Monday, March 28, 2011

Dating

"One day, it occurred to me that it's because I've been taught subtly in my youth that relationship with a girl threatens my relationship with God.

This cannot be further from the truth."

A brilliant post from Shaowei's blog. He's a wise, sharp thinker with a great heart for God BTW (that rare combination of one who is highly rational [he's a MATHS SCHOLAR who was a stubborn skeptic before, for God's sake] and yet also a deep feeler).

I just found out from Dewen that Shawn Bolz just released a book about dating recently, called "The Nonreligious Guide to Dating and Being Single". I have not read it but if it is anything like his blog posts, it should be awesome!

I've been thinking about romantic relationships lately. In my own life, I've often wondered about my resistance to dating and marriage. One day, it occurred to me that it's because I've been taught subtly in my youth that relationship with a girl threatens my relationship with God. This cannot be further from the truth. In the beginning, Adam was alone with God, but God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." And He created Eve. Don't be mistaken. God did not create Eve just for friendship. He created her for union with Adam. "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

What about Paul? Didn't he say that celibacy is good in 1 Cor 7? Kris Vallotton gives a very good commentary about this passage in one of his sermons, if you can find it. In summary, Paul was talking to a crowd of people who believed that marriage was the only way. So he says to the unmarried and the widows, who felt condemned for choosing to be single, that "It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do." And when he says, "I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that," he was talking about his gift in not being tempted sexually, not his gift of celibacy. Paul never condemned marriage. He would never say that something is bad, something which God himself says is good. In fact, he talks about marriage all the time in all his books, especially with regards to Jesus as the Groom, and us the Bride.

So now, what about all the young teens who are getting into hurtful romantic relationships and premarital sex and all that stuff? I agree that such things are dangerous, but WE SHOULD NEVER CREATE THEOLOGY TO SOLVE A PROBLEM!! I believe the solution is to teach our youths what healthy romantic relationships are. For instance, we should not get from our girl/boyfriend what we actually want from God, and we should not get from God what we need to get from our girl/boyfriend. That perhaps there is "THE ONE" (who you marry), but it is often impossible to figure that out (i.e. prophetically?) until we start to date that person and get to know that person the normal way (i.e. spend quality time).

So I encourage young people to date. Ask God what it is like to have a healthy fulfilling relationship. It is a great learning experience. But don't date if you don't want to date. There have been seasons in my life where God was leading me into so much intimacy that I did not have any desire to date anyone at all. This is very different from believing that God can only lead you into more intimacy if you don't date. My own dating experience is testimony that there are things that God can teach me only through a romantic relationship.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Why Do We Say Sorry?

2 Corinthians 7:8-9
"Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while—yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us."

It makes me ask: Why do we say sorry after hurting someone?

I might seem to be saying a very 'duh' question. But really, why do we say sorry for hurting someone?

It's not the hurt that we should be apologizing for. Nobody expects your dentist to apologize to you for doing wisdom tooth surgery on you.

But it's the intent behind the hurt. Was it to protect ourselves that we ended up hurting the other person, or was it to really help the other person be built up or was it simply because we were not in the best of moods, and the other party just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Sometimes we apologize for causing hurt. But is that a biblical practice? As though the absence of hurt was a cardinal virtue? Then God would have so much to apologize for. But obviously, the absence of pain is not a virtue in itself, as the Bible clearly teaches.

Rather, what we have to reflect on is the heart's motive behind causing the hurt, & our mistakes in rendering the hurt, if well-intentioned. Of course, if it's really just us being frustrated at something else at hand, I think that's perfectly understandable.

Thus that's why an "I'm sorry I made you feel this way." is one of the most backhanded and selfish "apologies". Far better not to apologize then. Stop adding to the hurt and piling up your sins before God. You will have to give an account to God for these careless words you speak!

But if you're genuinely sorry for your selfish reasons, an apology is a great way to demonstrate your repentance, especially when followed up with a clear statement of where you were wrong.

And if your conscience was clear but your actions caused harm and more damage than intended, it would be the right thing to apologize too.

Don't just say sorry. Explain and confess clearly what you are saying for. Then you will be in a very good position to a receive grace and mercy and be at peace with all men.


In short, don't say sorry unless you genuinely believe that you were wrong. Otherwise it's very hypocritical.



Interestingly, I recall today, that one dear co-worker apologized to me over some props stuff. There had been some mix-up, and I hurriedly asked her to cut a hole in the prop. Well, she was quite flustered as she had to rush a lot of other things too, so she was a bit annoyed, which I could see from her face. But after that, she apologized to me. I was surprised, but it was very nice of her. Actually I wasn't offended or even expecting any apology, as I understood that she was hard-pressed for time. Told her jokingly that thank God that she hadn't cut a hole in me with her penknife at that time!

But really, I'm very blessed by her genuineness of apology, not because I felt slighted or hurt, or even that she was not at her finest mood at that moment, but simply because she really apologized and stated clearly what she thought she had done wrong.

Not to assuage a guilty conscience, nor as an act of politeness, but simply a genuine confession of what she believed she had done wrong and wanted to put right. It's so refreshing, her spirit! :)

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Fwd: [SCGMfriends] JAPAN QUAKE & PACIFIC TSUNAMI -OPPORTUNITIES TO PRACTICALLY HELP !

Dear Co-labourers-in-Christ.
 
Please pray for:
  • more survivors to be discovered and those affected by the trauma of the earthquake and tsunami to be comforted and restored even as they cope with the aftermath of the tsunami.
  • protection & strength for the thousands of military & rescue personnel helping in the post tsunami work
  • all in Japan to have presence of mind, and for those who are believers to rise to the occasion with the power of the Holy Spirit to meet the needs as He directs them.
  • the Church to unite to reach out to help in the aftermath—pray for wise response, order and resources applied appropriately. 
      • the global Church to wake up to the need to be prepared in order to be His hands and feet in these situations as they begin to unfold so quickly around the world.

As some of you have asked, practical ways we could help besides praying, is to come alongside Christian relief agencies that are already doing ground assessment and providing humanitarian help.
 
There are 3 [ 2 based in Singapore & 1 in Japan] - they are World Vision, BGRI & CRASH Japan- kindly see below:
 
a. CRASH Japan [ http://crashjapan.com/]

Christian Relief, Assistance, Support and Hope (CRASH) is a network supporting Christians to do relief work in Japan and around the world.  CRASH equips and prepares churches and missions to be there to help their communities when disasters strike and coordinates Christian volunteers to work with local ministries in the event of a disaster.CRASH is endorsed by JEMA the Japan Evangelical Missionary Association and works in cooperation with the Disaster Relief Commission of the Japan Evangelical Association.

 b. BGRI [http://www.bgri.org/] has also sent a recce team for assessment & is awaiting more details before proceeding.
 
c. World Vision  [ http://www.worldvision.org.sg/CF-General.php?catID=33] - has sent out a recce team of their onsite WV Japanese personnel, will definitely be providing relief aid & establishing child friendly spaces. More details on how you can help below & also in attached pdf:
 
 
WV.JAP DISASTER 11 RELIEF.jpg
 
Keep on praying my friends!!
 
Blessings always!
 
Juliette 
 
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 
On Mon, Mar 14, 2011 at 12:34 PM, juliette arulrajah <juliette.arul@gmail.com> wrote:
Dear Pastors, Leaders, SCGM Friends & Disasterhope Network,
 
Greetings in the name of our Sovereign Lord!
 
I am forwarding to you the prayer email alert [see below] sent out to the Disasterhope Network on Friday night.
 
Since then there have been further updates with regards the extent of the devastation [more than 10,000 feared dead] inclusive of the nuclear plant explosion on Sat and the increasing amounts of radioactivity in the surrounding areas with further threats of nuclear plant explosions. Food and water shortage is becoming more apparent despite the attempts of the Japanese govt, foreign expert help and international NGOs battling against time to save lives, rescue those still trapped under the wreckage and debris and manage this 3- pronged [quake, tsunami & nuclear threat] mammoth crisis.
 
Kindly continue to intercede for breakthroughs with regards relief operations, the affected people and the relevant authorities handling the situation.
 
Blessings always! 
Juliette
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: juliette arulrajah <juliette.arul@gmail.com
Date: Sat, Mar 12, 2011 at 12:08 AM
Subject: JAPAN QUAKE & PACIFIC TSUNAMI !

Dear Friends of DisasterHope Network,

 

By now you would have heard the news of the massive 8.9 earthquake hitting Japan and the consequent 10m tsunami that has had a widespread effect on various parts of the Pacific hitting Hawaii just a little while ago with the W coast of USA expecting waves in the next hour. There have already been more than 50 aftershoocks with 7 of them biger than 6.3 in magnitude.
 
More than 300 bodies have already been found with expectations of this escalating. Numerous are missing. 2,000 people expected to be evacuated from an area surrounding a Japanese nuclear plant because of safety concerns. 4,000,000 homes have been destroyed in Japan with massive  tidal destruction even as many are caught in Japan's Narita airport. Economic impacts expected as Japan is the world's third largest economy—stock markets are already tumbling in Asia and Europe. 

 

Dozens of cities and villages along a 1,300-mile (2,100-kilometer) stretch of coastline were shaken by violent tremors that reached as far away as Tokyo, hundreds of miles (kilometers) from the epicenter. A large section of Kesennuma, a town of 70,000 people in Miyagi, burned furiously into the night with no apparent hope of the flames being extinguished, public broadcaster NHK said.

 
Thousands have been deployed for the post-tsunami work.This is being called the seventh most powerful earthquake in history since 1900 and the worst to hit Japan. 
 
 
Please pray for:
  • more survivors to be discovered and those affected by the trauma of the earthquake and tsunami to be comforted and restored even as they cope with the aftermath of the tsunami.
  • protection & strength for the thousands of military & rescue personnel helping in the post tsunami work
  • all in Japan to have presence of mind, and for those who are believers to rise to the occasion with the power of the Holy Spirit to meet the needs as He directs them.
  • the Church to unite to reach out to help in the aftermath—pray for wise response, order and resources applied appropriately.
  • the global Church to wake up to the need to be prepared in order to be His hands and feet in these situations as they begin to unfold so quickly around the world.

Standing in the Gap in His Love together with you for those affected,
 
Juliette Arulrajah

National Director
Singapore Centre for Global Missions
[Formerly SCEM]
8 Short Street S'pore 188214
Tel: (65) 6339 8950
Mobile: (65) 97606735
Website: 
www.scgm.org.sg




--
Juliette Arulrajah

National Director
Singapore Centre for Global Missions
[Formerly SCEM]
8 Short Street S'pore 188214
Tel: (65) 6339 8950
Mobile: (65) 97606735
Website:  www.scgm.org.sg



--
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." ~ Jim Elliot