A Tooth (Truth) to Chew On

My tooth filling wasn't enough. Apparently, the dentine's now gotten infected. But really thank God that though it was aching when I fell asleep... at least, I could FALL ASLEEP. :) Sleep, the best anesthetic. ;)

But woke up at 7 am with a flaring toothache. So, after repeated calls to the NUH Dental Centre, I'm going down now.

Read this verse just now as I was waiting on the phone, 'cos I wanted God to speak to me through this experience. Was surprised to find this verse, but think it's something to chew upon. :)
Proverbs 25:19
Like a bad tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in times of trouble.

Thinking of my bad tooth, and Peter's lame leg, think it gives me a very sensory experience into what it's really like to have to rely on an unfaithful person in times of trouble.

You need the tooth, but for all practical purposes, trying to chew using a bad molar is a dicey proposition at best. And it's painful. No, not painful. It's P-A-I-N-F-U-L. But bo pian lah, no choice.

Then it makes me think about how does it feel to the other person if I'm being irresponsible or unfaithful, making promises that I never keep?

Oh! Here's a more contemporary version of Proverbs 25:19:
"Trusting a double-crosser when you're in trouble
is like biting down on an abscessed tooth."

Cool... hmm... was thinking what this verse means, and why this verse is in the Bible, and how can I apply it into my life?

Think the most straightforward understanding of this verse is that:

1. It HURTS when someone you trust betrays or deceives you, especially if you were looking to that guy to help you out.

2. Sometimes when you're in trouble, you're tempted to trust a double-crosser... be exceedingly careful. Trust at your own risk. Achtung! Minefield. Live firing area, etc.

I guess it's a gray area here - I think God's Word cautions me that I trust the double-crosser to help me out at my own risk. Yes, you can chew using a badly-infected tooth, but you better be very, very careful when you do so.

Practical advice for office politics, I think! Wow, God's Word has advice even for the "gray areas" of life's "gray days". Isn't God cool? :) w00t!

An Apology for Apologetics

Found this article, An Apology for Apologetics, just now. Thank God for it - it came at a very timely moment. Truly, I know that my God has not left us alone, for He is with us. :) Emmanuel! (God with us!)

There are several vital tasks left for apologetics to perform.

(1) Pre-evangelism. In defining the essence of saving faith the Reformers distinguished among three elements: (a) content of data of faith (notitia); (b) objective truth of the content (assensus); (c) personal trust or reliance on the truth (fiducia). The third, fiducia, can only be wrought by the operation of the Holy Spirit via regeneration. The first two are assisted by apologetics. The heart cannot trust what the mind does not affirm. There can be assent (assensus) without trust (fiducia) but not trust (fiducia) without assent (assensus).

(2) Restrain evil. Calvin argued that one value of apologetics was to “stop the mouths of the obstreperous.” Here apologetics, though not able to convert the infidel, can restrain the unbeliever from unbridled assault against the faith.

(3) Support believers. Converted Christians can become so easily intimidated by intellectual critique that they lose their boldness to proclaim the Gospel. They are also vulnerable to being assailed by doubts.

(4) Commonplace benefits. There is benefit to culture derived when Christianity enjoys a status of intellectual credibility. When the faith is relegated to a reservation of personal religion or piety based solely on sentiment, it has difficulty informing the institutions that shape culture. Where Christian truth is established with credibility, it has a salutary effect on culture.

The apologetic task is difficult, complex, and never-ending. Yet it is the mandate of God to us. The responsibility is ours; its success is God’s.

'Cos YF, Flince and I were discussing about this earlier on. We had a pretty difficult time today, but I'm so thankful to God that such times draw us closer together as friends - more than that - comrades in Christ, if you could put it that way. :) (no, i'm not communist lah...)

I'm really touched that one of us skipped a test to be with him. Though obviously it's not recommended, i was really struck by the heart here, esp since we saw the urgency of the situation. My friend, Jesus'll never ever forget what you did for this bro that day... "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did it unto Me."

Zhiwei gave me a hug. Really thank God for him. :)

Something I realised is that I think I know a lot about something, so I don't bother to learn and read up about it, until the test comes, and I find I lack knowledge. :( Realised that this is a trait of me that applies to many, many areas of my life. Thankfully, by God's grace, I respond and start brushing up and learning. But... I think I need to repent in this area of my life -

"We know that we all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.
The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.
But the man who loves God is known by God."
1 Cor 8:1-3

It's pruning time. God's with us - He's pruning us. :)

The Inner Life Of A Cell (HQ)

This is a really good animation of a white blood cell... so beautiful, it's almost like those are living sentient alien beings within a cell of a sentient being... God really created us wonderfully! :)

Hallelujah! :D I've finally implemented a good-looking portfolio... thank You so much Lord, for teaching me new things and strengthening me through these nights...

A reflection on these past experiences:
When God seems silent, even as you struggle along, and you look up to Him pleading for help...

Remember this, YA, that Jesus, our Emmanuel, is with you, even when He seems silent to your struggles. :) It could be that His very presence is His very answer to your struggles.

He never promised a life free of problems.
But He did promise to be with us always.

"I have learnt to be contented, whatever the situation, whether living in plenty or living in want... I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."

Amen. :) Thank You Daddy.

More reflections...
I think God humbled me through this time. I was so confident of my own talents and strength, that I swaggered into this project with self-confidence... only to get trashed by Flash.

When I saw all these talented designers on the net, and realised that my stuff really cannot compare to theirs, felt very dismayed and discouraged.

But thank God, that He humbles the proud... I think He spoke to me through my shepherd (who had suggested that I look at the samples of others' works) and Ziwei's feedback on my design. Think He impressed on my heart that I should be humble and learn from the more talented people rather than moan about my lack of talents and skills.

Wow. What a time of learning it was... I learnt (and re-learnt) a lot of important principles e.g. typography, principles of interactive design, colour theory, etc...

Wow... Think Proverbs can apply to my experience... "The mocker seeks for wisdom, but finds none. But knowledge comes easily to the discerning." I was subtly putting others' designs down in my heart, but God corrected me... and taught me to be humble and be willing to watch and learn from them.

Thank You Daddy! :)

Free Singnet wireless!

Didn't realise (probably because I wasn't paying attention to the ads...) that Singnet has been offering free wireless access till 31 Dec 2009! :) That means I'll be able to access the Net from my laptop... thank God! :)

Check out Singnet's free wireless access!

The Pursuit of Joyfulness :)

James 1:2-8 (NLT)

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

Wow, I think God is reminding me of this truth again. I've been struggling with my portfolio, and the perfectionist edge in me is really steaming ahead full-time. Feeling quite stressed, because I know I have to send out more resumes.

Was asking God how come it seems that He's not giving me design ideas for the portfolio, and whether it's a wise idea to do this portfolio in the first place.

Think (I could be wrong here) He says it's ok, go ahead with the portfolio: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..."

But as to why He hasn't given me any really concrete ideas so far... I think, looking back at these experiences, maybe He's pushing me to think on my own, to build up my skills here. To develop perseverance in this area, even when the creative juices run dry. Because when I do research and read up on the other designers' ideas, I can learn from them, and that, I think, is what He has in mind - He wants me to learn from others, so that I will not become proud in my own strength, but to have this attitude of wanting to learn more from others.

I was very inspired after watching "Pursuit of Happyness". Watching the father struggle on to achieve his dream job (to get them out of poverty, I was very touched that he chose not to give up on his son, but took care of his son, telling him not to give up on his dream, even if his own father told him to do so.

I just wish they spent more time on the father-son aspect too. :)

So, and thinking about one sister (Emma) who's doing her best to finish her Masters amidst tiredness and physical stress, she still joyfully looks up to Jesus through it all. :) Wow! am inspired by her too.

So yup, let's keep going on for Jesus, because He never gave us on us... and let's DREAM SOMETHING WORTHY for God! And do it, no matter how difficult it is, or even if we can't finish it! Because Jesus never gave up the battle to save our souls... till that very moment on the cross, when He said, "It is completed."

Amen! :)

The Simpsonzu

Ohayo! Simpsons come to Japan!

And oh yes, the children. :) Hee... Really love them, I do! God knows I have done so little... but want to push on even more to give my best to take care of them.

Oh yes, want to thank God for this too: while we were doing colouring for the Bible verse Matthew 19:14, I took the opportunity to go the extra mile and ask the children about what they thought about the verse, and how do they know that Jesus loves them. :) Some of the answers were sweet, others surprising. But one of them struck me a lot:

"He answers my prayers."

Wow... out from the mouth of babes... yah! Jesus loves me, this I know...

And that is why I so love to work in HopeTots. :)

*sigh* I really miss my children. :)

Was reading Leanne's blog (do read it, it's very uplifting!), and one thing that I'm very inspired by is to see how she follows Christ, even though things are difficult for her.

Life doesn't seems to be smooth these few months, facing all sorts of difficulties.. last night a brother from RP asked me how many problems will I face per day? I couldn't count, I just know that God knows it well.. my attitude and character was greatly moulded... realise that sometimes I really take things for granted... it's only when I am about to lose it then I start to regret..

It has been 25 years of marriage but 8 years without communicating though living under the same roof.. and now going to come to an end soon.. witnessing my parents going through rough patch in their marriage and now going to put an end.. emotions welled up within.. I always thought there would be a way out.. however seems like I have to accept the fact and adjust my life.. and the role I play at home.. I start to miss the person who has always been protecting us and being a cheerleader in our life.. I start to miss the person who make effort to provide for our needs.. It is time to adjust my expectation too...

I realised something change within my heart through such circumstances, I start to be more expressive in showing my love and concern to my siblings more. Our relationship had also improved greatly. I wonder is it too late.. its only when I realise that I am about to lose one family member from the picture.. certain thoughts just straightened out..

I know that everything is still within God's control.. without Him, I really think that I would have taken alternative path.. It is him who gives me hope and peace.. It is Him who gives me the strength and comfort.. I thank God that He provides me spiritual family and friends too.. that I could open up and share my life.

When I read that entry, I reflected, and realised that I've not been giving thanks to God very much. Oh dear. But actually, why not? :) I think one thing that hinders me from giving thanks to God is because I forget to step one step back and think about how God has been so good to me. And also because I fear that the thing I'm giving thanks for is simply a positive self-encouragement 'pep-talk' aka the NLP-style of "You Can Do It!" And also because sometimes I feel that I shouldn't be feeling so good about myself, or the good things that have been given to me...

But that's not biblical! Because Jesus tells us that he's come to give us life to the max! The devil wants us to be in depression, joylessness and despair - which will only lead to a vicious cycle of despair.

It's true that we should mourn over our sins, but you know what? We should mourn over the fact that our sins hurt God and people, but rejoice in the fact that God hasn't left us alone in our sins, but come to save us, to help us become the people that He wants us to be. :) And That Is A Very Good Reason To Rejoice! :D

Hee hee! And honestly, it's not wrong to think about how good God has been to me :) Oh yah! That reminds me. I was talking with this dear brother in Christ - he's a godly man, working as a magazine salesman in NUS Science Canteen - if you've seen a bespectacled Indian man about 30-ish or 40-ish sitting around at the magazine booth, that's bro Isaac.

I'm very struck by his thankfulness and pure faith in God - he served as a missions trip leader, and also is saving up for a Bible College education. Whoa. One thing that he told me last time was that it's very important to remember that God has been good to me. :) Simple words, but the way he said it, it's very profound. :) Wise words of wisdom.


So haha, a step back...

I can see how God has been working to shape me and prepare me the past few months... I think He's been showing me how my natural inconsideration turns others off, and He's not left me alone - because this inconsiderate attitude of mine is something that's very deeply ingrained in me for many years, so it's very hard for me to change on my own - but given me wonderful brothers esp Weizhu and Peter who have been helping correct me and help me practise thinking about others.

And I'm so glad, because I can see how I've been changing in this attitude at home. You know, recently, my parents got a dog. And the first day it was at home, it poo-pooed and urinated on the floor. *gasp* it was smmmmelly. But I helped to clean up the mess... and believe you me, that was something I would have never done before I became a Christian. :) And I'm so glad that I can be a good testimony for Christ at home, 'cos my mum was so pleased, saying that I'm very helpful. To which I said, "Thank GOD for that! :)"

Not that I'm trying to show off, but this is something that Christ has really changed in my life over the years.

And also so glad for the community of brothers who have been giving me great advice about my job search e.g. Wenjiang, Robert, Peter, Weizhu... I think I really don't treasure these brothers enough. Really thanks so much friends for your help... =D

And thank God also for the fellowship. God knows that I really treasure fellowship a lot. Hee, think I experience God strongly through the love of others. I remember Jan and Weizhu one time going all the way to help me get my laptop even without me asking them... to be honest, i don't usually feel very touched by acts of service, but this one... wow, it was so touching that I almost wept.

I remember also how Jan and a sister and me, we went to buy sandwiches and drinks (actually it was Jan's and the sister's idea) for Huili and another friend since they hadn't eaten anything the whole day... HL was so touched that she cried. :)


To be honest, sometimes I work so hard to serve, and I sit back at the end of the day, wondering if it was all worth it. Then I remember this verse: "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain."

For instance, recently I found out that a dear friend of mine had kept a copy of an affirmation that I had written for him/her about half a year ago. I was so touched, because it was titled "Affirmation For When I Am Down" and actually, I had felt very discouraged after writing that affirmation to that friend, because I didn't receive any words of thanks from that person.

But when I saw that my friend had kept my copy, and titled it "For When I am Down", whoa, I felt so encouraged, because I knew now that that affirmation letter which I had laboured over, was not in vain after all. :) It did its work after all...

And hee, was very pleasantly surprised to find that this friend had also kept a copy of some blog postings that I'd posted... :D

Praise God for His Word, for His faithfulness! So something I learnt from that experience was that if you don't receive recognition or thanks, even from other bros and sisters, for serving them, God may be using your labour to make an impact in their lives that you can't imagine. You may or may not know just how much impact you've really made in this life, but by the grace of God, you'll find out when you meet Jesus. :) "What we do in this life echoes in eternity." "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for Me."

Yup, just like what Qiaoping said, "Jesus will never forget what we have done." AMEN!


And also thank God for Zhiwei, YF and Flince too. :) Must really count my blessings for this very dear brother, ZW, for his friendship and patience with me even when I make mistakes. And also for YF - her wisdom is really a blessing... because I really don't know very much at times how to help Zhiwei experience God better, but YF accurately pinpoints the problems and the better perspectives. Thank God also for Flince, who has been a faithful comrade, and how he shares... you know, one thing that I've seen in his life is how he has grown in emphathy and understanding for others, and in meeting up and fellowshipping with others (something he readily admits that doesn't come naturally to him). It's really a joy to see how he has been growing more and more... oh yes, especially in taking initiative haha... fellow phlegmatics unite!

And also for Shawn. :) Besides Peter and HQ, I'm closer to this bro. Very blessed by how he can look out for the interests of others, and also his thoughtfulness and readiness to help meet the needs of others.

Hah, feel so much more joyful after typing all these thanksgiving. Really must practise more of God's Word - there is so much joy when you do what He says, because His words really are the way that life works best! :D

What does it mean to Look Up To God?

Was sitting at my desk, and just pondering, after looking through some uplifting posts by some bros and sisters. Then this question came to mind - probably inspired in part by Ps Jeff's latest post.

I think, often, when you are feeling quite discouraged, one reason is because you tend to look inside yourself, and you find nothing much.

Just like what I heard in the quote during the sermon msg on Sunday, by Corrie Ten Boom, a wonderful sister from Holland who survived a Nazi concentration camp (she's in heaven now):

"If you look at the world, you'll be distressed.
If you look within, you'll be depressed.
If you look at Christ, you'll be at rest."

Ah, I remember Shuyi also msgd me the above quote too. Very meaningful. Thanks a doz for your faithful encouragement, sis!

Hee! I realise something about the beauty of everyone. I'm so inspired when I think of my Jesus.

He really is the most wonderful person in the whole wide world. And though I haven't seen Him, I do love Him, and I'm filled with a joy that you can't measure enough, because I know that He's not only looking down at me from heaven... more than that, He's together with me even now as I type this blog.

Jesus gives me warmth, in the winter's cold
He gives me light, in the night's darkness
He cheers me on, when I am straggling so
He saves my soul, when I am getting lost
He encourages me, when I am no longer bold
He leads me on, when I am defeated
He rallys my soul.

:)

I'm not ashamed of my Lord Jesus. Even when I feel discouraged because I feel so unworthy at times, and when I'm trying to push myself on in being more disciplined (and fail), and when I don't get any replies for my job resumes, I know that He really is so good, and He cares for me. If He feeds the mynahs, the ravens and the sparrows, I know He will feed me too.

It was never about me or my own strength at all. It's ALL about Him, His goodness that overrides my badness; it's about His power made perfect in my weakness. That is what the Church is about, this is what living the transformed life is all about.

Somehow, and I'm speaking experientially, in the most practical aspect of the word, whenever I feel discouraged, I think of my Jesus, and I look up to Him, to His promise that He will be with us always, to the very end of the age... then I get my strength anew. :)

Ah, feel more encouraged now. =) C'mon YA, get up and move on!

a very long letter to God

Writing this down, because want to remember this time: :) Don't feel obliged to read it - it's just for myself.

Dear Lord,

Really thanks so much for the wonderful time together just now. :) And for diagnosing so precisely why I was feeling so... sian and down and insecure in my heart today.

Because You know that I'm feeling very weak inside. Weak in taking care of the brother I'm helping take care of, weak in wisdom - why do I do so many stupid things?, weak in strength - in obeying You Lord. weak in faith, weak in love, weak in war, weak in work, weak in play, weak in character, weak in hope, weak in Your Word.

I admire those whose faith are strong in God, and exude this inner strength, this joy and peace that radiates from their countenances. I envy those who have much wisdom and are mature in everything they do.

Ironic! Even in my desire to be good, I end up envying and comparing myself with others, taking pride in my own strength, and not looking up to You.

Met You just now in prayer. How I miss those precious times. But looking out into the night sky, I remember that I just felt so helpless, so limited in my strength, even though I've heard today's sermon on You being our Commander. But I felt more like a crazy lamb than a ... charging ram. :)

But I'm so grateful to You God, for just accepting me the way I am. "Be still, and know that I am God." That was the verse that came to my mind as I looked out into the night sky, and remembered those days of love as we sat together, You and me. And I really hungered for those days.

So just sat, and was still in Your presence. And I really felt Your presence so gentle... I know, I'm ashamed of myself, I'm thinking of myself so much like a lamb, instead of being "more than a conqueror". I'm ashamed of my phlegmatic part of me, that I'd rather wait for others to lead instead of me - and for a good reason too!

I know that I'm not the strongest person around - on the contrary, I see myself, and I think others do see me as weak and helpless. I am the least of the people, the least of the earth, the lowliest of the scum, among those condemned to die in the arena.

"Up to this moment, we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world." 1 Cor 4:13b

Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that You are able to guard what I have entrusted to You for that day.

Because what Ps Jeff mentioned in today's sermon: that we Christians will ALWAYS be in the minority, but one thing for sure, even though we are in the minority, we can impact the world exceedingly. 'Cos we are the salt of the earth, the light of the world. As long as there is light in a dark place, there is hope. As long as there is salt in the meat, there is flavour and freshness.

And I so do want to believe with all my heart this promise of God, that He will give us the strength and victory needed.

I'm eagerly looking to You, Lord, to increase my faith, to mature it into all its fullness. I want to learn from Guanrui's example, how he childlikely claims the promises of God in the Bible, that we are to be the head, not the tail, to shine for Jesus in whatever we do. "Now I am Jacob". That was what he messaged some of us. That simple childlike heart that accepts the full truth of our new life in Christ, whereas I stutter and stumble, afraid to tell people that I am Abraham, because I fear what they may say in return.

Oh God. I AM Abraham - he who lied and covered up to save his own skin.

But I AM Abraham - father of faith, father of many nations. I am what I am, not because I made myself the way I am, but because YOU chose me, and gave me this name. "By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect."

Help me remember to always stay on the right path, Lord Jesus. Not to veer towards self-confidence, nor to lean towards self-pity, but to have God-confidence, just like what Philippians says: "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion till the day of Christ Jesus."

And another thing, Lord. I was thinking again and again about the people back in the NUS ministry. But I realise I'm still not fully established in the Adults ministry. I think I'm still taking time, but thank You Lord for Your grace to me, that I'm growing closer and closer to my dear CG, with HQ, with Shawn, Peter, Sarah, Sharon and in due time the others too.

Oh God. Give me faith, and give me strength.

I whisper to You, when I am so exhausted even while taking care of the children running to and fro, "Lord, give me strength."

I whisper to You, when I am about to fall asleep listening to the sermon, "Lord, give me strength."

I whisper to You, when I feel weak, helpless and inadequate in ministering to others, in blessing others, in serving them... "Lord, give me strength."

I whisper to You, when I'm beset by my sinful nature and am going to be overrun by feelings of anger, jealousy, envy, insecurity, lust, greed, slot... and that old archnemesis, pride:

"Lord, give me strength."

And when I look back at today, I'm so amazed how You sustained me through the day, giving me the capacity to love the children dearly, even when I'm so tired, and to pray for them... to bless the dear bros and sisters, to show me grace when I fail them... when I'm feeling insecure, You have lifted me up emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

You really bless all those who take refuge in You. And You hear the tiniest cry of the heart, just like what David wrote in Psalm 18:

"In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From His temple He heard my voice;
my cry came before Him, into His ears."

Wow, I imagine David floating in the midst of a stormy, raging ocean, barely hanging on to a piece of driftwood - "the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me", and in the raging roaring thunderstorm, his faint, distant cry for help barely came into the LORD's ears... so tiny, that even a dropping pin would have been a nuclear explosion compared to his plaintive little bleat.

But what happened? The Lord Almighty responded, and He thundered, smoke coming out of His nostrils, angry at the evil forces assailing his sheep. He storms, He will not be quiet, till justice is done on the earth, and righteousness and peace prevails in His name.

"O God of Power and Righteousness
O God of Power and Righteousness
O God of Power and Righteousness!
And ev'ry foe will tremble at Your name
And ev'ry foe will tremble at Your name
And ev'ry foe will tremble at Your name!"

He parted the heavens and the earth, and like the Riders of the Rohirrm, He leads the cavalry charge, mounted on His white steed, sword raised, overrunning and trampling the dark demonic forces of evil, "till ev'ry foe is vanquished, and Christ is Lord indeed."

:)

Hee, thanks for listening to all these long, long musings, Lord. :) Yup, please help me grow in listening more to Your voice.

Oh yeah. Something that struck me was that I think You've been speaking clearly to me, but Your voice very soft. On hindsight, when I look back, I realise You were speaking to me all along regarding some issues or answers or things, but I didn't stop to listen more closely, and drowned out Your good voice with my own understanding and reasonings.

And well, my reasonings turned out to be wrong, and Your voice turns out to be right.

Whoa.

And thank You Lord for this passage, I shall remember and treasure it always. And I shall claim Your promise of strength contained in this passage:

"As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.

For who is God besides the LORD?
And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn."

Hmm. Very sleepy now. :) But thanks a dozen, dear Jesus. Really pray that You help me grow and mature in my faith and strength in You. In Your mighty name, I pray amen.

Was searching together with Daisy for Alan's birthday album. Found this quote - even it's not very appropriate for the album, I find it very meaningful. :)

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.
Bessie Stanley

Just came back from Sports Day with the bros and sisters. Whoa, great time, despite the fact that the Blue Team got trashed by the Red Team (with two goals from our Man-of-the-Match, Marcus Tan, and an unfortunate own goal from Kangwei :P). Haha...

The "Candle in the Wind" game was really interesting, but became very messy, because the candles, well, kept on blowing out in the wind.

Must really thank God for the good weather - it was great! :)

And also thank God for the good time getting to know Terence the HK-Canadian guy and Rayson, Joyce's friend from SIM. We had a very good dinner (and very full too!) tog at VivoCity foodcourt.

Really treasure the times of fellowship, no matter how short it may be. And just want to thank God, I'm getting closer and closer to my new CG - really thank God for the dear bros and sisters there.

And oh yeah, Rayson's really into media too. w00t! looking forwards to seeing his portfolio. Next week Shawn, Ray and me are intending to go and watch the war movie, "300". Heard that 300's a great film (if you don't mind the violence).

(Numerically-wise... three Singaporeans watching three hundred Greeks fighting a million-plus Persians. Isn't technology interesting? :P)

Boast in the Lord!

Oh, since I was so encouraged by Calyn's post, I just really want to share a testimony of God's goodness... especially since after today's wonderful prayer meeting, where I was so inspired by the lyrics of "I Will Boast".

Paul Baloche
I Will Boast (full lyrics)
Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom
Or the strong man boast in his strength
Let not the rich man boast in his riches
But let the humble come and give thanks
To the One who made us, the One who saved us

[Chorus:]
I will boast in the Lord my God
I will boast in the One Who's worthy
I will boast in the Lord my God
I will boast in the One Who's worthy, He's worthy

Really felt very strengthed and renewed in my heart after worshipping the Lord, for I could sense His presence strongly in the midst of all the people. It's not just a good feeling; it is a biblical truth, because the Lord Jesus Himself said in Matthew 18:20: "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

So it's a renewing process of some basic truths that I've learnt a long time ago: Relying on Jesus, for even the smallest things.

For instance, I was trying to do my design portfolio for the past 2 days. Was slaving over the portfolio yesterday, and when I stepped back to take a look, I just felt it wasn't very good. Ziwei also commented that the design could be much better.

So was praying, and telling God about this. Then He reminded me that ALL the best design works that I've ever done were when I turned to Him in prayer and asked Him for ideas and inspiration. And when I didn't rely on Him, trying to do it by my own strength and 'talent', my works all became quite average.

Hee. So the testimony is that I want to thank Him for the fresh idea that He gave me after I repented and prayed to Him.

Hee! And when I implemented the idea that came into my mind as I was praying, Ziwei came by and saw it, and said it looks much nicer now! :D Since Ziwei's a real gifted artist, that's really quite the compliment. Thanks a doz for your encouraging words, sis. =)

Oh yeah. Jits prayed for me earlier regarding the portfolio too. Another idea had come into my mind. It's a very nice idea. I still haven't implemented it yet though. But I do think that if I implement it, it'll really enhance the portfolio. :) Thanks a doz too for your prayer sis!

Reminds me of what Qiaoping had also prayed for me last year regarding another arts assignment. And also, at that time, a great idea came into my head when she prayed for me... and I implemented it, and hee, it's one of my most creative and best works so far - the lecturer was impressed! :)

God's the most creative person in the whole universe - so why shouldn't we ask Him for ideas? As a wise professor once said, "God creates. Man imitates."

Just like what Jesus Himself said twice, in John 14 and 15:

John 14:
"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

John 15:
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

Yup... let's really look to Jesus in everything that we do, so that He can pour out His power into our lives, that we may live powerful lives for Him in EVERYTHING we say and do! :)

An entry from Calyn's blog... very encouraged and inspired! :)

I came across Calyn's latest post dated Friday, March 09, 2007, after Shuyi mentioned it. Whoa... I felt very touched and inspired by Calyn's post.

To be honest, I wish I could have her spirit that loves God so much. =) Hee, she reminds me of 1 Timothy 4:12:

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

now my form of 'break' or when i need to refresh myself is thru the word of god. i m very excited, ve been discovering alot thru His word. No matter how many times i read the same passage or verse, it never fail to encourage me and give me new insights of application into my life and the char of god. hee... living with god and letting the holy spirit lead your life is indeed an exciting one. can't wait for prayer's meet later. hee... the last time i experience breakthru of faith (having faith in god). this time i go with the anticipation of experiencing god intimately and to hear from Him later. Cause being intimate with God is st my heart desire :)

I think I'm writing like this, because I really want to have this kind of heart, a heart that really eagerly desires God. I've been finding myself slacking, not just in my working attitude, but also in heart attitude. I really want a heart that looks up to Jesus, to His Word - and I don't want to care what the world thinks of me when I have this attitude.

Nah, I shouldn't compare myself with her - that's so much my natural tendency. On the contrary, I should be inspired by her heart attitude too - to follow her example as she follows the example of Christ, no matter how young or old she may be. God looks at the heart, always!

Hee. Don't be worried for me, friend... ups and downs will always happen in one's walk with God. These are one of the downer times, but I want to really thank God for these more difficult times, because during such times, when God's Word feels drier, when the walking is harder - and you're panting, and the days seem cloudier... God's love is always so true. :) I'm not ashamed to be a melancholic, for I know that He made me to feel for Him and think deeply of Him.

*******
Psalm 23: "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want."

One of the most beautiful and beloved psalms, not just in the Bible, but a classic mentioned in many works of literature. My old shepherd told me that this psalm, written by David, was not written during his happy times. Instead, he wrote it when he was feeling very stressed and down, when he was in hiding from enemies who wanted to kill him.

And yet, he wrote,

"He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me besides still waters.
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake."

And he confidently spoke of his darkest nights:

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and staff, they comfort me."

And he looks ahead to a sure future, even with his enemies baying for his blood at this very moment:

"You prepare a table before me
In the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
All the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

Drawing Strength from God

Was thinking, how does one draw strength from God? Was feeling very tired today when I woke up. One dear bro had been sharing with me that he was feeling very dry, but with the little faith he has left, he'll hang on to God. :)

So thankful to God for him, that though a lot of things are on his mind, he, in the end, chose to say that he will stay with God.

Was so burdened, thus, today, and sitting on the edge of my bed, hair unkempt, and teeth unbrushed, and face unwashed. I was telling God that I could understand how my bro felt. Not that I'm faltering in my faith in Him, but I feel that sense of weariness, and I was wondering how does one draw strength from God in times like these?

When I read the Bible, the words seem so dry and devoid, and I try to see how they apply into my life, but they seem so irrelevant to my present situation.

Lord You seem so far away. A million miles or more it feels today.
And though I haven't lost my faith, I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray.
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start.

Then opened my Bible and just read the Psalm that I was last at.

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Becuase he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure;
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
Psalm 16:5-11

And I felt so assured by these words, felt so much more peaceful. Because I know that He was speaking into my situation.

And the surprising thing was, I had read those same words yesterday, and they seemed so far away from me.

And I wondered, why do I feel so touched today, whereas yesterday was so different?

Perhaps it's because yesterday I was thinking about my own things, and hoping that God will speak something into my situation, so that I can handle the situation the way I want it to be.

But then, that may not be what Jesus had in mind.

And today, I was just reading the same words, just listening to what He wants to say, and accepting these words as my own, letting them be the words of my own heart.

And hee, God is so wise... later on, as part of my daily readings, I read Luke 10:38-42, about Mary and Martha who welcomed Jesus into their house.

[Martha] had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Wow... Jesus really knows the very condition of my heart, and He corrected me. :)

Hee... so now I learnt how to better receive, to better draw strength from God... it's just listening to His words, and accepting them into my heart, making them part of my own heart too. :)

Yup... hope it helps you too! If you know of other ways of drawing strength from God, please do share with me... so that we can learn from one another! :)

Today

Had lunch with Yanjie today in NUS. Very refreshing time of fellowship. :)

Then met up with Zhiwei and Flince and YF for followup. Really enjoy the time together with these dear friends.

Later prayed together with Swee Leong and shared about some things on my mind with him. Very blessed by his sharing. Thanks bro! :)

Then met Jits in the comp centre. Thank God for her encouragement! Very funny too, the way the encouragement went... :)

Then went to Peter's place to help pass some stuff to him. Surprised to find Melissa there. Turns out she was learning Premiere Pro from Peter. :) Great time of fellowship again. :)

Weizhu helped me buy a cheap charger for my laptop. Very touched by his thoughtfulness. He also gave me some feedback. Really thank God for him too! :D

Now playing with my new dog. His name's Volvo, though I suggested to my mum that we call him Frisky instead. We'll see which name wins out. Have taught him to sit already. :) Thank God for this dog.

:)

"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

New York Times - Darwin’s God: the tragedy of human cognition?

This is a very long article - 11 pages long. But I'll try to summarise this article...

Essentially, there are evolutionary theorists ('spandrelists') who have attempted to tackle the question of why religion seems to come so naturally to human beings.

Call it God; call it superstition; call it, as Atran does, “belief in hope beyond reason” — whatever you call it, there seems an inherent human drive to believe in something transcendent, unfathomable and otherworldly, something beyond the reach or understanding of science. “Why do we cross our fingers during turbulence, even the most atheistic among us?” asked Atran when we spoke at his Upper West Side pied-à-terre in January. Atran, who is 55, is an anthropologist at the National Center for Scientific Research in Paris, with joint appointments at the University of Michigan and the John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York. His research interests include cognitive science and evolutionary biology, and sometimes he presents students with a wooden box that he pretends is an African relic. “If you have negative sentiments toward religion,” he tells them, “the box will destroy whatever you put inside it.” Many of his students say they doubt the existence of God, but in this demonstration they act as if they believe in something. Put your pencil into the magic box, he tells them, and the nonbelievers do so blithely. Put in your driver’s license, he says, and most do, but only after significant hesitation. And when he tells them to put in their hands, few will.

If they don’t believe in God, what exactly are they afraid of?

...

In short, are we hard-wired to believe in God? And if we are, how and why did that happen?

...

According to them, religion is a byproduct of evolution, and it may offer special benefits, as espoused by the adaptationist school of evolution that proposes the 'group selection' theory.

Thought about their arguments, and I think their arguments, while persuasive-sounding, does have some assumptions that don't seem to hold water very well. But there are some points raised that I agree with. :)

The key problem is that the stance about religion being an evolutionary benefit is putting the cart before the horse. For instance, being altruistic is seen to benefit yourself in the long run, hence enhancing your own possibility of survival. Makes sense, is logical and has been pretty much proven in practise. But does that necessarily mean that since being altruistic works, therefore, it is an evolutionary benefit? It seems to me, at best, a case of affirming the consequent, a logical non-sequitur.

Thus, we need to remember that this argument about religion being an evolutionary by-product rests on the validity of the assumption that evolution is true. As the New York Times article concludes:

And one prominent member of the byproduct camp, Justin Barrett, is an observant Christian who believes in “an all-knowing, all-powerful, perfectly good God who brought the universe into being,” as he wrote in an e-mail message. “I believe that the purpose for people is to love God and love each other.”

At first blush, Barrett’s faith might seem confusing. How does his view of God as a byproduct of our mental architecture coexist with his Christianity? Why doesn’t the byproduct theory turn him into a skeptic?

“Christian theology teaches that people were crafted by God to be in a loving relationship with him and other people,” Barrett wrote in his e-mail message. “Why wouldn’t God, then, design us in such a way as to find belief in divinity quite natural?” Having a scientific explanation for mental phenomena does not mean we should stop believing in them, he wrote. “Suppose science produces a convincing account for why I think my wife loves me — should I then stop believing that she does?”

What can be made of atheists, then? If the evolutionary view of religion is true, they have to work hard at being atheists, to resist slipping into intrinsic habits of mind that make it easier to believe than not to believe. Atran says he faces an emotional and intellectual struggle to live without God in a nonatheist world, and he suspects that is where his little superstitions come from, his passing thought about crossing his fingers during turbulence or knocking on wood just in case. It is like an atavistic theism erupting when his guard is down. The comforts and consolations of belief are alluring even to him, he says, and probably will become more so as he gets closer to the end of his life. He fights it because he is a scientist and holds the values of rationalism higher than the values of spiritualism.

This internal push and pull between the spiritual and the rational reflects what used to be called the “God of the gaps” view of religion. The presumption was that as science was able to answer more questions about the natural world, God would be invoked to answer fewer, and religion would eventually recede. Research about the evolution of religion suggests otherwise. No matter how much science can explain, it seems, the real gap that God fills is an emptiness that our big-brained mental architecture interprets as a yearning for the supernatural. The drive to satisfy that yearning, according to both adaptationists and byproduct theorists, might be an inevitable and eternal part of what Atran calls the tragedy of human cognition.

Hmm. In any case, the Christian faith is about a God who doesn't stand far off, having divided the spiritual and physical realms. On the contrary, "the Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us". And even if we don't know which God is the true God, we still have this knowledge that there MUST be a God somewhere out there. Even most polytheists and pantheists among us humans believe in a Supreme God, the most High God, etc.

As Paul explained to the Athenian Greeks:

22Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: "Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. 23For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you.

24"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.

27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'

Yup, a very long post... but hope it helps! :)

I had a beautiful dream today... a sweet, milky kind of dream.

The Dream
I don't know why, but I think God spoke to me in a very special way this morning.

I've been waking up at 12 pm or later these past weeks, 'cos I've been sleeping very, very late, but yesterday, I decided to start changing my sleeping habits, because I know it's not good for me - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And I also love to spend time with God in the morning... it's just a special thing - somehow, I feel mornings are very special to God.

So after reading a while through the Narnia book, "Voyage of the Dawn Treader", and my Bible, I slept one hour earlier than my usual sleeping hour. And when I woke up, it was 11 am. Ah, for the first time in many weeks, I woke up in the morning, feeling refreshed. :)

And suddenly, these words came to my mind, in a half-dream of sorts, in a lilting sing-song:

"Come and have breakfast."
"Come and have breakfast."
"Come and have breakfast."

You know those kinds of half-dreams where things are true or would be true if they really happened, and yet they seem to be infused with a sweet and milky hue? :) That's how these words were.

I recognised them as part of John 21:12:

Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast." None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord.

And these words also came out from the last few pages of the Narnia book, where the children meet Aslan the Lion, the Christ-figure, who appears to them as a Lamb before transfiguring into the Lion that he is in Narnia. Hee...

And I remembered that St. Augustine detailing in his tome, Confessions, when he was living a hedonistic life as an unbeliever, heard different words in a similar way: "Take it and read.""Take it and read." "Take it and read." And he felt prompted to take up a dusty Bible that he'd never touched before, and read it. So I figured that hey, this could be God speaking to me too.

And with that, I woke up and got out of bed.

Meaning?
I was wondering why these words came to me. Perhaps it's just something simple... I don't know, but I think He was speaking to my heart regarding something that I had been praying to Him yesterday...

Because I was feeling quite distant from God, like God is unreal, and His presence seems so far, far away. To be honest, I didn't ask Him to come near to me... I just shared with Him how I felt towards Him. And I believe He heard that prayer, and answered me that way. :)

So what does "Come and have breakfast?" mean to me?

1. I guess, for one thing, it reminds me that, at the end of the day, sometimes relating with God can be so simple. God simply longs to fellowship with us. We dream of doing all sorts of big things for God, praying long hours, etc... attending caregroups and services... but we forget that He sometimes just wants to sit down and sup with us. :) To eat a good breakfast of kaya and toast together with me, like how He ate fish and chips with His disciples on that beach 2000 years ago.

2. And I think God was also smiling too... He has a divine sense of humour. He knows that I'm struggling to wake up in the morning, so He was telling me, "Come and have breakfast." Breakfast can only be eaten in the morning, so I guess that was His teasing way of congratulating me for breaking through in my sleeping habits.

So funny... God really is like that meh? Then why not... I remember reading from the teaching on obedience, that when we decide to obey God's commands, He is so pleased... And I guess He was as pleased as Punch when I decided to repent of my ungodly sleeping hours. :)

3. Lastly, I think He was also telling me that He really wants to fellowship with me in the morning. Could feel His gentle chiding here. He's incredibly gracious to me, even though I deserve an outright grand scolding. I think He misses those times of fellowship with me in the morning. I don't know why, but it seems to me that God loves times of fellowship in the mornings, if you read about how Jesus fellowshipped with His Father in the early morning, and how the Psalmist spoke of meeting God in the morning. And God created the morning... so I think He loves mornings. :)

Incredibly touched by that dream. How can it be, that God would be so fond of me, despite all my sinfulness? I know it sounds egoistical to say that... so I'll add that He is equally fond of every one of His children, whether lost or found, for He doesn't show favouritism. John 3:16...

Unconditional love... I still have a hard time grasping this beautiful truth, that, in this shattered, broken, polluted, ungodly, insane and dying world, there is Someone who actually loves me enough to die for me. Humbling...

Your love has captured me
Oh my God this love, how can it be?

Sitting at my comp and just thinking about two things - or rather, three things that challenged me today.

The sermon today was on Distinguishing between True and False, by Ps Lawrence.
Very convicted - not only for myself, but also for some dear friends whom I was thinking of. Attitude of loving the truth... not just in actions, but also speaking the truth in love to those who need to hear it...

And also one point that convicted me was the part where just because it's not explicitly spelt out, spelled out in words in the Bible, I rationalize that it must be ok.

And this point gripped me too: "If God gives us an impression that someone is struggling in sin, will we bring it up?"

*******
Then, second thing was, when I responded to the altar call, and went down, the leader praying for me prophesised this word over me:
"This is what the Lord wants to say to you: Draw strength from God, not from your own strength or abilities, not from people or situations, but draw strength from God."

Wow. I was very surprised by that word spoken, but I accept it as a prophetic word from the Lord Himself... and personally, after reflecting on it, I think it's very true - and accurate. :) 'Cos, as I had shared with Sarah, I've been having a lot of fears in my mind the past few weeks... and I think these fears arise, because I do not look to Jesus for strength.

Some of the things that I fear are things like this: fear of falling away from God in the workplace, fear of not being able to land a good job that I enjoy, fear of not finding the right sister, fear of my procrastination, fear of missing the bus (i.e. jobs) due to my procrastination... fear of not taking good care of my sheep, fear that he'll fall away in future, fear of this and that...

Some of these fears are irrational, some of them are very valid and some are in-between. But was troubled and stressed because they all are so much and so jumbled up.

But praise be to God our Saviour, who daily carries our burdens. :)

So shared this with Sarah, and then asked her: "How can I draw strength from God?"

She asked me, "Hmm... what do you think?"

Shared with her that I think it means meditating on God's promises and asking the Holy Spirit to help me obey His truths.

Then she said,
"Yes, hold on to God's truth and ask His Holy Spirit to help us claim the truth. It's like a child crossing a drain. How can he cross the drain? Because he trusts his father, and his eyes are fixed on his dad."

"Oh I see... so we ask the Holy Spirit to help us obey the truth?"

"No, it's claim, not obey. Because we can obey, but the heart may still not be fully trusting. But when we claim the truth, it is in our hearts and obeying His truth will come naturally."

She smiled, and went on, "Because the Holy Spirit, He's our Counsellor."

"Oh! yah... I forgot my basic doctrines... so He'll lead us into all truth..."

"Yes, He will."

So very touched... and as I turned to pack up, these words came back to me:
"Lord, I'm stepping out
Of the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding on to You..."

And was suddenly so overwhelmed that I needed to sit down and pray. Really thank God for His grace and mercy to a sinner like me... how deep... how deep... how deep is His love to a wretch like me! Why does He love me so much?

These very words are playing as I type them:
I'll never know
How much it cost
To see my sins
Upon that cross...

Thank You dear Jesus for dying for me on the cross...

*******
After that, some time later, after going shopping with Sharon and Junting *thanks dear sisters for accompanying me to buy my working clothes, really appreciate it so much! :D*, I messaged Weizhu about a library book that I'd borrowed using his card... told him that I returned it late.

Then he msged me back, asking me why.

Was surprised, but thank God for him... he explained to me that he just want to help me see what this experience shows about me. It's not the fine - it's just a very small thing, but rather, it's my returning it late that says a lot about me.

He reminded me of what the sermon said today, that I could be rationalizing my procrastination...

And yes, that's so true... I was thinking about that... think the Spirit's been trying to drop hints to me before that, but I've been brushing them under the carpet.

Time to take a deeper look into why i procrastinate... and more importantly, claim the truth that procrastination is not pleasing to God.

********
But why is procrastination not pleasing to God?

I need to go read the Bible again... oh God, I'm gonna end up rationalizing and making excuses for my procrastination again... please help me be willing to be willing to claim the truth. (no, that's not a grammar mistake that i typed just now...) In Jesus' name, I pray amen.

Resumes from Iwo Jima

i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
typing resumes from iwo jima?
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
haha...
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
yah
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
applying for a better job
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
better? what job?
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
iwo jima is a lousy place
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
hha
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
haha
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
career objective: i want to survive the war
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
hah
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
LOL
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
gd one...
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
you're FIRED.
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
hahaah

*******

[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
wat u doing now?
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
was about to go n sleep..
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
but just decided to pop by for a while
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
ertzz.................
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop pop pop

i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast just sent you a nudge.

[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop pop poppop pop poppop pop poppop pop poppop pop poppop pop poppop pop poppop pop poppop pop pop [yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop corn lah...
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:
u really sound like a bot haha
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
really?
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
the pop-bot
[yeu@nn] letters from iwo jima - really touching man says:
pop!
i stand here as a freeman..and a freeman i am..free from the plastic cast!!..the man behind the cast says:

Lord, I'm Stepping Out... Of My Comfort Zone...

Was feeling very, very tense... found it very hard to type the next resume. Because of my perfectionism, I really fear sending out an imperfect resume.

Was telling God that I really hate writing resumes... how I wish I didn't have to type any at all! How I wish I could stay in my comfort zone forever, and not have to risk being rejected in applying for jobs... that's why I really hate doing sales or cold calls...

Then had this longing to just listen to "Centre of My Life". And these lyrics really spoke what my heart needed to pray:

Lord I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me,
Holding onto You

Freedom comes
When I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God

...

I have found Your peace
It replaces any fear
You have done it all
I can trust in you

So I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding onto you...

Wow, really thank God so much for these lyrics and the music... just felt so much more peaceful, because I'm reminded that in the end, the outcome depends on God, even as I do my best...

So I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding on to You...

Yes, I must focus on Jesus even as I step out of my comfort zone. For Freedom comes, when I call Him Lord... He is Lord, my God!

"Cast all thy cares on Him, for He careth for thee."

Amen! :)

The Trojan War

Just came back from Peter's place an hour ago. Thank God, his leg cast's finally off! :D Praise God... trouble is, his knee is extremely stiff from the long time of being stuck in the cast - it hurts his knee very much if he has to bend it. So he has to slowly stretch it over time.

Anyway, spent several hours at his place, and we managed to remove a determinedly pesky Trojan horse from his computer after an epic and protracted battle of over six hours... half a million bytes or so wiped out... of sweat, blood and tears... ok, maybe we didn't shed so much blood. :P

[geek-alert]
Wow. First, we tried the standard tactics of crawling into the Windows registry and editing it by hand... aka hand-to-hand combat. But, we found out that the Trojan program simply reinstalled its references back into the registry after rebooting.

YA: Hey Peter, I sense its presence again. The Force is strong with this one.

So, we decided to unleash a Linux recovery CD called "Trinity Rescue Kit". Sounds like it came out of the Matrix, eh? But its antivirus program, ClamD, simply clammed up when it tried to scan a particular file. Tried again - and it clammed up at the same file. So lame.

Peter: Eh, looks like Linux just got owned by this trojan! Hahaha!

Finally, out of desperation, and much searching, we came across this program called BartPE. BartPE? It stands for:

Bart's Preinstalled Environment (BartPE) bootable live windows CD/DVD

Orh... I see... but after looking through the site, it looks reasonably genuine, not a phishing or spyware site. So tried it out.

YA: Hey man, this is the KWOS.
Peter: KWOS?
YA: The Kin Wee Operating System. His name is Bartholomew mah...
Peter: Ertz.

What BartPE does (to put it very simply) is that it burns a simplified version of Windows XP onto a CD-R and makes it bootable, so that you can use it as a boot CD.

P: Hey, you know what XP in Windows XP stands for?
YA: What?
P: Xtremely Pathetic.
YA: ...

And you can also add F-Prot, an anti-virus software. We used the DOS version, and put it together as a plugin for the BartPE software.

Finally, we booted up the whole contraption.

YA: This is it! It's do or die time!
Peter: The Final Battle!

And... it worked! :D Thank God! The virus was soundly defeated. So we cleaned up all the unwanted antivirus programs (AVG Free turned out to be pretty useless, whereas SpywareDoctor was able to detect the trojan, but you have to pay money to get the removal feature available)... sorta like dragging all the dead bodies from the battlefield after the battle, except that you drag the files to the Recycle Bin.
[/geek-alert]

Very good time tog, really treasure this time of fellowship. We didn't just stare at the comp - though we did stare for a LONG time. Very impressed by Peter's patience with the comp... =) Had a good time sharing about what was on my mind these few days with Peter too.

He reminded me that fighting against sin, including proud thoughts, is a daily battle. So true... =)

Ok... that's it for now...

Just came back from my first Adults SubD 242. Wow, amazed by the vision for NG14, my new sub-district. Really thank God for Alan and his team of leaders! :D

This vision is specific to our sub-district, but I must say, I'm really excited by this. Where we go, nobody knows ('cept God), but Oh, The Places We'll Go! :)

Alan stressed these two aspects of the vision (which is derived from the church's vision, whicn in turn is a personalization of Christ's Great Commission):

1. Quality of our life – What we want to BE
2. Output of our life – What we want to DO

The BE aspect: 5 points: What we want to see

1. We want to discover and progressively realize our life purpose in Christ.

2. People who learn, understand and apply the Word of God at a deeper level.

• b. A lot of Christians have not been feeling that the Bible is very relevant and deep in their lives…
• c. IF WE DON’T MAKE THE WORD OF GOD CENTRAL IN OUR LIVES… WE WILL END UP TWISTING THE WORD OF GOD TO JUSTIFY OUR ACTIONS AND THOUGHTS…
• e. *** Their internal values is not quite Word-based… but we don’t know what exactly is Word-based, because we ourselves don’t know the Word of God sharply enough…
• g. WE NEED TO CENTER OUR VALUE SYSTEMS ON THE WORD OF GOD…
• h. Lord… please have mercy on me… I’ve been justifying myself in some areas of my life – e.g. my laziness → I’ve been attributing it to my personality… but it is WRONG in Your sight…
• i. Hebrews 4:12-13
• j. Hebrews 5:11-14 “In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers… you need milk, not solid food! But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil… Therefore let us leave the elementary truths and move on to maturity…”
• k. A lot of us are not strong in the Word… hmm… Lord, I think You’ve been prompting me to study the Bible… to be honest I don’t quite enjoy going through… but I have to do it! We should understand and apply the Word of God more!

3. Model Christ in the marketplace.

• a. WWJD – What Would Jesus Do? ask myself often…
• b. In the area of ethics… thinking – not just asking WWJD, but also, WJRNDI? Would Jesus Really Not Do It? For we need to know the proper context too...
  
• c. We have to be well-informed – like Jesus, who was well-informed (always learning and growing more and more) and well-networked.
• d. Learning to talk about topical subjects e.g. Singapore's Budget for this year - do we know the facts?
  

4. Be Spirit-filled and always looking out for opportunities to exercise spiritual gifts

• a. One of the outward signs is a willingness and desire to pray in the Spirit.
  Praying in the Spirit is an indication of the natural outcome of the willingness and desire to do so...
  
• b. Lists of spiritual gifts: Ephesians 4, Romans 12… etc

5. Help fellow members succeed in all aspects of their lives through accountability, love and humility.

• a. We must have the attitude of REALLY wanting to help one another succeed in all aspect of their lives... Not just lobangs… but more than that, helping one another in life, in evangelising to one's loved ones e.g. parents... even in BGR too! But, just to clarify, we help the couple grow in their relationships through accountability!"
• i. Alan shared about 2 couples who came to seek accountability from him, and how he helped them grow in depth of relationship...
• c. If we don’t help one another succeed (and here Alan grimaced), don’t go and pretend to thank God… we MUST help one another! But must be in the spirit of accountability, love and wanting them to succeed.
• Accountability and trust very important… And HUMILITY too! We need to ask people to help us! We can’t expect our fellow bros and sisters to be omniscient...

The DO aspect: 3 points:
1. Start ventures to further the Kingdom causes

• a. Wow… so exciting… haha… thinking about media training… hee hee… thank You Lord for Peter’s idea… haha.. oh I should tell him about my own idea too… adding on to what he said… a media communications solution company… looking at the various forms of media…
• b. Tent-making ideas… Then our ministries will not be in need

2. We want to plant Acts communities in all sectors and industries

• a. Of course, we are very very far from this, but got a very long timeframe…
• b. Enough Christians in a cluster of buildings so that CG will be so much easier… like how got HQ in NUS… imagine! Having HQ in my workplace… =D

3. Influence and win decision-makers to Christ

• a. Some of our ministries are for the under-privileged, some for the performing artistes… and some are for the HODs, CEOs, etc…
• b. A lot of these people need Christ, despite their exteriors

*******
Hmm... I'm writing these points down, 'cos I want to also capture this vision too. I think the points that struck me most were the ones about how we need to align our value systems to the Word of God, and about starting ventures to further the Kingdom causes.

Of course, this is a very long-term thing, but I think, after reading the Bible and seeing what Jesus said to His disciples, that they will be His witnesses before kings and governors in His name, and He will put words so powerful and true in their mouths that none can contradict them...

And after reading of William Carey, 18th-century missionary who impacted India in so many ways, not just spiritually, but academically, socially, legislatively, morally and even scientifically (he was a hobbyist botanist), and of Mother Teresa... and of many unknown heroes in Asia too, who have given their lives (both figuratively and literally) to sharing the good news of God's love and making an impact on both rich and poor for Him.

I'm reminded so then, that the best human qualifications and strengths don't count for anything much (though they can be used greatly by God too) apart from God, but when we choose to give more and more of our lives, strengths and skills to God as the days go by, then no matter how slow we grow, His power in us can grow exponentially - no, even greater than exponentially. For nothing is impossible with God!

But we need unity of spirit as a community of Christians, because this vision, though Alan and his team developed it, is ultimately based on Christ's Great Commission. And that is the whole purpose of this vision - we must remember the Great Commission.

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Responsibilities of a Mature Adult

A funny strip, but think it's very timely, yesterday and today. 'Cos somehow, there's been a bunch of incidents, experiences, others' casual comments and the Bible verses that I've been reading - all these seem to be pointing towards the same thing: Responsibilities.

'Cos one bro was sharing with me about a friend who is taking quite a long time to assume his/her responsibilities to provide for his/her family financially even though he/she's not getting any younger.

What struck me was how seriously this dear bro took these responsibilities to be. His remark set me thinking for a while. Shared with him that I also feel some of these responsibilities as a burden in my heart - e.g. I want to find a job quickly, 'cos I don't want to be a financial burden to my family, and also I want to bless my parents back who have worked so hard for me and my siblings. They're very old, and yet they're still working to provide for us. (REALLY thank God they're still hale and hearty for their ages... but still, it won't be quite the same as they grow even older.)

Then it set me off to think on a variety of topics:

E.g. How about my responsibilities as a student? I may not have been the best student on campus, but was I the best student that I CAN be?

Thought about it, and soberly speaking, there were quite a lot of squandered opportunities where I didn't push myself to excel. But still, on the grace side, I know some of my weaknesses, e.g. procrastination, can also be turned into strengths if managed properly. Etc. etc.

But like what the Bible says, forgetting what lies behind, let's press on forwards to the heavenly prize that's in store for us! :) So I felt really thankful to the Spirit, that He has opened my eyes and helped me see that becoming an adult has greater responsibilities.

Hmm... I think this new insight is particularly meaningful and important to me, 'cos all these years, something that never really struck me was the sense of responsibility. I mean, I've been blessed to live a privileged life all my life, what with a maid, car, university education, etc., but think one problem that comes with all these blessings is that I start thinking I'm not responsible to take good care or make full use of the things that have been given / entrusted to me.

Luke 12:48b
[Jesus said:]"...From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

But like what my Chief Clerk in Army reminded me: "Oei! It's a PRIVILEGE, not an entitlement!"

I guess for many, many people, this would have been duh-isn't-it-obvious... yeah... I don't know why I took so long to see this truth. But... thank God... better late than never.

But whatever happens, I know that this is a very timely truth. 'Cos I'm starting a new phase of life. Life's not care-free anymore, but the Lord has already invited us to cast all our cares onto Him, because He cares for us. :)

Shirley commented to me some time ago that guys tend to take a longer time to mature. I think that's very true... though I believe that's not necessarily a bad thing - just as a tall strong oak tree takes years to grow and mature, so the character of a man needs time to grow. Of course, growing is essential to a healthy walk with God... like what my dear shepherd taught me - what's really important is not so much of how fast you grow, but whether you KEEP on growing, regardless of how much.

Just like a marathon - doesn't matter how fast or slow, as long as you still go.

So I was thinking, part of becoming a mature adult is knowing what your responsibilities in life are, and fulfilling them. Especially for those who want to be true disciples of Christ.

Hmm. Still thinking about that.

And oh, just want to add a note of thanks to God again: I went up to Popular Bookshop, and stumbled upon two useful books - a condensed version of "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", a guide to effective financial management, and a book on "Getting Organized". Thank God for these serendipitous discoveries! Bought both of them - I think these two resources are useful for helping me learn to fulfill my financial and working responsibilities better.

*******
[digression]
Yup yup... oh yeah, I was reading through the condensed version of "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", and something that struck me was how many of these financial principles set out in the book can be found plainly in the book of Proverbs, in the Bible. E.g. "...He who gathers money little by little makes it grow", "A fool spends all he has...", etc. :)

No, I'm not putting Mr Kiyosaki down - I'm just so impressed how relevant, practical and useful the Bible can be. Like what Francis and Edith Schaeffer said: "All truth is God's truth." Amen! :) 'Cos God is the Father of all truth, and the truth is, the principles in the Bible have power - power that even non-believers can use. Of course, others may say it's common-sense... but hey, all truth belongs to God, and truth is, the truth works, whether you believe in God or not.

Like how Gandhi, though a Hindu, applied the teachings of Jesus on non-violence (e.g. "Do not repay evil for evil..." and "Those who live by the sword shall die by the sword") in his struggle for his nation's independence, and we can see the lasting blessings of this truth on his country. Of course, others may say it's common-sense... but why not give God the benefit of the doubt? :)
[/digression]

Today, wow, a very good day. :) Thank God! Met up with Huaqiang over lunch at MOS Burger at Toa Payoh. Very touched when he treated me. =) Had a good time chatting and getting to know one another better. :) Really enjoy the times spent together with this dear friend and bro in Christ!

*******
Then later, went to Career Fair 2007 at Suntec City. I'm sure you've read about it in the Recruit section of the Straits Times Classified. Thank God! He answered one of my prayers - to find a company that offers a media job - be it private or public or educational sector.

And surprisingly, it wasn't a media company (there were almost none there at the Career Fair, actually). It was a semiconductor company. They're looking for a media designer, and the position's so new that it's not even on the application form - you have to pen it in yourself. :P Go figure.

Hmm. I've submitted my resume. Hope I can get it. Still praying that God'll guide me to the best job that He has in mind for me. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Which reminds me. My dear cousin, Lena, msged me this beautiful quote this morning.

"Trust is knowing that God will allow into my life only the things that will be for my ultimate good."

Thank God for her! :D Hee, so blessed - it's the first time ever that someone from outside my immediate family kept in touch with me apart from Chinese New Year. :) Wow... isn't God so wonderful? Praise God for this breakthrough, by His amazing grace! And she's very encouraging too... I'm so very encouraged and inspired by her simple, sweet and childlike faith in God. :)

*******
Finally, met Jits and Hwee for dinner at Holland Village. We had a wonderful dinner at Crystal Jade restaurant. Chicken soup and 'la mian' (hand-pulled noodles) very nice. Then Hwee suggested going over to Haagen-Daaz for dessert. Coffee ice-cream, Belgian choc and green tea and banana-split, all very nice! :) Stuffed to the gills, we were.


Mmm... nice ice-cream~!

Funny ah, I earlier felt an inner prompting to ask the waitress on duty whether there were any birthday promotions, but didn't think much of it...

But turns out, when we had just finished the ice-cream and finished going to the loo, Jits and Hwee noticed the people at the table next to us getting a birthday slice of cake on the house. So since today (if you consider 1 Mar = 29 Feb) was Hwee's birthday, we decided to try asking the staff. And guess what?

The manager came over, and said that we had already eaten the ice-cream... but he'll give us a birthday discount! :D Wow! We were so blessed! :D Praise God for the wonderful staff at Haagen-Daaz Holland Village - very blessed by their warm and friendly service! :D

Haha... and then after that we had a touching time of sharing about our ministries and sheep... and J and H's bday wishes... very encouraged by what J and HC shared. Really, think we (as in everyone in the church) really should share more about our faith, hope and love, with one another - it really encourages and edifies everyone who hears it! :D

Actually, that's another prayer that God answered, that I prayed before we met up... that we might be mutually encouraged by each other's faith. =) Just like what Romans 1:11-12 says:

"I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong - that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith."

Wow... hey now that I type and share all this, I really feel God's pleasure on me. Wow, it's really good to tell others what the Lord has done for us. That's what Jesus told the ex-demoniac whom He cast out an entire battalion of demons ...

"The man from whom the demons had gone out begged to go with him, but Jesus sent him away, saying, 'Return home and tell how much God has done for you.' So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him."

Hee... oh yeah, one interesting thing I learnt abt Jits - her ears are incredibly sensitive to any songs that she knows. Halfway in the middle of a deep conversation, in the middle of a noisy cafe, she'll suddenly perk up and say, "Hey, that's (song title)!" and happily hum along, after which she'll return back to where she left off. Incredible... she's a walking iPod - the 40GB version. Haha...

Very refreshing time, I commented to Hwee after that. Thank God for that time of fellowship... =) hee, thank God for the precious friendships that we've formed in uni life... and praying that we can form even deeper ones with our dear bros and sisters in the Adults ministry! :D

Amen! :)