Ah, been seeing this little knick-knack popping up all over my friends' blogs.


Create your own Friend Test here

So give this knick-knack a paddywhack; but take it alone, or else I'll send you rolling home. XD

(ok, you may stare incomprehensibly now... just a pun!)

What's the SHAPE of Your Life?

My CG has been discussing this topic, in thinking how we can work towards the Sub-district vision. It's really a powerful and daring vision, involving things like planting Acts-style communities in our workplaces, and setting up ventures so that we can further the Kingdom of God... learning to be more well-informed of what goes on in the world, etc.

And one question that we were asked was this: "Within the CG, suggest how you can play a part given your unique SHAPE to contribute to the vision."

So we shared, and then HQ asked me, what's your SHAPE?

"Eh... what's SHAPE actually? I only roughly know a bit..."

"S - Spiritual Gifts
H - Heart and passion
A - Ability
P - Personality
E - Experiences in life."

So shared, and then when I reached the E part, I shared about my hearing impairment, my own struggles in relating with Chinese-speaking people, and my unique personality.

Then HQ said matter-of-factly, "Ok, so that means you can relate to people who are new and relate to different cultures."

Gee! That puts my experiences in a totally new light! Never realised that God can use my unique life experiences in such a special way. :D I mean, it's one thing to know... it's another thing to really see it with your own eyes. And all the troubles that you've experienced in the past, all whizz past your eyes and all these memories that you'd rather forget, suddenly become incredibly precious.

So that is what they mean when they say that Christ can redeem your past. Not erase your past aka Total Recall... but rather, He turns your shame into glory, sorrow into joy!

Think this new insight is very timely. :) Especially when I've been thinking about my personality that makes me very clingy and insecure at times - especially when I'm at my weakest. So I've been asking God why He gave me this personality and these unique life experiences - it's not something I'm particularly happy with.

But gee, now that I heard that statement, it gives me courage to get up and move on again, because I know that my personality and experiences are privileged to play a role in God's plan to save the world - a role that no one else in time and space can ever fulfill. Because, yes, God has given me many, many opportunities to interact with people of different cultures, and even bring them to Christ. One of them, from a communist country, even shared the gospel with his girlfriend, who upon hearing of the gospel for the first time, asked, "Really? You mean I can be forgiven of my sins?"

And my friend said, "Yes!" So she received Christ. Hee hee! Yet not I, but Christ... I'm so grateful that He chose to use me - though I am less than the least of God's people - to touch another nation, and even a potential leader-to-be in that nation... who knows how God can use this dear brother in Christ in future! Now he's discipling other Christians in his ministry... what a joy to know how God can use even someone like me!

And remembering how God used me to bless a Mexican friend, an Indonesian friend and even now a Canadian friend... I'm very encouraged again after remembering all the wondrous things that Jesus has done for me. :D

Dear friend! What of your life, your "shape", are you discontented and dissatisfied with? Do others dislike or even despise that part of you? Fear not, because that very part of your life, if you allow the Saviour to redeem that part, can become a key part in God's majestic plan to save the world. =D

So tomorrow, I'll be going for the Missions Conference. Am very excited, really praying that God will show me more clearly how He wants to use me in time to come.

Praise the Lord! :D

Thank God, He really helped me through a stressful time today. Had to handle multiple admin stuff, and unfortunately, I was feeling very melancholic at that time.

(Eh, why do all these multiple incoming admin stuff come in just when I'm feeling mel? :P)

A deep fear that I keep on having is that because of my procrastination, I don't deserve to ask God for His help with all these things, because it's my own fault. And that only makes things worse as I become increasingly mel and more panicky.

But God again reminded me (as He keeps doing so patiently countless times), that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And we ask Him for His help and guidance, not because we are good - but because HE is good. In any case, Jesus Himself said that no one is good but God alone. And the Psalmist declared, "Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way."

Again, I'm reminded that this is Grace again at work, that beautiful focal point of the Way - grace, being grace, has to be undeserved, otherwise it would no longer be grace. Sweeeet! :D I'm just struck by the sheer humility of God, that though He is sinless and thrice-holy, He stoops down to help us little sinner worms. :') Because He really loves us so much - we are made in His image after all.

Oh. Still, we have to learn and grow... but from time to time... sometimes it's just good to be still, take a rest and let God be God.

Psalm 46:9-11
"He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Just feeling very blue again. Hmm, yes, actually... because I was thinking again what a strange person I am.

Was asking God this morning, "Why did you make me such a nice person? I think it's not nice to be nice. Sheesh. I feel that being nice means that in the long run you don't have close friends, and don't have much impact or influence on others. Isn't it true that nice guys finish last? People do think less of people who are nice. To be good, yes, not to be nice. I've put a lot of people off by being too nice. So how? What do You think?"

*******
After praying about this just now, think God is helping me think a little more sensibly. :) Yeah, perhaps a lot of guys don't like this part of me, but perhaps it's a strange gift that God gave me - this being innocent and sweet and all that.

Hmm. In a way, it's like Peter Parker's quote: "This is my blessing, this is my curse." But thank God that yes, it is a strength... because children are very much comfortable with me. Still, I wonder at times if I really want this gift. Then I take a look at the children I'm taking care of in HopeTots, and I think again, this is really a blessing from God.

You know, perhaps it takes a real man to choose to take the harder right way than to choose the easier wrong. But still learning. I know that the Holy Spirit will mould me to be even more effective in reaching out to other guys in time to come.

Ha, had lunch with my old lecturer, and somehow we ended up talking about what women really want, and she said (with a wistful, distant look in her eyes - she's single you see): "I think what a women would really like is a man who's really sincere."

Yup, just some melancholic ramblings from me.

The Kernel of Wheat #3 - The First Impression

One precious comment that a lot of the brothers shared was that their first impression of me wasn't very positive. It's only after getting to know me better that they start really appreciating me. Naturally, I was very curious to find out why. And it's because I came across to them as too friendly and some found my openness to share too open, to the point of irritation. (And one bro said it was rather mushy, for a bro.) I'm sure a lot of people reading this blog can wholeheartedly agree. :)

So thank God for that feedback. 'Cos when they said that, suddenly, everything fell into place, and I realised why I have so much stress and difficulty connecting with people many, many times...

Think in part it's because of my perfectionist nature. As one of my brothers pointed out to me, "Mm somehow i feel that your perfectionist nature might have caused part of your frustration as it sets unrealistic expectation in your mind subtly".

I like situations to be ideal, and often I feel very internally frustrated when situations are not ideal for building relationships, and really feel disappointed when people don't respond the way that I hope (and expect). I do expect in my heart people to be more friendly and open. But reality is, people aren't 90% of the time.

So one question that came to my mind was this: How to grow in connecting with people? 'Cos HQ told me that before I can influence people, I need to connect with them first! Think sincerity alone is not sufficient to connect with people. There has to be something else - and I think that key factor in connecting with people is attractiveness/winsomeness.

Being winsome is not something that only celebrities have... it's a characteristic that causes people to look up to you and admire you and feel very comfortable with you.

Then the next question that I asked myself was, what is/are the factor/s that would help me be a winsome person? Think being a nice and sweet person and all that is great for a girl, but it doesn't work as well for a guy. Ah, don't worry, I'm straight. :)

To that, I reflected on some past experiences where I did win the person over, and some very unlikely people some more.

Think a cheerful, positive personality does work wonders, together with calmness, steadiness and patience under pressure, in winning people over. That, and a healthy self-assessment of myself, knowing where I stand right now, and being able to laugh at myself too, not taking myself too seriously. And the ability to make the other person feel that he/she is really very interesting!

Seeing this trait in Huaqiang, how he stays calm and steady and unfazed even when facing a lot of stress, wow, that really wins my respect and admiration.

Hmm... what's my main motivation, actually? Think why I want to grow more winsome is because I simply desire to win more people to Christ. Just want to thank God that though I'm a super-melancholic person, He's also blessed me with a phlegmatic side, and yes, He's really helping develop everything that is good in me to their maximum. =)

Also, when I learn to grow more winsome, I also learn to be more like Christ Jesus. Because Jesus is one of the most winsome personalities you have ever seen... Gandhi, Albert Einstein and many, many other people, even devout atheists, have said that there simply is no one like this man called Jesus, who has such a winsome personality!

And, my dear friend, that is the faith, that is the grace, and that is the confidence that you, a child of God, can always enjoy!

*******
Ha, that reminds me. John Maxwell wrote this book on how to be a People Person. I think last time, when I read it, I got depressed, because I saw the principles presented there as yet more expectations to be met, rather than good guidelines based on Biblical principles that I can train myself in.

Training, rather than trying. What a powerful principle that I, an imperfet perfectionist, need to constantly remind myself of even as I press on towards the goal which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. :D

Ah... hopefully I'm more ready this time to read the book again. :) Lord, guide and lead me into all truth I pray... in Jesus' name amen!

The Last MACHO Turbo Outing

Just came back from a wonderful steamboat buffet dinner with the MACHO Turbo bros. Very nice, and great time catching up and enjoying the company of the brothers, plus some good-natured ribbing from them about treating now that I've gotten a job and all that...

But the most surprising part of the dinner came when, we were all becoming quieter (and fuller), Ellson sat back and said to us, "This is a farewell dinner for Edwin and Yeu Ann. It'll be their last MACHO Turbo outing with us, so let's take this time to really share from our hearts about them."

Wow... was very, very touched by all their words... and something that struck me here is that every little sweet word from them is a gift from God. :D Things like how the brothers shared that I'm very sincere as a friend, once you look past the initial first impression, and understanding and sensitive to the needs of others... and also how I choose to speak the truth boldly into their lives when necessary... (it was, and still can be, terribly hard for me... I remember literally trembling a few times when pointing out some truths to the younger brothers. Felt like breaking down, but God gave me the strength to speak courageously and strongly.)

Which really encouraged and lifted my heart very much, because God knows that I'm not a person naturally sensitive to the needs of others - I'm naturally a very selfish and inwards-looking person. So was very touched to hear how God used me to impact and touch the lives of the other brothers. Huanyan's sharing really touched me a lot too, the part about a big hole being left by my absence... wow, didn't know that my presence really made such an impression in the lives of others!

But, in fact, actually, come to think of it... it wasn't me all along... it was Christ who is in me, who worked through me, even though I have so many weaknesses that only God can number them, to minister, bless and even teach the other brothers. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Dear bros, I'll really really miss you guys and all those precious shared experiences that we had together in the past, and as you go on to where God has called you to go, I'll watch you all with joy in my heart, knowing that as you stand together as one in the unity that comes from the gospel, you are being moulded and used by the Father to fulfill His amazing plan and purpose in this generation and generations to come.

*******
I was thinking too, some may read this and think, "Good, YA remembers again that he's being too friendly as he tries to build relationships..." But! I want to challenge you in Jesus' name... how about you? Have you done your own part to build deeper relationships in your caregroup? To enfold? To evangelise? To encourage?

It is much easier to criticise the person who takes the initiative, and stumbles as he does it... than to charge together with the person who does so. If you can do better than me... THEN DO IT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! Do you want to win boldly, or do you want to grow mouldy?

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt

Not that I don't welcome feedback or criticism... I think you guys know me enough. :) But I do hope that you, dear fellow worker in Christ, will take the courage to rise up and attempt great things for God.

Listen to God's words! "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few." Do you desire to live a legacy today? :) Then ask God to send you, and He will work great and wonderful things through YOU! With you, this is impossible, BUT NOT WITH GOD; with God, all things are possible! Men say, "Nothing is impossible!" But God says, "Impossible is nothing!" Amen!

Being an Influencer

I was influenced by Wenjiang's constant 'nagging' that we need to be the influencer... and indeed, it sort of got stuck in my head also. Indeed, leadership is all about influence, and as a follower of Christ, we are called to be the salt and light, the head not the tail, we want to be a positive influence to the world, to influence the world away from Mr. Tan Siang Ann. And this is connected to my first reflection point, that we will need to grow in quality and quantity. We also wanna grow in our influence to the world as well. After all, as uni students, we are the one who have the most potential in influencing how our society will be shaped in the future.

This part from Huanyan's blog really reminded me of something that God really desires for us, the Church. He wants us to be THE influencer in this world. To influence people to Him. It wasn't for no reason that Eph 3:10-11 says,

"His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose which he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Who are the people that I can influence? I was thinking about this, when suddenly I remembered some people that I have already been influencing - e.g. my parents and my maid too. My parents have said that I'm very helpful at home (hee, I try my best... though sometimes I grumble and fail to do so).

Also, I've been praying how I can be a blessing to my new maid (she's from the Philippines, the countryside area), that God will give me the opportunity to connect with her (it's quite awkward 'cos we are in a "master-servant" relationship, literally). And God gave me a great opportunity to bless her, 'cos today, she said that she wanted to learn more English. Haha! Thank God... so we had a good time speaking English to one another.

Now, thinking about other brothers who have been great role models to me in learning how to be better influencers. E.g. Guanrui, Huanyan, Sijia, Ps Jeff, Alan Tea, Hong Teck for example. They inspire me through different ways. For instance, Guanrui and I were having lunch, when he shared with me that, back in NS, he made the decision to want to shine for Christ in the Army. So he went on to shine, and do his tasks very well, and God gave him the role of Platoon Sergeant. He used this role to share more with the BMT trainees under his care when there was opportunity, and even up to now, some of his trainees keep in touch with him. :D

Think Huanyan influences me in a different way. Think God has made him a natural leader (so Uncle, you better really max this talent for Him ok... haha), so he inspires me by showing me (and other bros and sisters) how we can be better influencers in terms of personality, skills and attitude.

Then there's Pastor Jeff. Think while his natural gregariousness plays a significant part, his heart for God is a HUGE part of what makes him very influential in influencing pple to Christ. I see it in the way he writes his blog, and more importantly, make influencing others to Christ a lifestyle! Not a task to complete, not a duty to do, but a lifestyle!

And Alan Tea's and Hong Teck's lives inspires me, in part, because we are the naturally melancholic kind of people. Whenever I feel down and think that I can't influence people for Christ because of my natural introversion, I recall their way of life and do my best to imitate their faith. Because the same Jesus Christ who uses them yesterday is the same One who will use you and me today and tomorrow!

Dear brothers and sisters! We have a task - fulfill it! You cannot? Neither can I. We have too little strength and too few riches of our own to share, but our Lord has riches, many, many riches. Therefore, it is necessary that we study our bankbook - the Bible. Withdraw everything you and others need. All God's promises are yes and amen in Christ Jesus. We have to share with many, and therefore, we need the many riches of the Lord.

You do not feel confident? Neither do I. But the Lord has promised that when He calls us to do something for Him, He will provide all the resources that we need. All He wants is a heart of faith to trust and obey Him to influence the world for Jesus. Let us not compare ourselves with the person on our left, and on our right. If we do want to compare, let us compare ourselves with the ourselves that was yesterday.

It is really exciting to see the sheer power possible when one man decides to believe and act upon the promises of the Bible, which are freely available to all who have faith in Him. Do you want to be that man or woman whom God will use? Then pray today and ask Him to give you the faith, courage and obedience to be the man or woman that He can use. It does not matter what you were yesterday, nor even what you are today. It only matters whether you want to make a decision to exercise your faith in Jesus today!

You cannot choose to stay neutral for long - it is impossible. So will you choose to be influenced by the world, or choose to influence the world to Christ today?

Matthew 4:19
"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."

Global Day of Prayer - Riding on the Clouds!

"Lord! my arms are getting real tired..."

The Global Day of Prayer! Suffice to say that Edwin has written a great piece on it...

(Just to add how encouraged I am by Edwin's life. It struck me recently that he's really changed a lot over the years. :D Can really sense the difference in him now... the divine sweetness that comes from a child of God! Praise God! :D Dear bro, if you ever read this, just want to say how blessed I am to know you... and how you're a role model for me in being more outward-looking too! :D)

It really was a very powerful experience, and we could really see the presence of God in very visible way... the clouds for starters! Tracy was exclaiming that the winds were coming our way, and yet, the clouds didn't move... instead, they piled up on top of one another (and they're no ordinary clouds - they're storm clouds) right in front of the stadium, right in front of everyone.

Huanyan was telling me that the stadium was completely surrounded by clouds, and the only patch that's not covered is the stadium itself. Then he quipped dead-pan, "That means after the event's over, we'll have to leave REAL fast, 'cos the clouds'll come in once we're done!"

Weizhu took a photo of the clouds too... nice!

Something that struck me was that there's a verse in the Bible that says, "Behold He cometh on the clouds...", and how the clouds can be a metaphor for God's presence (both figurative and literal)... and as I saw the clouds, I was reminded how God held back the waters of the Red Sea, and how He was doing something similar too yesterday. WOW! The power and glory of God revealed, when the churches of Christ gather together to pray as one nation!

And oh yes, the theme of this year's GDOP was on the families in Singapore... we prayed for the families in Singapore, and hee, especially for the children and youth of Singapore.

But oh, at that point, something really tragic happened... the pastor wanted to pray for the youth. So he asked all to stand up... all those who were under twenty-FIVE. Oh... I was so sad... it's ok, God comforts the broken-hearted. Haha!

But seriously, really, the youth and children are the next generation of Singapore. We really must pray for them, especially the university people, because they are the ones who have the most strength and availability to serve God! And when you reach out to the university students, they are the ones who will go on to be the future leaders of Singapore... so in a sense, you are reaching out to the future leaders and influencers and policy-makers of Singapore.

I also prayed for the children under my care. Really want to see them come to know God's love for them in a deeper and more personal way... :D

Yup, so in a nutshell, it was a wonderful time indeed. Do come on down to next year's GDOP! Remember, prayer has power indeed! Because our God is an awesome God indeed!

The Kernel of Wheat That Falls To The Ground And Dies #2 - The Bursting

It's really been a week of stretching. Hee. Felt so stretched at times, when things seem so beyond me. Helping with the Commencement planning... only now do I really appreciate all the hard work that the other brothers and sisters put in in doing something as simple as finding a function room. Zewei and I were "phew"ing in relief after we managed to chope another room after on Sunday, we found out that the room that we'd booked at SPANS was UNAVAILABLE!

To cut a long tale short, praise God, our prayers were answered - very specifically in fact. We prayed for a room with all the basic equipment e.g. tables, chairs, LCD projector, AND a rental rate of $300 max.

And it really turned out to be! Except for one thing - the place's at Queenstown, not Orchard / City Hall area as we had hoped. Aiyah... we never prayed for the location... :P but thank God all the same, because Queenstown is not too far west. :D Plus, there's free shuttle service to the MDIS campus from Queenstown MRT some more. Praise God! :D

Hee. But yeah, through this time, it was really a period of stretching for me. Stretched in terms of relating with people of very different personalities, stretched in terms of being more resourceful and learning to think ahead to meet needs instead of just sitting around and waiting for orders...

Stretched too, because I was reminded (yes, thanks man, not realised, but reminded :P) once again of my wanting to please people, to meet their expectations. And how I have to keep crucifying constantly that part of me that wants to earn people's praises, instead of seeking God's praise.

And to add on to that, was the stress of my temp job which I was doing. Just felt so beyond myself many times, that I wanted to give up and surrender to disappointment and self-pity.

But God showed me a beautiful vision just now as I was praying for strength. He showed me a kernel of wheat that grew into a fully-fledged wheat plant, blooming with many, many little kernels in turn.

And I think the Holy Spirit explained to me what this vision means... this vision represents my current situation, the time of stretching that I'm going through.

The first part was the seed whose seed-coat was bursting, with its little shoot poking out of its shell. In the same way, the HS explained to me, it's a very uncomfortable process for me because the experiences that I'm going through are so DIFFERENT from the natural personality that I have, but it is necessary to go through this period of transformation, just like a shoot must grow out of its seed shell.

And it IS a transformation, because the shoot that grows out of the seed is so different from the seed that contains it. Likewise, the Lord is transforming my character, mind, strength and personality to be more and more the Yeu Ann that He wants me to be.

Then! The time will come when He will use my past pains and experiences to help me connect and influence many, many other people who have similar backgrounds like me... like the many little kernels hanging from the fully-grown plant. And so that's how God is working in my life at this moment.

Wow. I'm so encouraged by this vision that God gave me. :D It has given me renewed strength and peace to carry on. And I'm really very touched, because I know that even though the fellowship with the bros and sisters is much less now, Jesus's presence is even stronger. Wow! Never will He leave me, never will He forsake me! And His Word is ALWAYS TRUE! :D

Thank You, Daddy, for never leaving me, for never forsaking me all these years since the day I first asked You into my heart. Thank You so much God. :D

His love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh
His love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the skies
His love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world
That can ever change His love...

The Urgent Call To Save All

Hee, thinking, been praying even as I reflect on my job-hunting saga...

Been asking God to help me make sense of this wonderful experience...

And think one thing that He reminded me, from this experience, was that He really wants more of us to be Kingdom-minded... because there is an URGENT NEED for Kingdom-minded people who really desire to extend His Kingdom, the only thing that will endure through the other side of eternity.

But there is such a severe shortage of workers who are willing to avail themselves to be available to His calling! Listen! Can you hear His cry of compassion? "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few! Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into the harvest field."

Let us ask Him to send more workers out! He does not want to do it alone, even though He can, for He really wants to get us, His people, involved together with Him in this wonderful harvest of souls!

And when He calls out in reply, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"

Let us cry out, "Here am I. Send ME!"

Because life is so short. But eternity is so long! Let's not get conformed to the pattern of this world, to live for yourself alone... but let us rather for but let us live for the Kingdom of God!

"Only one life, and soon it will pass;
only what's done for Christ will last."

Commencement Magazine

Hey bros, sisters,

Think this is a great opportunity for us to bless one another... :D I've got some ppl in mind to bless LOL!

*******

Specially for the graduating batch, NUSSU will be publishing a Commencement Magazine. This is a message by the Commencement Magazine Team 2007.

“Calling all graduates of 2007, do you have memorable, funny or embarrassing moments you will like to share with your fellow graduates? Do you have messages for your graduating friends? Then let the Commencement Magazine 2007, the official magazine given to all graduates, help you bring your memorable messages and photos to your beloved friends.

Send any memorable or funny messages (limited to 50 words) and any photos you would like to share with your name, faculty and contact to commencementmagazine2007@gmail.com by the 3rd of June and let us help you have a memorable and wonderful graduation!”

*******

The Farce is strong with this one

Just felt this one was unwittingly so... Star-Wars! XD

From the S'pore Civil Defence Force webby:

"Subsequent postings will expose you to command, staff and specialist functions, and help uncover your strengths and interests to guide your career path in the Force."

Sounds more like a recruitment ad for a stormtrooper with the Empire. Uncle Darth wants you!

I find this so meaningful!

“Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”- Romans 15:2

The Kernel of Wheat That Falls To The Ground And Dies #1 - The Revelation

What Huaqiang advised me regarding my job (and other aspects of my life too) as we had lunch: Not what I want, but what GOD wants. :) (And that may mean Him wanting to give me a higher paying job nearer to my workplace than a lower paying job further from my workplace... sometimes He wants to bless us more than we want to receive... oh man didn't think about this aspect of God's generosity and goodness!)

And he also pointed out to me the root problem arising from my ultra-mel personality - being too self-absorbed, so need to work at being conscious of my surroundings, etc. Wow. Really thank God for the very dear friend and bro who speaks the truth to me in love. Really feel very loved. :D

Hee. Think God's putting in the final piece and preparing me, putting me through the fires of ministry (the commencement thingy) to "bake" and refine me before He puts me into the working world. Thank You Lord! Your timing is ultra-precise and perfect! (And the perfectionist in me jumps for joy when I think of Your perfect precision... :D)

Because He does want me to influence ppl... but I must learn to connect with pple first... and the key to that is to grow less self-absorbed. Hee, in a way it's not my fault actually because of my natural tendency... but need to be more aware... and grow in this area.

*******
Why the particular title? Think it's because God has been speaking to me very clearly regarding my melancholic nature the past few weeks from the Bible, and from experiences and so on, about dying to myself. And I think the timing's very timely, and can really sense His gentle guidance v strongly on my life at this crossroad in my life.

And I believe He's been speaking to me more and more strongly about my natural melancholy. Just because it's natural doesn't necessarily mean that it's all good. Like a natural toadstool. Naturally poisonous... and so is our carnal nature. For me, the melancholic man in me does have his strengths, but his pride, his judgemental and critical and self-absorbed nature really detracts from his God-given strengths as a person.

Not that we melancholics are naturally condemned... it's just that each and every one of us has this fallen nature in us, the nature that, without help from above, is impossible to redeem. But Redemption has come, and He lives in us. And so we no longer live, but Christ liveth in us. And the life we live, we live by faith in the Son of God who loved us and gave His life for us!

So I think Daddy's emphasising to me that this is THE phase of my life, the phase that is part of my pre-purposed destiny in Him even before I was a twinkle in my mum's eyes. And He wants me to rise up and overcome the dark side of the melancholic man in me... to rise up and be strong in Him. Time no longer to be depressed because of the darkness... time to SHINE in the darkness! "The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not [overcome] it."

And I put all these pieces together, and realise that the time is now. Time to be the kernel of wheat that falls to the ground and dies, that it may bear many seeds. Because He has already let me experience what happens if I let my mel nature rule me, instead of His Spirit guiding me.

Because my natural self-absorption really hinders me from connecting with people... to win them for Christ.

Today is the day of destiny, however... Even though I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of overcoming my melancholic nature, to learn to look outwards and upwards, and thinking about all the difficulties of changing and surrendering my personality to the Lord, that I felt like breaking down and crying...

The verse Isaiah 41:10 at that precise moment came to mind, saying,

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Wow. Jesus really is with me, and He is holding my hand through it all. And He is with you too, when we choose to deny yourself, take up our cross and follow Him Today. So here's to the next phase of our transformation...

" The Night My House Was Raided & Heart Shredded"

Haha... laughing at Ps Jeff's latest blog entry! Hmm, something that struck me was that I can learn from this dear bro, shouldn't take myself so seriously at times. :) Like what Hong Teck taught us, learn to laugh at myself - it really helps us know that we're not in charge - God is! :)

What I Want On My Tombstone

I hold a lovely book in my hand, "Not I, but Christ", by none other than the beautiful Corrie ten Boom, a powerful and godly woman who helped hide Jews during the Nazi era, and after WWII, went on to share Christ's love all over the world - in her own words, "a tramp for the Lord".

I shall read it... and pray that the Holy Spirit will help me grow in the truth as I read this. :) Think I will write down what I've learnt after reading through that book.

"Not I, but Christ." How beautiful that sentence is! I think I would like that very much to be my life's description on my tombstone. :D

Really, really sense His calling growing stronger and stronger upon my life... I'm getting very excited... and can see how this job offer that He's blessed me with, seems so very in line with something even bigger and more beautiful. Each day, I sense something really divine, really strong coming closer... when, I don't know... but He has already promised this inheritance to all who choose to live by faith in Him. What is this inheritance? I don't know, to be honest. Even the Bible said so. But I think part of this inheritance that He's promised to those who love Him is this: a life full of impact, meaning and purpose. A life full of life, joy and peace. A hope beyond the grave, a destiny beyond the nations, a future beyond this side of eternity. :)

Thank God for this church. :D They really helped me learn to treasure the things of God... to live beyond myself, for the other side of eternity.

Just for Shirley and Yufen :)

Just came back from the unit farewell for Shirley and YF. Wow... what a beautiful and touching time, as the bros and sisters shared about how the two sisters touched their lives...

And what Shirley said struck me a lot: "This is not my ministry... this is God's ministry. God has placed each and everyone of you in exactly the perfect time and place."

So struck by how she carries this conviction, this sense of divine destiny, and it struck me what I was sharing with Zhiwei as we sat outside chatting... I was telling him that I really don't want to sell my soul to a company, despite other people telling me to do so, e.g. my bosses, my family and friends... Because I DO NOT WANT TO WORK 20 HOURS A DAY FOR just money... what good is it, frankly, if i gain all the accolades and money and accomplishment, but in the end have nothing besides these to show for my life?

Shared with him that i really want to spend my life investing in people. (And the reason is because PEOPLE MATTER TO GOD!)

The only regret (though it's not a very deep regret) is that i didn't say boldly enough with deeper conviction, "What good is it if a man gains the whole world but loses his soul?"

But hee, perhaps no need to say that, but on the other hand, I really want the words of Christ to be so in me that His words will be my very own words too.

And oh yes, was v struck too by the testimonies of how YF looked beyond herself and her frustrations when it came to her final-year project. And realised how my own attitude was during my own time. Hee, thank God that I didn't draw totally into myself, but as I reflect on how openly frustrated and grumpy I was at times, I can really learn from her life's example, to deny myself and look out for the interests of others, not only my own.

And I think this is a message that God has been trying to get across to me the past one or two weeks. To look beyond myself - which I have been doing so much for the past 2 weeks - and start looking out. He's been speaking to me especially from John 12:24-28:

[Jesus said:] "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!" Then a voice came from heaven, "I have glorified it, and will glorify it again."

Something I'm thinking about too... find myself becoming increasingly frustrated with the mistakes that I keep on making. But... this is NOT the attitude that Jesus would want me to have. Instead, He wants me to have the courage to keep stepping out of my personal zone, to look beyond my own weaknesses to His strength, in howsoever ways and means He may make me grow...

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
That would be, I think, how He wants me to look beyond myself. To deny myself, to die to self.

The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. To deny myself the privilege of wallowing in my own feelings and melancholy, and to live to please my Father in heaven, no matter how stupid or sad I feel.

Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
To follow the way of the Cross, to pick up my own cross and follow Jesus, my beautiful Lord and wonderful Saviour.

"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!"

Thank God for you, Shirley, YF... you two have really inspired me in my walk with God, to die to self and step out to love others... =D God's name is really glorified through your obedient lives!

Why a Famous Counterfactual Historian Loves Making History With Games

Very interesting and surprising article on using serious strategy games to check your history theories - hey HY, what do you think of this approach? :)

(And just what does "counterfactual" mean anyway?

Why a Famous Counterfactual Historian Loves Making History With Games

Just feeling very tired. Had a good fun game of cards and Blokus (thanks to Edmund and his ingenious compendium of games in his backpack - he's a walking Settler's Cafe!) with some of the bros and sisters in Le Meridien foodcourt.

Good sermon - reminded of some basic truths. Shared with Ziyun, wonder if God's telling me if some not-so-easy times are in store ahead. And Ziyun said, good, can get prepared for it! :) Ooh, good idea... seriously... think I'd better fast and pray to ask God to strengthen and prepare me for the time ahead.

Now feeling quite emotional again. But hee thank God it's been a good time of learning more about myself, realising new truths about myself. One thing that I realised was that my tendency to be perfectionist sets me up for many, many unrealistic expectations, causing me to be internally frustrated about many things.

Realised that this is more than a personality thing - it's the fleshly (i.e. carnal) nature (not fleshy liao) of me that demands unrealistically high standards of myself. So I need God's Word to help me "divide soul and spirit"... to discern what are God's expectations of me versus my own (or even deceptive) expectations...

Deceptions... one of Satan's most effective tools. I remember how I fell prey to a really serious deception last time, when i was feeling very down, extremely far from God, and in the pits... and this thought kept coming to my mind, "It's too late for me to change."

But thank God for His salvation... for His mercy and grace... I remember how He sent along another bro who told me that this is a "Big Fat Lie"... at that point, I remember my eyes were opened at that point. :D

Wow... God's salvation from destruction. That's a sermon point I learnt today from the book of Micah, on the series of "Walking Right With God". It's never too late to change, because with Jesus is unfailing love and hope... He Himself will redeem Israel from all their sins. :D

Oh yes. Though I'm feeling weak and moody, thank God, He reminded me to reflect on the Cross... that we come to the cross in our weakness, that we may experience His strength. "For the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength."

:)

What a wonderful day haha... thank God! :D the BBQ was great, think the freshmen... sorry i mean, newcomers :P really enjoyed themselves... got to know Kenny, one of the younger brothers... very blessed by his conversion story, and oh yes, so glad to see some of my dear brothers and sisters from the NUS side coming over! :)

After the BBQ, we watched "The Wind that Shakes the Barley" with Shirley, YF, Robert, Ziyun, Edwin, Junting, Daisy and Hanyew. Was a really thought-provoking and sad film... 2 bros, fighting side-by-side... end up on the opposite ends of a dispute over their nation.

Robert was giving his interpretation of the title, as how it related to the film, of how the title can have 2 ambiguous meanings: one being that the wind goes swiftly through the barley, causing the barley to bend over, like the guerilla forces moving through the countryside, but the second meaning being that after the wind blows through, the barley stalks return back to where they were before, implying the futility of the resistance, and the continuation of the old way of things.

Junting, YF and me were going, like, "Wow..." haha... think it's very interesting! :)

Oh yes, YF passed me a gift tt she and Mich bought on their trip in Vietnam. Very touched... :D tks a lot dear sisters! :D really super-blessed by u guys...