How Deep The Father's Love...

hello God it's me again. yup.

just feeling burnt-out i guess. yup.

stress of struggling against my perfectionism. and my fears. and trying to get productive work done, and the internal frustration when you just can't seem to translate your creative conceptualization to fruition.

i think it's bcos i feel a lot of pressure on a lot of sides - whether it's from work or ministry. and i NEED time to plan and strategise... but gee, i also have to be with my team to do the actual scriptwriting and groundwork... and then there's the freelance websites to be done...

and oh, DMM. discipleship training. just feel so inadequate in understanding. while everyone else is talking about planning structures and so on... i don't know why, these things just go over my head. i mean... i just feel redundant honestly. it's a good opportunity to learn, i know... but gee... i have the fear that when i put up suggestions... they'll get critiqued from every angle, and i'll have to explain every side to cover their concerns. it's very draining. so i'd rather keep quiet.

i feel stressed, also bcos i know i ought to have a greater heart for ppl... to observe them more... i mean... i do... but ... honestly... what can i do?

God knows i have done my best, and my best is not good enough for men.

so many emotions and stresses whirling around.

please don't get me wrong. i respect my teammates and my leaders. they're fantastic! so fantastic in fact, that it's just that i feel totally outclassed. i'm too slow to think in groups and discuss and so on. actually i'm just too slow for everyone. i am so majorly discouraged. what is the use of me?

the thing is, all these things are interlinked with one another. i don't have time to plan and think ahead bcos of my stress in trying to come up with a good piece of work. and as a result i don't have time or energy to plan things early for my drama team. and also, i don't have time or energy to plan for my sheep. or to think abt my CG and care for them.

and today i overslept and missed service. missed having breakfast with andrew as well. and the feeling of having missed so many things made me feel even more tired.

i'm just tired, Lord. I'm just tired. really want to talk with my shepherd about all these.

---

but even there upon my bed of melancholy, God was still there.

Psalm 139:7-8
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

He gently woke me up just in time for adults service - and that was after i had missed hopekids service. i prayed and apologised to God for missing the hopekids service even tho i had done my best to let my team know in advance beforehand. and He spoke these words to me: "Cast all your anxieties upon Me, because I care for you." So tuoched... and then i fell asleep again. and woke up and found that i was in danger of completely missing the service. still felt very tired and down, so knelt down to pray... and fell asleep again. when i woke up, it was lunchtime alr. so talked w God and remembered that He does understand. and He actually cares for me. He's not a performance-driven God who will be pleased with me only if I do things right. He's not even that kind of God who will just tolerate me if I fail... no, when i fail.

No lingering disapproval of me as a person... No, He's a Father. Yes, He'll challenge and exhort me to give my best. Yes, He'll make a man out of me. Yes, He'll discipline me if needed... and He'll push me... and then push me off - to help me fly. And upon eagles' wings will He bear me. and when i've done the best that i could do... and failed by human standards... He is still there by my bedside, tenderly watching over me even as i sleep in exhaustion. He gently wakes me up after each service that i've missed, encouraging me to get up and move on. Yet He didn't compel me with guilt... He is not a harsh martinet, a strictly-by-the-rules God. He is my Daddy, who cares for me.

Actually, I really don't know how I know all this or can be so confident. (Besides the fact that the Bible says so.) But I do know that God was caring for me today. Compassion. And ah! there's this verse that explains exactly why I know that God was watching over me the way a good father would care:

Romans 8:15-17
"15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Amen. :) Hee. "Only when one has been hungry does he know how good bread truly tastes." (An old Romanian proverbs.)

Ok. Time to get up and clearing whatever I can clear tonight. *Sigh* Father, help me with the week ahead. Amen.

Of Planes and Plans

I need to write down a concrete 3-years plan soon for the drama/creative team ministry! Succession planning... what else... vision casting... gosh. I can't believe I'm actually starting to want to plan! And to think Hanhui kept leaning on me to start doing a 5-years plan, like... 5 years ago. Hohoho.

Nope, my 5-years plans 5 years ago is so not happening today. And thank God that these plans of mine didn't come to pass. Because God had planned something better for me (Heb 11:40a). And His plans are so way beyond what I or my leaders could even dare to dream of. (1 Cor 2:9). Too beautiful to imagine... but I have seen His too-beautiful-to-imagine plans actually come to pass in my life! So awed, and so grateful, and so humbled, even up to today. :D

So was it a waste of time to plan then?

No! In fact, that's precisely why I'm so glad I did my 5-years plan, even though almost everything in my 5-years plan 5 years ago failed to come to pass. Because... all my limited human plans served to amplify and magnify the even more amazing plans that God has in store for me.

Like how a man-made space shuttle looks really huge by human standards... but when put next to the Sun... man, oh man, only then can we humans begin to start understanding just how huge the God-made Sun really is.

BTW, to put this into perspective, remember that the shuttle was about 150 million kilometers (93 million miles) away from the sun when the photos were taken. Still not feeling small yet? :)

And yet...even the God-made Sun is but a mere shadow in the light of God's own Son:

The sun cannot compare
To the glory of Your love
There is no shadow in Your presence
No mortal man would dare
To stand before Your throne
Before the Holy One of heaven
It's only by your blood
And it's only by your mercy
Lord, I come...

Isn't this such a beautiful truth, freely available to all who would call upon the Father with child-like faith? Isn't this enough to bring tears to your eyes and your heart? That God would so love us, that He gave His one and only Son? That to believe in Him, we will not only not perish, but also have life everlasting?

---

Planning turns out to be like a small kid trying to make a toy plane one fine day. He achingly agonizes over each detail in the construction, fingers fumbling with each delicate component. He carefully glues each joint... and then after a few seconds of triumphant admiration, he takes his model plane, and tosses it into the air. Yes, it flies... for half a second. And it breaks up into more pieces than when it originally came in the box. The little boy groans in dismay.

Then, his dad, who is an aircraft engineer, sees the whole thing. He smiles, and takes his son's hand. "Come with me son. I just made a plane that is like yours!" The son is ecstatic. "Really, Daddy? How big is your plane?"

"Oh, bigger than you can ever imagine!"

"Can it fly?"

"You bet it does!"

"Oooh! Daddy! Show me now!"

So the father takes his son into the hangar... and the son's eyes open wide in awe. Right before his innocent eyes is the first real live plane that he's ever seen. Dad asks his son: "Want to fly in my plane?"

"OOH! YES DADDY! PLEASE!"

And to the son's utter delight... his dad taxis the plane down the runway... and then turns on the jet engines. Whoooosh.... ROAR. The son is awe-struck. For him, this is no longer a plane... it is a majestic fiery phoenix, screaming with a voice shriller than anything he's ever heard. And it suddenly roars down the runway, screaming with exultant, flame-spitting glee. It spreads its wings, swiftly leaps off and then hurls itself forwards towards the sun-mottled clouds. Now the son is a Na'vi brave, riding a fiercely proud Toruk. He is no longer bound to earth's surly bonds - he is now a brave sky-warrior, touching the very face of God.

But before he can fully absorb everything, his dad lands the plane safely. And the son is disappointed, brought back to earth. But his disappointment melts away, as his dad grins and ruffles his son's hair.

"How was it, son?"

"Dad... YOU ARE AWESOME! Teach me, I want to make planes fly like you can do!"

---

Yup. :) Hope this little story helps you see the awe and wonder that I am feeling, when I see how even though my little scale models that barely pass off for a plan - this experience of struggling to plan actually helps me to appreciate all the more the Master's skill and wisdom in conceptualizing, designing and executing His amazing, life-sized plans.

Yup! So let's begin to plan today... that we may be able to see and appreciate what God has planned! Let's prepare to be totally awed and humbled by God's perfect wisdom... as we partner with Him in reaching out to the whole wide world! Amen!

Ephesians 3:14-21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ministry Dreams

"I have so much business, I can not get on without spending three hours daily in prayer." - Martin Luther

Thinking about ministry while I'm trying to finish some work. And listening to the Hallelujah chorus too. =)

But more seriously... I've been assessing how I'm doing ministry. One thing I realise about ministry, especially operations ministry, is how easy it is to just focus on the process of serving and forget the purpose of why we serve.

I remember there was this brother, Ward, who was one of William Carey's missions teammates in India in the 19th century. He was in charge of maintaining the printing presses so needed for printing gospel tracts and Bibles. Basically, he was the "new media geek" / the techie of his time... but he didn't just see himself as the guy who has to do the printing. No, he saw a higher glory in what he was doing:

"God has given me, a man less than the least of all the saints, the grace that I should print for the heathens the unsearchable riches of Christ!"

Imagine how this would transform operations ministries, if I started thinking more from God's viewpoint. To print nothing less than the unsearchable riches of Christ. To convey the unsearchable riches of Christ through new media. Through drama. Through sound. Through MM. Through ushering. Through video... anything and everything for His glory! "...all things were created by him and for him..." (Colossians 1:16b)

So I'm thinking about the directions and where we are going in terms of the drama/creative team ministry. God knows how far we have to go... what is the vision for the team? How does each team member see his purpose in this team? How can I be more intentional in discipling (not disciplining!) my fellow team-mates? How can we aim for excellence?

And honestly, I am so limited in terms of aiming for excellence. But I must remember to aim for God's standards, not men's standards when it comes to excellence. To please the Lord in all that I do. I know I struggle every day with punctuality. Man. Been struggling with punctuality even from the day I was born... literally. Born late, talked late (started talking only when I was 4 or 5 years old), grew up late, last to finish my work in class, last to hand in... teachers chasing me for late homework even since primary school... (Amazing. How did I ever make it into RI and RJC and NUS? I think God really loves me. :P Totally by grace alone...)

So God giving me strength, He'll help me also find a way to maximise my strengths in creativity and writing and seeing the big picture too. But yeah, I'm just His servant. So amazed to see how God can use even someone like me, less than the least of all God's people, to actually lead and inspire a team... totally Christ in me and not I, but Jesus Christ, the hope of glory. So God, so not me. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! and the Lord God omnipotenteth shall reign for-ever and ever...

Anyway, think one important step I need to take is to get my team to spend at least 15 minutes in prayer first before we start planning. And I need to start recruiting and canvassing for more scriptwriting volunteers too! Ha... not easy, not easy. And I begin to appreciate the other operations ministry leaders even more - their work in the Lord really is not easy at all! :)

Ah. Remember Hong Teck's advice. Aim for multiplication of strengths! Gotta refer to his advice again. :)

A Lot of Incoming Work

Isaiah 33:2
O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.

A Small-Group Leader's Most Important Job

The most important dimension of leading a group is your prayer life—your connection to God as a leader.

---

A Small-Group Leader's Most Important Job

You can benefit from the surprising results of extensive research on small groups.

Jim Egli  |  posted 2/15/2010

Topics:	Apprentice, Group leader, New leader, Prayer, Preparation
Filters:	Apprentice, Group Leader, New leader, Train
Purpose:	Discipleship
References:	Mark 12:28-32, John 15:5
Date Added:	February 15, 2010

 1 of 2 

Note: This article has been excerpted from the The Small-Group Apprentice Orientation Guide.

A religious expert wanting to cut through the confusion of 613 Old Testament statutes came to Jesus and asked, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" Jesus gave his famous reply, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself'" (Mark 12:28-32).

Like the scribe who came to Jesus, I was a confused small-groups expert just a few years back. I kept hearing advice from a plethora of small-group authors and speakers, each promoting different methods and models. All of them were confident and persuasive, but their contradictory theories couldn't all be right. Someone needed to do cut through the confusion by doing serious, scientific research on what really creates healthy, growing small groups. We needed to look past the models to discover the key underlying principles.

I wanted to get to the bottom of things. I wanted an answer to the question, "What's the most important part of leading a small group?" I completed a Ph.D. degree and did extensive statistical research involving over 3,000 small-group leaders in more than 200 churches to probe that question, and the answer I found was surprisingly simple.

The most important dimension of leading a group is your prayer life—your connection to God as a leader.

What You Do in Secret

Along with my research partner—Dwight Marable, director of Missions International—I probed hundreds of items, asking questions about group dynamics, leadership behaviors, and group meetings. But the highest correlations to small-group health and growth were to the unseen dimensions of a group leader's relationship with God. Out of the hundreds of questions we asked, the leaders' answers to the following questions yielded the most pivotal results:

• How consistently do you take time for prayer and Bible reading?
• Are you praying daily for your non-Christian friends to come to know Jesus?
• How many days in the past week did you pray for your small-group members?
• Do you pray for your group meetings in the days leading up to it?
• How much time on average do you spend in daily prayer and Bible reading?

The leaders whose answers revealed a strong relationship with God had groups that were healthier and faster growing. These groups experienced a deeper level of care between members, had a clearer sense of mission beyond their group, and produced more leaders and new groups.

However, the research revealed that the biggest difference a strong prayer life makes comes in the evangelistic effectiveness of a small group. One question that we asked group leaders was how many people had come to Christ through the influence of their group or group members in the past nine months. The contrast between leaders with a strong prayer life and a weak prayer life was startling.

Eighty-three percent of leaders with a strong prayer life reported that at least one person had come to Jesus through the influence of their group, whereas only 19 percent of leaders with a weak prayer life could say the same. It didn't surprise us that leaders with a growing relationship with God had groups that were bringing more people to Christ, but it was shocking how much of a difference it makes. Leaders with a strong prayer life have groups that, on average, have more than four times the evangelistic impact as groups led by leaders with a weak prayer life.

Wow. Just got to make two new friends from Europe. I was in City Hall Starbucks (yet again), when a couple asked me whether it's ok to borrow my multi-plug adapter. So gladly obliged, and after they were done, they let me know that they were going to detach their computer power supply.

So, I helped them... and then chatted with the couple. The guy's from Italy, and the girl's from UK - both are graduates, here looking for work in Singapore for a year. And found out that the guy's also interested in media, just like me - in fact, we're both in the same field of work! :D So offered to help the couple with their job searches... they were so pleasantly surprised. =)

BTW the guy told me that if I'm interested in expanding my media skills more, I should consider going to the UK. I went, whoa, that's awesome, 'cos my sister is staying there, married to an Englishman! And the girl went, wow! :)

So the couple said let's meet up over coffee again, maybe this week or next! Am feeling very excited about meeting them up again, they being young professionals and all that. Also hoping and praying that God will help me link them up to the other bros and sisters in Christine's unit... =)

Totally spiffed, man. God is awesome!

---

When I look at the big picture, I'm wowed again. Because looking at the above encounter, I see how all my major experiences in the past one year are fitting so perfectly together to impact people from other nations.

My helping my bros and sisters with their job searches +
my internship experience +
my switching to a media career +
my fondness for Starbucks +
my multi-plug adaptor +
God knows what else... =
blessing a foreign couple =
no skills or experience that God has given me will ever go to waste.

Storytelling +
HopeKids +
writing for Hopekids creative team =
missions in Cambodia, leading a children's service team =
no skills or experience that God has given me will ever go to waste.

software engineering experience +
Nurture programme +
going for training workshop =
meeting my now-current boss =
getting an internship job =
no skills or experience that God has given me will ever go to waste.

Software engg experience +
my current internship job +
experience in helping welcome foreign delegates / students =
blessing a pair of South Korean students =
no skills or experience that God has given me will ever go to waste.

And the list of God's magnificent wonders go on. Too many to count! Too many to list! God just is so awwwwwwwwwwwesome!

Man, it's just like those Civilization games, where, when you research one technology, it opens up the door to so many new technologies and powers... and if you have the correct combo of technologies, you can discover an even more advanced technology to win the world! :D

Likewise, how God also charts out the path He has prepared for me... it's so thrilling to see how one life experience / breakthrough can open up a door... and how all these experiences add up so uniquely. All for the purpose of blessing the world, to bless all peoples of the world.

"And all nations of the world will be blessed through you." So touched to see God's kindness to me... Gen 12:1-3 is coming true in my life, even as I surrender more of myself to Him each day.

It's a very touching encouragement to me, because so often I feel extremely small and unable. But God has reminded me again and again that it's not so much the size of my faith that counts, as the size of the One in whom I have faith. It's whether I make myself more available to Him. Blessed are all who take refuge in Him!

Haha... but also am very blessed by testimonies of brothers and sisters who are shining for him in the workplace. Was talking with Huanyan. Very impressed by his exemplary lifestyle. And Andrew my neighbour. Faithful and responsible. And many other bros and sisters. So have much to learn from them in diligence and trustworthiness and faithfulness. To be honest, my boss, though she says I do great work, is not pleased with my slowness and lack of punctuality. So am struggling... I guess have to struggle harder! And pray more! Both!

Yet, for all my character failings and flaws... God still chooses to use someone so unworthy, so small in character, someone like me. But I'm reminded that this precisely is so that I may not boast of my own strength. Not by works, so that no one can boast. But we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do.

And you know what? Seeing all these good things that the Lord has done for me in the past 12 years... touches my heart so much every time. His grace is so amazing that how can I not respond to His mercy? It is God's kindness that leads me towards repentance. And so His love compels me to grow and mature... I want to grow in holiness and godliness... not because I have to, but because of His grace touching my heart... and His love melting it... that I want to be more like Jesus, even if it means a lot of pain. Because He forgave me all my sins, forever and ever! How can I not be touched... :')

So when I catch a glimpse of His heartbeat for the lost... His intense love for people... gosh. Life's never ever the same again when you see the world through the eyes of the 3-G God = (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit). :D

Truly, God doesn't call the qualified; He qualifies the called! =D Amen! Have faith in our God, and He will use you to do wonderful things for Him! "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived, what God has prepared for those who love Him." Amen!

Today, one friend - or shall I say, acquaintance - called me up, wanting to keep in touch with me. The thing is, I was very reluctant to keep in touch with him. It's because of his strange mannerisms and perhaps immature way of relating with others, such as persistently sending a lot of people the same msg: "Hi. How's life." and some comments like "I saw someone who looks like you." So I avoided replying his SMSes, because felt very awkward and quite put-off. I had tried to explain to him that this is not very socially appropriate behaviour before, but he didn't get it - and in fact, was offended as he felt that I had misunderstood his intentions of friendship. So this SMS-sending went on for a long, long time.

Finally, he called me on my handphone today. I answered, not knowing who it was. And oh, it was him. In a nutshell, he wanted to find out if I had changed my hp no, and so on. I didn't know how to answer him directly... so I beat the bush as diplomatically as I could. But he managed to find out that I had indeed received his SMSes, but never replied. Caught in that trap, I asked him whether other people had mentioned about this to him before, this incessant SMS-sending.

He replied, "Oh, a lot of people told me this too."

I gasped inwardly. "Huh... ok... how come you are still sending me SMSes then?"

He said, "Because I want to keep in touch with you. They misunderstood me."

I almost did a facepalm. But paused and thought about it...

It's ironic. Because I had the same kind of attitude as well. I had done immature things before in the past, and had expected others to understand me. E.g. my emotional outbursts, my social immaturity and so on.

I guess I wanted to laugh at myself. I'm no different from this friend, actually... it's just the scale of what we do.

Still, I weighed my answers, and then told him directly that this is not a socially acceptable thing to do - spamming ppl with SMSes... told him I understood his heart in wanting to connect with others, but this is NOT the right way to do it. Why bang your head against the wall when there's a door? And I told him these words: "It is better to be misunderstood than to misunderstand." (I knew that I was teaching myself, even as I was teaching him...)

I think I did my best to try and help him understand the consequences of his social immaturity and eccentricity, but I'm afraid he still didn't seem to get the message clearly... his tone of voice simply said that he expected me to understand him anyway. And he said that ok, ok, I won't send you any more SMSes.

So after hanging up, I pondered about the whole thing.

I think I must have hurt him by avoiding him for 2 years, and not wanting to reply. And yet there was another friend who did the same thing to me for 2 years.

I corrected him for his (not very reasonable) expectation that others should understand him and accommodate to his behaviour, and yet I've been doing the same thing too.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

It was a very sobering moment, as I think I can really identify with both sides... the pain of being ignored despite persistent attempts to reconnect... and the awkwardness of wanting to avoid. Both sides see each other as selfish.

The expectation of wanting to be understood, yet not understanding the other's need and feelings.

You know, it's really a very strange, yet enlightening moment.

The pain of a socially immature person trying to connect with others in the only way he knows, and yet that attempt is causing other people so much pain that it only drives them further away.

Who can save us then, from this dreadful Catch-22? Someone has to break through this impasse - and pay the price needed to do that. Grace.

Thank God for all the past experiences that I've gone through. I remember crying to Peter two years ago about all these things that I was struggling with... and my questions to God why did I have to go through all this pain in the first place. And now... I think... I see a bigger picture unfolding. The picture of God's grace. God made His Son who knew no sin to become sin for us, so that in his Son we might become the righteousness of God.

I think one very practical way to help a socially immature person... is not to just correct his actions, but also see AND appreciate his heart behind what he/she does. And to identify with his hurts and pains too. I think it's critical not to judge... BUT it is essential to correct his actions, because of the effect it has on others. Not to condemn, BUT not to condone either. And the most impt thing is to see the heart... and affirm his motives if it's good. Not to act as a guard, but as a guide. One who has been through it before... therefore he can show the way better.

And also to deliver the other person from the perils of ignorance. Even though the person is sincere... he can be sincerely wrong. Like going into a minefield innocently.

And to show mercy, because we too need mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgement!

No wonder Jesus loved the tax collectors and the prostitutes... and called the religious leaders vipers and hypocrites.

No wonder the sinners loved Jesus... and the religious people plotted His murder.

Wow. A LOT of things to think about.

I think this is one more aspect of God's calling for me.

Wow. Been a really good two days of visitations. The first day was a good day of meeting and chatting with my relatives. We all gathered at one of my uncle's houses. Haha, very nice homely feel. You know, something interesting... my usually taciturn and laconic cousin - she's an Army officer btw - is much friendlier and more willing to share. Talked with her about her work as an Army officer - she'll be going to India next month for overseas training. :) And yeah, looks like all my Wikipedia surfing on army stuff really helped me find common ground with her. =) Praise God. Anyway, it was indeed a very pleasant surprise... I was wondering what caused the difference? Maybe... 'cos she's a Christian... perhaps she wanted to open up and share more with her relatives this year. It's heartening to see the transformative power of God at work - even if He chooses to remain behind-the-scenes. "My Father is always at work to this very day."

Anyway, I had a great time of chatting with my dear niece, Samantha! She's now in SIM, but is intending to transfer to NUS. Hope (and I better pray too) that can intro her to the NUS bros and sisters. :) Shared with her about my Cambodia trip, and she was quite interested. Turns out she hopes to go for a volunteer trip one day... so yeah, common ground there. Ha. It was nice telling her about NUS life and all that... answering her questions about campus, and giving her 'uncle' advice on NUS stuff, etc. Encouraged her to explore as much as she could in NUS (if she gets in). She'll be going Biz fac this year if everything goes well. Hmm... wonder how to help connect her... :)

Oh yes. Andrew and another friend came over to my place for 'bai nian' (house visitation). Nice haha... introduced them to my dog, Volvo. And we chit-chatted... short but sweet meetup haha. And yes, showed them my 'library' of books. I think I really have to revamp my bookshelf... to make it more comfy for ppl to drop by and just read. Tatami mat, beanbags, etc...

And then went down to my boss's place in the evening. Had a great time there... and there were a LOT of (South) Korean students there! 'Cos my boss also helps to liaise with some Korean unis to place the students here for internships with local companies and MNCs. Made a few new Korean friends... esp two Korean guys. (One of my friends observed that the Korean girls all have the same short hairstyle... just like the Wonder Girls! I kid you not...) Should have cracked a lame joke about that "Nobody but You" song with them! :D

But yeah, thank God... the two Korean guys are both Computing students from their uni... so we definitely had common ground... in fact, common languages - we all moaned about the C language and rejoiced over Java... guess what? memory management again! Looks like it's a universal topic with any computing guy, regardless of which country you're from... =)

So got their contacts... hopefully can get them to help out with an upcoming company event (my boss's suggestion)... and oh, Jun Ho and Han Bin said it was very nice talking with me... in fact, Han Bin said that I'm really very nice. LOL. Felt very touched and paiseh at the same time, but I'm really glad that God used me to bless them and make them feel at home. Hope and pray that this will be the start of more friendships to come! And gosh, it's really great getting to know more people from all over the world. =D Joked with my colleague that my boss's place really is like a UN conference... =D

And oh yes, my boss's daughter, Paulina. She just finished her JC, so she's waiting to go uni. Anyway, she's been interning at the office... Aileen (my colleague) and I both agree that she's really very fun-loving and super-sanguine haha. Crazy at times too... but really helps to liven up our office atmosphere! :) And when I brought my toy sheep along to the office, she went ga-ga over it. LOL. And her mum is very patient with her antics. Funny...

Personally, my colleague mentioned to me that she finds me a patient fellow... I was quite surprised... told her i'm still growing in patience, but inwardly, feeling thankful to God how He's helped me grow in patience over the years. Am encouraged by the grace of God here, bearing the fruit of the Spirit in my life.

Well! Just a short rambling on all these people... it's really a pleasure getting to know more people... even for a natural introvert like me. :) Ever since Christ saved me ten years ago... He's really changed my perspective towards other people so much. Come to think of it... yah. All the things that I'm doing now... was totally unthinkable back so many years ago. Praise God for His goodness and kindness to an unworthy sinner like me... =)

Looking forward to a blessed new season of fruitfulness and blessings... Auspicium Melioris Aevi! with God to guide the way... :)

Proverbs 27:10
Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you— better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.

Treasure your old friends and neighbors this season, especially those you meet every day / week, even as you're going around catching up with your distant relatives.

Andrew my neighbor and another friend are coming over to my place later! :) Looking forward to going to his place tomorrow haha.

May You Have a Peaceful New Year

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

This verse came to mind suddenly while I was just thinking about some good things today this morning - a much better contrast to my melancholy last night. Perhaps God's gentle reminder to me? :)

Another translation:

For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].

Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.

Reminded of the importance of peace. One professor of Chinese culture was being interviewed in the Sunday Times yesterday. And he quipped that it's because of gambling that people wish each other 'Gong Xi Fa Cai' = meaning wealth and prosperity. That's why people don't wish each other 'Gong Xi Ping An' (meaning may you have much peace) or some other beautiful phrase.

I know the good prof was saying that half-tongue in cheek, but it was good food for thought. There's another article that talks about how young working people in China are scared to go back home, not because of 'when are you going to get married', but because they have to give angpows! Over there it's the tradition to give angpows when you first start work. (Thank God I live in SINGAPORE... haha) So they aren't too peaceful about the whole thing, especially when there's a lot of concern about 'saving face', an important thing in any Asian culture.

Peace. It's such a sweet thing - and so rare, especially in the hustle and bustle of meeting people all around. Not to say that peace is merely the absence of conflicts or quarrels. Or peace is the silence that you get by being alone. No, peace's something better (and stronger) than that. It's the blessedness of knowing that all shall work out well in God's hands no matter what your fears for the years be.

:)

Yup. Back to thinking true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable. =)

Love, The Last Kernel

A lot of things on my mind recently. But I guess so many things, I can't seem to find a very clear theme. Maybe must be the haze making me feel all hazy LOL.

I guess Prov 13:12 has been describing my state of mind recently. Hmm. Looking forward to meeting with Peter to just share what's on my mind recently. Thank God for his jokes whenever I feel down. =)

Hmm. I remember meeting up with Hong Teck last week. Among the things we chatted about, he asked me to prepare some sharing on serving God in children's ministry, even as introverts. He said that my story will bring hope to many people. Felt touched when he said that. :)

Hope. Hmm. Disappointments? I think so. I think... the worst kind of disappointment seems to be... when hopes are raised, and then they seem so far away suddenly. I guess that's why a lot of people choose not to have dreams, or even longing for anything better. They have chosen to insulate their hearts against hope, because they know how painful it can be.

It's a bit like when the prophet Elisha promised a rich woman who had helped provide him and his servant with a good room and food

:" 15 Then Elisha said, "Call her." So he called her, and she stood in the doorway. 16 "About this time next year," Elisha said, "you will hold a son in your arms."
"No, my lord," she objected. "Don't mislead your servant, O man of God!" "

But the woman became pregnant, and the next year about that same time she gave birth to a son, just as Elisha had told her. And what happened after that...

18 The child grew, and one day he went out to his father, who was with the reapers. 19 "My head! My head!" he said to his father.
His father told a servant, "Carry him to his mother." 20 After the servant had lifted him up and carried him to his mother, the boy sat on her lap until noon, and then he died. 21 She went up and laid him on the bed of the man of God, then shut the door and went out.

22 She called her husband and said, "Please send me one of the servants and a donkey so I can go to the man of God quickly and return."

23 "Why go to him today?" he asked. "It's not the New Moon or the Sabbath."
"It's all right," she said.

24 She saddled the donkey and said to her servant, "Lead on; don't slow down for me unless I tell you." 25 So she set out and came to the man of God at Mount Carmel.
When he saw her in the distance, the man of God said to his servant Gehazi, "Look! There's the Shunammite! 26 Run to meet her and ask her, 'Are you all right? Is your husband all right? Is your child all right?' "
"Everything is all right," she said.

27 When she reached the man of God at the mountain, she took hold of his feet. Gehazi came over to push her away, but the man of God said, "Leave her alone! She is in bitter distress, but the LORD has hidden it from me and has not told me why."

28 "Did I ask you for a son, my lord?" she said. "Didn't I tell you, 'Don't raise my hopes'?"

Yes, I think I can identify with the woman's feelings here.

Hope. What a precious word... and what a fragile thing. Like a crystal vase, it is an exquisite work of promise... and one that is so easily shattered.

Perhaps it's a better thing not to hope, because in a fallen world, it is so painful. And yet, Scripture says that these three virtues shall remain: faith, hope and love.

Hope. Come to think of it... we do have a living hope through Jesus rising from the dead. A living body gets wounded, yes. But cut it up to a limit, and it will yet repair itself.

Faith. Being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.

I guess I have hope, but I'm struggling right now to be sure.

Love. I recently thought about my CG. I wonder how much am I loving my brothers and sisters whom I can see. I feel so extremely limited and encumbered. I do want to grow in love - God, this heart is not enough. Please give me a bigger one. Stretch it! Break it! Torture it if needed! Yet... am I ready for the pain that is to come? Perhaps - if there is a hope that lies beyond winter.

Spring. Hope springs afresh.

I guess so many times I've looked and felt very low on hope. But I think God is training me to practise putting my hope in Him. And I am certain that I have gotten to know a very unique aspect of God's love that very few others have experienced. Maybe not even a very few - probably all of us who love God will experience Him in unique and different ways.

Still, I must confess that I'm still feeling very uncertain about how God is going to work everything out. And what lesson is He trying to teach me through this downtime. Hmm.

Hmm. I guess this is where faith comes in. Being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see. Faith is a decision. And I believe it's grounded in our knowledge of God - as revealed through the Word who become flesh and spoke living words to us.

Come to think of it, do the 3 virtues form a self-supporting trinity? Faith is based on hope, and hope is the vision of better things to come... and love? Love lends meaning to hope, and hope is strengthened because it knows that there is something greater than itself - that even if it is totally gone, love will never fail. And so hope is strengthened, and faith likewise. And faith has solid ground to stand upon, because it knows that the hope it is based upon is trustworthy, because of the One who loved us.

It is the love of God that lends meaning even to the darkest and direst of situations. The dying concentration camp victim giving his entire bowl of soup to a near-comatose friend, even though he knows that the soup is almost useless for keeping anyone alive. The soldier who charges no-man's land to rescue his mortally-wounded friend, even though he knows well the futility of the whole gesture. The mother who hugs her child in a useless protective embrace even as the executioner raises his rifle to slay them both.

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."

When the last trumpet is sounded, when the angels grow silent, and the stars fall from the skies, and the sky is rolled up and the universe packed up and gone... when all hope is gone, and all faith collapses, yet love will triumph in the end. Because, ultimately, love is the true seed from which hope and faith draw their meaning and ultimately, their very existence. Like the phoenix rising anew from the flames, like new stars and planets arising out from an exploded star... like the kernel of wheat in springtime... so faith and hope spring anew from a love that falls to the ground and dies.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these three is love.

Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

Happy Valentine's Day, Father. :)

Genesis 8:22
"As long as the earth endures,
seedtime and harvest,
cold and heat,
summer and winter,
day and night
will never cease."

Thank You for this Chinese New Year, God. 5000 years of Chinese civilization... and still going strong, by Your grace and mercy. And You've been watching over us all - no matter which nation or tribe or people or language - Your faithfulness will never fail. :)

Once More Unto The Breach (of Glory)

John 12:24-28
24I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

27"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28Father, glorify your name!"

Been meditating the past two days on these words. Somehow feel that God may be calling me to stay and ponder on these words for a while.

One thing that I learnt while meditating on this passage is that... Jesus really did feel troubled at times. Even though He said, "Peace I leave with you... Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid," He has indeed felt troubled before.

Are there times that you have felt troubled about what is to come, especially when serving God in ministry? Have there been times that you didn't want to go for caregroup because you simply felt you were giving so much to the point of exhaustion? Or not wanting to go for yet another early-morning rehearsal on a Saturday morning?

Mum: "Wake up, son! It's time to go to church."


Son: "Mum! I really don't feel like going to church today. I'm so tired, having to say hello to people day in day out, ask them how they are, serve in God knows how many ministries... and not even having time to just relax. Today's a SUNDAY! It's supposed to be a day of rest! Mum, just let me sleep in today... pleeeeeeeease?"


Mum: "But, son, you have to go! You're the PASTOR!"

Maybe you may have to do something today that really is very fearful for you. You might need to take a stand and speak out for something you know is true. Or you might need to speak the truth in love to a recalcitrant sheep. Or you feel super-inadequate and even useless for the ministry God has put you in.

Then let us take heart from Jesus' response after his confession:

"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.

He chose not to say, "Father, save me! I don't want to have to go through this moment..." No, He set his face firmly unto what he knew he had to do, even in death's cruel face. And he didn't just see it as something to be endured, something to go through, a gauntlet to be run through as fast as possible.

No. He said,

"It was for this very reason that I came to this hour. FATHER, GLORIFY YOUR NAME!"

And we heard the thunderous voice of the Father resound in reply:

"I have glorified it, and will glorify it again."

I hear Jesus' hungry cry to bring glory to his Father, and his resolute and absolute determination to live for the Father's glory - no matter what circumstances he may be in. He purposely went through life purposefully. He was fully intentional in what he did.

So I am thinking now... perhaps, from Jesus' example, it would be better that we don't so much pray that these difficult times be taken away from us, but rather, that we pray that we will be intentional in living for the Father's glory. To settle for nothing less than glorifying the Father in whatever we say and do - especially during these trying times.

May we learn to see God's purpose and live to bring Him glory in every moment!

In Praise of Punctuality

“Some are habitually on time, others are habitually late; no one can be on time all the time, and no one needs to be always late. If five people have agreed to meet at a certain time and place, and one if fifteen minutes late, he has used up one hour in terms of manpower, for he has taken away fifteen minutes from each of the others against their will. If they are wise, they will spend that time in reading or in some other useful way, but the latecomer ought not to presume on their good will if he can possibly help it. He might have the boldness to think–or to say–that they need to learn patience, that they are to be anxious in nothing–all of which is true, but he is not the man to tell them that. What he needs to remember, long before the appointment, is ‘rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way’ (Rom. 14:13); that he has no right to waste others’ time.

Of course, no one can keep the phone or the doorbell from ringing just before he leaves home, nor can he prophesy what will happen on the way; but it is always a good rule to start just a little earlier than you think you need to.

Every Christian worker can discipline himself to be habitually on time, by careful management and foresight. It relives other people of much anxiety, helps them not to waste time and thus makes life easier for them. It is a matter of common honesty and Christian courtesy, and is in line with the injunction to ‘let all thing be done decently and in order’ (I Cor. 14:40).”
-Elisabeth Elliot’s Father

Ah. Now I understand and appreciate the value of punctuality. Though the Bible doesn't explicitly say, "Thou shalt be punctual for all thy appointments," punctuality is one way of practising the two greatest commandments: Love God and love people. Being on time is also an application of looking not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others (Philippians 2:4). It is also a way to show honour and respect (Romans 13:7), an expression of submission, and even servanthood since it requires intentional (and maybe tiring) effort on the early-comer's part.

Wow. Personally, this deeper understanding is very important to me, because I don't want to be punctual just for the sake of being punctual. Also, because naturally I am a very slow person. But yes, I am glad that now I can understand better the principles behind being punctual. I think this viewpoint is due to a wise (and very disciplined) leader saying to me some years ago, "Don't try to be organized just for the sake of being organized! But understand first why you want to be organized. Organization is simply a tool to help you do what God wants you to do, and to fulfill His vision for you." So in the same way, I also want to see the purpose of being punctual.

So, yes, I think now that punctuality is a practical application of Christian ethics. Even though it is not explicitly commanded by the Bible, it blesses others so much in so many ways. It is a great discipline to practice patience, kindness, goodness, humility, servanthood, availability, honouring others, consideration... it enhances the quality of work and helps to reduce the workloads of others... prevents anxiety and serves the needs of others... it reduces stress on yourself too... a way of loving yourself... and also loving your neighbour too! :)

And especially when we go for church services on time, it demonstrates our intentionality and sincerity in setting apart a sacred time to worship God, and facilitates orderly worship in the church.

Yes, punctuality is an excellent discipline for practising the Christian virtues of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Thank God for His help and patience in helping me understand better.

Now I'm convinced! :) Dear Lord, please help me grow in punctuality starting from... tomorrow morning at work. Amen. :)

An Epiphany of Love

A dear CG bro sent some of us a testimony. It was very encouraging! And this part spoke to me personally:

For God so loved me that He gave this scholarship, something which I did not hope or pray to have, beause it was clear that I did not even meet the minimum requirement to. But God juz gave..... something which I do not deserve. Thank you Father for the grace shown.

It touched me a lot, because this bro personalized John 3:16 for himself. Can sense the heart of child-like gratitude in him. :D

It spoke to me, because, I guess, deep down, I've this subtle fear that God would promise me something... and then take it away at the last minute. But this personalized paraphrase reminded me of the biblical truth that God really loves me so much. If He did not spare His one and only Son, but gave him up for us all... how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Oh... forgive me Father, for doubting the depth of Your love. And thank You for loving me - and all your other children - so much. :) I think I had an epiphany today on just how real and sincere is Your love for us humans.

Don't Just Avoid... Achieve Too!

Saw this tweet by Hong Teck. I find it so meaningful that I want to share with you too:

If we are not careful we may spend our time avoiding bad things to happen to us rather than achieving great things that God called us to do

:)

'I Never Wanted a Hard Heart'

From Christianity Today:
Indie rocker David Bazan talks about his loss of faith, his music, and how he sometimes fears he's going to hell.

I felt touched by his honest and real sharing, and his questions. I guess, maybe to a smaller extent, I can identify with his questions - after all, I went to Sunday school, but became a skeptic... but couldn't get off the nagging thought that maybe there is indeed a God. I had my own doubts, even after coming back to Christ. But God graciously cleared one of the most compelling doubts with this statement: "Because you have seen Me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen, and have believed." I guess God didn't meet me on my grounds. Instead, He challenged me to believe in Him on His own terms.

I guess it's the essence of a relationship - in the end, a relationship always needs trust. Even with God himself. "Trust Me," that is what God says. He always leaves a little room for our own choice to believe... though He's made it pretty compelling in terms of evidence.

And oh, a hard heart... I think...Mr David has a softer heart than he thinks. I guess it's the willingness to struggle with this question of God rather than totally ignore it and walk away, that shows the softness of heart to at least listen and consider. He's not of those 'who have a form of godliness but deny its power', I think. Better not to have any faith, than to have an empty Christianized religion that proves hollow and useless.

"Faithless Israel is more righteous than unfaithful Judah," said the LORD to the prophet Jeremiah in Jeremiah 3:6-11.

During the reign of King Josiah, the LORD said to me, "Have you seen what faithless Israel has done? She has gone up on every high hill and under every spreading tree and has committed adultery there. I thought that after she had done all this she would return to me but she did not, and her unfaithful sister Judah saw it. I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery. Because Israel's immorality mattered so little to her, she defiled the land and committed adultery with stone and wood. In spite of all this, her unfaithful sister Judah did not return to me with all her heart, but only in pretense," declares the LORD.

The LORD said to me, "Faithless Israel is more righteous than unfaithful Judah.

Who knows? C.S. Lewis left the faith... went through the horrors of WWI, and came back as the 'most reluctant convert in the whole of England.' The apostle Peter denied Jesus three times. But they came back. And there are bishops who essentially are atheists. Can you imagine the irony?

*sober pause* Ultimately, it's really all about God's grace.