"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."

And this one too - think it's very helpful to me too in my search for His calling for me. :) I remember Hanhui exhorting me to have this 'holy discontent' in my heart...

Oh just to clarify what I mean by "Holy Discontent":

Simply means that you're not satisfied with this life - you need something much greater to live for. And shouldn't we have this hunger in our hearts to make something meaningful of our lives? Our lives are worth far, far too much to indulge on ourselves only. No, they were meant to be poured out into other people's lives.

(That's why I can't stand the Centrepoint ads... they promote a self-serving, self-indulgent agenda... I mean, it's not wrong to enjoy ourselves, but... life is so much more than just living for ourselves only!)

I remember reading in Reader's Digest many years ago about this brilliant man, Admiral Hyman G. Rickover, who was regarded as "Father of the Nuclear Navy", and achieved many, many things in his long life. But on his deathbed, he turned to his friend (think it was Jimmy Carter) and asked him, "What have I done with my life, really?"

His friend didn't know what to say, so he tried, "Think about the impact you've left behind on people..."

The admiral thought about it and said, "Ah. The impact on people. I think I can live with that." And with that, he died shortly after.

Somehow, it struck me as very meaningful. After I die, what will I have made of my life? Reminded of "Tuesdays with Morrie" - there's this quote that says: "Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live." (Thanks for sharing that quote, Qiyue! :))

So as a Christian, I believe that God put me, and you, and everyone else here on earth. And each one of us has a unique purpose that no one else can ever fulfill. As a dear friend put it this way, "Go and be all you can be in christ. the impact we will have on the world will vary. and no one can take the place of what we can contribute this lifetime."

But the question is then, what is that SPECIFIC purpose and calling in this life? That's where the "Holy Discontent" part comes in - our hearts aching together with God's heart over this broken world. But from what I learnt from history, all too often, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Think the Nazis, think the Communists. Utopias become dystopias. That is the outcome of what happen when men try to make a difference... without knowing WHERE to make a difference.

Like a brain surgeon who cuts. He must know exactly where to cut. Or else it would have been better if he'd never cut in the first place. So that's why we need to know exactly WHERE to make our "cuts". And only the Creator of the universe can show us precisely where to cut. We are just the scalpels. He is the Surgeon. We mustn't ever reverse the roles.

Taken from Popeye Theology: A New Year's Meditation

1. Not every heart stirring is a call or an invitation from God;
2. Don't give up if Holy Discontent takes a while to build up within you;
3. When you discover your Holy Discontent from God, FEED IT!
4. Don't let yourself get so beaten up that you lose your hope.

I would add a fifth: Don't get discouraged if you make a move that you believed was a 'Call from God' and it doesn't work out. God believes in failures and is willing to work with them! The Bible is full of examples of such people, including Rahab the Prostitute and Jacob the Cheater!

[F]or some of you reading this, there is a Holy Discontent brewing in your life and you may need to heed the prompting of the Holy Spirit to step out into the deeper waters.

So, when you feel the Heavy Hand of God pushing you in a direction you are not comfortable with, ask Him to show you the things that break His heart.

Just because I stepped out in faith and found out it was [sic] working for me, doesn't mean that I have missed the Will of God. I feel like Thomas Edison who said that he found out a thousand ways a light bulb doesn't light up. In this process, I have found out where I fit and can best serve the Lord.

"broken by the things that break the heart of God"

I read this yesterday, and think it's very timely :)

From Popeye Theology: A New Year's Meditation

Pastor Joel told the story of Bob Pierce, founder of World Vision, who in 1947 went to visit a school in China and was confronted with a young, battered and bruised child. That experience prompted Pierce to start his ministry, "coz I can't stands it no more!"

Pierce said that he prayed: "Dear Lord, let me be broken by the things that break the heart of God."

My pastor then illustrated the same principle from the life of Moses, where he couldn't stand the sound of the mistreated Hebrew slaves in Egypt anymore; by the example of Fern Nichols who founded Moms In Touch in 1984; from the life of Nehemiah and his sorrow over the broken walls of Jerusalem; and from the story of David, who couldn't stand Goliath's ungodly taunts anymore.

Pastor Joel asked us: "Where in your world and daily life do you see what breaks the heart of God?" and: "Are you ready to say, 'That's all I can stands, coz I can’t stands no more!' " ?

Just finished discussing with Alan over the phone about the website that I'm programming for his company. Haha... really very nice to be able to chat with him, think both of us are, in his words, "hard-core C persons" (that's another word for detailed people). =)

Tink it's really funny too, being able to joke about very small stuff and things like that. And about English words too... he was an Eng major, so I learnt something new from him:

Did you know that "can" and "could", when used in relation to a request e.g. "Can you drive tonight?" "Could you drive tonight?" are two very different meanings.

Internationally, outside of Singapore, when people use "can" in their questions, they mean whether you are able to.

But only in Singapore (and probably JB and some say even Batam), "Can you drive tonight?" == "Could you drive tonight?"

Ah... English is such an enchanting language. :)

And for the C and Java languages, = != ==. Think only WZ and other fellow geeks can get this... ;)

But oh yah, thank God also for the opportunity to pray for Alan over the phone too. :) He was feeling very tired after a long day's hard work, so prayed for him over the phone, that he'd be refreshed. :) Initially felt quite shy offering to pray for him, but thank God that he's blessed! Haha... thank You Daddy!

Feeling Edgy

Think I now know why I felt so edgy, and how come I've been writing so much.

Another loose end being tied up.

Think what I'm really been doing is searching for a calling, something greater than myself.

Thank God. Was praying to Him just now, and while I didn't hear from Him immediately, I know that He was listening.

And I think He's helping me clarify my thoughts and understanding and direction.

As I remember, Peter shared with me, "Since you're going to work one-third of your life, you might as well choose a job that matches your calling. :)"

Hee... Dear Lord, please show me what exactly is Your calling for me, on my life.

Of Opportunities to Change the World

Hmm... just sitting back now. Supposed to meet a friend today, but we postponed it to tomorrow instead.

Actually felt a bit scared that tomorrow, also, cannot meet due to some unforeseen circumstances. Then thought about it, and also reminded of what RF had told me yesterday during lunchtime, that God is the One who grants us opportunities, be what they may:

"I know a lot of people who have been working very hard by their own strength, but they are still struggling in their work environments after so long. That's why opportunities (in your job) are very important. In a way, you need to be the lucky one.

So that's why it is very important to walk right with God. Walk right with God, and He will walk right with you."

You know, it's not every time that someone says something, and that something impacts you down to the very core of your foundations. I think this is one of those times that happens. If there is any foundation that I could lay down for my working life, for the next 40 years, I want this to be mine: "Walk right with God, and He will walk right with you."

It strikes me as very meaningful, because I also know of many friends who faithfully work hard, but to what purpose are they labouring, being stuck in the same old position?

As one brother wrote in his blog,

cos i dun tink u can experience God much if u dun venture,have faith to step out to try new things,change yr old mindset,attitudes..guess it's linked to our breakthru campaign..i do question n think when i hear many bros n sis..they want to be counsellors..or they end up doing sales/administrative work..i dun deny dat there r some who r interested in e fields in e first place..it's their calling but e qn is: have we given much thought to seek God's purpose in all tis decision-making..it can be too comfortable of a decision to take..is there any element of faith n kingdom mentality invol? tink that is wat we r trying to do ba i guess..i do tink it is not easy for me, knowing my phlegmatic self, w'd be a tedious one n require personal commitment n faith..but w'd try anyway

The key thing here is not about personal self-advancement or self-actualization or self-internationalization or whatever - it is all about making an impact on the world.

A very memorable story that I heard was that Steve Jobs, the boss of Apple Computer, tried again and again to recruit John Scully, the vice-president of Coca-Cola, with many attractive promises, but again and again, Scully refused.

Finally, after exhausting all his options, Jobs finally said, "Do you want to sell sugared water for the rest of your life, or do you want to change the world?"

*******

So the lesson I think I've learnt from what RF shared with me is that even if we really want to make a good difference to the world, we still need opportunities to thrive and excel. And where do good opportunities come from? Well, hee, they come from God, who chooses to bless whoever He wants to choose. :) Then it's up to us to make the most of the opportunity that He has given us, for better or for worse. As Jesus once said, "Whoever makes the most of the opportunity he has will be given more, and whoever does not have, even whatever he has will be taken away from him."

Of course, I'm also thinking about the other side of the equation: if we eagerly desire to make an impact, to make this world a better place, we should eagerly ask God to give us the opportunities that we so need. Because without the opportunities that God gives, we really can't do very much. "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."

Take for instance, the story of Joseph, who became Prime Minister of Egypt (probably during Hyksos rule). Joseph worked hard and excelled in the talent of administration God gave him - even while he was a slave, and later a prisoner. He excelled so well that the warden practically handed Joseph the keys to take care of the other prisoners!

Wow... I heard also that in a certain African country, the Christian leaders who were in prison for their faith, their conduct was so exemplary that the wardens would hand them their rifles to take care of while they went to take a break! Gosh... I want to be like that too (in conduct I mean, not in prison haha... if possible of course).

And later on, after 2 or 3 years in prison, waiting and waiting, finally, Joseph was brought before Pharaoh to interpret a dream for Pharaoh, which would eventually involve Egypt's very survival. As such, God, through Pharaoh, exalted Joseph straight from the prison to become Prime Minister of all Egypt!

Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you."

So Pharaoh said to Joseph, "I hereby put you in charge of the whole land of Egypt."

Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, "I am Pharaoh, but without your word no one will lift hand or foot in all Egypt."

Hee... imagine, a prisoner from Changi Prison goes on to become Prime Minister of Singapore... (ok, I'll add the disclaimer here that Joseph was innocent but was wrongly imprisoned...)

*******

But why am I thinking that advancing in the working world is integral to making an impact in the world? Or for that matter, it's not only about making an impact - it's about CHANGING the world for the better, even if it looks hopeless. (Think Mother Teresa, Billy Graham, Abraham Lincoln, etc.)

I was discussing with Peter about how to make a difference in the media industry. Something that Peter said struck me. He said that if we want to change the media industry for the better, we need to impact the big shots in the media industry. If we go for the "small-fry" e.g. the boy who brings the kopi-O for the director, seriously, just how effective can that be?

Not that I'm saying that the value of the "small-fry" people are lesser than the "big-fry". (They're just equally fried. Haha... ok bad joke. ;P More like stir-fried and deep-fried. How unhealthy!) But we're talking about changing the entire media industry for Christ!

By changing the media industry, I don't mean giving the whole world "Christian" videos to watch. Nah. I think some of the "Christian" movies are so thin on plot that even Jesus Himself wouldn't enjoy them. ;) LOL... Ok, I know He'd be very gracious... but heh, you see what I mean.

What I mean is that the media industry is being dominated by increasingly lower and lower quality movies and other shows. We want GOOD stories. We want stories that will touch our hearts and give us hope. Inspire us on towards nobler deeds. Change lives, even. Stories like Forrest Gump, Brotherhood, Rain Man... and Narnia, and Lord of the Rings... hee, I guess the fact that there are still such good movies around gives us hope! :) Not depressing, nihilistic movies like Kill Bill or Curse of the Golden Flower...

But what's wrong with a cheap story? Well, don't want to sound like a cranky old codger, but the thing is that media is to our minds what food is to our bodies. Feed the mind (too much) junk media and you get bloated unhealthy minds. Feed the mind nourishing media, and you get healthy minds.

Furthermore, I have heard stories of exploitation in the media industry. Financial exploitation and unfair treatment of media workers who have to work long painful hours. I don't know very much about this, but hope I can help make a difference here too.

*******

To be honest, I'm feeling quite apprehensive still, because I know I'm not the natural "industry" person type. Frankly, I'd rather spend time with a camera going around doing documentaries about current affairs... solo or with a friend. Guess that arises from the phlegmatic part of me, always wanting to stay within my easy comfort zone. But I can't. Not while there's a world that needs God's love. So I'll see where God leads me - even though I can't understand fully at the moment what His full plan for my life is, though He has blessed me with wonderful, wonderful opportunities to extend and develop my talents, both in and out of the church.

In fact, hee, I'm quite glad that I didn't get any scholarships that bonded me to some engineering or IT company (which I had applied for), because if I did, as I found out over the past 4.5 years, I really wouldn't enjoy these jobs very much. Programming, hah! :) After my HYP, I KNOW THAT I DON'T WANT TO DO PROGRAMMING FOR THE NEXT 40 YEARS OF MY LIFE. (Maybe 1 year can lah. At most!)

*******
Hmm. After so much writing, think just want to sum everything up in a few sentences. I need to hunger more to want to make a difference in this world, to transform people's lives for the better. And I want to do it the best way possible. But I need to remember, ultimately, God is in charge - I'm just one of His instruments that He wants to use to change the world for the better. So I need to pray to Him for opportunities to make a difference, eyes to see them, and for myself to be faithful with the opportunities that He has already given me.

Friend, God has given each and every one of us so many opportunities, no matter who we are. Opportunities to help the helpless... transform lives... reform entire industries... end wars... charter the destinies of nations, even! So won't you take the opportunity to seize life as He has given us, seize the opportunity?

As this bro wrote, "i do tink it is not easy for me, knowing my phlegmatic self, w'd be a tedious one n require personal commitment n faith..but w'd try anyway".

Amen! Because life as a child of God is not about the church only - it is about the whole wide world!

God, give me more opportunities, and help me seize them! :) In Jesus' name, amen!

So that I can share more testimonies of what You've done in my life in time to come. =D

Our Father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven...

Just came back from the train with YF and HT.

HT asked me when I'll be moving over.

That sparked off something in me that I wanted to say, but didn't know how to say it.

Shared with HT and YF that I was feeling this sense of loss of direction after having finished my time in the NUS ministry, and HT said that the bros and sisters who have gone over to Adults ministry will be able to help me adjust.

Yet it didn't feel very complete, and I couldn't exactly put my finger on the reason why.

But now I think I know why. Because it wasn't only about adjusting to a new group. It was about missing the people that I'll be leaving behind.

Hmm... I can imagine what the other bros'll be saying - it's ok lah, we'll see each other again! But realistically speaking, I guess there's this feeling of missing them that'll stay with me for a while.

I wonder if I should shake off that feeling, or keep it with me. Because I'm afraid that I'll lose contact with them in due time. :) Hee... think all the more that I need to faithfully keep in touch with them face-to-face. Because, somehow, sending SMSes and even phonecalls can't seem to match the joy of meeting up face-to-face.

Hee... I remember reading what someone wrote before:

"I have a lot more things to tell you, but I'd rather not use paper and ink. I hope to be there soon in person and have a heart-to-heart talk. That will be far more satisfying to both you and me."

Think it's very meaningful, these words. :) Echoes precisely what I was thinking.

Perhaps that's a wonderful thing actually, that one misses the people that he/she leaves behind, even for a very short while. Because you never know how much you really treasure your loved ones until you can't see them again. Hee...

Maybe I'll see it this way, then, that this is a blessed time to get to know more people, make more friends... to increase the total number of dear brothers and sisters that I'll get to meet in heaven, once again, and for all eternity.

And, truly, we shall never part again for ever and ever.

Note to self

Learn to see home as a ministry area too.

"In the same way, let your light shine before [your family], that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

:)

Thanksgiving points for 2006!

Hee... think this is spring coming now, spring in the air. Where faith, hope and love are starting to blossom.

Yeah! Shall write down my thanksgiving point for 2006... You have been wonderfully, wonderfully good to me! :D

Think the first thanksgiving point I really want to thank You Lord for, are the dear friends, both old and new, that I got to know deeper...
Ruey Fong, Huanyan, Weizhu, Peter, Bowen, Hongtao, Yufen, Flince, Hongtao, Robert, Kin Wee, Mich, Jan, Benny, Calyn, Jitsy, Zhenzhu, Shuyi, Qiaoping, Edwin, Tamar, Guanzhen, Joyce, Minchen, Guanrui, Swee Leong, Jiahao, Yanteng, etc...

and the second one to thank You Lord for...
for Zhiwei coming to know Christ!!! Hahah...

and the 3rd one... how You grew me in developing this MM talent that You have given me...
from making tertiary service adverts for FFF camp,
to making MM clips for Alpha in June...
and finally to church-level Christmas MM...

I'm so incredibly touched by Your goodness and grace. =)
I remember responding to Your call in 2005 during church camp to make an impact for You in the media industry...
and how You heard my prayer... though I was trembling and barely lifted up my hand, felt so unworthy and shameful...

yet... "this poor man called, and the LORD answered him..."

and how my dear shepherd, it turns out, also had the same burden as me... in fact, he mentored me in this area, and helped, thru his gift of faith, stir up my own faith too...
that with God, all things are possible!

And the 4th one... academically, You have blessed me... in terms of grades and quality of work...
especially when i was struggling with my computing modules, You blessed me more and more in the media modules...

and the 5th one... children's ministry...
realising that You have enabled me to minister to children...

and the 6th one... the name change... from Ian to Abraham...
the promise of a great multitude that no one can count...

and the 7th one... the hostel stay - AND the bros and sisters who were there...
Qiaoping, Tamar, Edwin and Zhenzhong... wow, such a wonderful experience... finally i got to experience the joy of hostel life with bros and sisters...

and the 8th one... for helping me grow in humility...
really really needed it... esp after Peter's scolding me...
that i need to grow in a broken spirit... praise You Jesus! :D

and the 9th one... for Alpha 2006! WOW!!! the wonderful influx of new brothers and sisters...
seeing Wenjuan come to know Christ too... hahaha... and Ceyang too!

and the 10th one... for the times sowing with Mich and Jan... it was a truly wonderful time of serving and planning together...

and the 11th one... for the times sowing on Zhiwei with Flince and Yufen... a very very precious time... esp serving tog with Flince - he's become a very dear friend and bro to me thru this exp - i get to know him much better...

and the 12th one... the dinners with Claire and Chiyen... for the hostelites... wow!!! what an experience!

and the 13th one... the subd camp... hee... i remember working on the MM clip with Weilong... really really learnt a lot from his spirit of sticking faithfully to a task to meet the deadline... this impacted my future MM work... thank you, Weilong, for being one of those who impacted my life!

and the 14th one... Peter's affirmation of me during the bday celeb he had for me... it was very heartwarming... hee... thank You Lord for this affirmation of me... really really treasure it lots!

there's simply so much more to write, to thank You Lord for...

Psalm 40:5
"Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare."

Oh... I want to cry haha... so so many beautiful memories... You have been incredibly, incredibly good to me, a sinner, O Lord!

*******
Hmm... lessons learnt...

On a more sober note, some things that I learnt from my mistakes in 2006:

1. The importance of building up trust in people...
Even if you have good advice to build... you need to build up the trust between you and the other person first...

2. Being overly-friendly...
Quite paiseh to share this actually, but learning further about the right boundaries between me and the opposite gender... thank God for the bros and sisters who fed back to me... :) really really deeply apprec it lots, need ur guidance and advice!

Especially in r/p with sisters, 'cos they tend to be very sensitive to such things... special thanks to Robert who taught me a lot in this area... haha...

and thank God for Flince who fed back to me on this area...

realised that this being overly-friendly is due to a mixture of my own insecurity, wanting people to like me... and also becos of my impatience in building up relationships...

Actually, realised that people tend to be naturally attracted to me... as long as i'm being myself... something that i discovered during school term as well...

3. Being patient in building up relationships...
This is something i really have to be aware of... as Peter pointed out to me...

And in sowing, wow... this patience reaped a very surprising reward... there's one of my old friends who started sharing some very personal stuff with me... i was very touched when he did that... 'cos tink it's one of the first times that he had shared so personally to me... or others to me, for that matter...

so learnt the blessing of being quick to listen and slow to speak...

4. the difference between being ppl-oriented and relationship-oriented...

wow... this was a major eye-opener... realised that i'd been going in the wrong direction... because actually i'm much more relationship-oriented than people-oriented... so finally understood that...

5. being more socially and situationally aware...
think it doesn't come naturally to me... but i'm grateful for my dear shepherd who taught me to be more considerate of others... e.g. not grabbing other pple's food too much... and being aware of my own volume when i'm not wearing my hearing aids... because if i don't wear hearing aids, i tend to speak VERY loudly...

(and if i wear hearing aids, people say i'm speaking too softly... wah... hahah tink quite funny in a way...)

6. being more considerate of other pple's feelings (esp in the area of meeting deadlines...)
this one, ah... wah, with my project group - they really stressed by my slowness... and also in ministry too... Hong Teck was so worried that i wouldn't be able to finish on time too... and Kin Wee was chasing me to complete the Christmas MM...

So Peter advised me to do things faster the next time... yup... tink it's against my natural phlegmatism, but hee, don't want to stress out my partners...

7. and especially important... something that Peter taught me... to learn to be aware of when i am going to sin... e.g. if i know i'm going to be proud, then i must be aware of that, so that i can flee from temptation...

*******
Some things I have grown in in 2006...
Hmm... think thank God so much, He's helped me grow in humility... and in understanding of humility too...

1. realised that we will ALWAYS be proud... if i think, "Wow! I'm humble..." then win already - you're already on the road to pride... i went down that way before... and it is horrible...

So true humility ironically starts with acknowleding that you are PROUD... that is the first step to becoming humble... to have a BROKEN SPIRIT...

(think this is the most important truth that i've learnt from Peter this year...)

and be teachable... to have a hungry heart to want to learn new things... to be hungry even for rebukes and correction... to LOVE CORRECTION! (Prov 12:1) to HUNGER for it!!!

this is something that actually i've been slipping in in the past few months... so quite sad, actually... but i'm grateful that God helped me realise that i am becoming proud... because everytime I sin, it helps remind me that I need a Saviour...

so precious this truth... that Jesus died for my sins...

2. in a sweet spirit... hee.. this is something that touches my heart a lot... thank You so much, Jesus!

Learnt this from QP and Shuyi's lives... Weizhu and Peter both said that I have grown in a sweet spirit... wow... praise Jesus! because it really is NOT me... but it is the Holy Spirit!!! "Taste and see that the LORD is good!!!"

3. to be more stable emotionally, especially when i'm being hurt by someone else... this one, yufen taught me... reconcilation and patience... with the end goal of wanting to reconcile...

4. to have a more driven and optimistic spirit... something that I learnt from Ruey Fong... a spirit that wants to do something for Jesus... to use my imagination for God... to capture my negative thoughts and use them well for Him...

something that RF told me was that I think too little of myself... hmm... yeah, think that's true... really want to grow in faith in claiming God's promises in 2007!

5. the principle of followership... something that Alan Tea taught us in the last District 242 before he moved on...

thank God for my dear shepherd... hee, think really have learnt a lot from his life, his faith and his love...

6. following up on Zhiwei... learnt a lot too... wow... learning to have a shepherd's heart... special thanks to YF who taught me a lot...

7. learning to be more sensitive to others' countenances - again, something that Peter taught me... it is an essential skill if you want to be able to take care of people... and thank God, Huili said that i am a very sensitive and observant bro... wow... thank God so much... because I know that this is NOT the natural Yeu Ann... but again then, I have been crucified with Christ, and it is I that no longer lives, but Christ who lives in me! :D Amen!

8. Learning to be more vulnerable and more open in my sharing... something that Peter taught me a LOT too. Think it's something I still find it a bit hard, but thank God, He's been teaching me a lot about being humble enough to open up my heart to share more openly about my weaknesses... and what YF told us, to be more spontaneous in sharing... think this is something that Bowen and Minchen have set an example for me in...

9. Learning to encourage and influence the younger ones to help take care of and enfold the even younger ones... thanks a lot, Mich and YF for what you taught me! :D

*******
Hmm... there's so many more... but well, like what Jasmine said in the last tertiary service of 2006, 2007 will be an even better year! Amen!

Yup... hold my hand, Daddy, 'cos really feel quite uncertain how this year is going to unfold. But one thing I pray... please help me love you deeper and to grow in character... and by Your grace, as I walk with You more, tt You may use me to impact other lives in the Adults ministry this year...

and most of all, really praying that I want to have an eager heart to minister to others...

not to be inwards-looking, but outwards-looking...

to take the initiative to serve and meet the needs of others...

to grow in security of heart...

remembering to keep my desire for God central...

to be salt and light in the workplace, being faithful, efficient and effective in the workplace...

(thankful for my HYP friends haha... :D)

to "only let us live up to what i have already attained."
(Yup! the FOUR PILLARS of the UNI DISTRICT VISION!)

Wow, it's been more than an hour. :D So let's remember the Lord's final words before He ascended to heaven...

Matthew 28:18-20
"Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Thanks so much Daddy, feel much better after praying to You. :)

Think You reminded me, I've got so much free time now, so why not use this time that You have given me to bless others?
Or to bless You?

Anything done in His name, no matter how little, will never be in vain. He will remember... :)

Father, please help me use this time purposefully for You Lord. To extend Your kingdom... to love You Lord, to love my neighbour as myself. In Jesus' most wonderful name, I pray amen! :)


Just saw Jiadai's nickname... it struck me a lot: "e way i live my life shows You how much I love You."

And every experience, whether good or bad, can be a good learning experience. :)

Just like how, after playing 1.5 hours of computer games, I felt so empty inside, that helps to remind me how thirsty life is without You.

I do love You, Jesus, I do! Really want to seek Your will, want to seek Your way.

Not my will but Yours be done.

To bring a smile to Your face - that is all my heart's desire, and I long to worship You.

Thank You dear Jesus... please forgive me for wasting this precious time You have given me, and enable Your servant to be an instrument of blessing...
a broken jar of clay to pour out Your love to those around You.

Thank You Jesus... for being my strength, when i am weak.
Thank You Jesus... for being the treasure that i seek.
Thank You Jesus... for being my all in all.

:)

Feel so much more encouraged and lifted up...
Realised it's Your Spirit now gently prodding me, now gently lifting me up.
This year is a year of so much promise, so much hope.
Help me take that step, and not be afraid to make mistakes.

Yep! Not to be afraid to make mistakes - and to humbly learn from them!
Want to make this one of my New Year's Resolutions! :)

Hee... feel so much better, after being able to pour out everything to You, Daddy, in this journal.

Curse of the Golden Flower

Had watched it with my parents, as I mentioned earlier. Think it's a very good movie, actually, in terms of symbolism and depth, and particularly, the narrative with the interestingly ambiguous ending of the cup of poisonous medicine splattering on the chrysanthemum symbol. And the cinematography and characterisation was very good, especially the Emperor's barely perceptible quivering pause of his chopsticks when his last surviving son committed suicide, despite his non-chalant expression.

Think something that saddened me a lot was the tragedy that befell the entire royal family, and so many men slaughtered... all because of the scheming and plotting of the Emperor who had used backhanded means and deception to get the throne for himself so many years ago. And he ended up getting back more than what he had expected.

Another thing that struck me was the unspoken visual commentary on the pagentry and pomp of the royal palace, and how all this beautiful visuals (including Tang Dynasty fireworks!) served as a mere veneer for the politics and intrigue and deceit and backstabbing that so went on.

One of the darkest scenes that showed the cheapness of human lives was how, after the ruthless and efficient slaughter of the rebel troops in the courtyard, the palace servants dragged the thousand of dead bodies aside, swept the place clean and washed the blood away - all highlighted in vivid detail and colour. For a moment, the slain troops looked to me like dead honeybees on the smashed crysanthemum flowers - a silent commentary to the fleeting evanescence of men's lives under a brutal system?

Some interesting cinematographic aspects and themese that I picked up from the film - learnt this from Claramae! :)
Repetition: The constant use of repetitive patterns inscribed into every level of the film narrative lend themselves to a powerful motif of royal splendour and grandeur, while simultaneously accenting the repetitive and bland nature of life in the royal palace itself. Also, the repetitive sounds in the music lend themselves very well to the overall tone and mood of the film.

Contrast: The warm informal banter, playful even, and the visibly emotional anguish later of the Imperial Doctor and his family (all non-royal), and Chan, the Doctor's daughter, when she is playfully being caressed by her lover, the First Crown Prince, are a vivid contrast in tone to the stilted, formal dialogue between the royal family members themselves. The cold, self-serving nature of the royal family is a drastic contrast to the passionate, sacrificial love that the non-royal family shows one another - e.g. the Imperial Doctor sacrificing his life for his wife, his wife willing to risk her life to rescue her daughter...

Close-ups: The director has made very skilful use of the close-ups e.g. the preparation of the medicine, the chopsticks, etc.

Symbolisms

Props

Yup, think quite a bit haha...

Loss of Direction

Wow, just came back from watching "Curse of the Golden Flower" with my parents, and supper with them too. =) We drove through City Hall, in the hope of catching the fireworks... thank God, we did! :) It's very nice... hee, feel quite happy being able to see real live fireworks - very pretty!

Earlier today, I visited my dear shepherd. Peter's doing fine, apart from itchiness. Prayed for his leg to set well. Do keep him in prayer for a quick and trouble-free recovery!

*******
Shared with Peter what's been going on in my life the past few weeks. And thank God for him, he gave me a lot of good advice too. E.g. adjusting my expectations in some relationships... pray to God for strength and forgiveness with regards to a certain brother...

But in particular, he had this insight... I shared with him about my feeling quite moody the past few weeks, especially after I had completed the Christmas MM, and said that I felt like I've been going back to my old ways - my old inwards-lookingness, and I was afraid of being back to my old self.

He thought about it, and said, "Perhaps it's because you'll be moving over soon, and you're feeling a loss of direction, because you've completed everything you needed to complete."

I was initially very surprised - thought it wasn't relevant at all to what I was sharing... then hey yah... thank God so much... realised it's very true!

I thought about it - think yes, the worries that I've been having - e.g. keeping in touch with the dear friends I've made in the NUs ministry... the future... what will I be doing in the ministry... what will the working adults ministry be like...

Think all these feelings can be summed up in one word: LOSS OF DIRECTION.

It's like, you're now just counting the days to your "release date", your "ORD"... just marking time.

To be honest, I don't like that feeling at all.

When I began this final semester, I resolved to keep on running to the very last moment with all my might, to keep on serving to the very, very end... to keep outreaching and enfolding and what not... till the day I leave. (I really intended to do that...)

But now, I realised, it's simply not possible.

There comes a time when you have to slow down, and give way to the younger ones. There's a time when you simply can't do anything very much more - you've already completed all that you're supposed to do... and now you're just marking time, and waiting, waiting, and waiting.

And that waiting is probably one of the hardest parts. You've got a lot of free time, and you're considering how things will turn out when the actual crossing over starts. All sorts of wild thoughts run through your mind, and you start feeling worried. (I had some dreams about the sweet old times in the NUS ministry... my dreams just felt so melancholic. So moody, so wistful, so... nostalgic.)

But very thankful for Peter's astute "diagnosis". It helped me understand better why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I didn't realise that this loss of direction would happen to me like that... it just came upon me so suddenly!

In retrospect, I should have been more prepared. I mean, I've gone through so many transitions, so many moving-overs, from JC to NS, from NS to Adults and from Adults to NUS. And now, from NUS back to Adults, albeit a very different landscape now.

Still, it always takes time to adapt: "There is...a time to plant and a time to uproot." (Ecc 3:2b) Uprooting isn't easy, but it must be done. And I know that God is faithful - He will help me plant myself into the new ministry, and find my rooting there. :)

So later on, talked with Weizhu about this. He said he understands - he's been through this phase too before. He gave me this advice:

"Be active... instead of thinking about the old group... The best way to get out of this sense of loss is to just be active... to do things instead of laying back... instead of dwelling in the fact that i'm lost."

Wow... thank God for that advice. Hee, I think I know what I need to do now. Felt the sense of loss much more manageable after Peter's and Weizhu's advice. Praise God!

Wow! I just chanced upon this verse in BibleGateway.com...
“This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

Think Daddy's really encouraging me that He is making a way in the desert... So I shall look ahead to the Promised Land that He has promised to me, and to all who love Him, through the eyes of faith in the years to come. Daddy's so faithful and good! :D

Amen! :)

*******
And finally, this verse that came to my mind really, really encourages me very much. It spoke to me a LOT. Hope this encourages you too, dear friend!

Hebrews 11:8-10,13-16

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

Amen! :)

Shout To The North

This old song came to mind... it's very encouraging, and stirring too! Feels like a soccer anthem, to be honest... :D yeah! Jesus is our No. 1 - because He's a goalkeeper - Jesus Saves! (And He's never lost a single goal...ever! Peter Schmeichel, eat your heart out... and Barthez, repent!!! haha... ;D)

Men of faith rise up and sing
Of the Great and Glorious King
You are strong when you feel weak
In your brokenness complete...

Shout to the North and the South
Sing to the East and the West
Jesus is saviour to all
Lord of heaven and earth...

Rise up women of the truth
Stand and sing to broken hearts
Who can know the healing power
Of our awesome King of love...

Written by Martin Smith ©1995 Curious? Music UK
http://www.delirious.org.uk/lyrics/songs/shouttothe.html

Joysgiving!

Wow, after the revelation in reading Mark 2:21-22, I feel so encouraged! :D
Thank You Jesus!
Just feel spiritually invigorated, and encouraged...
feel the fire of faith rising up in my heart again...
esp for the children's ministry! :D

Wow... how I need that! because I have become so tired in taking care of the children, that I forgot what stirred me on to join HopeKids... but thanks be to God, He reminded me again!

Wow... God's timing is so fantastic! :D

Hallelujah!

O give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
His love endures forever!

New Wineskins!

You know, I think God just spoke to me just now!

I was reading my Bible, when I read these verses from Mark 2:

"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If he does, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, he pours new wine into new wineskins."

Somehow these words really captured my attention. I felt this prompting in my heart to think further on these words...

Something I realised is that there is nothing bad with those old wineskins. But these old wineskins are not useful or effective for storing new wine. Old wine belongs to old wineskins, and hee, doesn't old wine taste better than new wine? :)

But if you want to have more wine, you obviously need new wine! And how are you going to store new wine? Why, new wineskins of course. :)

Think the old wineskins mean the old ways of thinking and serving and how I see and do and understand things in the old uni ministry. But now that I'll be going over to the new Adults ministry, and a new phase of life, I realise that God wants to tell me that there are some old wineskins I'm still holding onto, trying to shoehorn new experiences into old wineskins.

In fact, I have already been doing that in the NUS ministry, and that caused me a lot of discomfort and struggle during those times, when I was having my old ways of thinking. But really thank God for Weizhu and Peter who helped me change my mindset in many ways. :D

But not just so, this doesn't only apply to ministry-wise. I think God wants to tell me that, for a very long time, I've been holding on to some old, old mindsets and perceptions of myself that He wanted me to throw away a looooong, looooong time ago.

(And they're starting to smell a bit too. :P)

Just like what 1 Cor 13:11 says,

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

OMG. This is a revelation, an eye-opener. Why didn't I see this truth earlier?

I jotted down some "old wineskins" in my life.
1. The way that I see myself.
2. The way that I relate with people, including my crushes. :) old, old stuff indeed.
3. The way how I perceive God.
4. The way I perceive others.
5. The way I show love.
6. The way I serve.
7. The way I handle my emotions, especially when fearful and insecure.

I think God wants me very much to really be joyful in this last few weeks of uni ministry. And to be equally joyful in the next ministry. To push on to the very max, joyfully giving my very all to Jesus.

I'm also reminded of what one of the Adults CLs had shared with me some months ago. She shared with me that being willing to change mindsets when we enter the Adults ministry is very important, 'cos there have been members, and even leaders, who couldn't take the transition, because they were unable to adapt successfully.

What works in today's phase of life may not necessarily work for tomorrow's phase.

I think He is telling me even now, encouraging me not to dwell in melancholy, but to entrust all my old wineskins into His hands, and prepare the new wineskins for the fresh new wine He'll be pouring into my life very soon.

Wow! :D Thank God, so refreshed and encouraged by this verse... felt my spirit, after many days of tiredness and melancholy, very lifted up by this word from God! :D

Praise God! He is so so so good! :D

Praise Him Praise Him
Praise Him Praise Him
Praise Him in everything!

Of Human Resolutions and Divine Resolve - Hope and Focus

Hmm... oh yah. The sermon itself spoke to me too. It was "A New You", from Ephesians 2:19-22. Jasmine shared 3 main points:
1. A new family
2. A new foundation
3. A new focus

Think the 2nd point really spoke to me. I learnt something new: Evaluating my day with God - did I learn to love God more? Learn something new about Him? And have I loved my neighbour more?

Else the day would have been a failure. But thank God, with Christ, we can always start afresh each new day! It's never too late! =)

And the part about security - this sentence struck me:
"But when we understand God's unfailing love, we would be the most secure people on earth."

*******
Hmm... so a new start... I'm thinking. What are some things that I want to grow in in the next year?

Definitely, one thing would be growing less inwards-looking, more outwards-looking. And upwards-looking too. :)

To shepherd two sheep. It's been an old, old resolution for many years already, and hee, God has been faithful, I'm now following up on a younger brother. Very touched by His grace to me. His love never fails.

To train up my 2 chosen MM successors in NUS ministry by February.

To bring one working adult friend into the Adults ministry by June. (by faith!)

To find a job in the media sector by February... then perhaps end December find a job in SPH or MediaCorp...

To finish reading the Old Testament by end 2007.



Actually, come to think of it, a lot of these resolutions are things that we intend to DO.

But just how many of these resolutions aim to BE?

Perhaps the problem with our resolutions, especially for us Christians, is not that we do not dream enough resolutions.

The problem is that we do not dream resolutions BIG enough.

Dare to dream such big dreams for God, that without God, they will utterly fail.

I'm not thinking of resolutions that aim to take over the world or something like that. I'm thinking of resolutions that aim for something deeper - a transformation of the soul.

To be like that kernel of wheat that falls to the ground and dies. When it dies, it produces many seeds. Or to be a fisher of men.

*******
I'm thinking again... what framework could I use for my resolutions this coming year?

Think what Jasmine shared about the 2 greatest commandments in the Bible, it struck me a lot:
"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

And love your neighbour as yourself.

Think I'll rewrite my resolutions then.

1. Loving God with all my heart:
I want to love God deeper, to be more open with Him in my prayers. To turn to Him more often, especially in my times of discouragement and melancholy.

2. Loving God with all my soul:
I resolve to sing at least one thanksgiving song to Him each morning in prayer... just to thank Him for who He is.

Especially to grow in the attitude of joy - something that I really, really want to grow in.

3. Loving God with all my mind:
To practise combatting the insecure and negative thoughts that keep coming into my mind with the Word of God. One way: Pray to God daily to help me grow in this area. I don't really know any other ways, except studying. But I found that prayer is the most powerful way to grow, besides the Bible.

To trust God to provide for all my needs, because I keep on committing the sin of worry. That includes my job search, my future life partner, my ministry, etc... to remember constantly, seek first His kingdom and His righteousness...

4. Loving God with all my strength:
Ah... this one ah... first thing that comes to my mind is jogging.

I can jog. Just that it's really not something that I'm inclined to do. :)

Another thing... I'm thinking again. Strength - I think one thing that needs a lot of strength is endurance, self-control and patience.

Emotional strength - the patience to wait out an emotionally trying time... to wait upon Him for His promises... when I'm tempted to argue with someone or flare up.

Endurance and self-control - times when I feel like sleeping a bit more, feel like being selfish, taking that extra piece for myself.

Emotional strength and self-control - Lord, there's really two things I want to grow in this year - these are the two things.

Oh yes... the word "hope" comes to my mind.

Hebrews 6:17-19
¹⁷Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath.
¹⁸God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged.
¹⁹We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

And "focus". Wow. I think His Spirit is right here with me, and He's gently nudging me, like, oei, Yeu Ann, don't forget these very two things that I want you to know and take notice of...

5. Loving my neighbour as myself.

I'm getting quite tired here, so I'll put this off for later. :)

Came back from service and a good dinner with my dear CG. Actually, was supposed to usher today, but was sick, and feeling tired and weak, and Jiadai noticed, and thank God for her caringness, :) hee, I got excused.

Was originally thinking whether I should do duty anyway, 'cos it's about being committed to ministry, but think this verse assured me that it's ok, it's really my heart that counts - "For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not what one does not have." And besides, I'll be helping out with HopeKids tomorrow, and I need the energy for taking care of the children tml. :) God knows that I really need the energy... haha....

Anyway, thanks a lot to my dear bros and sisters for their care and concern - pple like Bo, Guanrui, Zhiwei and Flince and YF and quite a few others who asked me how I was (after listening to me coughing my lungs out during service). It's a very small thing, but touches me a lot! :)

Another thing to really thank God for, was when I went off to the loo, Bowen helped to write out my sermon notes for me while I was absent. Very, very touched! Thank you so much bro!

Hee... yes, this is something that I've noticed in the bros who came over from the NS group this year... I'm very struck by their love and unity - even after going to different ministries e.g. NUS, NTU or even overseas... they still keep in touch and serve one another in big and small ways e.g. get extra green tea for one another... rest assured, brothers, while you go about loving one another, though you may not know it, others are watching your lives - and they can see Christ's love made very real in you guys!

*******
Today's sermon and praise encouraged me a lot. I'm not feeling well physically, and that old feeling of insecurity's coming back in waves, but thank God so much, think He's allowing me to go through my "approval addiction" cold-turkey...

While I was worshipping God during the worship, and having quite a lot of worries on my mind, this phrase came to my mind: "The Crucified Life."

Asked Him to explain to me what this meant. Think He impressed on me that all these worries I'm having are part of learning to die to my old self, when I feel the insecurities pop up in my mind, I need to push on, to deny myself and even when I face rejection - something I fear a lot, actually - as long as my conscience's clear, and I've done my best - just keep going on because of Jesus. There's quite a lot of things I have to learn to put to death daily, and honestly, I'm finding out that it really isn't easy.

It may be one thing to love those who hate you, but what do you do if that person is a Christian? For a long time, I struggled with a lot of feelings about that. But I think over time, through the Bible, and the advice of my CL, I've become increasingly more secure and stable in my heart. I believe Daddy is putting me through all these tests in order to mould me to become more like Christ's response.

Hee... thank God, I think I made a breakthrough in this area today. Just something small that, between me and Daddy, only He knows. But I know that no breakthrough is too small for Him to take joy in!

Some Quickie Reflections About Myself

Just read Huanyan's latest post. Think it's very inspiring. And also read Hong Teck's email to us about making purposeful New Year's resolutions. Think the spirit that I caught from Hong Teck's email is that it's not so much the making of New Year's resolutions that counts rather than the spirit of being purposeful.

Like Jesus said, "The kingdom of heaven is forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it." If we want to advance together with the kingdom of heaven, we gotta push forward purposefully and forcefully.

I was playing this war-game where a tank was rolling forward (and destroying everything in its way), and the infantry came storming forcefully besides the tank. Think it's a visual metaphor for how we likewise should have this same attitude of forcefully pushing forward. Especially us men.

Personally, I realised something about myself - though it's an old realisation, so it's more of a reminder. I'm too laid-back, preferring others to take the initiative and pull me along. Unless I get frustrated, in which case I get up and start moving on.

Truth is, it's not comfortable for me to push out of my comfort zone, 'cos I like stable and safe situations. If things don't change, great! If things change... can lah... but rather not, if I can.

Enough of my pontifications - let's get something done, and push forward purposefully for Christ!

But I need to keep well this in mind what Peter told me at the beginning of 2006: "I do all these things... because of Jesus."

Or else I'd have pushed forward and laboured in vain.

"Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labour in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
its watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat,
for He grants sleep to those He love."

Perhaps this could be my verse for the next year?

Went shopping with my dad yesterday. :) He had some free vouchers - wow! praise God, very timely, 'cos I need to buy stuff for working life. Hee... bought two bags and a nice belt (Pierre Cardin :)). Touched by my dad accompanying me, even though he was very tired, he didn't complain, but even paid the surplus for me... very touched by his love for me!

Hmm... today... was a beautiful day. :D The sun finally came out. You never really quite appreciate something until you miss it for a long time. (Which, in my case - or Singapore's case - was many days.)

So beautiful... was walking through the small park next to NUS MacDonald's when I saw the sun peeking through the trees and the dragonflies flying back and forth, and the beautiful flowers... I couldn't help but sing this very old song:

All things bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
The Lord God made them all

*******
Hmm... just msged my CG whether they wanted to go out watch the fireworks at Marina Bay. Actually, feel quite shy to ask them. Dunno why - I'd really rather wait for others to ask me, than take the initiative to invite. But inspired by one bro who shared during CG, that he chose to see the brothers and sisters in church as friends, not just "church friends".

Realised that even after many years, I still tend to compartmentalize. But I know He's been changing my perspectives gradually over the years. God's very patient with me. :)

Well, see how it turns out... if not, I'll take it as a sign from God that I should spend this time catching up with a dear old friend of mine. Even though he seems far from believing in God, let alone becoming a Christian, I just want to thank God for his friendship - think it's really a blessing and a privilege to have him as a friend.

Or if he can't, well, I'll take it as a sign from God then that I should spend the time with my parents. :) Hee hee... but seriously, I think He wants me to spend the time with my family - I just feel this prompting in my heart...

Oops, I feel like Gideon, testing God to see what's His will... :P

Last CG of the Year

Had CG in LT32 (or was it LT33?) with my dear CG. Simple, but meaningful - Flince and Hongtao got us to close our eyes... and stick out our "non-muscle" hands (that means non-dominant lah...)...

Then they slathered glue on the guys' hands, and TOMATO/CHILLI SAUCE on the girls' hands!

Cool!

Then Yufen began her sharing from Isaiah 43:18-19:

¹⁸"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

Thank God for that verse - it spoke to me in a very timely way. 'Cos the past few days I've become increasingly melancholic and dwelling on past things.

But what YF shared was that if we keep on looking back at the past, we are going to miss what God is doing now.

It's like a man looking backwards while trying to walk forwards. Sooner or later he's going to dent his head against a lamppost.

Also Matthew 9:16-17 talks about the need to have a forward-looking attitude - "new wine into new wineskins", not old wineskins - our old mindsets.

Think it's very timely, 'cos I'm going over to Adults anytime next month (as I've been mentioning many times already).

So YF shared with us the importance of taking stock of our lives, with God's help. We should talk with God... and not only that, after talking/babbling/ranting, we should let God reply... listen to Him! :)

She asked us to take some time to reflect and think about what we have grown in and learnt from this year. The purpose of reflecting being NOT to dwell on the past, but to fish out lessons from our experiences, so that we can apply them for the present and future experiences.

And lastly, she shared with us that we need to start looking ahead and clarify our purpose, as v19a says.

"See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"

Questions such as what do we hope to see ourselves grow in in the next year? And how about our CG as a whole? It's not YF's CG... it's OUR CG.

:) Very meaningful... even tho I'll be gg over to a different CG, hee, doesn't mean that I can "throw away" this teaching... 'cos this understanding is equally useful in the new CG that I'll be moving on to. Shared with Claramae some time ago about what God had impressed on me, the importance of having faith and a forward-looking attitude in the new ministry.

Hee... anyway, I love my CG very much. For all its flaws and weaknesses e.g. a lot of us are phlegmatics or borderline phlegs (like me), we tend to wait for each other to take the initiative, there's this sweetness in the CG that simply can't be matched, heh! It's hard to get us to share, but once we start sharing, think the sharing's very real, honest and heartfelt. =)

After the sharing, we all got to wash our hands. Oh yeah, the sisters are really wicked. They will show you their DIRTY hands... and after that, while your back's turned, they'll SLAP you on your back... with their other not-so-dirty hand. Scared me a lot, they did... haha!

Anyway, we brothers shook our tomato-soggy hands... not like the sisters! haha... hurray for the M.A.C.H.O. brothers!

Anyway, quite a bit more to write, but thank God for this dear CG... I'm so proud of them! Guess the feeling of missing them will start sinking in sooner or later, but for now, I'll just enjoy their company till the day I cross over. :)

Liberalism and neurology | Free to choose?

Found this article. Think I'll post a response to this article soon.

*******
Dec 19th 2006
From The Economist print edition
Modern neuroscience is eroding the idea of free will

IN THE late 1990s a previously blameless American began collecting child pornography and propositioning children. On the day before he was due to be sentenced to prison for his crimes, he had his brain scanned. He had a tumour. When it had been removed, his paedophilic tendencies went away. When it started growing back, they returned. When the regrowth was removed, they vanished again. Who then was the child abuser?

His case dramatically illustrates the challenge that modern neuroscience is beginning to pose to the idea of free will. The instinct of the reasonable observer is that organic changes of this sort somehow absolve the sufferer of the responsibility that would accrue to a child abuser whose paedophilia was congenital. But why? The chances are that the latter tendency is just as traceable to brain mechanics as the former; it is merely that no one has yet looked. Scientists have looked at anger and violence, though, and discovered genetic variations, expressed as concentrations of a particular messenger molecule in the brain, that are both congenital and predisposing to a violent temper. Where is free will in this case?

Free will is one of the trickiest concepts in philosophy, but also one of the most important. Without it, the idea of responsibility for one's actions flies out of the window, along with much of the glue that holds a free society (and even an unfree one) together. If businessmen were no longer responsible for their contracts, criminals no longer responsible for their crimes and parents no longer responsible for their children, even though contract, crime and conception were “freely” entered into, then social relations would be very different.
We, the willing

For millennia the question of free will was the province of philosophers and theologians, but it actually turns on how the brain works. Only in the past decade and a half, however, has it been possible to watch the living human brain in action in a way that begins to show in detail what happens while it is happening (see survey). This ability is doing more than merely adding to science's knowledge of the brain's mechanism. It is also emphasising to a wider public that the brain really is a just mechanism, rather than a magician's box that is somehow outside the normal laws of cause and effect.

Science is not yet threatening free will's existence: for the moment there seems little prospect of anybody being able to answer definitively the question of whether it really exists or not. But science will shrink the space in which free will can operate by slowly exposing the mechanism of decision making.

At that point, the old French proverb “to understand all is to forgive all” will start to have a new resonance, though forgiveness may not always be the consequence. Indeed, that may already be happening. At the moment, the criminal law—in the West, at least—is based on the idea that the criminal exercised a choice: no choice, no criminal. The British government, though, is seeking to change the law in order to lock up people with personality disorders that are thought to make them likely to commit crimes, before any crime is committed.
The coming battle

Such disorders are serious pathologies. But the National DNA Database being built up by the British government (which includes material from many innocent people), would already allow the identification of those with milder predispositions to anger and violence. How soon before those people are subject to special surveillance? And if the state chose to carry out such surveillance, recognising that the people in question may pose particular risks merely because of their biology, it could hardly then argue that they were wholly responsible for any crime that they did go on to commit.

Nor is it only the criminal law where free will matters. Markets also depend on the idea that personal choice is free choice. Mostly, that is not a problem. Even if choice is guided by unconscious instinct, that instinct will usually have been honed by natural selection to do the right thing. But not always. Fatty, sugary foods subvert evolved instincts, as do addictive drugs such as nicotine, alcohol and cocaine. Pornography does as well. Liberals say that individuals should be free to consume these, or not. Erode free will, and you erode that argument.

In fact, you begin to erode all freedom. Without a belief in free will, an ideology of freedom is bizarre. Though it will not happen quickly, shrinking the space in which free will can operate could have some uncomfortable repercussions.

Seasons of the Soul

Hee... another reflection is also that resting is a much-needed phase. There are seasons in our walk with Jesus. Spring, summer, autumn and winter. Right now it feels like a winter in my soul, when everything seems cold. dark and gray. It's not one of my favourite seasons, hee.

After the intense ministry and outreach season recently, partly because of the ministry workload, and my own melancholy and physical tiredness and discouragement, I found it very hard to pray. Just reading the Bible, difficult already. And felt my insecurity coming back on again in heavy blasts. When fellowshipping is a chore and a struggle too.

So was trying to pray and sense God's presence. Quite hard, the past few days. But thank God so much, He exists and rewards those who earnestly seek Him. So gradually felt His presence fill and warm my heart again, especially today, this morning, like the gentle warmth of sunshine on a frosty winter morning.

The thing is, this didn't happen overnight... it took quite a while. Think it's like the aftermath of a marathon - after giving your all, you feel ultra-drained, and for the next few days, you're walking like an arthritic penguin. (right, HY? ;)) But hee, as Robert advised me, keep on walking, even during these times, and you'll recover faster.

So, haha, yeah, want to encourage all my dear brothers and sisters out there to keep on walking with God, especially after this intense ministry season, because He is the one who will restore your soul and make you new! :)

Hee... thank God for cold, rainy days of the soul... such days make you treasure the warmth of the Son like never before.

That, and a blessedly hot cup of Swiss Miss hot chocolate. :)

With mmm-marshmallows!

Song of Solomon 2:11-13
¹¹For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;

¹²The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.

(Turtle???)

Water from a Deeper Well: Spiritual Poverty

Spiritual poverty is experiencing the reality of our condition.

Been reading this stirring book, "How People Grow", by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It's one of the best books that I've read this year - it was, I think, a God-sent instrument in helping transform my life to a deeper extent of humility and sweetness of spirit. :)

Hee, though actually very pleasantly surprised to see that quite a lot of things that my shepherd had shared with me before were in this book - I think God was confirming what my shepherd had so wisely inputted into my life the year before.

So, this particular chapter from the abovementioned book struck me deeply today, as I was reading it on the bus. It stirred in me old memories of last year, when I was really broken-hearted - and how I experienced God so powerfully through that time. How He brought me to my knees, and crawling to Him, I found mercy, grace, peace and joy like never before.

It especially touched me today, because I was feeling quite distant this week from God, trying to get back in touch with Him. Think He reminded me to have a broken spirit once again, to move back to my first love - Jesus Christ.

Felt encouraged after reading it, because it brought me back to the basics again. =) Hee, that I'm not alone. There's a lot to write in here, but in essence, realising that I'm a broken sinner, makes me crawl back to Jesus, and I find that I'm closer to Him like never before. :)

Hee... strangely, in the midst of my melancholy, I find Him deeper and closer like never before. When I seek Him with all my heart in prayer so stumbling and childishly, even on the bus, I find a supernatural peace fill my heart, and I just find His joy and peace filling up my heart again. Wow! :)

It's through this time of uncertainty and fear and nostalgia and loneliness - I had a weird dream just now during a night nap - that I find Him even closer, and I am much strengthened in my heart because of Him.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

So think another reminder is that He wants to be welcomed into every area of my life, even the messed-up ones. I think I've been holding back from Him in some areas of my life, not yielding fully to His guidance, not telling Him about these, nor being open to His correction in these areas.

How I long for a broken heart, for "the LORD is close to the broken-hearted, and save those who are crushed in spirit!"

And He restores my soul. :) Hee... and I'm looking forwards to sharing more testimonies of His breakthroughs in my life... God is simply so good! :D aMeN!

Finally!

Really want to thank God so much. =) For my final semester results, I did quite well for my grades. Got an A-, a B, a B+ and 2Cs. Hee, feel very grateful to God for the results, because even on the day before, I had an unpleasant dream in which I got lousy grades, and for some mysterious, unexplained reasons, unable to graduate this sem!

What a horrible dream. :P

Haha... hmm... think feel very contented with these grades, because I know I did my very best this semester. Very thankful to God that I got a C for my games module, because, honestly, it was horribly hard. :)

But think the more wonderful thing is that I have a group of brothers whom I can share with... was very touched when Huanyan offered to pray for me before I checked my results through SMS. Felt much more comforted and God graciously reminded me that He knows the plans that He has for me... plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. Amen!

Think God has been incredibly good to me all these years. :) Despite my lazy attitude many times, He, solely because of His grace, allowed me to pass all my modules (except one, but that was ungraded...). And this really is the best course for me to take - another blessing that I need to count.

Felt very contented in my heart... surprisingly, because I didn't get honours after all. But think it's very true, what the Bible says, that He enables us to be contented with whatever we receive, whether plenty or not, because He has promised His abundant provisions to every one of us who trusts in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ. :) Yay!

And think Huanyan's prayer for me helped a lot too. Reminded of what the Bible says about not being anxious about anything, but in everything we should pray to God... and His peace that surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus! :D

Thank God... now here's on to the next phase of my life... onwards for His Kingdom!

A Stronger Heart

Came back from MACHO Turbo outing, a brothers' discipleship group. :) Benaiah taught us about the importance of having a strong heart for God.

Six qualities that we need to check our hearts regularly:
1. Maintaining a pure heart.
2. A contrite heart.
3. A heart that fears God (as in a healthy sense of awe).
4. A heart of faithfulness.
5. A heart of obedience.
6. A heart that seeks and loves God.

3 application points that we can apply: to Yield, to Cleanse and to Guard our hearts.

*******
I think this teaching came in at a very timely moment. Because what Benaiah shared struck me: if our hearts for God are weak, even though we may have the sincere desire to want to do great things for God, we will not be able to sustain the pace.

A weak heart is one that is easily discouraged. It doesn't matter how strong we appear on the outside - the real test comes when we are put under the test - will we stand, or will we flee?

So it struck me that I have a weak heart. As Proverbs aptly puts it:

Proverbs 24:10
If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!

Hmm. Reflecting back on these 4.5 years, I think one thing that I need to grow in is a stronger heart. And I'm glad that God has preserved me through all these times when I faltered, and that's because He's so gracious to me. But yeah, the working world's coming, and I know that I have a weak heart, and I'm afraid that I may not be able to stand up under the pressure. The temptations to compromise my faith and integrity will be very strong. So I think God brought me to this MACHO Turbo gathering at the perfect time and place, and taught me through Benaiah this teaching.

So that He can point out to me that my heart is still weak, and more encouragingly, how to strengthen my heart to be ready for the much harder times that are to come.

Thank You, Daddy. :) Please help me grow in a stronger heart for You in the next few months. In Jesus' name, amen!

Tortured For a Faith He Did Not Possess

I just read this from Crosswalk.com... it's really very touching and encouraging. Made me think about a certain area of my own life too... do take a look at this!

Tortured For a Faith He Did Not Possess

The Nature of Spiritual Warfare

Thinking about this again.

I know what I need to do, and even what to think when I feel down and discouraged.

But I think I realised something just now. I realise that even though I know a lot of verses, the confusion that I feel inside my mind is due in a large part my forgetting important verses of Scriptures that I can quote to defend myself against temptations and spiritual attacks on my mind.

Jerry Bridges, in his book "The Pursuit of Holiness", describes Satan as a guerilla foe. Even though he is a defeated foe due to Christ's victory on the cross, he still keeps on striking, ambushing, deceiving and discouraging us, especially when we are weak or unaware.

So it's important, very important, to train ourselves to be able to exercise the right verses against each attack - something that Zewei taught us a few years ago, to constantly memorise and effectively deploy the Word of God against the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Alan, in his teaching about making sense of our experiences, taught us that it is important not only to see what we can learn from an experience, but to also see what Bible verses is appropriate for that experience, and what these verses tell us to do and think.

And that's something I want to make as a New Year's resolution: to train myself effectively to counter my negative thoughts and emotions with the word of God. Amen!

Awareness

Oh, thank God. :) He helped remind me that the discouragement I was feeling could be one of Satan's attempts to distract me again. And that accusing voice I hear is NOT the voice of the Holy Ghost... it's Satan, the Accuser, who stands day and night accusing the saints of God.

Revelation 12:10-11

¹⁰Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
"Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
¹¹They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.

It's true - I'm far from perfect. I have so many things in my life that needs to be forgiven. But I do have the blood of Christ, shed for me on the cross, and I have the word of my testimony of what He has done for me - and I shall not love my life so much as to shrink from death. =)

Yes, Satan, you may come against me with those accusations of yours, but, just as the Word of God says, I come against you in the name and blood of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, who loves me and has set me free!

¹²Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short."

Just feeling sad again. Partly because of the rain, and it's so gray.

And I keep wondering, have I cared for others enough?

I'm so sorry Jesus.

But I do need to remember that I have no standards left to speak of, but Christ's standards alone.

Just feel so gray and useless at times.

No cannot! Must keep my eyes on Jesus! :)

Haha... now that sharing's over, I'll just write down that some of us went over to Ziwei's house today for Christmas dinner. Wonderful! And we got to play with her kitten. And the movie Cats and Dogs was great fun to watch. (Not forgetting one particular sister who kept adding in special sound effects during the action sequences...)

And Robert and KC dropped by, with Absolut Mandarin vodka, and Qiaoping bought a bottle of Merlot wine. Sweet! We had a good time sipping wine and vodka - did you know that one of the sisters' faces turns really RED when she drinks wine? We took photos of her... eh, don't worry sis, no matter what colour you are, we still love you! ;D

Thank God for Ziwei and to her parents too, for their hospitality and cooking - it was really delicious! =) And to all who were there - thank God for you guys, it really was a great and memorable time!

Merry Christmas, and to all a good night!

Just finished praying to Daddy just now. Wow... so refreshed, how I really, really needed that time of prayer.

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

Actually, spent a long time just thinking and reflecting. But very touched, because I sensed that God was just waiting patiently, listening, waiting for me to think things through and process them.

I apologised to Him, saying sorry for being so quiet. But I think He said it's ok, don't worry. "Be still and know that I am God." And I remembered, after reading Shuyi's latest blog entry, that He accepts my melancholic nature, and even though the phlegmatic side of me means that I tend to take a very long time to start sharing my thoughts freely with Him, He still waits there patiently.

In fact, I think He actually enjoys my company! :)

One thing that was weighing quite a bit on my mind was the question whether I had done enough for Him in this NUS ministry. "God knows that I have done so little for Him." I was thinking about whether I had helped make people feel cared for, loved, etc... in part, due to the fact that I only got a very few Christmas cards this year from my bros and sisters.

So I thought about it, wondering if I had to work harder next time, and was I being an effective servant of Christ? Jesus knows I have so many weaknesses, especially in building close friendships... so felt guilty and down about that. And did I make any impact on the lives of those around me this semester? An aching, unanswered question.

But memories of Yufen's conversation with me at S11 where she had encouraged me about my value in God's eyes, regardless of titles or roles or number of sheep, came back to mind. And Jesus Himself reminded me from the passage about Him being the vine, and I'm just a branch - He is the One who impacts people through me. I'm NOT the one who impact people - HE is the one who will do the impacting.

Just like a sword can't cut through anything on its own, neither can I do so. But a sword, even a poor broken one, in the hand of a great swordmaster, is a lethal and mighty weapon, capable of scything through entire ranks and battles.

And I'm so thankful that I have done my best, by the grace of God, and poured myself out like a drink offering. I've really spilled every inch of my energy and heart into serving God in this ministry, and I know that He will reward me for whatever good I have done, by His mercy and grace.

And I know that all this, including my redemption and that precious day when I decided to turn back to Him, is all because of Him. I now know I REALLY cannot do anything good or effective apart from Him at all, not the least jot, not the tiniest iota. But when I remain in Him, spending time with Him in prayer, seeking His very face, His heart, and loving Him and meditating on His precious words...

Somehow, somehow, mysteriously, wonderfully, I find that He moves me like a chess piece, He moves and compels my spirit and heart... He fills me with His love... I really cannot do anything apart from Him, but in Him I can do EVERYTHING!



To be honest, I find it difficult still to draw near to Him at times, especially when I'm hungry for human company, for fellowship, and doing my work... I find that I keep going astray.

And oh yeah, I don't like the fact that I'm still so introspective and self-centred. I know that this blog of mine has a lot of my own ramblings and thoughts, and I wish I was more outwards-looking. But I have faith that I will not remain the same in this area all my life - as I pray to God regarding this area of my life, He will transform me more and more.

Because I've just finished reading Matthew 26-28, and I'm so awestruck by Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection - and His Great Commission... and His assurance that "And surely I am with you always, to the end of the age." Wow...

So in conclusion, I feel really revitalised and renewed in heart and mind. How precious is God's Word! How wonderful His Spirit! How sweet the sound of His grace to me! :) I think He's renewing and giving me fresh hope and faith to face towards the unknown future, and making my heart fill up again with His love that I so desperately need. =)

Yup, yup!

Wow, thank God for today. :D It was a wonderful time celebrating Flince's bday and the carolling session. Think Huanyan's written a tome on it in his blog entry, so shan't write more on it. Hee hee... so I'll carry on from that point where quite a number of us went home.

Initially wanted to go watch movie with Bo, Swee and the other bros and sisters. But decided I needed to rest earlier and save money too - I've been burning money this month more than the whole of Singapore does during the Hungry Ghost Festival.

And also thought of spending the time with God as well - it's Jesus' birthday today mah... and also I really needed to spend some close time with Him - the past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind for me, MM and all that... was feeling very dry spiritually, and I sensed that I was becoming very self-centred in my attitude, especially today.

And I know that I really need to go back to Jesus when that happens...

But when I was on my way back, I felt really disappointed, starting to regret not going with the brothers and sisters who stayed back to watch a movie.

And when I walked back home, I felt really lonely. Was thinking that this is my last Christmas wif the NUS bros and sisters... and probably the last time I can spend such a late night like this with them. And when I reached home, nobody was at home. My parents and sister were out.

Felt that chill of loneliness fill my heart again - something that I'd not felt since the start of this year.

Took my Bible and tried reading the Christmas story, but the carols that we had sung kept echoing in my head and I felt even lonelier, because carols are best sung in a group setting...

So closed the Bible and shared with God my sadness and disappointment.

Then was thinking whether to call Huanyan to chat with him. Thought about it - I mean, shouldn't we draw strength from God when we feel lonely? But also remembered what one of my old sheps and CLs had told me before, that God created other people to help meet our need for company too.

So msged Huanyan that I was feeling lonely at home and wanted someone to chat with. Thank God he was on his way home, so called him.

Then HY said that Robert was with him, and passed the phone over to Robert.

Robert, wow, thank God for him so much, blessed me a lot with his cheery words of encouragement, and what he told me really struck me a lot.

He said that I made the right decision to go back earlier, because we older people (haha...) need to rest, seriously, and besides, Christmas ultimately is all about Jesus - the very thing that had been in my thoughts before I called Huanyan! - so why not take time to go back earlier and reflect on the true meaning of Christmas?

And also, the carnal self of ours wants to stay out late, watch movies, booze, etc... he had just drunk a whole lot of alcohol that night and that was killing his throat - thirsty! So we need to strike a balance, draw the line.

Felt very encouraged when he told me all that, because I realised that I had made a good decision after all to go back earlier - even though I had earlier felt that it was a stupid mistake to go back home.

So something very wonderful today was that I learnt from this experience that sometimes when I make the right choice, a good decision, with all the right reasons and motives... it can actually feel like a bad decision!

I realised that our hearts are REALLY REALLY REALLY deceitful beyond all understanding. I had felt so guilty, and yet God saw my heart to want to honour Him, and He was pleased... Wah, I really must learn to walk by the Spirit and not lean on my feelings, but rely on the Word of God as the true navigational instrument for my life!

And also, I realised that I had fallen into the classic trap of worrying about the temporal future - which was over something so small, and frankly, inconsequential - as compared to having an eternal viewpoint, that my life was never my own to begin with - it's all about living to EXTEND HIS KINGDOM!

This verse had also come to my mind: "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow Me..."

That verse impressed itself very strongly into my heart.

So I think God impressed on my heart after that conversation - really thanks so much, HY and Robert... thank God for wonderful spiritual buddies like you! - that for all my failures today, self-centred attitude, etc... I had passed one of His tests of discipleship... to make the decision to honour Him with my finances and my health...

And Ps Jeff's msg during the Christmas service also spoke to me about giving our own lives to Jesus as a gift, just as He gave His life for us as a gift... I responded during the altar call, and I realised that He was already answering my prayer today!

Whoa... so glad I can give Jesus a gift after all this Christmas... the gift of my own decision to go back and spend quality time with Him! Hee hee... felt so much joy fill my heart after I realised that truth... and I think I felt Him smile in my heart.

And I also realised that God had given me many opportunities to pray or bless some people on the way home - e.g. seeing YF sharing wif XL on the MRT home, think the Spirit reminded me to support them in prayer, encourage a dear brother to share his testimony with a younger brother, chat with Wenjuan and enjoy her company, chat with Benny...

And I got to chat with my aunt who called at 2.20 am from the USA! You know, she was trying so hard to contact my dad, but didn't manage to do so - and was going to stop calling that day... if I wasn't at home earlier, God knows what could have happened... she mentioned to me that my speech had improved a lot... I think it's in terms of tone and pronunciation... so I took the opportunity to say "thank God for that..." (said it quite a few times hee hee... because I know my aunt's not really committed as a Christian... hope this sows a few seeds in her heart...)

And she reminded me to visit my old principal from the special school for the hearing-impaired that I went to many years ago... wow... what she told me was that this principal had put in so much effort to take care of me... so I should visit her soon... esp since she's now very old and can't walk. So I told her I'll visit Sister Anne this week.

Hmm... All these were things that I wouldn't be able to do if I had chosen to watch the movie. It's not wrong... i think both choices were quite good in themselves... but I chose the better one - because I wanted to honour God... and found it very tough to do so... because it meant dying to my own carnal desires to want to enjoy myself instead of spending desperately needed time with God...

And yet He chose to minister to me, despite my reluctance, and looking-back attitude.

Wow... why did He do that? I don't know... yet He still loves me so much... I realise that He is training me up to be a disciple of His... not just a believer... and I have so much to learn in following the way of the Master, Jesus Christ.

I'm getting more eager to go over to the Adults ministry as the days go by. I think this eagerness is not from myself - it's due to God's grace. Because from what I can see so far, the bros and sisters in the Adults ministry are very eager to be disciples of Christ who live a real-world faith. I think I failed as a disciple of Christ in the tertiary ministry, but like Jesus reinstating Peter as a disciple after Peter had denied Him THREE times, I think He's graciously picking me up again and calling me to follow Him and be His disciple.

True discipleship... it is never easy. But the rewards of following Him are worth all eternity.

Merry Christmas, dear friends, and may the joy of the Lord Jesus fill your hearts this wonderful season, and even if you don't have a personal relationship with God yet, may the peace of God begin to touch your hearts during this season - "and on earth peace to men on whom His favour rest..." May the Lord's favour be upon you this wonderful season!

He gave the greatest Gift of all when He gave Jesus
He sent the greatest Gift of love wrapped in His Son.
He brought us hope when we had nothing left to hope for
Redemption's story had begun

He gave the greatest Gift of all when He gave Jesus
He sent the greatest Gift of love wrapped in His Son.
He brought us hope when we had nothing left to hope for
At last the long awaited promise,
The Gift the world was waiting for had come!