Usain Bolt Celebrates Early ... Very Early

This is super-hilarious man...

I Surrender (Finally)!

And ... after some thinking about Rob's sharing...

I think, from tonight onwards, I shall make the decision to enjoy my singlehood fully. :)

Which is about time, actually.

I'm tired of chasing pretty rainbows
I'm tired of spinning 'round and 'round
So I'm wrapping up all the dreams of my life
And at the feet of Jesus laying them down.

:)

Am talking right now with God even as I type this out. It's such a sense of relief, and a heart of joy, because I know I'm going to go all out for Him... to be fully on the battlefield as a good soldier of Christ. Not involved in civilian affairs, for I want to please my Commanding Officer. :)

Actually, come to think of it, it's been a gentle whisper in my heart the past few days. This gentle whisper asking me, "What am I doing here?"

I've been asking myself, ever since I came back from my missions trip to Kenya: "Lord, what am I doing here?" And where shall I go from here? What is Your role for me in fulfilling the Great Commission? How do my talents and skills and life experiences come together to finish the work You have given me?

And er... what's the work You've given me again? :P

To get into a relationship? Or to bring others into a relationship with the God of the universe?

You are the voice that called the Universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me

And I'm thinking about Jim Elliot and Eric Liddell. Men of God, who gave themselves fully to Him, whatever and wherever they were.

I just want to throw myself more and more fully, again and again, into His mighty hands.

And not to be afraid anymore of singleness, even if one day I become old and single. (I must confess, this is one of my deeper fears actually.)

But I hear the voice of the Lord calling, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"

Life's really short. And it can be gone just like that. I should know. After that accident in Kenya, I mustn't take God's grace and mercy for granted.

I'm alive, because He has something for me to do here on earth.

Mm! :)

Prayer:
Holy Spirit, fill me anew. Fill me once again with Your burning zeal for the lost. Fill me once again, with the passion of the Christ. Fill me once again, with Your love for the lost, for the whole world to come to know You. Fill me once again, with your compassion and desire, to see all the nations at peace with You and with one another. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven!

Renew my first love for You, Lord Jesus. Renew this vision, the Great Vision to see all the nations of the world come before You. Because You really love the world. Renew my strength, my desire, to live life to the fullest. To live in every way possible, to be happy and enjoy the days of my youth, while they last - like what Pastor Ajith Fernando shared in the GoForth conference... to use every ounce of my youth to burn for You, Lord Jesus!

Remember me while I am young and single. Remember me while I am old and, if You so will it, married. Remember me even if I don't. Remember me with favour, oh my God. Remember me, Lord.

So now Lord, like Nehemiah and Ezra in the Bible, strengthen my hands to join in with my district's vision to reach out to the young adults and the young internationals too. This is missions work! Whoo-hoo! :D Lalala... sing a happy song... Lalala... praise Him all the day long...

Oops. Sorry Lord, I think I'm going nuts already. Haha. Delirious? :) Maybe. But why not? We've only one life each to live for Jesus... so let's live fully for HIM each day, that if He comes back suddenly today, He'll not find you or me napping on duty!

So... ok, I've got work to finish tonight. I'm supposed to help put up a website for the Hope Chile team some days ago, but I was doing the MM clip for the Hope Nairobi team... whoo-hoo! :D I'm so thankful to Jesus that He wants to use even a... classic procrastinator like me to do His wonderful work... I'm just a messenger, but oh wow, to be a messenger for my King... =) it just makes me want to sing...

Ok ok... work work... dulce et decorum est pro Dominus laboro.

Just came back from a good dinner of pasta with Robert. :) Then we drank at Gloria Jean's just outside Cineleisure.

We talked (or rather, he talked haha) about a lot of things. Really enjoy listening to him share and share. Lots of good stories, and insights too. :) And discussions about growing strong and biblical men. Which is a topic that I really want to learn more about.

Anyway, he shared about a very vociferous taxi driver who was unjustly lambasting a certain church... and then Christianity in general. So he and Yanjie felt compelled to speak up for the truth - especially since they'd just finished the Men's Ministry Seminar where we had talked about the importance of taking a stand for the truth.

Another interesting thing. We were talking about that all-time favourite topic of all men: BGR. Haha...

Then he asked me, "Do you enjoy your singlehood, or do you constantly think of getting into a relationship? 'Cos if you're ready and willing to be single for the rest of your life... then it's ironic, but you'd be very ready for a relationship!"

(Ha, sorry bro, hope I quoted you correctly... :P)

Then the parable about the old and new wineskins. About how everyone was saying that the 1999 wine was better than the 2008 wine, when in fact, it wasn't. But they said it was better than the 2008 one, because it was supposed to be OLDER than the new wine. But the 1999 wine was rancid, confirmed by Robert's colleague, a former wine dealer. Whoa.

To me, that story was a metaphor for how we tend to hang on to old traditions and mindsets, even though they may be rancid. Not all old wines are bad. But from time to time, we gotta know what we're doing... and why we're doing what we're doing today.

Has our relationship with Jesus Christ stayed fresh? Or has it gone sour, rancid?

Just some thoughts.

What the World Really Needs

From Shirley Melinda's blog:

“the world doesnt need more money. the world doesnt need more oil. the world doesnt need more food.
God, what the world really needs is Your forgiveness.”

2 Corinthians

I was starting to feel low again last night. And felt that even my breakthrough testimony was no testimony at all - felt it was totally useless and that I should go back and delete it. (One of the bro/sister had said something that made me feel quite hurt.)

So I called Weizhu after supper with my caregroup. Asked him to pray for me. After we hung up, I felt a sense of peace, and more importantly, becoming more clear-minded, so that I could pray more sound-mindedly. And then I started reading 2 Corinthians, because of a verse that I wanted to read up.

Wow. Very ministered by 2 Corinthians. Thank God for Weizhu's prayer for me, which helped draw me to the fresh springs of God's Word. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective! :)

---

2 Corinthians is starting to make a lot of personal sense to me. I find it so real, and thank God, the verses are very encouraging to me. He encouraged me (yet once again) that yes, I have weaknesses... but so what? To Him, I'm a jar of clay, so that the more beaten I am, the more Christ's death and life pours out of me.

There are so many more things that God barraged me with from 2 Corinthians - barrages of strong, powerful words. But so heartening! :) I learnt that when God comforts us in our troubles... He doesn't always take our troubles away from us, but He does give us the strength, joy and peace to keep walking on in our troubles. He does this, so that we can in turn strengthen others with the same fortifying we ourselves have gotten from Christ.

Comfort. I think a better word to use: Com-fortify. :)

God really spoke to me clearly through this book. He reminded me that it really doesn't matter who I am, but who HE is. His power really is made perfect through our weaknesses. I'm deeply encouraged when I see the hope that the Lord offers us: the hope of transformation for the better. :D Amen and hallelujah!

Just an impromptu testimony here of an example of Christ's power made perfect in oen of my weaknesses:

God has helped me grow in becoming more emotionally stable now. The way that I respond now is very, very different from the way I used to react last time when I was emotional ten years ago. Greater degree of self-control.

And also, my colleagues said this of me at work that nothing can make me panic. I was, like, wow, thank God. Because I'm naturally a very anxious person. But when I face problems at work, nowadays, this verse comes naturally to mind: "Do not be anxious about anything... [but pray about it to God.]" So prayer, over the years, has become an automatic response whenever I face a crisis.

And after I pray, I have this sense of peace that doesn't make rational sense to my colleagues ("You should be stressed/panicking about this!"). But I know that my God is with me - He is mighty to save. So am very thankful to God for how His command to pray has produced visible fruit in my life regarding overcoming my natural anxiety. :)

So that's why my colleagues have said that nothing can make me panic. Actually... truth is, I wanna panic. But I just remember that the Lord Almighty is with me. So cool, right? :D Thank God indeed.

Hee. Same here with my mum.

(Which reminds me. The best praying I ever did wasn't on my knees or in an overnight prayer meet. It was when I was hanging upside-down in the overturned van after the accident in Kenya. LOL... so funny now.)

So looking forward to living more and more of the new life that I have inherited from the Father through Christ Jesus my Lord and Saviour! :D Amen!

Olympian and Missionary

Talking about the Olympics, and Usain Bolt of Jamaica, who recently busted the world records for 100 and 200 metres sprints... and his now-famous "Lightning Bolt" dramatics that had the IOC understandably piffed...

I'm reminded of another Olympian almost a century ago, who broke the world record for the 400 metres for his time, and did what Bolt didn't do - shake hands and encourage his fellow athletes. Not only so, but he also was marvellously salt and light to his community, giving evangelistic talks and using his God-given talent for running to attract others to Christ.

From the Wikipedia entry on Eric Liddell:

During the summer of 1924, the Olympics were hosted by the city of Paris. Liddell was a committed Christian and refused to run on Sunday (the Sabbath), with the consequence that he was forced to withdraw from the 100 metres race, his best event.

The schedule had been published several months earlier, and his decision was made well before the Games began. Liddell spent the intervening months training for the 400 metres, an event in which he had previously excelled. Even so, his success in the 400m was largely unexpected.

The day of 400 metres race came, and as Liddell went to the starting blocks, an American masseur slipped a piece of paper in his hand with a quotation from 1 Samuel 2:30, "Those who honor me I will honor."

Liddell ran with that piece of paper in his hand. He not only won the race, but broke the existing world record with a time of 47.6 seconds.

A few days earlier Liddell had competed in the 200 metre finals, for which he received the bronze medal behind Americans Jackson Scholz and Charles Paddock, beating Harold Abrahams, who finished in sixth place. (This was the second and last race in which these two runners met.)

I've got a biography on him - do borrow it from me if you can. His life is so very inspiring, especially for all those who want to be salt and light in their spheres of influence, and for missions too. :)

jedimindless Channel

Jon just sent me this link to some YouTube guitar channel by a local Singaporean:

Just an average guy trying to use my God-given talents to the best of my ability =) Hope everyone can benefit from it.

My aim is to teach people the songs that I know how to play. However, note that this is the way I play the songs. I don't follow tabs others have put up online.

*i don't know if anyone actually reads this, but at this moment, i have a long list of requests which i have not completed. what i usually do is to listen to the song, if i feel i can learn it, i will eventually post the song up with the instructional. don't be too sad to see your requests unfulfilled because i simply cannot play all songs.*
Feel free to subscribe to my channel if you want to know the latest videos i have put up.

Time and Space

Very frustrated by my slowness in doing the video.

Was in a do-NOT-talk-to-me mood.

Then my dad came into my room, and kept talking and talking, asking me how come I'm frustrated.

Gosh. Told him I need to concentrate.

He talked even more. Said he just wants to see whether I'm all right.

I understand, Dad. But can we talk later please? I need time and space.

******

And it struck me too that there are people who also need time and space too, just like me. My dad meant well, but I was even more frustrated.

I know now how Peter feels at times. And how another friend might feel.

The plank in my eye is very big indeed.

Oh God. Have mercy on me for my double standards. Judging others but not judging myself.

Was exchanging SMSes with a friend just now. Becoming increasingly annoyed at how someone else has been too busy to keep in touch with this friend. Think need to talk to that person soon about his/her attitude...

The Art of Talking Anyhow

Today, just called WZ to chat with him. For what reason... just to chat with him. LOL. Rediscovering and relearning the art of just picking up the phone and talking about anything with a dear friend. :)

Such a sweet pleasure. I remember I used to do this a lot back in school with my good friends. As ICQ and eventually MSN moved in, the phone got used a lot less. Think the last time I remember just talking cock on the phone was when Bowen called me just to "talk nonsense". Haha :)

Now's it's less so. In the age of insta-messaging, when was the last time one just picked up a phone to talk "nonsense"?

Surprised By Joy!

Wow, I just feel so happy. Really want to thank God for all His goodness... hee!

Got a testimony to share how God has suddenly spoken to me, and healed me, over the weekend. It was so surprising - I was surprised by joy... :D

(No, it's not my hearing problem, though that would be an equally wonderful testimony!)

Think a lot of you will know that for many years, I have had a deep struggle with insecurity. Hence every time I made a mistake, especially if it was a social mistake, I would become very depressed and emotional. And if people rejected me, I would be very emotionally affected and take a long time to recover. Hence, I struggled constantly with the lack of joy, and that affected my confidence level - it would go up and down like the stock market.

This lack of confidence affected me in more than relationships - for starters, it affected my university grades, and even caused me to screw up very badly in an interview for an NUS scholarship interview in my first year.

Of course, by God's grace, I had my up moments of confidence, and God used me and another brother when I was in my first year in NUS to wonderfully share the gospel with a fellow freshman. He received Christ, and years later, he is faithfully following Christ, and even discipling others. That is the power and importance of being confident as a minister of Christ.

Still, for me, I still struggled very often with low self-esteem and constant feelings of inadequacy, rejection, incompetence and even uselessness. These feelings only served to hinder my effectiveness as a minister of the gospel, and especially in blessing people around me relationally.

Over time, as I received more of God's grace in my life, especially in 2005 and 2006, God answered many prayers of mine for breakthroughs in emotional stability, relationships, character, and even answered my prayer to take care of a sheep. Still, I often felt low and broken in spirit, often feeling inadequate and incompetent as a man.

But Jesus is so good. :D

Recently, I went for a missions trip to Kenya. One of my objectives was to be transformed, that I would come back a different and better person.

God really answered my prayer. During the trip, I struggled a lot with insecurity again, because the rest of the team was so much more competent than me in many things, that I felt increasingly inferior and down.

So I met up with Jason to share this feeling of uselessness and downness with him. He counselled me, and one question that he asked really struck me:

"Yeu Ann, where does your joy come from? Is it found in your relationship with Jesus, or is it found in your relationships with the people around you?"

I knew that my answer was the latter. No wonder my joy as a Christian kept on fluctuating... not stable at all, and not very effective in ministering to others some more!

Then, during the trip, I had the opportunity to borrow a book from Lisa and Lichuan, our two church planters. Also, Huaqiang had lent me a book too to read. Both books spoke strongly about God's work in our souls, and the power of God's grace to transform, strengthen and renew our lives. These two books made me start thinking even more.

And then... last Friday, God spoke to me through two more channels. First, I went for Men's Ministry Night and Pastor Jo shared about what makes a real man of God. One verse in particular that he shared pricked my heart.

John 5:19
Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.

Ps Jo shared that a real man of God is not one who can do everything. He told us that the Bible says in Isaiah 53 that Jesus was not a handsome man. On the contrary, he "had no beauty or majesty, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." And that he faced rejection: "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering..." And that Jesus himself said that he could do nothing by himself.

But he went on to tell us that despite all this, Jesus had this confidence in Him that drew many men and women to Him. And even though he had this confidence, he readily admitted that by himself, he could do nothing, but only what he saw his Father doing.

So that sharing by Ps Jo really spoke to me, because in my heart, I whispered a prayer to God, "Dear God, I really want to have this kind of confidence that Jesus had, that I can be a real man of God too."

Then... later that night, when I returned home, I talked with a friend on MSN. And she shared with me a testimony. Her testimony really touched me very much. She shared about how God turned her from an insecure and bitter person into a loving and caring soul.

That part really, really made my heart very envious, because inside me, I was asking God...

"Lord, she has experienced this transformation... Oh, why is it that I haven't experienced this peace of heart and overcome this insecurity that has been plaguing my heart for so many years? Why so many years?"

And I stayed up until very late, just thinking about this question that my soul was asking.

Then... the next morning, I woke up. Or rather, Weizhu woke me up, calling me at 9.30 am, 'cos I was supposed to go down to his place to have breakfast with him. I rushed down in a cab.

And I decided to have a quick quiet time in the cab. I resumed my daily reading of the Gospel of John. And as I read John 5, my eyes popped upon this verse: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does."

It was the same verse that Ps Jo shared with us the night before. I felt a soft stirring in my heart.

So after I had breakfast with Weizhu, and had taken a nap, I decided to read again John 5, because I felt God wanted to say something more to me here.

I read, in that chapter, about Jesus meeting a man who was invalid for thirty-eight years. "Thirty-eight years! That is a very long time," I thought to myself. I continued reading on:

When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

That verse suddenly spoke straight to me. I felt the Lord was asking me too, and directly... "Yeu Ann, you have been struggling with this crippling insecurity for a long time. Do you want to get well?"

I was shocked. I'd never really seen it from that angle. The Lord challenged me: I have the power to heal you. But do YOU want to get healed?

And then as I read on, these words rebuked me:

[Jesus said:] "I do not accept praise from men, but I know you. I know that you do not have the love of God in your hearts. I have come in my Father's name, and you do not accept me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him. How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?

He showed me clearly what was my heart's attitude.


So I sat down and pondered. Finally, I put all the pieces together. I think I knew what Jesus was trying to get across to me: That I have to make the decision to just accept what God says about my identity and worth and competence by faith.

I looked at Weizhu, who was working on his computer. I turned to him and shared with him what I thought the Lord was telling me. He listened attentively, and after I had said everything, I asked him, "Hmm... well, I don't know. I could be wrong in my understanding... but what do you think?"

He pondered, and then replied: "Well... I can't think of anything to add at the moment, because it seems whatever that needs to be said, God has already said to you."

So asked him to pray for me. And he prayed. After he finished praying for me, I felt a sense of gratitude and peace in my heart. :)


And since that time... somehow I just have this new sense of security, that my identity is truly in Christ. That even though I'm still far from perfect, my joy really is found in Christ. Now I really understand in my heart that I am free to walk in the new life that He has given me - free to live as a new man of God. :D

I don't know how I understood this truth finally in my heart after so many years.

And the thing is, it's such a joy... I have a new sense of confidence - a more sure confidence that is based on my identity in Christ. Think I have finally tasted the goodness of this promise of Jesus in John 16:22

So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

This is a deeper and stronger kind of joy - the joy that comes from my relationship with Jesus. The kind that, if even people reject me because of my weaknesses, faults and sins... it is a joy that will still last and endure, because as long as Jesus is alive, my joy is alive too. Wow...



It's a very long testimony, but I must carry on. Because to show that it is not merely a good feeling that lasts for a few days and then fade away (and to satisfy my inner skeptic too), over this weekend, God worked through me to share a relevant aspect of my testimony about the Kenya missions trip. And the sharing was so relevant... it was about CG, and it was just right, fitting the topic that Huaqiang wanted to share. Amazing! God is so good.

And then also, the next day, He used me to bless quite a few people along the way, and I felt so thankful to God. Because it is not I who can minister to the people, but Jesus who lives in me that is ministering to the people around me. I'm so amazed again.

And... wonderfully, there was this brother who was not on speaking terms with me for a long time, because I had lost my temper with him many months ago. But all of a sudden, today, he started talking much more to me and taking the initiative to ask me about things going on in my life, and about the missions trip. In my heart, I was very surprised, and wondered what caused the change in his attitude towards me. Especially since the last time we had contact, we had quarrelled. I think it is totally the power of God. Wow. Amazing again.

And wow, while meeting another friend, and listening to him/her share about a struggle, and I was wondering how to help this friend overcome the struggle. Suddenly, in the midst of this friend's sharing, the Holy Spirit gave me a sharp, specific question to ask this friend.

AND WOW. The Spirit of God is so powerful. Through that specific question, He helped me unearth a major key issue in my friend's life. And we prayed together, and wow again, my friend shared that he/she was relieved after all this time. And what is even better is that this friend thanked God for His power, how He showed His power in such a specific way.

Felt so so happy that when I was walking back home, I started singing, "The Spirit of the Lord is great and mighty / The Spirit of the Lord is my victory and strength..." And I just started dancing along the street... so filled with joy because of what the Lord has done for us! Oh, Jesus is just so so so good! :D (I made sure to look around first to see that there was nobody else around.)

It is so true! I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. AMEN!

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor...

Hee. It's a very, very long testimony, but really, I want to thank God so much for the joy that He has given me. And I believe that just as Jesus told the lame man in John 5 to get up and walk, I believe that He has made me just get up and be a new confident person in Him, just like that. So I don't have to lie on the mat of my old self-pity and negativeness anymore, but I can now walk with a new kind of confidence - not a confidence that comes any longer from my own abilities, but a different kind of confidence that comes from Christ working through me.

Dear friends, just want to end off this testimony with this verse. Hope and pray that this encourages you too!

2 Corinthians 3:4-6
Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

God really loves you! :D

John 12:27
"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!"

I'm sitting here, pondering over all the things that have happened in the past few months. Trying to make sense of what's going on.

A friend shared her testimony just now with me, and what she wrote struck me:

im really really thankful God allowed all that to happen
it just makes life richer
with all the experiences

She also shared about social maturity. Something just struck me here.

i think its a v impt skill
when we want to minister to ppl

It struck me, because initially when I was reading this statement, I suddenly sensed in my heart a disagreement, a reluctance. It was very small, but it was there. And I wondered, why did I have this twinge of feeling?

Perhaps it's because I didn't fully agree with the value of that... for what reason, I am not sure.

But Lord, open my eyes, help me see the value of social maturity and pursue it, to let nothing hinder You from using me to minister to people... as You please.

think ppl see me as quite mature socially in general..
but hope i wont stop there
hahah
but to continue to learn ppl
so tt i can be the most effective minister tt i can be

i think its a v impt skill
when we want to minister to ppl
its like sometimes when u speak to spiritually mature christians
and haven u felt at times when every word tt they say speak so much to ur heart?

in the same way, i want to be tt kind of ppl
to make the max impact on others with my words..
so i will need to understand ppl first, in order to speak wisely
heh

*pause*


And so I asked her to teach me more in the area of relating to people. It's not easy for a guy to bend the knee, to swallow his ego, and ask a younger Christian (especially if the younger one is a sister...) to teach him what he needs to learn - it is not easy at all.

But this promise from the Bible encouraged me:

"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time."

I guess indirectly I am alluding to myself being humble. So be it... whatever humility is in me is solely due to Christ in me, because I am NOT a humble person... I'm just learning to follow Christ.

Humble pie. Bitter to the taste, but oh-so-sweet to the soul.

---

Hmm. I guess it's not an easy year for me this year, but I am eagerly asking God for transformation of character. And He will give me what is good for me. :)

Anyway, just to share more...

Was talking with my roommate during the missions trip. I was very blessed and encouraged by his sharing, because of his handicap. That handicap broke his pride, and he realised that he wasn't that strong after all. So he sought God, and God was super-gracious to him.

Something this bro said to me struck me. He said that because of his unique experience (he's blind in one eye), God has used him to minister to specific people whom only he is able to minister effectively to, because of his handicap.

And another attitude I learnt from this bro is: He's just a normal guy who happens to have only one working eye. That really brightened up my spirit! Because of what he said, now I'm not ashamed to be hearing-impaired, because I'm just a normal guy who happens to be hearing-impaired.

And yet another attitude - I asked him, "What if your good eye one day fails?" He replied immediately, as if he'd been asked this question before:

"My good eye? I don't worry about it anymore. One day at a time. Life's too important to worry about what's going to happen to my good eye. My policy is - thank God each new day that I've got a good eye, and then go about doing for that day what He wants me to do.

If God decides one day to take away my sight completely, well, I'll trust Him. And I also pray regularly for healing for my bad eye. Faith and discipline. God's grace, one day at a time. "

:) God's sovereign grace, one day at a time.

And you know what? There's this friend of mine who's also hearing-impaired, and as a result, is very insecure about his hearing impairment (since being hearing-impaired is an invisible social disability). He's not a Christian yet, but I believe God put us together, for me to reach out to him, to encourage him that he is not alone in his struggle.

And as a result of my own struggles with social maturity, God has helped me over the years to develop a deeper sense of compassion, understanding, grace and empathy with the social "outcasts" of society. I think He has given me eyes to see the brokenness in people, especially those who are very emotional - and instead of judging them, like others are wont to do, God has enabled me to understand the reason for their brokenness.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners..."

I had been crying out to Peter some time ago, asking him why did God make me this way - to be so ... blur and socially inadequate, and slow in so many things, and even the hearing-impairment that I got so long ago. Peter could only reply, "Trust God."

To be honest, I don't think I have all the answers yet. But at least He's shown me some answers. I must be faithful with the answers that He's already given me. So jiayou, YA!

God has given me so many blessings. Like a good job - which recently was converted from a contract job to a permanent job! Ah. I need to be disciplined to give thanks to God for all the little blessings He gives me each new day.

I'm looking forward to the day I can say this fully in my heart with joy:

im really really thankful God allowed all that to happen
it just makes life richer
with all the experiences

Think these words of Jesus are becoming my own words more and more: Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!

:)

Just came back from Men's Ministry meeting today. "Man in the Mirror". Was very good. Something Ps Jo shared with us: "A man of God is a man of truth."

And also how we don't need to have good looks or good brains to be used by God, as long as we trust God. (Not a license to be stupid or look stupid of course haha...) Like how David was a shepherd boy, but he told Goliath: "You come against me with sword and spear and strength... but I come against you in the name of the God of Israel..."

In the name of the God of Israel. That caught me.

Thank God for this meeting. :) May God help me bear fruit from the verse that Ps Jo shared with us: "And we, who with unveiled faces, all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

Forget the Weeds in Your Life, Focus on the Flowers

Oh! Just read this email from Jia Huey (a sister from my missions team to Kenya) - thank God so much! It's a very timely encouragement... hope and pray it encourages you too.

Do you ever get discouraged, disappointed or frustrated throughout the day? Do you ever feel like your circumstances are much more negative than positive? Does your outlook seem more pessimistic than optimistic at times? If we are honest, most of us answer yes to these questions. We all experience down times, times in which our glass feels half empty rather than half full. Certainly God gave us all have a full range of emotions, both positive and negative and we are going to have times in which we feel depressed or anxious. But what can we do about it? One of the greatest things we can do to deal with our down times is to grow the African violet part of our lives.

An African Violet Life
Milton Erickson, a now deceased psychiatrist, once went to the home of a friend in Milwaukee. His friend had an aunt there who was very old and very wealthy. She lived in a huge Victorian home with incredible antiques, but his friend was concerned because she was depressed. And so Dr. Erickson went to the home at his friend's request to visit this aunt.

The aunt took him on a tour of her entire home. All the blinds were closed. It was dark, gloomy, and depressing. The last place she took him to was bright and cheery room full of gorgeous African violet plants. It was in stark contrast to the rest of the house. Standing in the beautiful room Dr. Erickson felt compelled to speak, "I can see what your problem is," he began.

"What do you mean?" said the old woman confused.

Looking deep into her eyes he simply stated, "You are not really a very good Christian."

Completely insulted, the depressed woman finally managed to ask, "What do you mean?"

"Here you have this great gift for growing African violets," Dr. Erickson gently explained, "And you keep it all to yourself. If I were you, I would get your church bulletin, and whenever someone had a birthday, or a death, or a wedding, or an anniversary, or whatever, I would take them one of your beautiful African violet plants as a gift."

After that advice, Dr. Erickson left and never spoke to the old woman again. As Dr. Erickson told this story to a group of students, he pulled out an old yellow Milwaukee newspaper article. The headline read: "African Violet Queen of Milwaukee Dies... Mourned by Thousands." As usual, a curious student raised his hand and asked, "Why did you have her give out plants instead of treating her depression?" After a short pause, the wise teacher explained, "I decided that it would be easier to grow the African violet part of her life than to weed out the depression."

Weeds or Flowers... What is Your Focus?
That aunt of Erickson's friend took to heart what he said to her. After he left, she began growing violets throughout her home. More windows were opened and light filled the previously dark house. As her violets bloomed she would take them to people all over Milwaukee. She made friends and invited them over to see her violets. All of this led to her developing an incredible and fulfilling life of ministering to others.

What does this have to do with your negative emotions? Plenty. Whenever you start to experience down times, times in which you feel depressed or anxious, your focus can change. Instead of being able to focus on what is positive or on possible solutions, when we experience depression or anxiety, we tend to focus on our problems. That is the true danger of these negative types of emotions. If we do not deal with them in a constructive manner, our outlook can become negative or "problem-focused." When this happens we run the risk of becoming consumed or overwhelmed by our own negativity or worse, feeling helpless and hopeless.

One of the main reasons why people launch into clinical depression, panic attacks or have suicidal thoughts is when they feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and helplessness. Being problem-focused can certainly rob us of hope and can make us feel extremely helpless.

The key to guarding against having a negative outlook or a problem focus is to become "solution-focused." Solution-focused people deal with their problems in the same manner that Dr. Erickson encouraged the African Violet Queen to do: Don't try to weed out the negatives. Instead, grow the positive parts of your life. In other words, instead of focusing on your problems or the negative emotions, focus on your strengths or on possible solutions to your problems. In order to become "solution-focused" when you go through difficult times, try to remember what worked in the past. You are looking for exceptions to your problems or times when you didn't feel negative. For example, if you are feeling depressed, think back to a time when you weren't depressed. What was different about that time? What were you doing different?

Notice that we didn't ask: "What was someone else doing differently?" The reason is it's probably easy to remember what others do that makes us happy. However, we want the focus to remain on what you can do for yourself. If you believe your happiness before was because of someone else then you run the risk of becoming dependent upon others.

We want you to recognize what you were doing differently that made you happy. We want you to find the exceptions to your problems. We want you to become proactive in looking for things that used to cause personal satisfaction. If prayer, exercise or reading made you happy before for example, start doing those things again. Keep in mind that when someone is depressed they usually stop doing things that gave them pleasure before. In order to guard against this fact, discover whatever you did before that was pleasurable and start doing those things again. Become solution focused instead of problem focused.

Remember, no matter how discouraged, disappointed or frustrated you may get throughout the day, no matter how negative or pessimistic your outlook on life is, you can change your focus. Instead of focusing on how miserable or negative life feels, turn your focus toward solutions.Instead of trying to weed out the negative parts of your life, commit to growing the African violet parts of your life by becoming "solution-focused." The best way to become solution-focused is to review your life for the exceptions to your problems. Remember back to when you felt happy or satisfied. Ask yourself what was different about that time. By doing this, God can use you to minister to many people. Perhaps you are the next African violet Queen (or King) of Milwaukee.

(Just a personal rambling...)

Sigh. My thoughts are far from comforting. Just a few things in the past few days that made me melancholic again. Heaviness of heart, dryness of spirit.

Hmm. Met up with Peter. Shared with him about my missions trip... thank God that we can encourage one another. Still, had this heaviness and uncertainty in my heart about something in particular. Haha. Think WZ will be able to understand at this time what I'm feeling. :) Looking forward to meeting up with him!

Oh. I should shake off this heaviness. C'mon, Georgia's at war with Russia right now - there's so much more to look outwards, to pray for, have a burden...

Lord, this world's so big and I am so small. What can I do?

Oh. I forgot. You are BIG. And that's more than enough. Praying that G and R will settle their conflicts soon.

Isaiah 2:4
He will judge between the nations and will settle disputes for many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore.

Anyway thank God for the meetup yesterday with a friend - was very blessed. It's great to have someone like-minded with regards to missions - it really is a great blessing from God indeed. :D Very touched also by this dear friend's thoughtfulness - it's really something that I appreciate very much. Have so much to learn from this friend, especially the cheerful spirit!

And thank God too for Tai Heng. Really had a good dinner with him, and touched by his sharing too.

Two meaningful sharings by two dear friends - I am literally doubly-blessed! :D

Sigh. Haha... sorry, just need to go and seek God. Melancholy setting in again, which makes me start procrastinating and web-surfing again.

May God Bless Us

A friend passed me this blog extract (thanks XJ!):

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can do what others claim cannot be done.

Back from Kenya

Gosh. What a whale of a time. As Desmond put it, the whole week was a heart-stopper. Especially the road accident. Really amazing how God preserved us - we didn't lose a single hair, even though it was a real stunner.

Reflections:
The Accident
Depending on God's grace is so important, no matter how big or small each task is. As Ronald confessed on behalf of the team, when we were praying after the accident, we took His grace for granted, not asking Him for safe journey mercies the first time round. And God allowed a drunk driver to literally overturn our plans... so we were humbled and remembered how much we must depend on the Lord for each step we take.

Prov 16:9
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

But let's not talk so much about the road accident. As Eugene wisely pointed out, it's not the only thing that happened during the trip.

There were so many other things that happened...

Slum Ride
Like our slum visit, where our driver, Fred (he's a local), took a detour through an extremely narrow mud road - which happened to be jam-packed with angry market-sellers who were pushed out of the way. They were so close to the van, that it was like standing right next to them. Lisa commented later that we were very, very, very fortunate that they didn't rob us or burn our van there and then. 'Cos the slum dwellers have even burnt ministers' cars before - how much more a van full of Chinese-looking tourists.

We felt a palpable sense of fear throughout the slum ride. And as we were reflecting about that later on, Eugene (our team coordinator) told us that God could be using this feeling of fear that we had experienced to tell us how the Kenyans are feeling.

Fear, isolation... because of the mistrust that has built up among the different tribes, and not only tribes, but also classes. Middle-class, lower-class, upper-class neighbourhoods... there is a very obvious sense of walling-off between the neighbourhoods.

But! There were such beautiful moments too. The safari walk, and the walk through the countryside and the mountain climb... I'll just post photos there. They're so beautiful.

Harassed and Helpless
And as I rode through the countryside, I prayed, asking God for a word regarding the people. And I think He impressed strongly on my heart that He really loves this land. He has great compassion for the people of Kenya.
Matthew 9:36-38 came to mind:
36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

And it's so true. Whether rich or poor, the people there are harassed and helpless, exploited by greedy politicians and pastors alike. Yes, you read it right. There are some pastors who become pastors, not because it's a calling, but because, to them, it's a career. And that has caused not a few Kenyan Christians to be increasingly cynical/disillusioned/disappointed with the churches.

And I read in the Kenyan news on Sunday one of the headlines - "Churches indicted in inciting recent ethnic clashes"... it was so sad. The salt in Kenya is losing its saltiness.

Children - a New Hope
But thank God truly for the children. Kenyan children are a fortunate bunch indeed. Kenya has one of the best education systems in Africa - "8-4-4": 8 years of primary, 4 years of secondary and 4 years of university. Powerful indeed.

But the education system is something like the Singapore system of the seventies - sit down, study and shut up. :P So yes, Kenya gets very educated graduates, but they sometimes lack initiative to speak up and offer new ideas. (A problem with our own education system too.)

But, one good thing is that the children are very disciplined and obedient. Hee. Just a word from a teacher, and the children will obey immediately.

Anyway, the orphanage visit was very nice. We threw a birthday party for the orphans. I've taken a video clip - will post it up asap.

And during the mountain climb, while we were huffing and puffing our way up, dozens of Kenyan schoolchildren dressed in no more than their uniforms - the girls in full pinafore no less, with ankle-length skirts - scampered uphill excitedly past us.

Well! When I reached the summmit, I took video clips of the children. They were all very curious about the Strange Object I was holding in my hand, so I flipped my LCD and let them see themselves on video. Whoa. They instantly swarmed around me, buzzing excitedly like bees in a hive, until the teacher stepped in. (Thank God for teachers...)

So let them peep through the video camera. They were all so so excited. The teacher explained to me that they were all from a school in the rural areas. Most of them had never seen a video camera in their lives before (until a blur tourist showed them).

While they were all taking turns, I spied out of the corner of my eye a girl standing all alone by herself. What made her stand out even more was the huge orange polka-dotted sash that she was wearing around her waist, over her uniform. I wondered why she was standing there all alone, so I went over to her to say hi. At first, she looked away shyly, and didn't say anything in reply to my hello. So I asked her, "You want to take a look through the camera?"

A smile started on her face, and she happily nodded. I passed her the camera, and she peeped through it... and after she was done, she looked at me, and shyly said in clear English, "Thank you."

I was very surprised - and touched. 'Cos all the other kids hadn't said thank you, but this girl, all alone by herself, said thank you. And I was reminded of the one healed leper who ran back to thank Jesus, while the other nine didn't give thanks to Him. I had a small glimpse of how the Lord must feel when, out of all the billions of people he blesses daily, one or two of them stop and pause and run back to thank Him for blessing them.

So many more to share. Well, all in good time... I'm super-jet-lagged now. Pray for me and the rest of the team to recover from the muscle injuries that we got from the accident, and from the jet-lag.

God bless.

Blog from Kenya

I'm here in Hampton House - thank God they have internet access. Just came back from a walk in Nairobi - to be honest, it's a bit polluted there, but otherwise fine.

Anyway! There's been a lot of things and a lot of places we went to... but I think the best moments were the times of fellowship spent with our 2 church planters and the Hope Nairobi caregroup. (We just finished visiting them at their workplaces and saw one of them off as she took a bus back to her hometown.)

God has been so good to us. :) And to me too. Last night I had a very good time getting to know Desmond (he's one of the ULs in Adults), and what he shared with me really encouraged me. But that one, have to share more.

Anyway, God has been answering my prayers and my objectives for this trip. Transformation - it's been a very very big eye-opener for me with regards to the culture, and there in the city, there's a big sense of isolation among the people - especially a sense of fear among the slum-dwellers. The feeling is very strong, so this is one need that Kenya has...

Time's running out. Share more soon! Pray for us!

D-Day Plus 2: Hope Jo'burg

Now typing this from Ps Henry and Lerato's house. So blessed by their hospitality - Ps Henry took us on a few hours' drive around Johannesburg. And his 3 children are very well-behaved - not to mention adorable haha.

Anyway! We recorded a video message from the couple. It's very inspiring. They aim to plant 1000 churches in South Africa alone. And Lerato shared about her vision to see Hope Church SCHOOLS built in SA - and with the SA government's support some more. :D The reason for all this is because they want to impact this generation of young people, since the majority of SA's population is young people. And the vision is to see these young people become men and women of God who'll go on to be missionaries, church-planters, salt and light to Africa and beyond!

At that point, I was reminded of the vision of HopeKids ministry - to fulfill the Great Commission by seeing the renewal of the spiritual generation for Christ.

Jet-lagged, but so so so happy and joyful to see what God is doing!

Oh yes! Got to know a new bro in Christ - Thabiso. His MM skills and design are simply wonderful! I asked him to send me a copy of his designs for Peter and the Hope MM team so that we can learn from his designs... gosh.

And he asked me how to set up a website. LOL. So Hope Jo'burg and Hope S'pore - spiritual exchange programme haha.

And the kids are so cute. LOL. When Ps Henry asked Thato, his youngest son, to say "Hallelujah!", Thato was sucking his thumb. So he just went: "Mmm-MMM-Mmm-MMMH!!" Then Ps Henry challenged him to say, "Praise the Lord!"

"Mmmm. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmm."

ROFL. We all almost died laughing. The things kids say...

It's such a great great great joy to see like-minded bros and sisters actively playing their roles in fulfilling the Great Commission in their lifetimes... Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or even dare to dream of, to God be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus, through all generations, both now and forever! Amen!

Ok. Praise God. We got tickets to Kenya finally. Prayer is answered. Thanks to all who prayed for us to get tickets to Kenya. Keep praying for us!

Going off now. Love n God bless, YA

D-Day: At the Airport.

Now in transit lounge. Incredibly and deeply blessed by all the people who came to see us off. Special thanks to my dear dear CG... and also for Joyce who came (she also came to see Ashleigh off too.) Gotta go very soon. Keep us in prayer that we'll come back transformed pple.