He's so selfless that He asks, "Do you love Me? Then love my people."

(Christmas) Past, Present and Future

Inspired by Kim Chun's example, I was enumerating a list of ppl I want to build/strengthen relationships with for next year. And as I was listing out, it just struck me that the groups of friends I want to build relationships with can be categorised into: Friends from the Past, Friends of the Present, and Friends Yet to Come. (Gosh! it sounds so much like Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol"... so title-y)

But despite the funny titles, it's a thought-provoking observation. It's about maintaining friendships with people who are still in the NUS ministry, those in my current CG and those whom I haven't really gotten to know that well yet.

And frankly, I do have criteria in choosing whom I want to build friendships with. Yet at the same time, I have to be open to God's guidance and intervention, 'cos in the end, for all our efforts, friendship is ultimately an act of grace, a GIFT that CANNOT be earned. It can only be received, treasured, nurtured and appreciated.

That's the strange paradox of friendship. Sometimes it seems that those whom I least expected to build friendships with, are now some of my closest friends, and those whom I tried so hard, didn't respond. Can anyone identify with me on this? ;)

And yet, I found out that if you don't put in the effort to build friendships, to be more outwards-looking, you'll never reap anything. For it's in the course of trying to build friendships that ... you become the very friend that you want to become.

So one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2008 is to grow to be more sociable. I know I tend to lose contact with those friends whom I've not seen physically... for me, the old adage is true: "Out of sight, out of mind." It's a weird (and sad) thing - I treasure relationships a lot, but I am too slow to keep in touch with them, PROCRASTINATING. So I have to work extra hard to treasure and steward these friendships, which are gifts from God. Hmm!

Here We Don’t Go A’ Caroling Anymore

Just read this post on an ex-caroller... hilarious! And suddenly I remember talking with someone from the NUS group just now telling me that tomorrow they're going to practise Christmas carols tomorrow morning.

*sudden rush of wistful nostalgia*

GOSH. THOSE WERE INDEED THE DAYS BACK IN UNI LIFE... *sigh* so sweet the memories of preparing for Christmas. Can't forget especially Dec 2005 and 2006... preparing for the Christmas skit in 2005, and doing the Christmas MM in 2006.

And through it all, I remember this beautiful old Christmas song:

Christmas isn't Christmas
Till it happens in your heart
Somewhere deep within you
Is where Christmas really starts...

So give your heart to Jesus
You'll discover when you do
That it's Christmas,
Really Christmas for you...

Hee hee! :)

Incidentally, I love listening to Christmas carols. They have always warmed my heart, and I remember listening to church carollers sing the beloved carols with my family back in the 80s and early 90s at Lucky Plaza. They really sang very well (thank God...) and they would distribute gospel tracts too. Those gospel tracts planted a seed in my heart over the years. :)

But personally, I like listening to Christmas carols sung by a group choir much more than those sung by an individual. Somehow, listening to Corinne May's rendition of "Joy to the World", no matter how sweet she sounds, really can't compare to even the simplest rendition of a choir singing the same song... it's just so much the collective and united joy that the choir expresses at the birth of the Saviour, Jesus Christ!

After all, the first ever Christmas song was sung not by one angel, but by a HUGE chorus of excited angels...

Luke 2:13-14
At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises:

Glory to God in the heavenly heights,
Peace to all men and women on earth who please him.

Oops, nothing against Corinne May - I love to listen to her songs, but honestly, there's really a wonderful (and mysterious) joy that a choir can express that one person alone can't do.

Something very interesting that happened to me yesterday:

I was trying out a game demo on the Xbox 360 yesterday at Bishan Junction 8, when all of a sudden, a tiny hand put itself onto the game controller.

I looked down, and saw a very small boy (he was only up to the height of my waist). The little tyke said, "I wan' to plaaaaay!" And he tried to take over the controller.

So I bent down, and gently but firmly told him, "Ah, you wait your turn first... You must ask people for permission first."

And the little tyke said, "I wan' to plaaaaay!"

Then his mum came along, wondering what her son was doing. She looked a sweet woman, so I casually told her what had happened.

"Oh! Boy, wait your turn first."

"I wan' to plaaaaay!"

"Kor-kor is playing, don't disturb him."

"I wan' to plaaaaay!"

(I'm starting to sense a pattern here...)

But anyway, told him that he has to wait his turn first. So I continued playing the game. The little boy went and grabbed the other controller and fiddled around with it. Nothing too bad; it was a one-player game.

Then poof! Suddenly, I saw the Xbox logo pop up, and the mum exclaiming, "Boy! Don't anyhow touch here touch there!"

Stunned, I looked at the mum, wondering what the boy had done. Seems that the kid had spammed the controls, till he hit the reset button.

"See lah! Spoil the computer..."

I looked at the screen, and gosh, there was a white screen saying something about the CD being incompatible... a white screen of death if there ever was one.

"Yah, boy, your mummy's right... you spoiled the computer."

So felt I had to talk to him, not because of the game, but 'cos this is an attitude problem... told him that he has to be patient, and ask people first.

"But I wan to play."

Explained further to him that he has to be considerate... (I was starting to wonder if he knew any other English sentences.) Then asked him to apologise.

Explained to the mum that I work as a childcare teacher (technically it's correct 'cos I help out as a HopeTots teacher). She looked quite impressed. Haha! So the mum told her son, "Say sorry to Kor-kor."

The little one looked at me and simply sucked his finger. His middle finger. Now I don't think he really meant to show me the finger, but just found it so funny. XD

But still, must be firm with him. 'Cos at this age, children have to learn appropriate boundaries or they'll REALLY suffer in life later.

The boy still kept on sucking his finger.

Gosh. Was starting to worry about germs already.

"Don't suck your finger leh."

*suck suck*

"Got germs..."

*SUCK SUCK*

Anyway, I noticed that the boy wasn't making eye contact. It's a clear sign that the kid isn't listening to you, for one reason or another.

To cut a long story short, the boy's dad came along, and also tried to persuade him to apologise to me. But didn't succeed in the end.

Think his parents are very nice. But perhaps they're too nice with their boy. Found out from his mum that he's 4 years old.

That incident made me think about the difficulty of parenting, especially in training a child to be a mature and responsible adult. Was reflecting: "Train a child in the way [the LORD wants him to] go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Fatherhood is an awesome calling. It's really challenging discipling children. Not disciplining, but discipling.

Thinking how I can train my children next time... I can take the initiative to teach my children to practice care and consideration for others. But also knowing how hard it can be to get a child to listen to you, I think I won't force the kid to say sorry. But I can discipline the kid to make a choice - free will here: "Either you say sorry for what you did just now, or you can choose not to watch TV for a whole day. Your choice!"

That way the kid can learn to make his/her own decisions. And frankly, it's less tiring on the parents too. But thank God, He's the best father around. :D

Hee, thank You so much dear Lord for opening my eyes to see others' needs... i just prayed this prayer below, and a few mins later, i learnt that some of my colleagues are going to another site to work, but they don't have a canteen there.

so suddenly had this thot: why not buy some food for them?

felt v paiseh, 'cos thot it might seem strange, but remembered this verse from the Bible, "the fruit of the Spirit is... goodness..."

so ran up to the canteen to buy some more substantial food (not cooked lah), and then gave them. my colleagues were surprised, tho in a nice way, and hee, thank God, my proj manager saw, and he was v appreciative.

so felt v shy but happy inside, 'cos i know i'm doing this because of You. "in the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Counting on Our Toes

Been thinking about my recent experiences (ok, over the past 2 years). Think as I realised more truths about myself, esp the dark side of me... when I realised the truths, I was set free in more and more areas. But I also realised I felt increasing resentment towards my parents for not having taught me well or equipped me with the necessary tools... in fact, some of their teachings were so off. But hmm... think it's also been learning to increase in grace as well. Grace to forgive those who didn't realise my ignorance and condemned me as a result of that, instead of building me up. (oops sounds awfully like a victim mentality... but honestly, think i've learnt to take responsibility for my own life here, with God's grace and help.)

Then it strikes me... "For the law was given thru Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ."

The law shows me where I fall short - it was necessary for me to realise the truths about myself... but good though the law was, it was not able to help me - instead i felt even more condemned and farther away from God.

"But where sin increased, grace increased all the more." Grace is the lifeline in the stormy seas, grace is the safety-net across the abyss, grace is the foundation that enables us to be built up in the truth. Grace is the support on which the vine can climb up on in order to bear much fruit.

Pondering further, think one effect of experiencing grace is that it brings about healing that sin wrought in me. And it helps me begin to see the good in others as well. And as I become more grateful because of the grace shown me... i become more grateful to my parents as well, for all their love, in spite of their imperfections, and to realise that it was really not easy for them to raise me up, yet they persevered.

And so i learn to count my blessings, like a little child learning to count on his fingers and, if he experiences a breakthrough beyond his ten fingers... even his toes. :)

May we learn to count on our toes more often. :)

How to create stories in ten minutes or less

Thought this is very interesting! :) and helpful too... do read it!

Excerpt from the blog:

Think of something that happened to you recently and then use the following five questions to help you create the story. I shall use my story as an example.

1. What happened?
An auntie tried to hit on me in the train.

2. Who was involved?
Auntie and myself.

3. How can people connect or relate to this story?
We all take trains and have encounters of strangers trying to start a conversation with us.

4. What is funny?
Her opening line: Wah! Apple computer wor… and before I could acknowledge her, she reached out and started touching my laptop.

I knew her entire family history within five stops. And I suspect the rest of the passengers too coz she was speaking very loud.

And why does people with bad breath love to tell you secrets???!!!

The passengers were enjoying the entire drama between the auntie and me.

The best part of the conversation was in this line: Aiyah.. I have to alight at the next stop already… And in my head, I went Wooooooohooooooo!!!

5. What are the lessons or messages?
We find it weird to strike a conversation with some stranger but that should not be the case. In fact, the weird part is we find it weird.

Thank You so much dear Father for Your mercy indeed... after thinking about what Peter shared with me about the possibility of unforgiveness and bitterness in my heart that is hindering me from experiencing God's presence... I thought about it, and realised there's at least one person whom I still harbor a lot of resentment... and I prayed about it... realised it was a wrestling of my will versus His. Realised that even though the hurts are real, and the resentment is very valid indeed, I just felt this urging in my heart that I need to forgive him, because he really didn't know what he was doing.

So I made the decision to forgive him from my heart, even though I couldn't really understand everything, and whoa, the moment I prayed that prayer in my heart to ask God to help me forgive him, even though he may still continue to hurt me, these words came into my mind immediately:

Luke 6:37-38
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged.
Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.
Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Give, and it will be given to you.
A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.
For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

These words came with this sense of forgiveness... it's a strange but sweet feeling - you feel His grace once again pouring into your heart, a grace that enables you to love, heal and forgive. A grace that is strong, filled with strength and peace. A grace greater than our sins. HALLELUJAH! :D

As I read these words again, I think the Holy Spirit wants to help me understand that the Christian heart is called to move from unforgiveness, judgemental spirit, a condemning heart... to a spirit of grace, a spirit that gives freely as it has received.

And hee, hallelujah, somehow my spirit feels revived again, like the sweet rains of spring, pitter-pattering down on my dry heart. It really feels like that! :D Hee! :D Thank You so much dear Lord... and thank You especially for a dear friend's sweet and timely encouragement today:"Jesus... is the rain that falls on our heart when we are dry."

And as I read Psalm 66 (I finally moved on from Psalms 62 and 63 haha...),

"For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.
You brought us into prison
and laid burdens on your backs.
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance."

I learnt that often God allows us to go through times of dryness and difficulties... because they are times of testing and of refining. Though these are times of burdens and of being stuck in a rut as in prison, and though we feel like we are going through hell and high water...

... because when He is done testing and refining us, He will bring us into a place of abundance, into heaven and sweet waters.

It's like my software testing work. Something I learnt from my software testing work recently is that testing is NOT an easy job. Testing is often mundane, and requires patience and perseverance, not only for the one being tested, but also for the tester. The tester has to be very detailed, and often it requires doing what seems like meaningless repetitive tests (like, for e.g. how I have to keep on opening and closing a particular form about 10 to 20 times to see if it will crash... it is mind-numbing indeed).

Actually, these seemingly meaningless repeated tests are one of the most powerful tests in our software testing arsenal. They are called "stress tests", and they really aim to push the program to its limits. Through all these repeated testings, you find increasingly subtle bugs that are very subtle indeed, but if not caught, will crash the ENTIRE system and possibly cascade the damage to other applications.

Like how, if a person has a very subtle character flaw, he/she may perform well in a leadership capacity, but under sustained stress in during a very difficult time... he/she may turn away from God totally in the end. Better a poor, humble and broken spirit that is faithful to God to the very end, for that is what ultimately counts in His eyes - a spirit that loves Him to the very end.

Thank God so much for His touch, His love... there's still a lot of cleaning up to be done, but thank God so much indeed... these words really speak to me:

"If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;
but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.
Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer
or withheld his love from me!" :D

Whee! my sentiments exactly! :D

Thank God indeed so much... think through this experience, I have learnt a teeny-weeny little bit more of what His grace really tastes like. Grace... what a sweet sound! Hope I've passed this test here... uh-oh, I remember Peter's words that I'll be tested repeatedly again and again. Never mind, keep on going, YA! Jesus is not done with you yet! But praise Him anyway, for He is good, and His love endures forever! Amen and amen! :D

Dryness

Spoke with Peter about my current period of dryness. Peter thought for a while, and then asked me, "What caused your dryness?"

Gee. I thought about it, with his help, and think perhaps it's because of some bitterness I have towards someone who's not repentant of what he's doing. Thank God for Peter's encouragement - forgiveness is not always a one-time-off event... it sometimes is a process, where you need to continually forgive even as you're being hurt.

And Jesus' words come to my mind. He prayed, even as Roman soldiers were nailing him unjustly to the cross, while the hostile crowd was jeering Him: "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing."