From Shirley's blog:

"Purity of heart … is to will one thing" -- Kierkegaard
The Son willed only one thing – the will of the Father.

"Had a restful time of reflection and personal time with God yesterday, and it all started with this one phrase. It brought about renewal of my mind and resting/re-aligning of my heart as i dwell on this; am i glad to finally have this time of flushing out and self-check with the Lord."

Just came across it today, and i think Jesus whispered to my heart, reminding me of my first love for Him... where have I placed it today?

Going off now for dance rehearsal for tomorrow's HopeKids Children's Day service... but don't want to forget what He whispered in my heart today.

I have a dream for God... :D

After what Shuyi shared in a blog comment (thanks sis! :)), it sparked my ideas... what if, hor, Hope Media works together with Hope Resources? Because something I learnt in my media studies modules is that media distribution networks are extremely crucial to the success and influence of media products.

So I had this idea, that one day, we can have a beautiful giant LCD/plasma screen in a Hope Resource store in, say, New York, advertising the latest in Hope Media productions. And these productions will be really great stuff... think on the par with Dreamworks, Paramount and Disney... and we'll have a massive stock of wonderful movies, whether Christian or "secular", for everyone to watch and learn from...

(Haha... this reminds me of what Claramae was sharing with me yesterday. She really enjoys watching movies, and analysing the cinematographic film language, not just the plot... the way the camera points at the actors' faces...)

So I'm even more excited when I think about this dream... that one day, we'll see a giant distribution network throughout the world, disseminating wonderful, edifying and excellent movies and what not... to a new generation that is becoming increasingly post-literate and post-modern.

Oh God! Show forth Your glory through mortal jars of clay like us! To be salt and light to generation after generation till You return in all glory and power! In Jesus' most wonderful name, amen!

Embrace God's Grace

From an article I read just now:

Think the part about embracing (the fact that I) sin and sharing God's grace with others really spoke to me. Reminded me again of the basics. Thank God for His grace to me!

*******

Even if you feel like a failure, God looks at you with deep, unconditional love. And He stands with arms outstretched, ready to embrace you if you’ll accept His gift of grace. Here’s how you can embrace God’s grace:

* Embrace doubt. Don’t worry about trying to hide your doubt; God knows about it, and He can handle it. Face your doubt and use it to seek God by asking tough questions. Call out to God even if you’re not sure He’s there, to see if He will respond. Remember that God will always give you a fresh chance at faith – no matter what has happened in your past. Ask God to give you the faith to overcome your fears.

* Embrace faith. Pray for the courage to take a step forward in faith by choosing to trust God – even when you don’t understand how He’s working in your life. Know that the burden of proof lies with God, and He won’t disappoint you. Believe that He will reveal Himself if you genuinely seek Him. As you come to know God more, take more steps of faith to move closer to Him.

* Embrace truth. Crack a Bible open and read it. Think about the words, meditate on them, pray about them, and study them. Invite God to speak to you as you read His Word. Allow His messages to sink deep into your soul and begin to transform you. Remember His promise in Scripture that nothing in all creation will be able to separate you from the love of God in Christ. Rest assured that even if you’ve ignored, offended, or denied God, He still loves you and wants a relationship with you.

* Embrace sin. Don’t deny the reality of your own sin. Understand that any sin – no matter how small it seems – mars your soul and needs to be confessed. Don’t let fear, shame, or guilt about your sin cause you to run away from God. Instead, confess your sins to Him on a regular basis, knowing that when you do, He will lavish you with attention, heal your wounds, and remind you that Christ has already atoned for your sins through His death on the cross. Don’t pretend that you can avoid having to deal with your sin by following rules and trying to live a good life. Recognize that no one can ever be good enough to earn their way to heaven, that all people in our fallen world make mistakes, that you sin every day despite your best intentions, and that you need God’s grace when you sin. Be honest about your failures with some other Christians you trust, confessing your sins to each other, praying for each other, and encouraging each other as part of the healing process.

* Embrace forgiveness. Realize that God deems you worthy of forgiveness – even if you feel like you don’t deserve it. Don’t waste time or energy trying to earn forgiveness, because it’s already available to you at any time, completely for free. Take heart that you can relax in God’s presence because He loves you unconditionally. Understand that He knows everything about you, but nothing can make Him love you any less than He already does. Know that God’s forgiveness isn’t conditional. Simply decide to accept His gift of forgiveness.

* Embrace repentance. Decide to thank God for His love for you by changing direction when you’ve been headed away from God. Turn around and walk back toward God by stopping the sins you’ve confessed and trusting God to help you obey in the future. Rest assured that when you humbly turn away from sin, you’ll experience peace. Ask God to use your repentance to transform you more into the person He wants you to become. Let go of attempts to control your life and be willing to be changed.

* Embrace opportunities to share God’s grace with others. Celebrate the grace God has given you by serving other people who need to discover His grace for themselves. Ask God to use your experiences to help you reach out to others. Keep in mind that your personal weaknesses are often your strongest areas of ministry. Trust that God will not waste any of your pain, but will use it to accomplish good purposes. Have confidence that God has chosen you to follow where He calls, and that He will bless your efforts to bring hope to others. Rely on God’s strength rather than your own, and go about sharing the gift of grace with other people. Forgive others, serve them, refrain from judging them, and view them as God sees them – as people who need His love and truth.

Lord, I'm very impatient. Need to wait first for my leaders' advice before rushing ahead. Thank You for pointing this out to me. Forgive me, Lord. In Jesus' name amen.

"Jesus will never forget what we have done."

"So long I haven't cried in Your presence, Lord." Wrote it on my palm today, because I was feeling very dry.

YF asked me how I was feeling now - better or not? Hmm, still ups and downs.

Yesterday was an up day - excited at the vision for God, wanting to do something for Him, today more down, quite tired and not able to focus on Joyce's and Minchen's birthdays today. Lots of old thoughts banging on the door of my mind - felt like the battle at Helm's Deep where the orcs are trying to push the door down.

But God is so good indeed! His love endures forever. Because was going back home with a brother - we were both very tired, and we just chatted. Then this dear bro shared his frustrations about something. At first was going to give him some advice, but realised that what he just needed was a listening ear. So listened, and listened. Felt very touched by his realness and openness - reminded me of what Peter shared with me before, that real friendships means that we don't have to put up a false front in front of one another - we can really be ourselves with the other person. Really thank God for this dear bro's sharing - it touched my heart very much. Lots of things he shared with me, inspired by his zeal to serve God.

BTW something that I want to capture from him - his joyful spirit even when he's very tired. This is a weakness of mine - when I'm mentally tired, I get very negative and easily emotional, prone to self-pity and judgemental thoughts.

Then his bus came. Waved bye to him, and was about to walk off. Then just had this thought that I should turn around and see him off till his bus was gone. Turned around, and saw him waving at me. Really surprised at the exact timing - Daddy is so sweet! :D

As I stood there waving goodbye, somehow I felt that I had made God smile by that simple act of love. Then realised that it was not me, but Christ living in me, who showed His love through me. How true it is... when we love one another, God lives in us, and His love is made complete in us.

This is something that I really really treasure. God's smile on my heart - that is worth far more than any titles or accolade or affirmation or glories or riches...

And you don't have to do anything big or dramatic in the eyes of men. Just something as simple as a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is Christ's disciple - and in Qiaoping's words, "Jesus will never forget what we have done."

*******
Thank You Lord for Flince. He encouraged me just now over MSN. Really thank God for him - he's really been a great support. Can't explain in detail why, but feel very supported by him as we serve together. :)

Flince says:
think life doesn't make much sense when we're looking forward
Flince says:
but everything happens for a purpose, and everybody's lives are interlinked

I also realised, after reflecting and Bowen's feedback, that I have so much more to grow in humility, especially with my other bros in the CG.

But thank God! So grateful that He pointed out to me... as always! for His love never fails.

Have changed my thought patterns here from "I'm so far from being humble" - with its implicit self-determined standards (worldly sorrow) as compared to "I'm still growing in learning to be humble" - with its acknowledgement and acceptance of the pride that is so ingrained in me... and methinks it also is very positive thought ("growing")! :)

"In fact, I miss Him!"

Thank You Jesus, You are so real... when there are times I am tempted to question Your realness, I recall the gospels of how You lived, how You walked the 33 years of Your life on this small earth... and how You died... and how You rose from the dead...

Truly, no one could ever make up a story of how REAL and AWESOME Jesus is!

Just read about a group of Buddhists who devote themselves to learning from the teachings of Jesus... I'm not sure if they have trusted in Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour... but this really stunned me so much... in fact the Dalai Lama awared - so awesome is Jesus the Jew that even Gentiles will flock to Him to hear from Him... Gandhi also made it a point to practise Your teachings...

This really puts me to shame as one who calls himself a Christ-follower... how can it be that those who do not believe in Him as Lord and Saviour obey His teachings more faithfully than those who claim to follow Him? Truly, as Paul wrote, "You who brag about the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? As it is written: "God's name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you."

So I really want to be a more faithful follower of Jesus Christ, the only sinless Man ever to walk the face of this earth. I want to welcome Him more and more every day, into every room of my heart... His heart is SO BIG that even the non-Christians, those who have really seen what He really is like, cannot but helped be moved by Him... there was this atheist, who after many years of denouncing Christianity - in fact, he was previously an evangelist - said that he really admired Jesus, saying that there simply is no one like him... And as he went on, he could control himself no longer, and broke down in front of his interviewer and cried, saying, "In fact, I miss Him!"

Wow... there simply is no one like Jesus. In fact, I miss Him!

Was travelling to school from the meetup with Claramae, and was thinking about the call to make a difference for Christ in the area of media. Frankly, felt that the way ahead was going to be tough, and to assemble and train up a group of volunteers, AND to impart to them the spirit and vision behind serving in MM... to help them see what roles they can play in the bigger picture of the Great Commission...

It all started looking really tough and difficult. To be honest, I was worried about all the struggles, even now, the struggles within my own heart. Not to mention my concerns of finding a job with my limited portfolio, family concerns, etc...

Was also thinking, where is God sometimes? Recently, He seems to be really hard to find at times, and I have to look very hard to find Him, even though I know that He is only a prayer away.

So prayed to God about this. Then this thought came to mind: "Jesus loves me, even through all these hard times." Somehow had this prompting to turn to Romans 8. So I did and just started reading.

Then this passage really spoke to my heart's concerns:

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

As it is written:

"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

These two verses in bold really encouraged me a lot. Think Daddy was encouraging me on, reminding me that nothing can ever separate me from the love of Christ, no matter how difficult the situation may become.

On the contrary, He promises that in ALL these things we are MORE than conquerors through Him who loved us. And so I know that this is the attitude of faith that He wants me to have, to carry in my heart.

I shall memorise this passage tonight.

To speak with faith!

To speak with faith! :D Because faith pleases God.
Thank God that my shepherd has the gift of faith. So can really learn from him. :D

Was talking with Claramae today about training up more ppl in the NUS MM ministry... we had a wonderful time of fellowship, and I'm very excited actually, about having the opportunity to leave a legacy behind in NUS...
Essentially, what she told me about how she sees the NUS MM ministry is that it plays a support role for the pastoral ministry. Somehow, God helped me personalise this aspect almost immediately, and I shared with her how exactly the NUS MM ministry can support the NUS pastoral ministry:

1. Impact - To leave an impact on the hearts of the audiences, to open up and prepare the way for the pastoral ministry's message
2. Involve - To help 'jio' ppl, invite for events e.g. church camps, etc...
3. Influence - To, in the longer term, influence the minds of the people and help them learn how to engage relevantly with the new media generation, AND R&D into new forms of media too.

Actually, just realised that Luke 3:4-6 is very relevant for the MM ministry. It can be divided up into three parts: Impact, Involve and Influence.
"A voice of one calling in the desert,
IMPACT:
'Prepare the way for the Lord,
make straight paths for him.
INVOLVE:
Every valley shall be filled in,
every mountain and hill made low.
The crooked roads shall become straight,
the rough ways smooth.
INFLUENCE:
And all mankind will see God's salvation.' "

And on a larger scale, this simply is a personalisation of the Uni District Vision.

Was really surprised by how these 3 words came out of my mouth exactly as I said them. It wasn't a case of me thinking first, then the words coming out... And the Bible passage just now... whoa! Is this God's anointing on me? Please, Lord, let it be!

It was the very moment that I was opening my mouth that these three words came out just like that, one by one.

She'll be asking Wenjiang more abt this, how this NUS MM ministry will fit into the bigger picture of the Tertiary MM ministry... till then, I await His calling... and His provision. I think it won't be easy - I have to come up with a training syllabus - but I have faith in God that this can be done. And we WILL make a lasting difference for Christ in the area of media in this generation - and beyond!

As a Man Thinks in His Heart

As a Man Thinks in His Heart
Dr. Gary Smalley

Three years ago I had an old-fashioned tent revival in my heart. Through a heart attack and a kidney transplant, God brought me back to my first love, Jesus Christ. My love for Him has never been stronger and I am challenging myself everyday to grow closer to Him. Morning til night, I now practice 6 steps all day long:

Action Step One: Turn Over All Expectations to God
My expectations are the cause of much of my stress and distracted me from my relationship with Him. Stress is the socially accepted word for anger. And stress is the gap between our expectations and reality. The greater the gap, the greater the stress. God promises that all of our needs will be met in Christ through his riches in Glory. It’s not some needs will be met, but all needs.

When I rest in this truth and really believe God is faithful, I begin to experience true peace.

Action Step Two: Take Each Thought Captive
This one, with God’s strength within me, allows me to manage all of my moods. I wake up each morning with the overwhelming peace that nothing or no one can control how I feel today because I don’t give my power away to others or circumstances any longer to “make” me unhappy or happy.

I began practicing this step after better understanding the power of Philippians 4:8 which says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things… and you will have the peace of God.”

Whatever thoughts come to my mind and heart in any area of my life, I use the power of God within me to evaluate each thought or belief according the eight standards found in this verse. If any thought is not consistent with these descriptions, I now have the power to stop my wrong thinking or beliefs and go on to thoughts that are consistent with these eight words.

Action Step Three: Accept God’s Filter for Your Life
God has the best plan for your life in mind, and God is in control. Through the seasons of my life, I could say this promise, but I believed it only in part. I acknowledged God’s Word was true, but my heart wasn’t convinced the promise was for me. Now I know that God loves me and wants the best for me at all times.

No matter what happens in the course of a day, a week, or a year, ultimately my times are in His hands and I trust Him to guide my every step. I now see that those things that seemed completely “bad” happened for a reason greater than I can know and see in this lifetime. I can trust in His sovereignty. My focus is to become closer to him and more and more like Him and I know I have a long ways to go. But for now I trust that whatever happens to me has not escaped His knowledge. He’s not only taking care of me, but He has a plan to use everything that happens for my good and His glory.

Action Step Four: Worship God in the Midst of Trials.
Nothing in life should be able to shake our joy in the Lord. No matter what trials we are facing, we can still worship God and be thankful. A grateful heart is a healthy heart.

God can always use what hurts us to teach us where we need to grow. Instead of fighting God when things sting you in life, use your trials as an opportunity to trust in Him like you never have before. I’ve learned that my trials really help me realize God is indeed all I need. Nothing on this earth can satisfy, and when my circumstances are challenging I am reminded of this truth. There is much good to be found if we open our eyes to what God is doing.

Action Step Five: Seek Godly Counsel
I’ve made a lot of mistakes by making decisions on my own. Waiting on God is an important discipline, and not something I’ve always practiced. Now, before I make an important decision, I first seek God’s counsel in His Word. Then I ask other godly people that have a relationship with God and whom I respect.

Action Step Six: Review, review, and review
Finally, I like to just take a moment and review with God. Many days, I don’t measure up to what I desire to be, so I reflect on my words and actions throughout the course of the day, asking God to mold me into His likeness. It is important also to review His faithful acts toward us. When I am discouraged, I take time to remember how He was faithful the day before, and I review His promises found in His Word. I’ve found I forget easily and need constant reminders of all God has done in my life. I’m often quite humbled how quickly I forget.

I don’t know what your relationship with God and others looks like at the moment, but I do know that our relationships are what matter to God the most. Perhaps you feel you don’t have any extra time to give to your relationship with God. Or, maybe your stress level is off the charts, and your health is being compromised because of unrealistic expectations. You might be asking yourself, “Why don’t I feel the joy of the Lord anymore?” Whatever struggles you are facing, there is great encouragement ahead for you.

The Rainbow Division

Thanks a dozen Lord :)

I think the past 2 weeks has been emotionally very stumbling for me, blocking me from seeing all the sweet blessings that God has been pouring into my life - especially Zhiwei coming to know Christ, and the affirmations that I received from various brothers and sisters...

And even on the friendship aspect, I've really been very blessed by Peter and Huanyan. :) Like Qiaoping said, we're there to support one another. After Ruey Fong went over to Adults ministry, I was worried for a very short while whether I'd be able to find another friend whom I can be as close to as RF. But think my Daddy reminded me that He gave RF to me as a friend in response to my prayers, and He is very well able to meet all my needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. :)

And so on and so forth. There have been so many sweet things, but Satan knows my weak points - and God knows that I have MANY of them... so, think the enemy has been tempting me and discouraging me by working overtime on my weakness of having crushes easily, and being easily discouraged. (Ha, ironic, yeah? For someone who has the gift of encouragement, he gets very easily discouraged. But this only goes to show that this gift is clearly from God and not from me! :D Hallelujah!)

So during this time of spiritual victories, or "rainbow days" as John Ortberg puts it so well, the enemy will try his damned best to hinder and distract me from charging fully into the breach. I imagine myself like a soldier struggling to pick his way thru the barbed wires amidst the machine-gun fire. The bullets of discouragement, anxiety, worry, lust, fear, greed, jealously, rage, malice, sloth, slander... they are all so real. Honestly, I've really struggled with all these in the past 2 weeks. Ha... maybe that's one reason why I was so tired the past 2 weeks too. Maybe? :) But Jesus is So Faithful! Amen!

No wonder we must take up the shield of faith to extinguish all the flaming bullets of the evil one. To don the helmet of salvation to guard our minds, to keep our hearts right before God via the bulletproof vest of righteousness... to put on the boots of the gospel of peace... the belt of truth to hold all these pieces of armour tightly in place...

Ha, I'm just quoting Ephesians 6 in a modernized context, but hey, the principles are still the same. :)

But one thing I realised that I haven't done much in this spiritual battle is to take up the sword of the Spirit (aka the Word of God). I've been living on _subsistence_ rations of God's Word during the past 2 weeks. I never clean my spiritual rifle... I only kept a few verses in my magazine... God... no wonder I'm so crazy and downcast at times, helpless when the enemy attacks me with discouraging and negative thoughts.

But always, God is faithful. During those times when I felt I buay tahan, "my God cares too much to say / His mercies are new every day / I get down on my knees to pray / And help is on its way!" When I felt really suppressed and laid low by doubts, insecurity, fears, anger, rage, malice, bitterness, pride, etc... I prayed to God, sometimes praying in the Spirit when I don't know what to pray. Sort of like calling for artillery support... "Arty! Arty!!!" Except we say, "Jesus! Jesus!!!" :D Then the angels in heaven use their Holy "Haaa-llelujah" Grenades they have Up There to blow up Satan's devilish tactics Down Here to Kingdom Come. ;D

Cool! :D Haha... sorry if it sounds crazy, but hey, I'm pretty sure all these outlandish imageries are doctrinally sound. :) Anyway, RF gave me a good piece of advice last time... he told me that I have a very powerful imagination... so use it to think GOOD thoughts! Because the fact is, my imagination always tends to work overtime, so might as well use it to work something GOOD. Very true, since God gave me this imagination... :)

Romans 16:19 says!
Romans 16:19 says!
Be excellent at what is good, be innocent of evil
Be excellent at what is good, be innocent of evil

Chorus:
And the God of peace will soon crush Satan (AMEN!)
Yes, God will crush him underneath your feet (STOMP!)
And the God of peace will soon crush Satan (AMEN!)
Yes, God will crush him underneath your feet (STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!!!)

Thank God again! I remember just now that He has already forgiven me even before I confessed to Him what I have done wrong... wow... how great is His heart... He forgave me even before I had it in mind to ask Him for forgiveness... "They overcame [the devil] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death." (Rev 12:11)

I'm so amazed by His love, His grace and His mercy. Truly, He is slow to anger, rich in mercy. AMEN!

So am encouraged by His Spirit! Thank God, the battle is fought, the lines are laid, and the victory is already ours in Christ! Like what Ps Jeff said, "We fight not for victory - we fight FROM victory!" So have made the decision to get out of this melancholy mood and self-pitying attitude, to roll up my sleeves and start serving God fully again! To minister to His people, take care of my sheep, and intercede for my CG... and to serve Him faithfully in my studies, family and ministry!

Let today be the day that the Rainbow Division goes full-thrust! Because tomorrow we are going to welcome and CELEBRATE the new brothers and sisters that God has blessed us with! Yes! Looking fwd to the D-N-A gathering tml... haha... :D

aLL the WAY FOR JESUS!

*******
PS: Oh, why the "Rainbow Division" in my title? Because there was really a "Rainbow Division" during the First World War. It was trained under the command of the American general Pershing, who ensured that only when his troops were fully trained did he send them into the trenches, unlike the 'meat-grinder' practices of other commanders. They achieved many victories in their battles, partly because of their excellent training... but why "Rainbow"? I dunno - I forgot. :P

And also, because of "Rainbow Days", like what I mentioned earlier, when everything really is going well - victories are in sight and God's face clearly is shining on you. That is a GIFT from God, not to be taken for granted.

And rainbows are a symbol of God's promise to Noah too...

And rainbows are just plain beautiful too. :)

Crying in my heart. Disappointed. Very disappointed.

God, I look up to You... You know that I stand here with broken glass on my hands.

You know that I will fail.

You know that I will mess things up.

You know everything that is about me.

And I'm so... disappointed again.

Why can't I be ... perfect?

Why must I struggle every day with disappointments?

Oh God. Will the sadness go on forever?

Will the night stay the same?

But I don't care. I'll get up, learn from this, and move on again.

Oh God. I'm falling down again. I can't stand this. Please help me up again.

Please.

I'm putting up my right hand to You... will You help me up, Jesus?

Yet I am with You always.
You hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with Your counsel,
and afterwards You will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart,
and my portion forever.

In the presence of a Holy God
There's new meaning now to grace
You took all my sins upon Yourself
I can only stand amazed

And I cry Holy, Holy, Holy God
How awesome is Your name
And I cry Holy, Holy, Holy God
How majestic is Your reign over all the earth
And I am changed in the presence of a Holy God...

In the presence of a Holy God
All my crowns lie in the dust
You are righteous in Your judgements
You are faithful true and just

Now having a headache. Lord, heal my headache. Just was praying just now. Meditating on John 21... think this verse impressed itself on my heart... "Lovest thou me?... FEED my lambs."

What does it mean to FEED His lambs?
I was thinking... to feed means to meet his needs... to sense when he is hungry - spiritually, emotionally... physically, ha, i reckon he's pretty well-fed already... :) but spiritually...

Lord, tink something that I realise about myself thru this experience is that I really don't have very much of a shepherd's heart... but i really want to grow in a wise shepherd's heart... wonder how can I feed him better?

Oh... i think He reminded me... He is working together with me... He wants me to keep him well-covered in prayer... because in the end, Jesus is the Chief Shepherd... in fact, like what Jitsy wrote before, He's more eager to see him grow than I am.

So must keep him well-covered in prayer... which i really want to thank God for... because we only managed to meet him for 24-hrs follow-up one WEEK later... because he wasn't free for the rest of the days (i think).

But had this assurance from God that everything will work out fine... just keep him covered in prayer regularly... because God will take care of him when we are unable to. And things worked out fine. :) YF and I sensed that he was quite hungry to learn more about the faith when we were sharing with him. Encouraged by what God can do...

So am going off to pray a quick prayer for him. Really want to see him grow more and more... to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, that he may be filled to all the measure of the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus, throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen!

Ushering Outing at Bukit Timah Hill

Thank You for the time today at Bukit Timah Hill, Lord. Had a great outing with my dear ushering team - Jia Dai, Minchen, Huanyan, Shunrong, Shihong and Joella. Really heartwarming and funny sharings... wonderful wonderful time! So happy also tat God answered our prayers for a safe time and that no rain too, and oh yes, a breeze 'cos it's awfully hot and stuffy... wow, we were praying together feeling the rain drops on our necks... but as we went uphill, the rain stopped... and wow! a breeze! not just a breeze - it's a refreshing breeze, the type that you can breathe, that has that fresh forest aroma... so sweet! :D

Will put up the photos soon... when Shihong sends me the photos. So glad that she brought along a camera... and really glad to God that her camera batteries didn't run out! PTL!

Hmm... what about the sharings... think it was very touching... I shared about my most memorable ushering experience and about my experiences in HopeKids...
And was especially touched when Jiadai affirmed me for my serving during the Holy Comm washing up... and very touched too when dear Shunrong shared abt how he looks up to me as a role model in the ushering ministry...

i was so grateful to God!!! but haha remembered Weizhu's caution whenever i'm affirmed... "Don't swell!" haha... he knows me very well... so immediately captured that thot and thought how much God has really shown me mercy and grace... because i really don't deserve to be affirmed... this verse just came to mind: "We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty." aMEN!

still, so very grateful to God how He chose me... i really am an unworthy servant... yet it's really by His grace that He used me to bless other bros and sisters... Lord, i really pray that You'll use Shunrong to be an even greater role model than i have been... like how You said to Your disciples, "You will do even greater things than [I have done]..."

i want to follow You, Jesus!

Mm! :) So sweet... haha... like Sijia would say, I'm dwelling in sweetness. LOL...

Feel quite paiseh actually... but grateful to Jesus! Lord, may all these affirmations become pointers to Your glory... hallowed be Thy name!

Because You know why? "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me! The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and GAVE HIMSELF FOR ME!!!"

Yeah! It's no longer i, but YOU who lives in me... show Your glory, Lord! Thru mortal jars of clay like us...

so thankful for Your grace to me... cannot stop thanking You for Your grace... to a sinner like me... how You blessed me when i cried out to You... asked You to help me become humble... and You blessed me... oh God! it is true! You oppose the proud, but give grace to the humble! God, You love the humble... please humble me when I get proud... so that I can always stay in Your grace... never to step outside Your grace thru my own pride... in Jesus' most precious name, amen.

A Clearer Mind!

Thank God so much for His faithfulness! :D Think He helped me realise today, after all my blogging and my melancholy, that I've been dwelling in this too long. I've let myself get 'smoked' out with all these distracting thoughts... all this happened after I prayed and poured out my heart to Daddy. :)

So now my mind's clearer, and the way ahead is clearer too. Realised that when I dwell a lot in melancholic thoughts, very often I tend to forget the MANY blessings that God has blessed me today with, e.g. the fact that we managed to meet Zhiwei up for follow-up... for his willing heart to learn... his openness in sharing his doubts and questions... I'm really very encouraged by him!!! :D haha... praise God... and we're praying earnestly too that God will make a way for him to come down for this Wednesday's subd new believers' party too! :D haha... yup, personally, i'd really love him to come down too, 'cos i think there will be a special time where the follow-uppers get to pray for and together with the new believers... and i really hope to have that joyful experience too! Never mind if I don't have this experience after all - it's not I anyway, but Christ who deserves all the glory! :D Hallelujah! All this is solely by His grace... how He opened up Zhiwei's heart through a dream even before he met us...

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight... In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves..."

aMeN! Thank You so much for YF, for Flince... that we can share with him... so thankful!!! :D Thank You Jesus!

And thank You so much also for the wonderful fellowship today at HQ... thank You also for the time with my project mates... thank You Jesus!!! Thank You for Huanyan, for his company today, thank You for my other brothers and sisters... thank You for the good dinner with Jan and Ashleigh...

Thank You so much for all these wonderful things You have blessed me with...

Thank You Jesus! :D

Thank You also for the opportunity to serve even more in the HopeKids ministry... I'll be trying something out new... dancing... haha, yeah, it sounds ludicrous, but what does that matter? I'm simply dancing for my King of Kings, and I want to dance for joy, like King David danced! aMeN!

aMeN! Thank You for clearing the haze and the smoke from my mind... You know how the Enemy so loves to 'smoke' and confuse us... and fire flaming arrows of discouragement at us... but You have given us Your wonderful Word and the power of prayer! Yes and Amen!!! :D

Thank You Jesus! :D You are good, all the time! All the time, You are good!

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess 5:16-18. aMeN!

Thinking. Think Daddy was just sitting there, listening to me rant. Then He didn't reply immediately - think the impression I had was that He wanted me to sit down and to think maturely about this.

I remember Yufen sharing with us last time how she handled her frustrations... she would take time to rant to God during her lunch break, and after that, she would take out her Bible and let God speak to her from the Bible.

So did that just now... just carried on reading from where I left off at Proverbs...

Then came across two verses:
"Ears that hear and eyes that see -
the LORD has made them both."

And,
"Do not say, 'I'll pay you back for this wrong!'
Wait for the LORD and He will deliver you."

Oh, felt very encouraged... Think God was assuring me that yes, I'm upset over this brother, but He will give him eyes to see, and ears to hear, in due time.

And just simply wait for the LORD, and He will deliver me in His perfect timing! Like Yufen advised me, "Give him time to grow."

And I realised just now that part of my anger was due to my bitterness and being quick to condemn... also pride was at work here. So must keep watch over my heart... and let the Word of God be my sword and shield against Satan's divisive tactics! aMeN!

Ephesians 4:2-6
Be completely humble and gentle (yes, YA! take note!); be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

Still having anger in my heart towards this bro.

He's a rude ******* I tell you, Lord!

Why don't You do something in his heart? I'm so...

Upset. Angry. Pissed off. Judgemental.

I hate his hypocrisy, his stubbornness.

X(

Why, God?

I find it very hard still to love him.

He's a self-righteous idiot, I tell you!

Knock some sense into his head!!!

Grr...

"In your anger, do not sin. Search your heart and be silent."

*sigh*

Father, forgive him, for he doesn't know what he's doing.

And...

Help me take a look at my own heart too. I really want to be like You, Jesus, even when the fear and anger and past hurts seize my heart everytime I see him.

I know how self-righteous I can be... how judgemental...

Search me, oh God, and know my heart. I want to do the right thing in Your eyes...

Because You loved him enough to die for him on the cross...

I'm so far off from Your heart. But please help me keep on trying... and give me the grace daily to love him, just as You loved me even when I was so unlovely.

To show him genuine care and concern, even if I get rebuffed and rejected.

In Jesus' most precious name... thank You for listening to this prayer, Daddy. I'm really so sorry. Please help me love this bro... to have a breakthru in this area. In Jesus' most powerful name, amen.

So many things on my mind...

I'm just going to shut down this comp and just seek His face tonight. Daddy will help me sort out my thoughts, or as I like to tell my shep, "defragment my harddisk". :)

Just want to blog later about "Confident, Courageous, and Completely His".

Lord, help me just treat her as a friend. To keep my head on my shoulder - there's still the final lap of the final semester in the NUS ministry to be run. :)
You've given me so many wonderful friends, things and memories... this is the last lap, to be finished with all joy... to hear that praise from You,
that praise that all the saints and heroes across the ages have longed to hear from You... "Well done, good and faithful servant!"
In Jesus' most wonderful name, aMEN!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Not that liking someone is a sin; but I don't want to get distracted by my heart - so deceitful so many times - in this final lap. My heart says, "But what if...", but Your Word says, "Trust Me - I will provide for you."

So I want to give my very best final shot for Jesus! To SPRINT THE FINAL LAP WITH ALL JOY!!!

C'mon, YA... can you hear the saints in heaven shouting "Jiayou!"? (Well, maybe those saints who can speak Mandarin. Haha...)

Ah... there's still the siren call of my heart, but... put your helmet on, roll up your sleeves and charge!

Trust God to provide for you when the time is right, ok? :)

Sleep Profiler

Very interesting! You can take your own sleep profiler test (it's quite comprehensive - 8 pages) at the BBC's Sleep Profiler (http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/profiler/).

Bless!
YA

---

My own sleep results:

Sleep Profiler Results

Your Score

0%	20%		40%		60%		80%	100%

Least optimised		Most optimised

Your profile summary

Your sleep is reasonably optimised, scoring 40 %.

You said you sometimes have a problem with sleep and there are times when you feel sleepy and ideally shouldn't - your personalised advice below will help you improve your score.

Body and Health

How to boost your alertness

• You seem to be quite tired during the day.
• One way of treating the symptom is to nap in the afternoon. The body is designed this way - most of us have a natural dip in alertness at roughly 2-4pm.
• A 15 minute nap when you're tired can be a very effective way of staying alert throughout the day. But sleep longer than 20 minutes and you'll enter the stage called Slow Wave Sleep (or 'deep' sleep), and you'll feel very groggy when you wake.

Environment

Your bedroom should be mainly for sleep

• Sleep experts recommend that bedrooms should be for rest, relaxation and a good night's sleep.
• If getting to sleep is a problem, remove distractions from your bedroom if you can. If you use your mobile telephone as an alarm clock, try to turn off the mobile to avoid getting any late night calls or text messages. The alarm clock function still works when the mobile is off.

You said light is a problem...

• Your body is designed to wake-up in response to light. To reduce your light problem, you could hang thicker curtains, a blackout blind, or wooden shutters.
• Night lights in bedrooms can be enough to confuse your internal body clock (which takes its cues from light).

A comfortable bed could improve your sleep.

• One thing that could be keeping you awake is your bed. It's not necessary to change your bed every three years as some people advocate, but it should be comfortable.
• New research shows that an 'orthopaedic' mattress (a hard one) is often not best for people with back problems. Ignore the hardness, and choose something you're comfortable on. Test out a range of mattresses by lying on each for about 20 minutes.
• Think about what you wear in bed as well - natural fabrics such as cotton that allow your body to breath are best.
• Foam and synthetic fibre mattresses retain body heat and act like ovens. This will raise body temperature and make sleep lighter. Natural fibres such as cotton and wool will help keep the body at a more even temperature.
• Duvets come in different tog ratings and it's advisable to use the appropriate one during different times to the year. 4.5 tog is a light duvet and ideal for summer. 12 - 13.5 gives extra warmth in the winter. 9 - 10.5 tog offers medium warmth and can be used all seasons.

Making your bedroom more comfortable

• As you've noticed, temperature has a big influence on how well you sleep. The body needs to cool by about 0.5°C at the start of sleep.
• If the weather's too hot, it will be difficult to cool, even by this small amount. Keep the window open and buy a fan.
• If it's too cold, your body will be working extra hard to produce heat, keeping your core temperature up.
• Think about what you wear in bed. Breathable natural materials such as cotton are best for comfort.

Lifestyle

Exercise routines can help

• Regular exercise is a great way of improving your sleep - but be careful not to exercise close to bed time as this produces stimulants that stop the brain from relaxing quickly.

You regularly drink coffee or consume caffeine

• You use one of the oldest and best short-term cures for sleepiness: caffeine.
• Caffeine stays in your system for many hours, but is active in your brain for only about an hour. However, having large amounts of caffeine in your system will disturb your sleep.
• If keeping alert is your goal and you want to cut down your caffeine intake, try taking a short nap when you feel sleepy.
• Current research shows a short 15 minute nap is more effective than a cappuccino at beating tiredness.

Psychological

How to get past your worries and get to sleep

As you've spotted, trying to sleep when worried is very difficult, so it would be a good idea to try some techniques to help you relax before trying to sleep.

• Having a time to calm down after a hectic day is important - try taking a bath, reading a book or taking a gentle walk outside.
• Simple breathing exercises can also help
• Some people find that Lavender oil, Valerian or other herbs help them to sleep.
• If you still have problems, you could try massage, aromatherapy or acupuncture.

Don't Rush.

After talking with Peter, his advice: don't rush. wait. there may be better things in store for you.

yup...

praying... To trust You and wait.
still there's this insecurity, that asks, what if...

insecure yeah...

but i will trust in Jesus. He's carried me through 24 years of my life, even b4 I loved Him, and i want to follow Him, follow Him wherever He may go.

I choose to accept Peter's advice. In Jesus' name, amen.

The Beggar and the Bread

Hi dear friends, this passage cut into my heart as I read this. I was thinking about whether I have been helping people really experience God, or am I just prescribing a recipe to them?

Because I remember those days when I was going through the routines... reading Bible... having QT... ministry... praise n worship... but I just lost touch of God.

So grateful to Him every day, when I remember how He corrected me through my brothers and sisters, and told me to turn back to Him - to just simply seek Him with all my heart.

I know, I keep on writing about this. But I don't ever want to forget my first love again. I want to keep on remembering how He saved me from falling away, to remember till the day I die.

Because life is not worth the living without Jesus.

He is the true Bread of Life.

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.
John 6:35

---

The Beggar and the Bread
by Max Lucado

A beggar came and sat before me. “I want bread,” he said.

“How wise you are,” I assured him. “Bread is what you need. And you have come to the right bakery.” So I pulled my cookbook down from my shelf and began to tell him all I knew about bread.

I spoke of flour and wheat, of grain and barley. My knowledge impressed even me as I cited the measurements and recipe. When I looked up, I was surprised to see he wasn’t smiling. “I just want bread,” he said.

“How wise you are.” I applauded his choice. “Follow me, and I’ll show you our bakery.” Down the hallowed halls I guided him, pausing to point out the rooms where the dough is prepared and the ovens where the bread is baked.

“No one has such facilities. We have bread for every need. But here is the best part,” I proclaimed as I pushed open two swinging doors. “This is our room of inspiration.” I knew he was moved as we stepped into the auditorium full of stained-glass windows.

The beggar didn’t speak. I understood his silence. With my arm around his shoulder, I whispered, “It overwhelms me as well.” I then leaped to the podium and struck my favorite pose behind the lectern. “People come from miles to hear me speak. Once a week my workers gather, and I read to them the recipe from the cookbook of life.”

By now the beggar had taken a seat on the front row. I knew what he wanted. “Would you like to hear me?”

“No,” he said, “but I would like some bread.”

“How wise you are,” I replied. And I led him to the front door of the bakery. “What I have to say next is very important,” I told him as we stood outside. “Up and down this street you will find many bakeries. But take heed; they don’t serve the true bread. I know of one who adds two spoons of salt rather than one. I know of another whose oven is three degrees too hot. They may call it bread,” I warned, “but it’s not according to the book.”

The beggar turned and began walking away. “Don’t you want bread?” I asked him.

He stopped, looked back at me, and shrugged, “I guess I lost my appetite.”

I shook my head and returned to my office. “What a shame,” I said to myself. “The world just isn’t hungry for true bread anymore.”

I don’t know what is more incredible: that God packages the bread of life in the wrapper of a country carpenter or that he gives us the keys to the delivery truck. Both moves seem pretty risky. The carpenter did his part, however. And who knows — we may just learn to do ours.

Of Objectivity and Opinions...

Just stumbled across a fellow Christian's blog... I found her entry very insightful, so thought I'd share part of her entry with you guys:

Okay. Yup, so our personal tastes will affect our judgement of things. Which is what I am trying to get at, btw...if u haven't got it. :)
Its smething related also to what my lecturer said, on how our perspectives will affect how we feel abt a thing. So the same 2 ple can be at FOP and thinking abt diff things abt the worship/sermons etc, cos we have diff perspectives ya?

And to add on to that...some stuffs I say can be pretty neutral:
CCC's songs are loud [objectively, can put to decibel test]

But here are some stuffs that can branch out from there:

CCC's songs are loud--> they are noisy--> they are distracting--> youths who are jumping up and down and just being emotional, and not truly worshipping God.

See, now, I've chain linked the first objective observation into an opinion. Which can be pretty biased.

CCC's songs are loud--> they are really happening-->it is praising God in an exuberant manner--> I feel that I can worship God freely.

So ofcos, no two persons can have the same opinion.

Taken from http://loisloved.blogspot.com/2006/08/objectivity-opinions.html

Just saw this cartoon on Hong Teck's blog:


Sweet AND meaningful! :D Haha...

Thai Coup - reflection on pride and downfall

Had read about the coup that happened this week in Thailand. Something that struck me was how the King of Thailand gave his tacit approval to the military council now running the country, and the generally high level of support for the soldiers by the people (even in a country where the military is more highly regarded than the police).

In FEER's "A Tug of War for Thailand’s Soul", Colum Murphy writes:

Mr. Thaksin’s handling—critics say mishandling—of the unrest in Thailand’s predominantly Muslim deep south has frequently been at odds with the king’s wishes. The palace’s hopes that the crisis could be solved through a “gentle approach” were dashed by Mr. Thaksin’s heavy-handed tactics to quell what he considers to be bandit activity. Mr. Thaksin may have agreed to set up a National Reconciliation Commission (headed by Anand Panyarachun, who was appointed prime minister twice by the king) charged with devising a plan to bring long-term peace to the south, but he also promptly sidelined the body and largely ignored its recommendations.

In a way, I think Mr Thaksin brought it upon himself. When even the king supports the coup, you know that you've royally messed things up. Hmm... think it was his pride and stubborness, not wanting to listen to advice from wise people, such as his experienced generals, that led to his downfall - and potential exile.

There's really a lot of lessons that I can learn from this experience. Think it's a very visible example of what can happen if I persist in being proud, not wanting to listen to others, and having a very high opinion of myself.

Looking thru Proverbs now to see what the Bible says...

Pride goes before destruction,
a haughty spirit before a fall. (Prov 16:18)

He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious
will have the king for his friend. (Prov 23:11)

Pride also breeds quarrels,
but wisdom is found in those who take advice. (Prov 13:10)
Ah... I remember... Thailand was quarrelling politically, without a functional Cabinet, for a few months due to the troubles caused by Mr Thaksin.

Hmm... so something I was thinking about was that the Bible's counsel and wisdom can be applied to the very practical aspects of daily life, even in areas like politics - with national and even global consequences.

*******
On a more personal note, I was doing some self-reflection. Think, recently, that the Spirit has been cautioning me that I'm starting to become proud again - in my heart and my thoughts... and I think He's been humbling me in some areas of my life - e.g. my studies... I've been priding myself in how I can make great comments during lectures and tutorials...

But I realise that recently, I can't seem to think of anything very relevant or useful to say during discussion. Feel quite helpless and inadequate... but really thank God for His mercy. He gently corrects me, and humbles me when I am proud - something that I really treasure.

Because I remember how pride cut me off from God - especially last year - and how God hid His face from me during that time... I was so terrified, realised how much I've left my first love... and realised that, apart from His love, life really is not worth the living. In fact, during that time when God hid His face from me, living felt worse than death.

But I'm so grateful to Him for that period. Because I now realise that I really, really, really need the presence of God in my heart, and as a result of that, learnt to treasure the presence of God, and not take the King for granted. And when I came crawling to Him on my knees after that time, He lifted me up on my feet, looked into my tear-stained eyes, and told me: "I love you. I forgive you. Now go, leave your life of sin."

And my life started changing for the better after that. Can't forget how He rescued me... and saved me from falling away. So infinitely grateful to Him - life really is not worth the living without Him. This life is simply not big enough for Him!

*******
So praying to God that I don't fall back into the deadly sins of pride and legalism again. This is actually one of my greatest fears - that I will fall into pride again. I don't want to ever return back to those dark days... it was so... I remember all the pain that I brought upon myself because I thought myself more spiritual than other people... I looked down upon others... I lived what I thought was the right way... I didn't accept correction with a willing heart... I didn't want to listen to advice or seek it... and He humbled me, brought me to my knees... broke my heart and my spirit.

But now, He's showed me the truth of this...

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise."
Psalm 51:17

O God... keep me close to Your heart I pray. In Jesus' dearest name, amen.

A (Pleasant) Surprise

My project mates just commented to me that I speak very loudly when discussing during lectures (which they said is a good thing), but speak very softly during project discussions - whispering even!

I was pretty surprised... hmm... I thought it was the other way around... :P Told them probably because lectures are indoors while project discussions are outdoor... so probably the acoustics lah.

But I guess heh, thank God, think it's a good thing in a way... personally, feel that it's better to be a bit too soft than too loud during group discussions... because I myself have experienced both types of people... and frankly, those who speak too loud come across to me as quite socially embarrassing... whereas it's more socially acceptable to be softer... just my thots...

Hmm... maybe it's bcos it's what my shepherd helped me realise last time... actually, if I don't have my hearing aids, I have to be conscious of my volume, because I will naturally tend to speak very very LOUDLY.

Ha, felt it's a pleasant surprise for me personally, because I want to grow in being more considerate of people around me - to speak at the right volume at the right time. :) Thank God for my shepherd and for my hearing aids. :)

"Place me like a seal over your heart..."

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires."
(Song of Solomon 3:5)

Have been thinking of this verse quite a lot today. Meditating? Hmm, kind of. Think it's more of a caution to me. And just read another brother's blog in which he shared about his feelings for a particular sister. So thought I'd pen down some thoughts on it, and oh, after that, I'll write about the joy of taking care of a new believer!!! (HAHAHAHA... so happy... told Shuyi and Mich and 'Uncle' Lee tt I've been smiling for 12 hours plus already...)

*******
Really grateful to God for how He has transformed and matured my perspective on relationships over the years, through the advice and counsel of my dear follow-uppers and shepherds - I remember Kenny, my first ever follow-upper, who called me up when he found out I liked a particular girl in JC (haha... that was in 1998 yeah), and how he helped me understand that I wasn't ready then. Really thank God for him!

Hmm... so this dear bro shared in his blog:

Looking back, i quite regret framing our relationship in that manner from the start. I had purposely let her know my likings from the start out of the notion that once girls treat you as a friend, it's very hard for them to treat you as a potential partner. Perhaps that's a mistaken notion, but i tink it poisoned the relationship from the start. I'm quite sorry that i've lost a friend whom i could share my interests with.

It struck a chord in my heart, because I remember Hanhui, my old CL (now happily married to a beautiful and godly woman of God... :)), who sat down to talk with me about the way I was behaving towards a particular sister whom I liked. He advised me to be wise about how I handled my liking for her.

He said to me:

You need to be careful about the way that you're behaving towards her. Yes, perhaps she really may like you too in future, but if you are not careful, and you push now, you may put her off, make her uncomfortable with you, and spoil what was a potentially beautiful friendship.

So just take your time to know her better as a friend. And even if she's not the one for you, well, at least you'll be great friends! But "do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

Somehow, that verse spoke to me very strongly at that moment. I realised God's wisdom really was so wise... and specific.

So fast-forward to today. Hmm... think over the long period of time since then, I really treasure the wisdom of God's wise words on love. As things turned out, I realise that perhaps this particular sister isn't the one for me - but nevertheless, she's definitely a very dear friend and co-worker to me, and I really treasure and appreciate her friendship in Christ. I really thank God for His grace, that He saved this friendship from being spoiled due to my foolishness, and sent Hanhui to intervene and advise me. And now I'm enjoying the blessing of a pure friendship...

Well, maybe she might be the one for me... but it seems less and less likely, after considering the advice that my dear sub-d leader, Claramae, gave me a few weeks ago, when I asked her for advice on relationships over lunch.

There was quite a bit that Claramae taught me, but essentially, two major factors to consider in looking for a future wife are these two:

"Do you complement each other - as in spiritual gifts, personalities, etc...",

And secondly, "Is there a suitable chemistry between the two of you?"

And of course, the ever-wise advice that both my shepherd and Clara gave me: "Take your time to get to know each other better, to see how the other responds to real-life situations."

And I also recall Weizhu, my previous shepherd (now happily attached to a beautiful and godly sister-in-Christ), who gave me very practical advice:

"Are you able to take care of your own physical needs AND take care of your future wife's physical (and financial) needs too? Because, in the final analysis, a woman would very much prefer a man who is able to take care of her and her children well... Of course, it's not that you have to be perfect before you can provide, but it helps a lot if your future wife can feel secure with you."

*******
So well, am thinking about all these. One thing that gets me excited is thinking about who can complement me in the area of spiritual gifts...

Hmm... hee hee... well, my spiritual gift is definitely that of exhortation/encouragement...

Hmm... Actually, I'm not very sure what kind of spiritual gifts complement the gift of encouragement... personally, I'm someone who's very poor in discerning even obvious things, so I think it'll be great if she has the gift of discernment... but I'm not sure how the gift of encouragement can work together with discernment...

Or mercy? I don't think I have the gift of mercy. And I'm pretty sure my shepherd doesn't have either. You should see how he slaughters me during Warcraft and FIFA game time. ;D LOL...

Giving? Not sure. Hmm... hey, I can encourage people to give... I have done this before last time, when I was Missions I/C for my CG back in Adults ministry...

Intercession? Hmm! Maybe?

Hah. I'm not sure. Think I'll go and talk some more with Clara and/or my shepherd for more advice on this.

*******
Well, chemistry-wise... hmm... who ah?

Well, at least 2 or 3 sisters that I like more, whom I can 'click' with easily. Thank God! :)

*******
Ok... thinking back on all these, I need to keep everything in perspective. After all, marriage's only for a lifetime - "till death do us part" - and there are eternal rewards to look higher up to. :)

Someone wrote this on her blog, and it encouraged me too to stick my eyes on Jesus. Very meaningful.

And the first thing I am going to commit to you. Is to not put my hope in a temporary high. I shall not go and find out who that person is, O Lord. As in, I shall not go and feed my crush, and play with fire in my heart. I shall trust You. If one day ever, You want to show me who he is, when you think I'm ready and mature enough, I shall not close my heart and eyes to it. But for now, I will let it go, and trust in You. Put my focus on You. There's so much more important things I can do and think of right now.

Amen! Yes, forgive me, Lord, I really want to keep my eyes upon You, Jesus. "Only one life, and soon it will pass - only what's done for Christ will last." And as Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

Help me be careful, Lord. To watch my heart and thoughts.

Yes, have to be careful, because now, I'm taking care of a new believer. So thank God SO MUCH! Shall POUR all my energy into loving and praying and caring for this precious child of God... it was no coincidence that You helped me find him today just as he was walking down from his lab - so drained and tired - that I could pass him a Bible. And I really pray that You give him the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, that he may know You better...

Help me love this precious child of God as much as You love him.

Help me love him with a strong love - "the good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."

Help me remember how my dear shepherd loved me even when I was so unlovable... and pass this love you have shown me thru my shepherd on to my new brother-in-Christ...

Help me channel my heart and mind as I run the final lap of this NUS ministry You have put me in.

Help me be faithful to You till the very end.

To hear You say those beautiful words that all who love God have ever longed to hear: "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

Help me, my Lord Jesus... and thank You for Your unfailing love. Place me like a seal over Your heart, Lord...

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.

PRAISE GOD!

Sing, my soul, sing!
Sing if it still can sing
Sing after all these years!

Praise God! :D My dear friend ZW received Christ into his heart on 18 Sep 2006! =D Hallelujah! So grateful and amazed at God's grace, how He opened up ZW's heart... it really is God's grace to ZW...

>"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast."
Ephesians 2:8

The Church and Culture: Never Give Up

God, seriously, I'm getting quite tired of all this globalization talk. At first I was quite excited, wanting to learn as much as I can about how globalization affects us, and to think about it from the Bible's perspective.

But now, halfway through the semester, I'm starting to feel quite tired of all these readings.

Somehow, it all feels so... N.A.T.O. No Action, Talk Only.

There's so many viewpoints being bandied about, from the radicals to the post-modernists, and everything in between.

God, what use is all this? Even if I understand, what use will it serve in future?

*******
I just read an article about why Christians need to engage with the cultures of their communities. Matt Friedeman writes:

Everywhere, in every field. That is the "where" of the calling of Christ on our lives. C.S. Lewis also added the "when" factor: "There is no neutral ground in the universe; every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God and counter-claimed by Satan."

Just some thoughts here. It's important to remember that, even as we Christians seek to transform the cultures that we are in, the importance of meeting the needs of the people can't be forgotten. Or we would just be creating another culture to force it down their throats. The last thing we need is a 'Christian' culture masquerading as Christianity.

Then why do we have culture in the first place? There's various theories regarding culture per se. Some see it as a by-product of interaction, yet others see it as a form of social hegemony. Dunno about the rest, but think culture's one way how a community meets its individual members' need to belong to a community. After all, man is a social creature, and he needs relationships in order to survive. Research into newborns' health when deprived of social contact shows it well.

So then, I must always remember precisely the reason why I chose to respond to the call last year to make a difference for Christ in the area of media. My aim is, as a piece of salt, to bless, preserve AND enhance the culture that God put me in. He put me in Singapore, in this time and place, in NUS, in my family, for a specific reason and purpose.

Hmm... that means, as disciples of Christ, e.g. if we're in the world of media, we really should be aiming to make the funniest comedies ever, the most touching dramas ever, the most inspiring movies ever, the most entertaining podcasts, blogs, etc. etc...

After all, we're simply humans too - the only difference between Christians and non-Christians is that we have been rescued from a dark life, and others who haven't been rescued yet.

*******
Thank God. Feel encouraged again. Because when I looked at the sheer size of all the cultures, globalization, etc. etc, and Jesus telling us to go and make disciples of all nations, I felt really ... like, so small and insignificant. How can I make a difference, Lord? The world is so big, and I am just one.

I do have dreams. I long to use my media skills to highlight the plight of the poor and helpless, especially the children, and if God wills it, to fight for social justice, to speak up for the deprived and helpless. To reach out to all peoples, to share the Great News of God's love... to communicate the gospel... But, Lord, I don't know how! Am I dreaming too big?

Then this verse comes to mind:
"So when they met together, they asked him, "Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?" He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

Wow, thank God for His encouragement! I am not alone - His Spirit is with me! And I am part of His body on earth, the Church... and I remember my shepherd's encouragements, his conviction and his faith in God that, yes, it WILL be difficult, but he has faith in God that God can use him to make a difference in the world of media, because media has a powerful influence in transforming the minds of people...

Then I think about what Peter told me yesterday... when training up my MM successor in the NUS ministry, to impart the vision and philosophy of the MM ministry to her too... wow, I find that You are drawing me nearer and nearer to Your purpose for me... one more step unfolding in Your plan for me... though I am just a grain of sand among the trillions of sand in this universe...

And I realised that the article that I was reading just now was titled: "The Church and Culture: Never Give Up".

Praise God. He is so timely, He is so faithful. Now I can go back, with renewed strength, to read my globalization notes again. Because I know that what I'm reading is part of Christ's plans to train my mind for the future destiny that He has for me.

Ah... I remember this old song that Sijia taught our CG shortly before she moved to Adults.

I have a destiny I know I shall fulfill
I have a destiny in that city on a hill
I have a destiny, it's not an empty wish
For I know I was born for such a time as this...

Klogs

God, I'm very nuah leh. Am feeling very sian trying to read up about media and globalization theories. :P

But just want to pen down some thanksgiving thoughts that You have blessed me with. They're more of backlogs - or in WZ's words, 'klogs'! :)

1. Thank God for Shirley... for her help yesterday night, very touched. Really thank God for her. Indebted to her in fact. ;)
2. Thank God also for Saturday's Hope 15th Anniversary Service. So many things to write about, but I'll put them into point-form:

• For the reminder that it's not what people have done that counts so much as what GOD has done, in and through them...


• For how You've used our church to touch lives, both inside and outside the church


• For the wonderful MM, animations and music and worship and lighting and deco and God knows what else...


• For Ellson who helped charter a few buses to take the NUS pple to Geylang for delicious makan


• And best! For my dear friend Zhiwei who came down to join us... ah, that one die-die must share testimony!

3. For the time of shepping wif Peter today at Lau Pa Sat food court. That the bday letter that I typed for him blessed him a lot... and for his personal sharing, and especially his wise advice that he gave me regarding the MM training that I'm currently giving.

Troubled.

Feel terribly troubled over something - something that I was irresponsible with a few months ago, and now I'm reaping the results of what I've been irresponsible with.

But I'll trust God here, because I know that He disciplines those whom He loves.

Lord, I need humility here to accept Your discipline and correction, because I know that better the small pain that You give me now than the agony of a future gone wrong. Help me remember the pain that You discipline me with today, so that I don't go on to commit bigger sins in future.

And just as King David prayed, let me fall into Your hands, for Your mercy is very great, but don't let me fall into the hands of men.

In Jesus' most precious name, Amen.

Touching entry from mrbrown.com

Found this entry on autistic children very touching. Do take a read!

To mothers of autistic children

Thank God for Hong Teck's SMS today! :) very timely... JUST as i was about to begin my group presentation on the anime cultural industry, he sent me an SMS to say "good morning n have a blessed day!"

it's a very small thing, but really so timely, bcos that came just after i had finished committing the day to God in prayer. :) so blessed!

hee hee...

and thank God for Kiaoping... oops sorry, Qiaoping... haha... her affirmation card to me really blessed me a lot! :) tk God for u sis, haha, really, u have blessed n taught me a lot through ur life, how u love God and love His people. as always, i'll remember what you said last time - "I really treasure my relationship with God." and your thankful spirit every time we meet up... it's something that never never never fails to warm my heart a lot! :) yup, looking fwd to serving God tog more in the adults ministry to come in future... greater days of walking with Jesus are to come! (even if it means walking on water...)

Another thing today... just something tt encouraged me.
Was struggling with something that almost half the people on the planet can identify with... the male gender, to be precise. :) well, by God's grace, i usually don't struggle with it, but this week, somehow i was especially vulnerable - maybe partly bcos i'm tired and sleepy, so found my eyes 'locking' onto pretty ladies for just a second longer.

it was very short, yeah, but i realised that i was going to fall in this area - lust can be a very subtle thing, really. so, as i was at the bus-stop in school, asked God to help me overcome this... was expecting Him in my heart to take away this temptation to 'lock-and-look'...

[btw somebody commented before abt something else, "Why push yourself so hard? You're just human after all." Hmm, yeah, well, that's very true! :) But i do want to please God, i want to bless His big heart, i want to keep my heart pure... and it's also about respecting the women whom Christ died for.]

so just as i was about to get up the bus, somehow i think God impressed on my heart why He didn't take away the feeling of temptation from me: it's bcos He wants to test the loyalty of my heart to Him - will i stay true to His commands even when i'm tired, sleepy and emotionally hungry? tt would be a test of my faithfulness to His love for me.

and i remembered this verse: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Cor 10:13)

haha... so thank God for His encouragement - learnt something new from Him today! :)

*******
ah, now sitting at HQ with Bo, Calyn, Sijia and Huili. Huili's in one of her insaner moods... sparks are flying out of her head!!! haha...

and she's staring at me even now as i type. muahahaa....

Thought twice about publishing this... because, to be honest, I'm afraid of being scolded for struggling with the same thing again. But I don't care - I want to be corrected if I need to be. Maybe it's not encouraging to read this. Stumbling even. Hmm. Well, again then it might encourage others in future. I don't know.

Plenty of mixed motives, actually, when I write this. But I remember what Peter told me last year at East Coast Park: When you detect wrong motives in your hearts, even though what you're doing may seem right, pray to God to give you the right motives. He will help you.

I recognise this inner thought again - it's something that comes into my mind from time to time - especially when I'm tired and have lots of things to do. So I'm penning it down - it's one of my attempts to "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ", to pin down and expose this thought of disappointment every time it infiltrates my mind.

But looking forwards to the day when I can look back at this entry with gratitude in my heart to Jesus, my dear Lord and Saviour, how He's answered my prayer for change... perhaps He's been changing me even though I can't see... slowly and imperceptibly over the years.

Well, just like what my shepherd told me - the important thing is that you don't remain stuck in the same struggle, but change - even if it's only a little bit.

Bit by bit... doggedly and determinedly... this is the good fight of the faith, man! :D

So here goes.
Why am I not good in connecting with ppl?
Why am I not good in connecting with ppl?
Why am I not good in connecting with ppl?

But why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I'll yet praise Him,
my Saviour and my God.

These old demons, they come back
But with the word of God, them I'll slay
Let them no longer haunt me
For Christ's my confidence, amen!

"Brothers think of what you were when you were called
Not many of you were influential, not many of noble birth
Not many wise, not many strong.
But God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
He chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise
And the lowly things, and the things that are not
To shame the things that are,
that none shall boast before Him.
It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus,
who has become for us our Righteousness, Holiness, Redemption

So let him who boast, boast in the Lord."

I'm praying now in the Spirit
And beautiful thots are flowing into my mind.
Somehow the love of God is so real
And His words assure me so.

"So do not fear, for I am with you,
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled,
and do not be afraid."

Take heart, YA, yeah? Remember Jesus loves you,
and He died for you. And when Satan condemns and accuses you,
remember that Jesus Christ is our Faithful Lawyer...

"We have One who speaks to the Father in our defence -
Jesus Christ the Righteous One.
He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins,
and not just for our sins,
but also for the sins of the whole world."

Think I sense His Spirit telling me to cheer up,
He has promised to help me grow in what I do desire -
And it is a good desire - a desire to connect with ppl better
So that I can show God's love to them better.

"Delight yourself in the LORD,
and He will give you the desires of your heart."
He has promised this, and He won't break this -
Even if we are faithless, He will remain faithful,
for He cannot disown Himself.

Be strong in the Lord, aMeN?
Be strong in the Lord... trust in Him...
Because when you are weak, He becomes stronger.
So rest all of yourself, and cast all your cares on Him...
Because He will help you, just as He already said.
Just trust in Him, and wait.

QT today - Psa 37

Something I really treasure about QT... after being very tired today, I took a nap, and after that, stared into the sky and the great beyond. Was actually procrastinating, quite reluctant to read the Bible. Why ah? Hmm, perhaps because I come into His presence with so little faith, not really believing that He will speak to me clearly when I read His Word. But thank God, He refreshed me after I finished reading Psa 37, being still and unrushed in His presence. Don't know how, I didn't experience any sudden insight or amazing revelation or see any angels, but I just somehow feel much more rested and renewed in my soul after reading His Word. And happier too! :D

Oh! I'm reminded again... which I keep on forgetting:
"The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul!" :) Psa 19

The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

Something that I'm reminded of too when I read His Word was that one reason why it's important to read His Word, even when we don't feel like it at times, is bcos His Word will help us refocus our tired eyes onto Him. Because He really is a sight for sore eyes! Like, if the verse that you're reading doesn't seem to make sense to you - and all of us have experienced that from time to time, no? :) - perhaps it's bcos our hearts aren't exactly in sync with His heart. So we must ask Him to open the eyes of our hearts so that we can see what He wants us to see. Then slowly, but surely, our blur eyes will start to focus clearly as we focus on what He wants us to see.

And what does He want us to see? I think sometimes He wants us to lift our eyes above our own problems and take a look at the big big world out there. Like the song goes,

"We lift up our eyes
Above the troubles
In our land and together
We stand to declare You as King
In times like these..."

As I was reading Psa 37, I think God impressed on my heart His heartbeat to see His Kingdom extended into areas where ungodly values have traditionally ruled. Like the yeast that Ps Jeff mentioned in the sermon on Saturday, His Kingdom is one that permeeeeeates! :) Yesterday I prayed (thanks Huanyan for praying for me!) and asked God to use me to be salt and light in my project groups + the media industry when I start working. And God knows how much need for really GOOD content the media industry needs nowadays [we're talking about really enjoyable and edifying content here!]. So find these verses very strengthening:

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

Yup... =D God is good all the time! :D

HopeKids - My first formal scolding + male reflections...

I also did my first formal scolding today. Was very concerned about one of the boys - he was kicking and punching a lot of children, and even teachers. Prayed to God to help me correct him. I was quite scared, actually, because I was wondering how he would take it. After class, when he disobeyed my instructions, I, after some chasing around, managed to corner him. Knelt down and told him firmly that he cannot keep on doing what he's doing, including disobeying teachers, and how he's making his mum worried by the way he behaves.

After I finished, let him go. Then my older teacher, who had been observing what I was doing, gave me her feedback. The first one was that she observed that the boy was not looking at me straight in the eyes, but ignoring me with his eyes. So when I want the kid to understand what I want him to say, I need to get him to look at me in the eyes literally.

And there are 2 ways to do it: 1) earn his trust first by making him feel cared for first. Or, 2) be the ultimate fierce teacher.

She also said that I need to be firm, but not harsh, in the way I use my voice - use my voice less, and gesture more, using my facial expressions to convey my instructions. This'll take a lot of practice too.

But she affirmed me for bringing the boy to a corner and scolding him in private, because that would help to protect his privacy and not make him feel that he'd lost face, and for my taking initiative to give feedback to the children... and that she can see that I really care for the children. Wow... thank God, feel very encouraged by this affirmation! :)

Really want to thank God for His answering my prayer this morning before I went for HopeKids. I was very tired, and quite discouraged, felt that the kids don't respect me very much, so asked Him to send me help. And He did! He sent me this older and wiser teacher who is more experienced... yay! what a blessing being able to learn!!!

Some personal thoughts on this experience:
For a male teacher, I have the role of establishing discipline. Honestly, I was really not enjoying myself when it comes to enforcing discipline - because it means that I have to be strict and firm, and I'd rather like the children to like me instead. But, well, it'll be a lose-lose situation in that case, because children naturally look up to older males as authority figures, and they WILL test the limits of the male teachers' authority - and if he's too nice or weak, they'll climb over him (sometimes literally).

Thought later about it. It's really not pleasant disciplining a child, but now understand better my earthly father's heart and my heavenly Father's heart why they discipline me... it really does hurt them more than it hurts me actually. It's TIRING to discipline them, but it is SO critical - because if we don't discipline them, later on they will suffer in life... and discipline is a holistic thing as well. We need to be watchful over every area of their lives - from personal hygiene to safety (I really FREAKED out when I saw a girl play with a pair of scissors - and she almost poked her eyes!!!) to social skills (thou shalt not punch thy neighbour...) and situational awareness (when you step on your neighbour's knees accidentally...) to consideration for others (screaming really hurts other people's ears)...

Wow... come to think of it, I'm glad for the blessing of discipline. It really is love in action - tough love, yes, but a love by any other name.

And that is one reason why I really really love and treasure working with children, because it helps bring me closer to Daddy's own heart, to understand how He sees and loves us.

Also too, I can see how God is training me in leadership skills. Though I naturally am NOT a leader - I'm really bottom-of-the-bucket when it comes to leading people, looking back, I'm grateful to Him how He has been training me, like how He trained David and Moses to lead a nation by having them take care of sheep (literally) for years before He called them to serve in greater capacities.

So I can see how He has been using me to lead in very simple things like leading Holy Communion washing-up after service... something that I keep on telling the CGs who come to wash up that what they are doing may seem like a very small thing in their eyes, but in the eyes of Jesus, it is NEVER too small for Him! Amen! And now I'm training up somebody to takeover me in MM... and also learning to be more confident and skillful and courageous in leading children... which makes sense - if I can't lead even a small kid, how can I lead a full-grown adult next time?

Feel quite scared in a way when I see all the challenges coming up, but I don't have much of a choice actually... I'd rather stay back and support from within my comfort zone, but God has better plans for us men than to be emasculated by spiritual apathy and passivity. He wants us to rise up, be bold, and take possession of the God-given roles of manhood that He has already intended for us to seize and take hold of! To cheong, in other words.

Something I really carry as a core value in this final lap of my NUS ministry chapter is that I must be like the seed that dies... that means I must train people to replace me until the NUS ministry doesn't need me anymore! ONLY then will I have truly lived... think that is the essence of what Jesus taught when He said that "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed." No, I want to fully convert all the God-given potential of my life into growth... to empty myself fully till I'm no more a seed - completely gone! Only then can the tree come to be.

What do you guys think? Correct me if u feel tt there's better thoughts... =)